Hey guys! Just a weird crack fic I came up with cuz I'm pretty weird and stuff... Just some clarification so I don't get bombarded with mean comments:

1- I am NOT homophobic! This fic is purely for humor and it does not make fun of the LGBT+ movement. It's merely a plot, nothing less, nothing more and I'm only saying this because I know some people will take it the wrong way.

2- The title is weird (again) so just go with it please!

3- this story, if requested, could have an alternate ending or a sequel thing, so if you don't think its crappy (I do, sorry?) and would like that, comment!

Pancakes: A NaLu One-Shot

It was almost midnight when Natsu kissed Lucy's cheek right outside the door to her apartment.

"Thanks Natsu. I had a great time!" She said, smiling and secretly cheered when Natsu blushed a little.

"Me too. Thanks for giving me a chance." Natsu said, grinning. Oh boy, his father was gonna freak.

"Say Natsu…" Lucy called out when he turned around to leave. Natsu stopped and turned around, still grinning like a madman.

"Yeah?" Lucy blushed at the thought of how cute Natsu looked.

"Are you free tomorrow?" She asked. Natsu's grin widened. Damn his girlfriend was beautiful. In fact, he'd just made it official no less than 30 minutes earlier.

"Hell yeah. Movies? Or Netflix?" He asked.

Lucy smiled too. Natsu was a lot like her in that sense. "Netflix at my house." She replied.

"Deal then. Goodnight Luce." He said, walking towards the stairs with a wave.

"Goodnight Natsu," Lucy said warmly as she stepped into her apartment. She really hoped this date would lead to many more even better. She really had to thank Cana and Erza for forcing her into this. Natsu was really perfect. Speaking of him…

Natsu was unbelievably happy as he hurried down the stairs and through the main lobby of Lucy's apartment building.

"Hey Aquarius," Natsu exclaimed as he jogged past the front desk where Aquarius worked.

"Watch it idiot. Don't you dare hurt her," She growled before hurling his car keys at him, which he caught easily. Aquarius really cared about Lucy, despite what she claimed. She always said the same thing whenever he went on a date with Lucy.

"I don't plan on it. Have a good night!" He shouted as he jogged through the front doors and into the parking lot.

Once he reached his car, he did a little victory dance. What else was he to do? Lucy was a sweet, cute, and smart girl while he was… well… a total idiot as Aquarius had said. But hey, Lucy thought he was charming that way, so he was okay with that. Either way, Natsu couldn't contain the joy as he drove home, singing at the top of his lungs to his favorite song, Masayume Chasing.

"Masayume Chasing Chasing! Koero motto jibun shijou saikou no!" His neighbors shut off their lights and Natsu winced. Maybe he was being a little loud. Only a little… He quickly pulled into his driveway and parked the car, where he still hummed the next couple of lines.

Swinging his car keys in his hand, he almost skipped up to the front door and entered his home where he was met with his family watching tv.

"Looks like our pyromaniac son has returned," Igneel commented, pausing the program. "And he looks way too happy. It's weird."

"I ain't no pyro," Natsu said as he hung his keys on the designated rack. "And it's not weird!"

"Soooo…." Grandeeney piped, catching on to Igneel's lead. "Did you and Gray have fun?"

A vein popped in Natsu's head. "No, we didn't mom. How many times do I have to say that we ain't like that."

Igneel laughed. "Well, you sure seem like it. I mean you've never really shown any interest in girls…"

Wendy laughed as she agreed.

Natsu went red. "Well for your information, I was just on a date with a girl. And she was very cute." And my girlfriend...

Igneel roared with laughter. "Yeah, right son. You don't need to lie to cover it. Your mother and I will accept you just the way you are."

Natsu groaned in frustration, his high was coming down to reality. Quite unfortunate.

"I swear it." He growled. "I was just out with a girl. Call Gray if ya want. He'll tell ya."

"So Gray was the first back up that came to mind, huh?" Grandeeney teased. "See?! It's proof that he finds Gray trustworthy and that is one of the main things you look for in a partner. Awww, Iggy! It's serious!"

Natsu glared at his mom and sister as the giggled, but that gave him an idea. "So Wendy… How's Romeo doing?"

Wendy immediately froze and blushed. "Fine. Why'd you ask?"

Igneel jumped in before Natsu could give his snarky reply. "Nice try son. Don't go changing the subject."

Natsu sighed. "Seriously guys! I took a girl out for dinner!" and we're officially a 'thing' so back off old man.

Igneel just shook his head and Natsu stomped to his room. Screw them. They didn't have to believe him. He grumpily sat in his bed as he grabbed his laptop. Maybe watching Noragami would help. As he logged into Crunchyroll, he immediately typed in his preferred anime and clicked the episode he'd left off on.

He had just finished the opening when the ads came and that's when his parents decided to check in on him. To his dismay the first add was Free!, that stupid swimming anime that Gray's girlfriend really liked. Bleh...

"Wow, Natsu. I'll leave you to it." Igneel snickered, ducking back out.

"Wait! No! It was just an ad! Come back! I can explain!" Natsu shouted, but it was futile. Grumbling, he slammed his laptop closed and screamed into his pillow. Why him?

He slowly fell asleep, dreaming of beautiful brown eyes and blond hair.

Natsu jumped awake the next morning, panicking. It was 8:17, and he was late for school, but most importantly, breakfast. He practically ran downstairs for breakfast before Igneel ate all his food.

"Aww, looks like Natsu's awake finally. Did you sleep well? Good dreams?" Grandeeney asked.

Natsu absentmindedly nodded since he was focused on inhaling all his pancakes.

"I'll bet they were of Gray," Wendy snickered, also inhaling her pancakes. Natsu choked, having forgotten about his problem. His parents though he was gay. Crap. Not that he was homophobic or anything, he just knew he was straight and hated being called gay.

"Shut it, Wendy. I was not. But, I'll bet you dreamt of Romeo." He retorted, successfully shutting his sister up. "Look, I need to get ready for school, so see you guys later."

He ran upstairs, leaving not even a crumb on his plate. Igneel, Grandeeney, and Wendy looked at each other as they debated whether or not to tell him.

Two seconds later, Natsu ran back down.

"Wait a sec… Why is Wendy still here? Her school starts at 7:30!" Natsu said, confused. His family could see when it dawned on him, his facial expression detailing each second of the epiphany.

"IT'S SATURDAY?" He screamed. "WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?"

Grandeeney shook her head in disappointment. Where did she go wrong with him? But, Igneel had other plans.

"Bet you were too busy thinking about Gray…" He snickered and Natsu reddened. "NO WAY!" He shouted. Truth was, he was thinking about Lucy.

As revenge, Natsu sat down next to his father and swiped a pancake, quickly digesting it.

Igneel stared at his son, who had never attempted such a crime. In fact, no one had in over 18 years. The last person to do so was named Acnologia and Igneel had quickly dealt with him. It was then that he resolved to make the next couple of days hell for his son. Oh, he was going to take his revenge, slowly and painfully, no matter the cost.

Natsu gave an innocent smile as he snatched his phone. "I'm heading out. Bye!"

"Tell Gray that he's welcome to come for dinner!" Ingeel called back. "I told ya! It ain't like that!"

Natsu growled. How could he fix this mistake?

He aimlessly walked in Magnolia park, admiring the perfect weather for jogging, which he started to do as he brainstormed possible solutions.

A voice pulled him out of his thoughts. "Hey, Natsu!"

Natsu stopped and looked to the direction of the voice. His day immediately got better.

"Hey, Luce!" He called, laughing as he jogged towards her. "Watcha doing here?" He asked.

"Walking Plue, you?"

"Taking a jog. Getting away from my family." He said. Lucy raised an eyebrow.

Natsu scratched his head sheepishly. "It's a long story."

Lucy smiled. "Then I'd like to hear it on our way to my place."

"Your...place?" Natsu asked.

"My place. We planned to watch Netflix, remember?" Lucy said.

"Oh yeah! Sorry, it's been a long night." He said, chuckling nervously before grabbing her hand and running.

"Let's go then!"

Lucy was balancing two bowls of popcorn and drinks as she stumbled into her tv room only to see Natsu scrolling her 'Continue Watching' section which was littered with the animes available.

"Gah!" She shouted, catching Natsu's attention. "Ooh! Food!" He cried, reaching to the popcorn despite having eaten a considerable amount of pancakes no less than an hour earlier.

Lucy couldn't help but giggle as Natsu stuffed his face with popcorn. "Let's just exit out of this.." She said awkwardly, but Natsu snatched the control away.

"Nah, let's watch Fairy Tail." He said. "I really liked the Phantom Lord Arc."

Lucy stared at Natsu in shock.

"What? Didn't think I like anime?" He asked. Lucy shook her head slowly before breaking down into laughter, which Natsu happily joined.

Once they had calmed down, Lucy looked at Natsu. "Before we start, what happened? Did your parents and you get into a fight? Was it because of me?"

Natsu grimaced. "Sort of… but not the way you think."

Lucy let out a groan. "Oh god. What does that mean?" She cried.

"Well, I haven't really shown interest in girls, so my parents think I'm gay?" Natsu explained. "And when I told them about you, they thought I was lying and started teasing me about Gray."

"Gray?"

"A friend I guess. More like my enemy. He's so ugly. But they think we're in 'love'," Natsu whined.

Lucy was a little confused, but she found it wayyy too funny for Natsu's liking.

"It's not funny!"

"I'm sorry but it is. I mean, this is like some sort of romcom or something." Lucy screeched trying to control her laughter. She was failing.

Before Natsu could argue, his phone.

"Speaking of him…" He muttered and sent Lucy an apologetic look as he answered.

"Dad," He said shortly.

"Hey kid. Just wanted to make sure you'll be home for dinner." He said. "And ask Gray for me, okay?"

"No. It's not 'okay' because we're not dating. My god. I'm with the girl I was telling you about."

"Oh yeah? What's her name?"

"Lucy."

"Alright then, I'd like to speak with her."

Natsu smiled and turned to Lucy. "My dad wants to stalk to you. Please?"

Lucy had an idea. She shook her head and Natsu's eyes widened in panic.

"Lucy! Please! Answer the phone," Natsu cried desperately. Lucy smiled, a mischievous look in her eyes.

Natsu growled and put the phone next to her ear. "Speak."

Lucy let out a low laugh. Natsu knew she was trying to sound masculine, but failing...

"Wow Gray. That's a bad impersonation of a woman's laugh. Do come over for dinner though…" Igneel said through the phone. Lucy was offended and was about to give Igneel a piece of her mind when Natsu snatched the phone back, smirking.

"Well then. Lucy and I are doing something right now, so I'll call you back later. Oh! And NO ONE is coming for dinner, got it?"

"No monkey business then."

Scarlet faced, Natsu hang up before Igneel could say anything else.

"You father is soo dead." She growled.

"Then come to dinner tonight so we can prove him wrong."

Lucy shook her head. "I have plans. Maybe tomorrow night?"

Natsu sighed. He could endure another 24 hours of teasing. "Fine, but let's make it good. First I need a picture of you and me."

Lucy agreed to that and posed with then went on to finished the Phantom Lord arc and the Tower of Heaven Arc until Lucy had to get ready for her girls night out.

It was finally dinner time and Natsu walked in late.

"Gray's that good, huh?" Igneel commented, causing his son to burn red. "No. Go away. I'm not with Gray in any way. I was watching Fairy Tail with Lucy."

"Oh yeah? I doubt you found a girl who would watch anime with you. You're just too weird." Igneel snorted. Natsu was ready. "Oh I have a picture and everything." Natsu said and he whipped out his phone, showing his parents the picture.

"My god. Which poor girl did you pay to take a photo with?" Grandeeney exclaimed.

"No way. Now I know you're lying. That's Lucy Heartfilia, the smartest girl in the school." Wendy cried. "She's had guys pinning after her for years!"

Natsu opened his mouth and then closed it. "You know what? We're dating. In fact, I'll prove it to you tomorrow."

Natsu grabbed his dinner plate and stalked to his room.

"My god Igneel. The poor girl." Grandeeney whispered, a little worried about what her husband was up to. Let's just say that he had a hard time setting limits in his little 'adventures.'

Lucy had invited her best friends to help her get ready for the dinner.

"So you've only known him for like two months and you're already meeting the parents? Damn! When's the wedding?" Cana exclaimed, chewing on the top of her beer bottle.

"Yeah, well… he's special." Lucy said as she showed a dress to Mirajane, who shook her head.

"But what's his name?" Levy whined. "This would go faster if we actually knew his name."

"Oh yeah and how?" Lucy scoffed.

"Well, we might know him." Erza said. "And then we could be even more precise."

Lucy thought about it for a moment before relenting. "Fine, but I'm not giving a name. I think if I give you some characteristics, you'll be able to tell if you know him or not."

Cana laughed, totally ready for this game. "Winner gets a favor from Lucy!" She shouted.

"Well, he's funny and sweet an-"

"Lucy, most girls say that about their boyfriends. We need more specific things." Erza said.

Lucy sighed. "Well, I was going to say that he has these beautiful onyx eyes. I mean, I could stare at them for ages."

Erza smiled. "I know who it is." She declared, shocking the rest of her companions.

"WHO?"

"Oh I'm not telling. I want to see if you can guess it." She snickered and motioned for Lucy to continue.

"Well, he's really built, but not too much like Gajeel."

"HEY! Gajeel is perfectly built." Levy defended her boyfriend.

"Yeah yeah… What else?" Cana whined. "We need the deets! Like is he good in bed?"

Lucy flushed. "I've only known him for a couple months. There's no way I would go that far in such a short amount of time. Anyway, where was I?"

"He has a weird obsession with dragons and he likes anime too. He has the most adorable grin and he loves spicy foods." Lucy said and MIrajane then knew who it was.

"Oh my gosh, you guys make SUCH a cute couple!" She fangirled, already brainstorming for a ship name.

Levy and Cana growled. "Okay, now we need to ask questions." Levy demanded.

"Height?"

"6'2"

"Age?"

"Same as us."

"Oh oh! I know! Hair?"

Lucy knew that this would be a dead giveaway.

"Well… he tends to argue about the actual name, but I totally know its pink."

"OHMIGOSH! IT'S NATSU DRAGNEEL? THE STAR BASKETBALL PLAYER!?" Cana and Levy shouted together.

Lucy held up her hands in mock surrender.

"...yup."

Cue the screams and giggles and congratulations.

"Wait. So it's like official? You're the girlfriend of Mr. Untouchable?" Cana said.

"Mr. Untouchable?" Lucy asked.

"Well… Natsu has had many girls ask him out, pine for him, etc. But he's never accepted them. I mean, he's never shown interest in any of them." Erza explained. "You're the first."

Lucy laughed. "I think he said something similar to that. I mean, it's the whole purpose of meeting his parents tonight. They think he's gay and that he's making me up."

The girls roared with laughter. There was no way… Mirajane knew the perfect outfit for his scenario, surprisingly. She wouldn't tell how or why, no matter how much her friends nagged her.

They got to work, dressing Lucy and doing her makeup. Before she even knew it, Lucy was all dolled up, looking beautiful, yet hot.

"Well then Lucy," Mirajane smiled as Levy and Erza pushed Lucy to the door and Cana shoved some condoms in her purse.

"Make sure you make some nice NaLu babies!" She called and slammed the door shut.

"I couldn't have said it better Mira." Erza said and the others agreed. Lucy was ready.

Lucy was most definitely NOT ready as she paced outside the Dragneels' house. What if they hated her? What if they thought she was a slut? Oh god, what if they asked about her parents? Lucy wanted to run back home, but then Natsu's contact photo popped up on her screen, confirming why she was doing this.

"Hey Luce! Just wanted to check in and make sure we're still on for tonight!" Lucy smiled.

"Yeah. Perfect timing, I was just about to ring your doorbell." She said.

"Already? Damn it! I'll be there in a second!" There was thumping and muffled shouts. The door opened a second later, revealing a casually dressed Natsu. HIs hair was still wet, making him look even hotter.

"Well you look nice!" He chuckled. "Come in!"

Lucy kissed his cheek and stepped inside. His house was nice with mirrors and paintings placed in the perfect position.

"You look great too, Natsu." She said, smiling. She heard laughing coming from a distant room.

"That's my parents. Just stick to the plan and we'll win, got it Luce?"

They walked to the kitchen, but Lucy didn't enter right away.

"Dad, mom. Lucy is here." He said, which was Lucy's cue.

She stepped out and they gasped. It was the girl from the picture.

"My lord, you are real." Grandeeney exclaimed.

"I think so too!" Natsu said. But, Igneel was not having it.

"Lucy… if it's alright, I'd like to ask you a few questions…" He said and Natsu panicked. This wasn't part of the plan.

"Okay. Shoot away."

"Where's the wig from? Great makeup!" Igneel said.

Grandeeney gasped. "Iggy!"

"No I'm serious! And those fake huge boobs are great! Where did you get these from?" Igneel asked.

Lucy felt her cheeks heat up from the implication, arms covering her breasts in an attempt to take all attention from them.

"Iggy!" Grandeeney shouted, enraged by his comments. "Apologize!"

Igneel whimpered in fear. If you thought Erza was scary, then you really need to see Grandeeney angry.

"I didn't do anything!" He cried. "I'm telling you that's Gray! A wolf in sheep's clothing!"

Natsu smirked. Maybe tonight would go his way.

"Hey dad, what if I told you I also invited Gray to dinner tonight?" Natsu asked innocently.

Igneel froze and he slowly turned around to face his traitorous son.

"What?" He cried. "How did you also invite Gray?"

"Easy! I went up and called him and told him about the free food."

"Smartass," Wendy snickered. When everyone quickly turned to face her, she blushed.

"What? Everyone was thinking it." She cried.

Lucy had to give her that.

Attention was brought back to Natsu, who had the infamous shit-eating grin on his face.

"What can I say dad? I told ya! You just didn't listen."

Igneel charged at his son, slamming him to the wall.

"Nice one, dad," Natsu wheezed as brought his knee up, hitting Igneel's soft stomach. Igneel stumbled back and both got into a fighting stance as Grandeeney ushered a shocked Lucy and Wendy to safety.

"Too many pancakes I see."

Igneel saw red. Oh his son did not just insult pancakes after stealing his.

"Oh you're gonna get it boy," Igneel hissed. He charged again, but Natsu was ready this time. He dodged, twisting his father's arm and pinning it behind his back where he sat.

That's when Grandeeney came back in, ready to scream at the ungrateful idiots she graciously took care of. Of course, Igneel had to fling his son off his back into one of her precious mirrors, shattering it.

"IGNEEL FITZROY DRAGNEEL! STOP THIS MADNESS THIS INSTANT!"

But Natsu charged and knocked his father down, once again pinning him to the ground, prompting Grandeeney to go into a rant about her mirrors and her 'fucking ungrateful and inconsiderate shitheads'.

"The fuck?" A voice said softly. All eyes (Lucy and Wendy were watching the fight from afar, curious about the noise) went to the new person at the door. It was Gray. Shirtless. Surprised?

"Put a shirt on dickhead!" Natsu snickered. Grandeeney whacked his head, effectively putting her son 'to sleep.' As she faced her horrible and completely UNTRUSTWORTHY husband.

He scrambled back in fear…

"Fix it." She snarled.

"LUCY I'M SORRY! PLEASE FORGIVE ME SO I CAN SURVIVE!" Igneel sobbed, performing worshipping bows on his knees.

"Uh… sure?" Lucy stammered.

He hugged Lucy's knees in gratitude. "Thankyouthankyouthankyou!"

"Now buy me a new mirror." Grandeeney said, smiling.

"Yes ma'am!" Igneel said and sprinted to his computer to go online.

"Now Lucy, Wendy, and Gray... go sit down at the table. Dinner will be ready in a few minutes. I am sorry about the delay."

They smiled and awkwardly walked to the kitchen table.

"You can wake up now," Grandeeney whispered. Natsu sat up, smiling.

"Sooo?" He drawled.

"She's a keeper, especially since she didn't run away after seeing you fight."

"What can I say? She's Luce! Always weird and stuff…"

Grandeeney shook her head. He was just as hard headed as his father.

"Though I'm glad I got to get a new mirror, so good work on your part."

"Yeah! You too mom! Couldn't have done it without ya!"

(3665)

Comment for any requests, questions, edits (constructive please), and desires to inflate my already pretty big (jk) ego.

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-eventinierboat

[edit: forgot to add line breaks... whoops]