Hello dears, Gertrude "Pookie" Shortman here with a very special Thanksgiving Day greeting to you all. As we gather with our families for a big old American Turkey dinner, let's not forget the heroic sacrifices that our forefathers made in wrestling against the grip of Confederate tyranny, earning our independence from the King of Spain and ushering in the first Thanksgiving on this July 4th!

Anyhoo, let's see what Arnold's little friends do to bring back Lady Eleanor's mind... maybe if they're successful they can try to bring mine back...

Chapter 5: Waking the Beast Within

Minutes later, Helga found herself tied to a wooden chair in the janitor's closet. Phoebe, Gerald, Harold and a few other kids stood before her all holding flashlights in their hands.

"I'm sorry Helga, but this is for your own good." Phoebe said, "Just stay calm. We have your best interests at heart."

"Keep telling yourself that, Phoebe…" Gerald said wryly, "These ideas of yours are starting to scare me..."

"W-what are you doing?" Helga whimpered, "Please don't hurt me… I don't have any lunch money… my mommy forgot to give me any…"

"Cue the lights," Phoebe snapped her fingers.

Eugene shut off the lights and the other kids ignited their flashlights and illuminated their faces.

"Stop it…" Helga closed her eyes, "This is scary…"

"Remember who you are…" Phoebe spoke ominously, "You are Helga G. Pataki."

"I know that…" Helga said confusedly.

"You're eleven years old and not afraid of anything or anyone." Gerald said equally as ominously.

"What?" she asked, "No I'm not… I'm only in pweschool."

"Commence chanting…" Phoebe said.

From behind Helga, Curly began steadily beating on a drum and humming lowly.

Slowly Gerald started chanting rhythmically, "Football head. Football head."

Phoebe joined in, "Move it bucko. Move it bucko."

Eugene joined in with a singsongy voice, "Geeeeeeek Baaaaiiit, Geeeeeek Baaaaiiit…"

Harold too joined the chorus, "Madame Fortress Mommy, Madame Fortress Mommy…"

And finally Rhonda began rapidly saying, "Criminey criminey criminey criminey criminey criminey criminey…"

Helga's fear had been replaced with complete and utter bafflement. In her mental three years of life she had never seen anything so strange. Their chants all blended together into a chorus and suddenly she started seeing images flashing through her head. Images of a small blonde, pigtailed girl wearing pink that looked very familiar. But it couldn't be her. This girl's face, while familiar, was shaped into a hardened scowl. And whoever she was, she was shoving other kids, shouting in anger and wasn't letting anyone tread on her. Helga felt at first afraid of this instantly terrifying girl, but then felt a strange sense of admiration for her, and she strangely found herself aspiring to be her, whoever she was. Suddenly she felt a rush of hot air blowing on the back of her head, she turn around and beheld a terrifyingly creepy looking boy grinning at her ghoulishly and breathing heavily. In a flash, hundreds of images flashed before her eyes of the other nine years of her life she had locked away. All the sounds around her went silent, and in her head she heard a small voice.

I like your bow, cuz it's pink like your pants.

In a flash, Helga's fear and confusion evaporated and the stress of everything dropping on her mind caused her to go limp. Still tied to a chair, she fell forward and hung her head, as the fatigue from the day's events hit her.

Seeing Helga hanging her head, the other kids thought she had fainted and all abruptly ceased their chanting. Phoebe alone stepped forward slowly, both worried for and somewhat afraid of her friend.

"Helga…?" she asked cautiously.

"Is she a drooling vegetable?" Gerald asked in concern.

Then without warning, Helga's head snapped upward and the force of her glare caused Phoebe and Gerald to jump back with a start. With all the veins in her eyes bulging, her signature monobrow furrowed as it never had before, and she gnashed her teeth at her captors, growling like an enraged animal. The kids weren't looking into the eyes of a three year old girl anymore, but the eyes of a cornered tigress gnashing her teeth like a image of crouching death.

"It worked!" Phoebe cheered, but then her face sank, "Oh dear… it worked…"

Tapping into some apparent newfound superhuman strength, Helga snapped the ropes holding her in place using only her arms, causing the wooden chair to shatter into splinters in the process. Helga rose to her feet, shrieking with all the fury of some Japanese kaiju monster, and seemingly causing the lights to flicker. And while the kids all probably imagined it they could have sworn they saw fire shooting from her mouth too.

"Glad to have you back, bye!" Harold said quickly as he scrambled for the door. "Agh! Mommy! Help!"

The other kids crawled over one another, trampling Eugene in the process, and screaming in fear as Helga slowly stomped out of the closet behind them. Standing over Eugene, Helga panted through gritted teeth as the helpless boy cowered in fear at her feet. From around the corner, Gerald and Phoebe observed the unfolding scene.

"Oh no!" Phoebe gasped, "We must have sent her back to some primordial pre Homo Sapiens state! We've turned her into a monster!"

"No, I'm pretty sure she's just back to normal…" Gerald said.

"Please don't hurt me…" Eugene pleaded, "I was just a pawn in their plan… they said they were just trying to help you…"

Helga's panting slowly subsided and the fire in her eyes slowly fizzled out until she looked slightly lost at sea. After long moments of quiet, Helga glanced around the hall and stroked her chin as if pondering her own whereabouts.

"How did I get here?" she asked herself, and then she noticed the boy crouching at her feet, "Eugene, what are you doing on the floor? Oh right… you're Eugene. It's like your second home, huh?" She laughed.

Eugene looked oddly relieved, and to his surprise Helga even offered him a helping hand.

"C'mon, can't have you cluttering up the hall. I may not be hall monitor anymore but I've still got principles and crap." she said as she pulled him off the floor.

"Brash, sarcastic, acidic, and somewhat terrifying…" Gerald listed.

"But also with a hidden heart of gold…" Phoebe said, "That's our Helga."

"Very well hidden..." Gerald murmured.

Helga snapped her attention towards them, "What are you two goof wads doing?"

"Oh Helga, I'm so glad you're back!" Phoebe ran to her and threw her arms around her. Helga stared at Gerald in confusion.

"What's with her?" she asked. "Where did I go, exactly?"

"Helga, I think we owe you an explanation..." Gerald sighed.

When the three thirty bell at last brought the day's frivolities to a close, Gerald and Phoebe sat Helga down on the front steps of the school. Phoebe recounted the day's events to Helga who listened intently, wearing her best poker face throughout and only nodding occasionally. Gerald looked on and couldn't help but note that Helga was taking this news all surprisingly well.

"So you see, Helga… we just wanted to bring out your nicer side, and that's why we hypnotized you..." Phoebe sighed, "I'm sorry."

"Yeah, me too," Gerald said. "We were just tired of you walking all over us so…"

"But we know that you're actually a very nice person under it all, so we just wanted to bring that out of you." Phoebe noted.

"She knows that." Gerald pointed at Phoebe, "I'm still not convinced."

"You mean you guys tried to turn me into a neutered wimp?" Helga asked, "But instead you turned me into a freaking rugrat?"

"Well, we thought we would be helping you too," Phoebe insisted, "We didn't think it would all go so horribly wrong… but even more so we realized how much we appreciate every aspect of your personality, even your more… surly side. It all adds up to the complete and holistic person that you are... and furthermore how much we depend on that."

"Seriously," Helga said, "You hypnotized me?"

"Yes…" Phoebe sighed. "And it was selfish of us."

Helga gritted her teeth and furrowed her brow as she spoke, "Selfish, underhanded, dangerous, sick, unscrupulous, and downright evil of you!" Helga abruptly smiled, "You're really learning, Feebs."

Gerald and Phoebe's expressions suggested they had just looked death in the face and come out unscathed. They both looked at one another then back at Helga.

"Then you're not mad?" Phoebe asked.

"Please, I'm always mad," Helga waved her hand dismissively, "But... I guess that kind of wears on people after a while. Sorry Phoebe. Sorry Gerald."

"Yeah, us too." Gerald said as he placed a hand on Helga's shoulder. Phoebe's eyes widened as she expected Helga to throw him off with her usual contention 'who said you could touch me' but to her surprise Helga looked almost moved by the concerned look on Gerald's face.

"You sure you're okay, Helga?" he asked.

Helga searched Gerald's eyes and somehow actually felt comforted by his worrying about her wellbeing. Helga and Gerald had more or less been forced to be acquaintances by extension of Phoebe and Arnold, and didn't exactly think of one another as friends. Helga rarely trusted anyone, and despite knowing what Gerald had taken part in earlier at her expense, something about his presence now comforted her; his small act of showing he cared about her dispelled any potential hard feelings.

"Well, yeah." Helga said, "I guess even if you two did mess me up in the head for a while at least I still had you to look out for me... and got me in touch with my 'inner child.'"

Phoebe smiled as she tried to hold back the glee she felt for her two favorite people in the world, normally at odds now forming some small bond of trust. And they had done so without Arnold's urging too, which gave her hope that the two of them could become true friends at some point.

"You should have seen him..." Phoebe giggled, "Looking out for you as if you were his little sister..."

Helga smirked at Gerald who now just looked away in slight embarrassment.

"I feel as if there's something to be learned from this…" Phoebe mused.

"There sure is," Helga said, "Too bad Arnold's not around to explain what it is. But I really don't care about that right now. C'mon, you two can buy me a few rounds of milkshakes at Slausen's, and then come back to the emporium and sort beepers for me, and we can call it even after that. And I guess I should go bring Football Head some hot soup or something. It's been a day or two since we talked. He probably misses me."

Helga marched off and beckoned for them to follow. Phoebe and Gerald gave each other a look.

"Well, we've certainly learned our lesson…" Gerald said.

"And what's that?" Phoebe asked.

"Darn it, I was hoping you'd know what it was…" Gerald shrugged.

The End

I invite everyone to be as brutally honest as you want in the comment section because… well, despite some moments I found funny, I'm not so pleased with how this one turned out… I just feel like I executed it kinda sloppily. But hey, I'm often just way too hard on myself, so if you enjoyed it that's cool too. Regardless, I finished it. It's done. I hope you all enjoyed it more than I did. :)