"THERE'S A WHAT!?"

Jack Jameson, J.J to his friends, dug his pinky into his ear when the shout ceased. "Old man's on a warpath." He muttered to himself as he entered the studio. "What gives? I didn't do anything to piss him off… today."

He often swung by the studio of the ever-popular Just the Facts as a favor to his dad. He didn't work in the place in any official capacity, but he was considered free labor by the host and he liked helping out the beleaguered assistants and staff moving boxes of unbought signed books.

Said host was his grandfather, John Jonah Jameson.

"Hey, Jared." He called out to the short blonde-haired assistant wearing a 'Spider-Man IS A Menace!' T-shirt and jeans. "What's got the old man bent out of shape? Did the Buzz rescue a kitten from a tree?"

Little did his grandfather know, but he was the Buzz.

J. Jonah Jameson's contempt for Jack's alter-ego started a couple of years ago when he attended a demonstration of Project: Human Fly with his dad and grandfather. Human Fly turned out to be an experimental body-armor that granted the wearer insect-like abilities. Jonah, ever the supporter of 'real heroes', had nothing but admiration for the test-pilot of the suit, Buzz Bannon, who was a former Navy SEAL.

Jack got along great with Buzz and they actually became sort of like friends.

Which was why it hit hard when it turned out the head doctor of the project, Dr. Sonja Jade, held Dad, Jonah, Grandma, and Buzz hostage.

He got his childhood friend Richie Robertson, the grandson of Jonah's old colleague Robbie, to help him sneak in and attempt to rescue them.

All it did was get Buzz killed trying to save their dumb butts.

Jack put on the suit and beat up the people holding his family hostage, but Jonah got it into his head that he killed Buzz and declared him a menace as bad as Spider-Man. Getting accused of being a murder by his own grandfather wasn't fun, and if Jack had any say in it he would've stopped using the suit, but Sonja Jade got away and he wouldn't rest easy until she was brought to justice.

"So I get accused of being a murderer despite doing the right thing… Spider-Man was probably a masochist for dealing with it for so long."

Speaking of Spider-Man, the wall-crawler's disappearance had put Jack's grandfather is a good mood… for the first few months. But after the War of the Realms, Jonah had gotten it into his head that the 'menace' was up to something. After all, why would the wall-crawler miss such an opportune chance to showboat during a huge event? Was he working behind the scenes with the elves? That provided Jonah with hours of content.

He had sort of simmered down lately. Instead finding greater use of his time and attention maintaining his echo chamber of anti-Buzz listeners. But Jack could always sense that a part of Jonah actually missed Spider-Man!

Jared turned to him and he saw the recognizable bags under the eyes of anyone that had to work for his grandfather nowadays. "Worse. Turns out there's a new Spider-Person out there."

Jack's eyes widened. "Hoo-boy. Please tell me he has his heart pills near him."

"They're already on his desk."

He walked to the recording booth and looked through the glass to see his grandfather. The flat-top grey hair and bushy grey mustache were still there, as was the sheen of his steadily receding hairline. He wore the usual white button-up shirt, red tie, suspenders, and black pants as he sat glaring angrily at his laptop.

Jack looked at the light that indicated recording was in session and saw that it wasn't on. "Might as well say hello." He opened the door and waved at his grandfather. "Hey, Grandpa! I could hear you from outside the building! What's up?"

"Look at this!" Jonah turned the laptop and showed the picture of a girl dressed kind of like Spider-Man. In fact, it looked like that one Spider-Man that popped up for a bit and got killed by Doctor Octopus. Except she also wore a leather biker jacket with patches on the shoulders. She was punching someone that kind of looked like the Hobgoblin but decided on a more 'armored' look. "A new masked menace inspired by Spider-Man! What is WRONG with the youth today!?"

"Dunno. Might have to do with all the video games and hip-hop."

"Don't you get smart with me, Jack!" His grandfather snapped before turning the laptop back towards him. "This is ridiculous! All my years of warning the public about him, all the people he's killed through his show-boating, and this is the thanks I get!? Even Captain America let him onto the Avengers! CAPTAIN AMERICA!"

The loudspeakers buzzed and a tired female voice said, "Jonah, remember your blood-pressure."

"I KNOW ABOUT MY BLASTED BLOOD-PRESSURE!" He then motioned Jack out. "Make yourself useful and get me some coffee! I need to research this idiot of a girl before my broadcast!"

"Alright, alright…" He stepped out of the booth and shook his head. "Y'know, the Buzz doesn't make you this upset."

"That's because people have the sense to want to bring the Buzz in!"

The loudspeaker buzzed again. "Jonah, it's time for your three o'clock pill." Jack closed the door just as his grandfather reached for a pill bottle and the loudspeaker proclaimed, "Not that one."

"I almost feel kinda bad for that chick." He thought while walking over to the Mr. Coffee where he saw Jared with a mug and pouring the contents of a flask into it. It was a bit of an open secret that all of his grandfather's employees liked to 'spice up' their coffee to deal with him, yet Jonah seemed oblivious to it.

Almost as oblivious as not realizing that the only reason he was doing the radio-podcast was because almost no news agency wanted him.

After years of the Bugle hemorrhaging money thanks to his front-page crusades against Spider-Man, he was forced to step down and let Robbie Robertson take his place as publisher. The lawsuits against him by the now-late Mac Gargan and the accusations that he bankrolled Spencer Smyth's death machines made him practically toxic to the news world, meaning that he couldn't even get a job at the other newspapers. He helped to make the Fact Channel as a way to get his message out there, but the declining ratings and a string of conspiracy hosts filling in the time slots forced Jonah to sell the channel to Roxxon Media.

He used the money to make Just the Facts, because people were apparently too stupid to figure out the truth themselves. There were plenty of subscribers, but not as many fanatics as Jonah had hoped. Jack knew that it was mostly people wanting to be amused by his ranting and they often prank-called the station or sent him joke gifts of Spider-Man plushies.

"Gotta give him credit, though. The old horse doesn't know when to quit."

He rushed back to the recording booth and handed his grandfather his coffee, to took it with a grunt while scrolling a webpage. Jared sat in the chair across Jonah's desk nursing his coffee as Jack stepped back out and waited.

"Okay, I got everything." He snarled and muttered, "This is probably what that wall-crawler had been cooking up while he was hiding…" Jonah then pointed to the glass. "Start the feed!"

"We're rolling in five… four… three… two… one!"

Jack sat in a chair and watched as the recording light went on.

"Good afternoon." Jared began while reading his script. "This is Just the Facts with J. Jonah Jameson, where listeners like you discuss the issues affecting our city with the Pulitzer Prize-winning…"

"TWO TIME!" Jonah screamed. "Two-time winning!"

Jack couldn't help but chuckle when Jared let out a small tired sigh. "Two-time Pulitzer Prize-winning former publisher of the Daily Bugle…"

"Now plug the book!"

Jared obviously restrained the groan that was climbing up his throat. "And as always, if you order Jameson's book Spider-Man: Threat or Menace in twenty-four hours of our broadcast you'll get a copy signed by the author at no additional cost…"

"No personalizations! Not gonna get it!" Jonah adjusted his tie while Jared took a swig of his coffee. "Now… welcome to Just the Facts with J. Jonah Jameson, alerting you to the threats you don't even know. Now, let's jump right into the topic for today… Spider-Man's effect on today's youth." He practically leaned towards the microphone as he said, "Look, friends, I know that nowadays it seems like teenage heroes are crawling out from the woodwork. First you had those Young Avengers and the children of that criminal organization the Pride. Then, it seemed like any teenager who woke up and found that they could shoot lasers out of their butt because they were Mutants or their parents were a costumed vigilante decided to put on a ridiculous costume and wreck our cities!"

"Well, he isn't wrong." It seemed like the number of teenage superheroes was on an uptick since the early 2000's.

"Thankfully, after the tragedy at Stamford the Avengers eventually got their heads out of their asses and decided they didn't want another New Warriors debacle. Now every Power Pack wannabe has to train at Avengers Academy or with the X-Men in Westchester. However, none of them ever condemned the original teenage troublemaker… Spider-Man!" He pointed at the microphone accusingly. "They condoned his reckless and irresponsible actions for years, leading to countless deaths and billions of dollars in property damage! And because of that, more Spider-Whatsits began popping up! Spider-Woman, Araña, Silk, and to throw us off the fact he's promoting a sick fetish, Steel Spider and Scarlet Spider! And now it has come to a Spider-Girl of all things!"

"Spider-Girl?" Well, he supposed that he couldn't blame her. There were enough Spider-Women running around.

"Earlier today, this little girl decided to get herself in a fight with a costumed maniac who took up the Hobgoblin's identity during Daniel Kingsley's Ned Talk! Listeners, you all know that there is no love lost between Kingsley Corporation and I. I never bought his 'Inversion' ploy for a minute! But more than 3,000 civilians were endangered by this new web-slinging menace. Hundreds were injured, including one heroic Officer Jefferson Davis who is currently in a medically-induced coma for trying to usher people to safety! And I wouldn't wish the hundreds of thousands in property damage caused by Spider-Girl's recklessness on anyone!" Jonah snapped his fingers. "I'll take your calls now. Speak!"

A new voice entered the loudspeaker, a woman by the sound of it. "Hi. I just wanna say that if it wasn't for Spider-Girl, who knows how many people would've been hurt. That maniac was throwing bombs everywhere, and people would've been killed if she hadn't made that Hobgoblin guy focus on her!"

His grandfather glared harshly at the microphone. "Let me tell you something… did the Hobgoblin start lobbing all those bombs before or after this girl got involved?"

"Before!"

"WRONG! It was a bomb filled with a substance to put people to sleep and a missile to open up one of the Kingsley Towers! Now, the substance was obviously to incapacitate the superheroes on the scene while the missile was to open a path inside! The bombs started flying after Spider-Girl decided to duke it out right above the streets of New York!"

"People were still hurt by that missile!"

"Yes, and I send them my condolences and hope they make a speedy recovery." The sudden softness of Jonah's tone would've shocked most people, and Jack knew it was earnest. But as always, it took only a second for it to return to its normal state of being. "BUT! The Hobgoblin would've collected Daniel Kingsley and gone inside without harming anyone else. New York's finest were already evacuating the scene while paramedics treated the injured. Other costumed lunatics had the sense to immediately head over but wait until he went inside the building to minimize the risk to those fleeing the scene…. And what did Spider-Girl do!? She decided that it would be a great idea to start slugging it out in the air with this maniac, showboating and making the Hobgoblin bring out the big guns which endangered far more people than he would've if she let the professionals handle things!"

"You can't know that!"

That was kind of the annoying thing about his grandfather. In between all the rantings and obsession with Spider-Man there was a sliver of a good point. "Spider-Girl probably was hoping to end the fight early if she got in the first punch. Too bad most super-people can take a hit."

"Oh, I can't know that?" Jonah was grinning with delight. "Me, with my decades of award-winning on-the-job reporting experience? I can't make the educated guess of the motives behind masked menaces like this? Tell me, miss, what do you do?"

The caller was silent for a second before quietly saying, "I'm an accountant…"

"Well then make sure I'm in the black and SHUT UP!" Spittle was flying out of his mouth at the microphone. "Let me explain something basic to you… escalation! Menaces like Spider-Man have always escalated crimes in this city. Hell, before Spider-Man all New York City really had to deal with was some punk with a gun! Now we've got costumed psychos running around robbing banks every other week! AND because of people like him, teenagers like this Spider-Girl go out thinking that all these battles that put real people at risk are nothing more than a game. Thus escalating the crimes through their carelessness and hurting more innocent people for their showboating! But does Spider-Girl care!? No, because she just got her name out there on the interwebs and on TV!"

"F-." One of the technicians hit the censor button real quick. "-EEP you, Jameson. You've been against Spider-Man for years. He could get a high-five from Jesus Christ himself and you'd somehow think it's part of a conspiracy."

"And I think you need to come up with better counterpoints than that when you're not busy crunching numbers! Call back when you have an actual argument. GOODBYE!" With that, Jameson hit a button next to the microphone and leaned back with a self-satisfied smirk. "And that, dear listeners, is why I made Just the Facts. To provide you with articulate and thought-out reasons why we all need to hold menaces like Spider-Man accountable. And now we all must keep an eye out for Spider-Girl, to let her know that we will not stand for her immature showboating just because she wants to get famous like her idol!"

Jack shook his head and headed to the bathroom. "Sucks for you, Spider-Girl. But hey, misery loves company!"

If there was a silver-lining to this, it was that his grandfather would be too preoccupied to worry about what the Buzz was doing.

"And now a word from our sponsors!"

The End

Notes: After the newest chapter I just had to write a Jameson response to the events. Plus I enjoyed having it from the perspective of Jack who in the MC2 is Jonah's second biggest pain in his ass.

Really, it was fun writing Jonah but don't worry we're not going to see him for a while in the main story. But it wouldn't be a Spider-Man fic involving the Marvel Universe if he wasn't here.

Anyways, hope you enjoyed that and be sure to leave a review!