AN: Since this story is a sequel to "Hiccup at Large", you are advised to read it first – as well as "Happy ending pending" and "Lame tale" – the accompanying shorts. But it's your choice.

WARNING: this story features a little bit of vulgar language, a little bit of sexual allusions, and Vikings being Vikings.

(…)

This is Berk, boasting the kind of balmy, fun-in-the-sun climate that will give you frostbite on your spleen. Ironically, this place feels the warmest when the Winter begins to lay her claim on the land. This is when we get together to celebrate our annual holiday – the Snoggletog. While the name may be stupid, it brings to our minds the image of blazing fire, sweet mead, and dancing to the lively music. This year's Snoggletog is going to be the first one since we made peace with dragons. Also, the first one I made peace with humanity. Needless to say, I am pretty excited.

Also, about to learn I would be making last minute preparations for this great event.

(…)

Hiccup's parents were not at all surprised when they woke up and discovered their son gone. The boy had developed a habit of taking flights first thing in the morning and last thing in the evening – proving that, despite their concerns, he could handle himself just fine. His leg still hurt, and joints were far from responsive to his will, but flying with Toothless made him feel infinitely better – and provided opportunities to train his weakened leg muscles. Faced with such logic, Valka and Stoick couldn't bring themselves to limit their son's endeavors. Still, Valka would discretely send Cloudjumper after Hiccup. Just in case.

This morning, however, took an unexpected turn. A sudden crack stole Valka's attention away from the porridge she was mixing and Stoick's from the piece of wood he was carving. Into the house hastily came their son.

"The Sparrowhawk is coming," announced Hiccup, wasting no time. The revelation caused Stoick to stand from his chair.

"Are you sure?" the chief asked, shaken.

"She'll be here in three hours, if I'm right," confirmed Hiccup, coming further into the room, his dragon Toothless trotting behind him. Stoick sighed heavily.

"Bog Burglars," he muttered, irritated, returning to his seat. "They never bother giving a notice in advance."

Valka, who had been mixing the porridge in the cauldron above the hearth, was beginning to worry. "Are we going to have problems?" she asked. Standing next to her, Toothless sniffed at the content of the cauldron and licked his muzzle.

"Not really," replied Stoick. "The Bogs and us get along well enough. They won't be bothered by our alliance with the dragons. They're probably going to do what they always do: tease the men and lead the girls astray. Possibly steal some valuables, but people know to be extra cautious around them."

Valka nodded in understanding. It seemed that their guests were a nuisance, but otherwise harmless. It was good to know.

A loud slurp startled her. Right next to her the Night Fury was sucking in the porridge she had been cooking.

"Toothless!" she scolded, hitting the dragon with a ladle. The Night Fury stepped back, shaking his head. Valka stared into the cauldron, only to discover that Toothless had managed to empty it in split seconds. Annoyed, she looked up at the culprit.

"Oh Toothless, this was our breakfast," groaned Valka. The dragon tilted his head and licked his muzzle. He stepped towards the cauldron and let out the groaning noises, signalizing the upcoming regurgitation. The woman hurriedly pushed him away.

"No-no-no, it's okay, boy," she assured hastily. "You may keep it. I'll just make a new batch."

Toothless beamed and licked his muzzle again. He very much enjoyed Valka's cooking.

An impatient growl came from the outside. Cloudjumper, who was too big to fit into the house, was letting his presence be known.

"It seems Cloudjumper is hungry," Valka told Toothless, mentally congratulating her loyal dragon for the timing. "Go and share with him," she suggested, hopping to the door and holding it open for the dragon. The Night Fury obediently rushed outside. Valka closed the door behind him and sighed. She could not be upset with Toothless – not really. He was just too adorable. She'll have to keep in mind to always cook a little bit more, that's all.

The woman headed towards the hearth, thinking what else she could cook today. However, before she reached her target, she found herself being gently lead around it by her nervously smiling son.

"It's okay, Mom. I'll take care of that," he assured, directing her to the table.

"But…"

"No buts," insisted Hiccup, sitting his mother at the chair his father had obligingly pulled. "It's my dragon who ate our breakfast so it's my responsibility to make a new one."

"Exactly," Stoick supported his son, visibly pleased. "Everybody must clean his own dragon's mess."

"Absolutely," agreed Hiccup eagerly, moving to the cauldron. "I'm making pancakes, what do you say?"

"I say: bring it on, son," Stoick beamed in approval, returning to his seat. Then slapped himself in the face and rushed back up, grabbing a bucket from the table. "Oh, I forgot," he said, handing the bucket to Hiccup. "Your mother and I saved it for you."

"Oh, right," said Hiccup, rolling up his sleeves. Inside the bucket was water with addition of chestnut soap. Stoick and Valka has used it to wash their hands, and now their son did the same. Quickly done, he headed for the supply drawer, from where he retrieved some eggs and milk.

Valka watched all this, silently admitting defeat. She realized her cooking left much to be desired. It simply wasn't her forte, has never been. Still, it was kinda disappointing that her sincerest efforts to improve backfired. "I DID remember to leave the grains in water for the night this time," she moaned, crossing her arms. Next instant she felt her husband's hand on her shoulder.

"Aw, don't be sad, my dear," said Stoick comfortingly. "You have so many talents that having one more would make you too good to exist."

"Well said," applauded Hiccup, cracking eggs into a bowl.

Their words and sincere smiles did cheer Valka up. "Flatterers," she chuckled, pleased with her family and herself. "You know you won't discourage me from trying, do you?"

"Mom, you really don't have to," insisted Hiccup, mixing the batter in the bowl. "Gobber and I have it all under control."

"What about when you become chief, my little chef?" teased Valka. "Gobber alone may not manage to feed your growing family."

"Oh, good point!" agreed Stoick eagerly. "We must be prepared for the invasion of little Haddocks," he chuckled, moving his chair closer to his wife's and pressing his head against hers. Valka absorbed his affection with a chuckle.

"Dear, we shouldn't be counting dragons before they hatch."

"One can at least dream, Val. Berk really could use more of…" he indicated their son with a cunning smirk, "THIS."

Hiccup rolled his eyes. "Sir, it is a dangerous game you're playing," he waved the ladle warningly at his father. "It is YOUR food I am preparing here."

"Keep at it, son," replied Stoick cheerfully. "We are all going to need some energy to deal with our guests."

Hiccup shook his head in irritation before returning his attention to the business at hand. "You know, Dad," he spoke up, pouring a portion of batter on the frying pan. "Snoggletog's soon. Perhaps this is why Bloodybee's coming. To spend it with her family."

Stoick snorted. "Boy, do you really think that swimming blight considers Snotlout and Spitelout her family? She'd sacrifice the both of them to save her own skin, without a second thought. That's the way they are, the Bog Burglars."

"Not all of them, Dad," insisted Hiccup, somehow offended, flipping the pancake over. "Remember Camicazi? She's not so bad."

Stoick let out an exasperated sigh. "Son, this is the girl who made you eat her mud pies. The girl who made you believe the shirt she's given you was magical and would protect you from all harm. I'm also willing to bet my fastest ship that the intense itching that tormented Dagur throughout the Thing two years ago was her doing."

Having slid the pancake onto a plate, Hiccup scratched the back of his head. "Well, yeah, she did sneak into his room and rub some spices into his underwear," he admitted reluctantly. "BUT she did it so he would stop bothering me. Us. The heirs. Without him trying to kill us, the rest of us could enjoy ourselves in peace. Cami deserves some credit," he insisted, pouring a new portion of batter onto the pan.

"SOME being the key word, Hiccup," commented Stoick. "This girl's a loose cannon. You never know what's going on under that lightening-stricken head of hers."

Hiccup sent his father a look full of indignation. "Well, alright, she IS a little crazy," he groaned. "But she's still a good friend," he waved the ladle at Stoick for emphasis. It did little to impress the chief.

"Son, Bog Burglars don't have friends. Only people they haven't burgled yet," claimed Stoick.

Hiccup let out an exasperated sigh and looked at the roof, as if asking gods for strength. He then returned his attention back to the pancake that was in need of being flipped. Meanwhile Valka was feeling more and more like a warrior who arrived at the battlefield without an armor. Each sentence her husband and son exchanged pushed her further and further away from them. Their life. Their affairs. Everything she missed.

Shaking the guilt away, the woman decided to cut in. She could either sulk in the depths of misery or bounce from its bottom and swim back to the surface. And she'll be damned if it's the former.

"So," she started, getting her men's attention. "This Camicazi is…?"

"Big-Boobied Bertha's daughter," explained Stoick. "The future chief of the Bog Burglars. Also, quite a nuisance."

Hiccup sent him an offended look.

"And Bloodybee…?" Valka asked on.

"One of Big-Boobied Bertha's naval commanders. Sails all over the Archipelago and beyond, stealing everything that could come of use to the tribe," explained Stoick. Then, almost as an afterthought, he threw in a rather spicy detail. "She's also Spitelout's lover."

"Oh."

This was quite a revelation. Not because Stoick's stepbrother had a Bog Burglar lover – it wasn't so uncommon among the top ranking Viking warriors. Valka vaguely remembered him boasting about the woman and the children she had promised to bear him. What amazed her was the fact that the Bog Burglar in question apparently kept in touch with Spitelout once their mating agreement was fulfilled – THAT was rather uncommon.

"Is she," asked Valka, "THE Bog Burglar he boasted about all these years ago? Snotlout's mother?"

"The very same," confirmed Stoick. "They could never deny the relationship, the boy is just as defiant, insolent and full of himself as his mother. You'll see for yourself once you meet her."

"Incredible," commented Valka, pleasantly surprised. "They've kept in touch all these years. I guess even a Bog Burglar can't be parted from her son forever."

Stoick sighed sadly. "Val, Bloodybee did not even shed a tear when she came to leave Snotlout with his father. The moment she shoved the boy into his grandmother's arms, she lost interest in him. He cried and cried like a gutted pig, and she ignored him, just like this.," He snapped his fingers for emphasis. "The way she sees it, Snotlout is only Spitelout's child, while Avalanche – that's their daughter – is only hers. When the four of them meet – which they do once in a blue moon – the kids show off, fight, make stupid contests, and the parents brag about their achievements. Everything's a game for them. No matter how you look at it, they are not a normal family."

The vision Stoick painted in Valka's head saddened her. Yet, she could not bring herself to voice criticism of Spitelout and Bloodybee's parenting style. Once in a blue moon they might meet, use their children as bragging chips they might, but perhaps this family dynamic works for them. At least Snotlout and Avalanche know they are a brother and sister, know who their parents are, know who THEY are. Each parent may only have a real bond with one child, but surely expresses certain pride in having participated in the creation of the other. Spitelout did claim having a Bog daughter would be a badge of honor to him. This kind of parental love was more than Hiccup has had until recently.

In the end, Valka summed her thought in as innocent a question as she could come up with. "Are they really that much worse than we are?" she asked her husband. He replied with a kind-hearted smile.

"Let me put it this way, my love: our family may not be perfect, but I wouldn't change a thing about it."

His most sultry expression left no doubt that he meant it. For such a giant of a man, he showed an incredible talent in making himself look adorable. Valka almost awed at the sight.

A loud thud of a plate against the table reminded the couple that they weren't alone.

"Breakfast's served," announced Hiccup, upon which he started to distribute the pancakes between his parents. He then sat down with his own share in front of him, and gave his father a rather disappointed look.

"You are not being entirely truthful, Dad," he insisted. "Bloodybee did not just dump Snotlout at Berk. She stayed for six months to nurse him. And when she learned that Mom was taken by dragons, she offered to nurse me as well."

"She did?" asked Valka, surprised.

"Yes," sighed Stoick. "And that's the only reason I tolerated her on my island. My stepmother hated her with burning passion."

That piece of information amused his wife. "With all due respect, darling, your stepmother did not think much of me, either."

"True enough," admitted Stoick reluctantly. "I doubt there was a woman she'd be happy to see beside either Spitelout or myself. Some mothers are like this."

"I hope to be better than this," said Valka, turning to her son with affection. "Hiccup, as far as I'm concerned, you can marry whoever you want. As long as you love her, I'm going to be happy for you."

"Thanks, Mom," said Hiccup.

"As for me," said Stoick, "I agree with your mother. BUT if you ever let yourself be used by a Bog Burglar, I'm disowning you."

Hiccup groaned, rolling his eyes. "Oh, Da-ad! You're making me lose my appetite!"

"I mean it, Hiccup," Stoick continued. "Over my dead body will I allow my grandchildren to be brought up away from Berk. Horrendous Haddocks, no matter what gender, belong HERE. Not to Bog Isles, not anywhere else. HERE. Do you understand, son?"

"Dad, are you sure you don't want to talk about something else? Like your plans for the next Thing?"

"DO YOU?"

Hiccup sighed in resignation. "Yes, Dad."

"Good," said Stoick, pleased. "I don't think I could survive having to share my grandbabies with Big-Boobied Bertha."

Hiccup rose from his chair in disgust. "Aaand you've done it," he moaned, heading for the door. It appeared that having breakfast like a normal family was too much to ask in this house.

Following the boy's departure, Stoick happily slid the remaining of his plate onto his own. Would be a pity is it got wasted.

"Aw, Val. Imagine the grandbabies," the chief mused before taking another bite.

Valka smiled fondly. There was nothing she could do but thank all deities in existence for her wonderful family. And pray they would all have many, many years together.

AN:

Apparently, in Berk, "it snows 9 months of the year and hails the other 3". Not much snow is seen in the Dreamworks Dragons series, but I blame it on budget constraints. For my series I chose the more chilly climate, albeit not as chilly as Hiccup makes us think. Thus, the timeline is more-or-less like this:

Early September – Beginning of HTTYD, Vikings go looking for Dragon Nest.

Middle September – Vikings go back from their search, Hiccup leaves and meets Valka.

Early October – Hiccup breaks his leg, Valka goes back to Berk.

Middle October – Happy ending pending, Hiccup wakes up.

Middle November – Hiccup begins to walk with crutches, Mild Winter begins.

End November – Hiccup begins to fly on Toothless again.

Middle December – Snoggletog (this story begins a little over a week before Snoggletog).

January – Destructive Winter.

Hiccup's recovery is kinda fast, but he's young and supervised by Gothi. Besides, he's Hiccup ^_^