Mulder choked. His hands unwound from me and came up to grab onto my biceps. He pulled me away from him so he could try and look at me through the darkness. I could tell that he was trying to figure out if I was serious or not. Deciding that it was best not to make him suffer through the effort of trying to come up with an appropriate response, I kept talking. "I, uh, was just always so invested in my academics… and to be honest I've never really found anyone particularly attractive." I reached up to scratch the back of my head. My calves were burning from holding myself up over Mulder, so I let my body fall to sit on his lower thighs. "It's not because I was raised Catholic. I have no problem with sex. Hell, I love a good orgas-"

Mulder let out a long groan that made me lose my place.

I started over. "I just… I've always had this idea that when I fell in love, I'd want to give that person every single thing that I possibly could. And then factor in the fact again that I've never even been attracted to anyone..." I brought my hand from Mulder's shoulder to the underside of his jaw. "Until I met you." I grew still, hoping that he'd have something formulated by now.

When he spoke, his voice was gravelly and deep, deeper than I'd ever heard it. "What about your ex that I met during our first year?"

"We dated for a few months. He was a mistake that I made during a time when I thought I just needed to get over myself and that if I dove straight in, the attraction would come with getting to know someone more. He was interested in me, but after a while, I realized that I still wasn't attracted to him, so I broke it off." I chuckled darkly. "He never even got to second base. I just couldn't do it."

"Why me?" Mulder searched out my gaze in the darkness and the boyish hope that I was able to see in his eyes hit me hard.

I scooted up a small bit on his legs, still nowhere near a certain part of his anatomy that I was desperate to meet soon. "Besides the fact that I'm wildly attracted to you and no one else on this planet? Well, you're my best friend. You're the most caring person I've ever met. You look out for the the 'little guy' and the outcasts. You appear to not care what anyone thinks about you, but I know that you do on the inside." I took a deep breath. "Besides the fact that I'm madly in love with you and all I've ever imagined for five years is what it would be like to wake up next to you every day?" I lean in and kissed him again, drunk on the feel of the way that his lips glide against mine. I think I might be addicted to him. No, I know that. I've been addicted to him for a long time.

"You- you love me?" Mulder sounded unsure of himself.

I make my final move and move all the way up on his lap. His erection is now pressing deliciously onto the skin of my inner thighs through our clothes and I moan at the contact. I've waited so long to feel this way toward someone. I'm so glad that my body and my brain were to get on board and decide to both want Mulder. "Mmhm," I nod against his neck, where my head had dropped when I felt his hard-on underneath me. "I love you very much and Mulder if you don't tell me to stop soon I'm going to ask you to fuck me."

Mulder tensed underneath me. I could feel his heartbeat pulsing fast through his carotid. Not being able to control myself, I leaned in and licked the line of where his artery is before closing my lips and sucking on the tender spot there, causing him to squeak.

"No."

My world came crashing down in a millisecond. My lips let go of his skin with a pop and I quickly started to shift off of his lap. Humiliation. Mortification. The questions of how and why began to rush through my head. Why did he let me go so far if that was going to be his answer? How am I ever going to be able to look at him again?

His arms reached out and yanked me back toward him before I could get too far. "Scully, stop. Don't do that. Don't shut me out so fast. Let me finish." Despite his words, I still couldn't look at him. His finger under my chin directed my focus onto his face forcefully.

I was afraid of what I would see there, but all my eyes could perceive was kindness.

"I'm honored that you want to trust me with this."

His words stung. Though they were positive, statements like that almost always ended with a but. I tilted my head up and looked away from him.

His hands came up to from both sides of my phase and redirected my gaze again. "I just want to make sure that this is what you want. I want to talk this through with you, Scully. I need to know what you expect from this because I can't just love you once, Scully. I love you too much for that."

I felt his thumb wipe a tear from my cheek. "Mulder, I want you to be my first and my last. I want to make love to you every day for the rest of my life. I want to be your partner in every sense of the word."

"So this is forever?"

"I- uh-" I got nervous at his word choice, unsure of his stance. "Yes, if you'll have me..."

"Oh, God, Scully!"

I didn't have time to ponder his reaction because the net thing I knew, his hands had wound themselves in my hair and he was kissing me with a passion I had never experienced before. It felt like my whole body was thorumming with electricity, bound to burst at any given second. I responded to him with equal fervor, allowing my hands to explore the expanse of his chest, abdomen, and arms. Mulder moaned into my mouth when I let my fingers ghost over his ribs. I pulled my mouth away from his but didn't let it stray very far. Our breaths were now heavy from exertion as they intermingled with each other. "Mulder," I rasped. "Please, touch me!"

He wasted no time pulling my torso flush with his, with his hands on my back. They traveled up and down a few times before wedging their way under my shirt. I began to gasp lightly into his mouth at the feel of his skin against mine in such an intimate place; however, it quickly turned into a full-blown moan when his hands took a very sudden detour and gripped my ass cheeks hard, moving my whole body with it. "Mmf," I let out another groan as his fingers flexed and began to map out the previously off-limits areas of my body. All of a sudden, I felt very hot. Pull away from his mouth entirely, I began to pull at my shirt. Once mine was gone, I reached out and pulled his off too. I was about to dive back in when I noticed that Mulder's eyes were focused on my chest. Last time Mulder had seen me in my underwear happened to be five years ago and I had long since gotten rid of all of my good-girl clothes. All I own now is lingerie. It makes me feel sexy and confident, even though no one knows that I wear it… except for Mulder now.

"Jesus," he whispered, practically salivating at the sight of the black lace.

I took his admiration as an opportunity to get rid of the garment. Reaching behind me, I expertly undid the clasp with two fingers and let my breasts fall from their support.

His hand came up slowly and traced the outline of each breast, before moving in and circling my nipples. He looked up at me questioningly and I pressed my chest into his hands as a sign of encouragment. "Go ahead. Don't be afraid; they're not very sensitive. You can bite them even." That apparently was all the convincing that he needed because he began to lap and squeeze my breasts with enthusiasm. I never imagined how good it would feel to have my nipples be manipulated by another person's hot mouth, but oh my Lord, does it feel good. A series of loud moans from Mulder caused me to realize that I had at some point begun grinding my core against his hard-on. His hands gripped my hips with a force that I had never expereinced from him before.

He turned our positions so fast that I let out a screech and a giggle at the movement. I was now on my back, staring up at the love of my life as he rested his body in between my legs. "Scully, I'm going to make sure you feel loved and treasured every day. I want to give you everything. Forever."

"Oh, Mulder," I murmured, overwhelmed by the amount of affection he was showing me. "You already have. You're all I've ever wanted."

When our lips reconnected again, I knew that my life had not been spared without reason. There was so much more to living than mere accomplishments. The relationships you forge with the people around you are what really matters. Life is nothing without love. I'm not sitting idle anymore. This is the start of the rest of my life.