A/N:

Written for the International Wizarding School Championship.

School and Year: Durmstrang, Year 3

Theme: Spy/Detective Muggles AU

Prompts: [Romantic Pairing] Draco Malfoy and Hermione Granger (Main Prompt), [Character] Professor Umbridge, [action] Watching someone from afar

Word Count: 2366

Notoriety

"Hogwarts Spy Agency is notorious for three things: spy families, defective moral compasses and terrible coffee.

The explanation of number one is quite simple. It is just not possible to explain to the Weasley family that spycraft is supposed to be an art and hence, having nine people with the same exact hair color, same ghastly freckles, and same pale faces do not amount to a holistically sound Spy Agency. It is just not done.

The explanation of number two should not even be given. Anyone who has two brain cells knows all about the former Director of Hogwarts Agency and his torrid love affair with a certain international terrorist Gellert Grindelwald. [You may want to read the international bestseller The Spies and Lies of Albus Dumbledore by Rita Skeeter].

The only one that we need to focus on is number three: terrible coffee. For such a prolific spy agency and all of the money that seems to be rolling in from the government, the most important question to ask is why Hogwarts does not have decent coffee. [CIA Headquarters has Starbucks, take notes, Mr. Secretary.]

So, ladies and gentlemen let us discuss these grave issues in the–"

"Oh God, Malfoy. Is that your foreword?" Hermione Granger exclaimed, looking over Draco's shoulder to read what he had written so far. "They asked you to write the agency manifesto, not an actual book!"

Draco scowled at her.

Harry Potter seemed to materialize next to Hermione and gave him an amused smirk. Harry had no doubt, also read Draco's desperate plea for help.

"You do realize that your family has been in this agency for years?" Harry pointed out. "Your father, your mother, your aunt and uncle, not to mention your entire brood of cousins?"

Draco Malfoy sniffed self-importantly.

"Piss off, Potter. None of them look like me."

Hermione gave him an incredulous look.

"The tech department calls you mini-Lucius and they get terrified whenever you visit them. Dobby, the IT guy actually calls you Lucius," she deadpanned.

Draco shuddered visibly.

"I am nothing like my father. We do not look alike!" he insisted.

"Is that why you dye your hair brown?" Harry asked, grinning from ear to ear.

Hermione shook her head and leaned against Draco's desk, folding her arms across her chest. She gave Draco a soft smile and his scowl vanished.

He looked at the two sharply.

"I thought you two had been reassigned?" he asked. They had been a team since the day they had finished their training together. Their efforts and triumphs over the years had earned them an office, which was a rarity since Level 6 Agents never got their own space.

"Yaxley wishes he could separate us!" Harry said fiercely.

All of them had been pretty put out after the revelation of their head's involvement with a terrorist had come to light. Since most of their missions had been assigned by Dumbledore himself, there had been a lot of outrage. A petition had been signed by a lot of agents that Draco, Hermione, and Harry be thoroughly investigated. Months had been wasted during that after which another petition had been signed for them to be reassigned to other teams once the three of them had been cleared.

For a week, Draco had been in the office alone working on a bloody manifesto, waiting to see if the petition had gained enough traction. Harry had chosen to take a leave while God only knew what Hermione had been up to.

Probably something unsavory, if her cool demeanor was to be believed. Draco had never been more attracted to her than he was right now.

"So, I take it you guys are back?" Draco asked, trying to act nonchalant but actually fooling no one.

Harry gave him another shit-eating grin.

"Tell him, Hermione."

Hermione snorted and looked at Draco. She raised an eyebrow at him. He understood immediately.

"How did you pull it off?" Draco asked, amazed. He narrowed his eyes. "Did you maim someone?"

"We have a new Director," Hermione explained. "I simply…negotiated with him."

Draco turned to look at Harry who mouthed 'blackmailed' at him.

"What did you do and – wait, who is the new Director? It hasn't been announced yet. Even Father does not know," Draco asked, only somewhat surprised at Hermione's resourcefulness.

Hermione's eyes flicked to Harry for a second, who looked at her in confusion.

"Thomas Riddle."

Draco watched Hermione in shock. Hermione watched Harry as he cursed. Clearly, Hermione had not told Harry about that.

Thomas Riddle had been James and Lily Potter's handler and many believed him to be the reason they had been ambushed and killed on a mission in Berlin although this had never been proven. Conversely, Draco knew for a fact that that Dumbledore had been the reason for the Potters' deaths since Dumbledore had been running point on the Berlin case and had withheld important information. Hermione and Draco had done their research when they were being investigated and had decided not to tell Harry since he had pretty much idolized Dumbledore.

Thomas Riddle was renowned for his skills, his successful missions, and his prowess. He was easily one of the best agents of Hogwarts. Now, he was the Director.

So what if he was a bit of a megalomaniac? Beggars could not be choosers. Draco would take the sly, cold bastard over the miserable, manipulative snake that Dumbledore had been any day.

"So, what does Riddle want in return?" Draco asked.

"Not what, he wants us to remove a potential threat for him," Hermione explained. "Trust me, we will be particularly pleased with this one."

"Who is it?" Harry inquired, seemingly forgetting about his hatred for Riddle.

"Dolores Umbridge."

As Draco observed the pink monstrosity from his position, he wondered why he shared Hermione and Harry's particular hatred for Umbridge.

She had not been unkind to him. In fact, because of his father, she had tried her best to be on the best terms with Draco. The only hindrance was the fact that Draco vehemently, undeniably, and justifiably hated his father. When his mother had divorced his father, Draco had thrown a party.

Umbridge was all about the rules.

If someone missed a certain protocol or tried to improvise, she would convince anyone who would listen that the particular spy had been turned. She was behind the petition which had separated Draco, Hermione, and Harry.

Draco observed Umbridge as she added an obscene amount of sugar to her tea and took a sip.

He grimaced.

Hermione radioed in.

"How's it going?"

"Productive. So far, I have come to the terrible conclusion that the Umbridge we see in our office is a fraud. In the office, she takes three tablespoons of sugar with her tea. That is false. In her home, she takes six! We are clearly onto her," Draco whispered, being as dramatic as possible.

Draco could feel Hermione rolling her eyes at him.

"I knew it was a bad idea to assign you to observe her," Hermione replied exasperatedly.

"Yes, it was! There is nothing going on with her life at home. While I am up in this abandoned floor, freezing my arse off, she is all cozy and warm with her two hundred cats!" Draco whined, gripping the binoculars in his hands.

"Well, I am certainly not assigning you to watch her during office hours. You have all the subtlety of a lion chasing after its prey."

Draco squawked, offended.

"Either way," Hermione continued, ignoring Draco. "Harry is watching her during the day."

"Potter got the camouflage screen from Tech, didn't he?" Draco asked, not sure he should be impressed or pissed.

Hermione's silence was rather telling.

"Potter is one sly bastard when he wants to be," Draco exclaimed. "And what have you been doing?"

Hermione scoffed.

"There is more than one way of bringing down a person. I have been going over her past cases. You know when she worked for the Domestic Department when Fudge was heading that?" Hermione answered.

"Her obsession with Fudge is just unhealthy and creepy. Why would she want him to be the Director?" Draco questioned, shuddering at the idea.

Hermione laughed.

"She wants a puppet. Riddle is no puppet and Fudge has the look of someone who already is one," she replied.

"Have you found out anything?" he asked.

"Yes. You know the attack on parliament a couple of years ago? Turns out Umbridge had been aware of the chatter the entire time."

Draco whistled slowly.

"How did you even get that info? None of her informants would ever tell you that!" he exclaimed.

"I asked nicely," Hermione countered.

Draco let out a sharp exhale.

"Marry me," he whispered, well and truly enthralled by his girlfriend. He imagined all the ways Hermione could have tortured the informants. She had a special talent for making anyone reveal their deepest darkest secrets.

"You know what? Get some dirt on Umbridge and maybe I will," Hermione hummed.

"Roger that!" he replied enthusiastically.

A few weeks later, they had all managed to piece together that Umbridge was going to have a meeting with someone very important.

After scouting out the area, they set up the tactical van some distance away and settled in for the night, anxiously waiting for Umbridge to show up and confirm their suspicion that she was a defector.

"You know when Riddle said we had to remove Umbridge, I never thought she would be the one who has been withholding information and selling government secrets," Hermione mused, adjusting the cameras.

Draco and Harry grimaced.

As much as they hated Umbridge if she was actually a traitor it just made things a lot worse. She had been an annoyance at first, but now it looked like she was dangerous as well.

"Why do you think Riddle gave this to us? He wants us dead for sure," Harry murmured, still a little salty about Riddle.

"No, he does not," Hermione replied, shaking her head. "With the way things are at Hogwarts, who can he really trust? Everyone has their own agenda. Riddle does not come from the wealth and pomp all of the previous directors came from. He has struggled his way up. He doesn't really have supporters."

"Not to mention he's cleaning house. If he continues doing that, he can count on me," Draco agreed.

Harry managed to cover up his petulant look and shrugged his shoulders.

"All these weeks of watching Umbridge tells us that no one can be trusted. I wouldn't be too quick to trust Riddle either," Harry asserted, switching between the camera feeds.

"I agree. We trust one another and no one else," Hermione declared.

Draco busied himself with taking out the heavenly coffee he had bought from a nearby coffee shop. He smelled the aroma and sighed peacefully. Then, he took the lid off and starting pouring sugar into the cup.

As he slurped his coffee, he saw Hermione and Harry giving him twin looks of unamused condescension.

Hermione turned to look at Harry and rolled her eyes.

"How am I attracted to this thing?" she muttered darkly.

Harry chuckled in response.

But Draco was too busy with his coffee to reply.

Hermione shifted in her seat suddenly, bending towards the screen.

"I have eyes on her. North-west corner," she said.

"Got her. We have camera coverage all the way to the end of the street," Harry whispered, tweaking the audio settings.

Draco could make a pink blob strutting towards the building where the meeting was supposed to be.

"Who is that with her?" Harry asked, squinting his eyes.

Draco leaned forward to get a better look.

"It's bloody Filch! I knew it! Bloody traitors," Draco almost yelled.

Hermione gave him an annoyed look before looking at the screens again.

They watched in stunned silence as Umbridge met up with her contact and passed a briefcase to him, covertly looking over her shoulder.

There was some dialogue between them and then, Umbridge's contact turned towards the light that was coming from a lamppost.

"Is that who I think it is?" Draco muttered, forgetting the coffee in his hand.

Hermione swore viciously.

"Yes, it is," she confirmed grimly. "It's Gellert bloody Grindelwald!"

"Hogwarts Spy Agency is notorious for three things: horrifying corruption, flawed protocols, and terrible coffee.

The first one is quite laughable, if not for the massive bad publicity that occurred during the very public trials of some Level 3 Agents. [If you want to know more check out Rita Skeeter's article in The Daily Prophet titled The Wiles of Traitors and Terrorists.]

The second one should seriously be revised given the current events. Protocols should be established for the safety of the agents, not just to hold them accountable but also to help them. Another wonderful idea would be to run in-depth background checks on everyone, not just those who might have broken a protocol or two.

Honestly, why are we still talking about the third one? To think a lot of our bad decisions could have been avoided if only we had access to some decent coffee. Not to mention the fact that work would get done a lot quicker if some of us did not have to make multiple coffee runs during the day. [It is called Starbucks and having it here is called franchising, I am sure you can look into it].

In other news, I am engaged to be married–"

"You are still supposed to write a manifesto, Malfoy. Not a bloody book!"

Draco scowled at Harry and vowed not to bring him coffee next time.

Hermione sauntered into their office and glanced over his shoulders to read what he had written so far. She snorted and rolled her eyes, before picking the coffee from her desk and going back to whoever she had been terrorizing before.

He went back to his book – no, manifesto – and took a big sip of his coffee, humming contentedly.

This was going to be his best work.

A masterpiece, a piece of modern art told through the written word, a chrysalis of–

"Still a bloody manifesto, Malfoy. Snap out of it!"

"Piss off, Potter!"

~~fin~~