Tap here, bringing you this random little story, about a girl with some minor anger issues, and a boy who deals with life by dressing up in a bird themed costume to fight crime.

Righty-oh, If you've been on here long enough you should know the drill-

I DON'T OWN BATMAN.

But I guess I own the words.

Beware Of Flying Ice-Cream:

Chapter One: One Scoop, Two scoop.

(Alternatively Titled: I don't have a fiance, and I don't want a fiance- I have to take out enough trash everyday.)

Tiana's hands smooth over the creases in her apron, so she pulled another shift last minute and forgot to iron her uniform. Who cares? It wasn't like she was the only one in this godforsaken city with too big of a workload and too little of anything else to care about much other than paying the bills.

The bell rings- one of those old fashioned door bells, complete with the beaten brass shell, and tiny woven cord that absolutely no one uses, ever. It's more for show than anything else. The boss thought it would add some charm to the fine establishment that is a vintage ice cream parlor, complete with the old vinyl chairs and tacky floor tiles.

Tiana turns, a smile as fake as the colour of her hair and dying on her lips faster than she can vault herself over the counter to slam the door in that stupid jerk's face.

His foot flies out, wedging itself neatly between the door and her potential, blissful silence. Why did he have to come now of all times? She was too sober for this crap.

"I'm sorry sir-" She shoves the door a little harder, waiting for him to give up and for the offending appendage to leave her line of sight. "-we're closed for lunch. If you could come back never it would be mighty appreciated."

The man sighs, hands curling around the door-frame and easily pushing it wide open, despite Tiana's best efforts. "Really darling is that anyway to talk to your fiance?" He sneers and Tiana resists the urge to punch his lights out.

"No but it's certainly the way to talk to a no-good cheating son of a bitch who can't seem to accept the fact that his ex-fiance doesn't want nothing to do with him. Get the hell out of my parlor George."

The accountant rolls his eyes. "Last I checked you didn't own the place sweetheart. I'm a paying customer-"

"-And I'm on lunch break, so get out!"

Tiana picks up a straw holder and waves it threateningly. "I'm from Gotham buster, I have a weapon and I ain't afraid to use it."

"Tiana be reasonable, It was one time-"

"One time!?" Her voice rises incredulously, surely he couldn't be serious? "You slept with my cousin you jerk! The day after you proposed."

George scoffs. "Please, like you're so innocent- I saw how you looked at that barman you know- what's his name with the big nose- looks like that idiot from that tv show you used to watch- Endeavour or something. Maybe if you weren't too busy acting like some sort of street rat and instead attended to my needs then-"

"Then what George!? You wouldn't have cheated on me? Or I wouldn't have found out?" Idly Tiana wonders if they're making enough of a racket that someone would call the police, and then dismisses the thought with a humourless snort. Call the police? In this part of town? Heh funny joke.

George raises his hands in the universal gesture of peace and Tiana snaps. Ducking back behind the counter, her hands fumble with the soda machine- the kind you'd find at a bar for mixing drinks, gotten second-hand of course.

"Please Tiana, how long are you going to be hung up on that. I apologised already, sheesh woman, you're acting ridicu-" Tiana lets the non carbonated cola fly, her aim flying true, hitting dead-centre, blasting into his eyes with a vengeance.

"Dear God woman what is wrong with you!?"

George ducks out of the way as Tiana forgoes the tap and instead let's fly a scoop of rum and raisin. "Nothing-" A scoop of mint. "-Nothing is-" Another scoop of mint "-wrong with me you stupid jerk."

George huffs. "I'm sorry but if you-" He ducks, dodging another onslaught of destructive dairy "-think that throwing ice cream at your fiance is normal behaviour, maybe you should've been checked into Arkham like your- would you quit that!? -hideous excuse for a mother!"

"What was that about my mother you blithering wannabe lobster!?"

Tiana lunges over the counter. To hell with it, if that bastard wanted to talk bad about her family then he had another thing coming, maybe a black eye to go with his soon to be broken nose.

But someone catches her just before her hit can land, a pair of sturdy arms wrapping easily around her torso. Effectively cutting off her ensuing rant but instead redirecting the force of her anger.

Her head snaps back, ready to slam into some idiotic interfering pansy, when the arms release, and she meets nothing but air, stumbling a little.

"Woah there spitfire."

Tiana's first thought is 'cute'. Her second is 'Who the hell does this idiot think he is?'

Sky blue eyes dance laugh at her as she straightens up, bad posture disappearing as she subconsciously tries to make herself taller in front of this new threat. "Who the hell are you?"

Blue flashes her an easy going smile, along with a badge. Looking from Tiana, in all her rumpled apron glory, to George, splattered in cola and ice-cream, and looking more stunned than a fish thrown onto the deck of a disco-party-cruise.

"Well I was the knight coming to protect a damsel in distress-" Tiana's eyes sharpen and she glares, opening her mouth before he cuts back in with a small chuckle "-but when I arrived I found that there were none."

He bows, and Tiana would have to be blind not to appreciate the view, shirt tight but not too tight- perfectly form fitting in fact. As Tiana was recently short a fiance she had no shame in ogling such a specimen, just window shopping of course. She didn't need no mysterious pretty boy. She'd had enough of men for a while.

"Richard Grayson at your service mam."

Tiana's brow furrows. "Your name sounds familiar, we related or something?" Because oh god this better not be another one of her 'distant relatives' crawling out of the woodwork. Didn't they get the point? She didn't have money to spare.

George seemed to choke on air, and idly Tiana entertained the thought that she actually managed to do some real damage. Oh I'm sorry officer, my hand slipped, I had no idea that a sprinkle shaker could do so much damage. Honest.

A smirk and a quick flash of ID. "Blüdhaven police department, mam. I'm off duty- I was walking past when I heard the uh… disturbance."

Unfortunately George seemed to miraculously recover, and surprise surprise, started talking. "Officer Grayson- this crazy woman violently attacked me as I attempted to buy a simple ice-cream. I demand that she be arrested at once."

Oh shit. No he did not get to pull that card. "What the hell do you mean I attacked you!? You blimen-" Tiana felt the slowly dimming rage flare back with all the force of a tornado riding on the back of a hurricane.

"-See she's vicious. This is harassment, please good sir arrest this woman."

"-piece of shit, you think your so much better than me, just because you have something dangling between your legs, well guess what mister, you have yet to actually man up and grow a pair-"

"-An absolute tramp; Do you know she used to be my fiance? But then I caught her cheating with my brother, it was heartbreaking really, and now to find she's stalking me-"

"If you don't mind sir, I have to ask that you kindly vacate the premises"

"Stalking!? Why you-" Tiana cuts herself off. Mr Grayson, is still smiling at both of them, but it seems a little strained at the corners. Oops. Maybe they'd given the poor bugger a headache. Well, his fault for sticking his nose in their business.

George gapes at him. "What- but this woman attacked me." He points at Tiana and she sticks her tongue out. Childish maybe. Satisfying? Definitely.

Pretty boy looked at him sceptically. "She… attacked you did you say? So she hit you?" His eyebrow raises sarcastically "Did she perhaps stab you? Do you require me to call an ambulance?"

George seemed to deflate. "No.. but she… ruined my new suit!"

Mr Grayson hums. "So… you want me to arrest her, because she splashed a bit of pop on your suit? Sorry, I'm off duty."

Turning back to the rest of the store requires an enormous amount of trust. Tiana's not as naive as to believe that this Mr Grayson didn't have some strange ulterior motive up his sleeve- this was the shady part of town after all. But he didn't seem like a bad person, so she'll leave him to kick her no good ex to the god damned curb whilst she busies herself with cleaning up the state of chaos she'd accidentally left the store in.

Turns out throwing various things such as ice cream or sprinkles made quite the mess. Who knew?

Tiana must have zoned out or something, because the next thing she knew, the floor was clean, and George was gone- as was Mr Grayson. And her crappy shift is back to normal, and business was picking up enough, that she soon forgot all about it. Once again erasing any encounters with her asshole of an ex firmly from her mind.

Only when her shift finally ended, and she was closing up for the day, ready for her seven hours of sleep before tackling the world again in the morning- did she notice the scrap of paper tucked squarely between the two boxes of napkins.

'You know restraining orders are pretty easy to get... I know a guy. '

-D.G

A snort and the scrap piece of paper is tucked securely away in her purse. And it stays there as she walks home, trudging up the stairs to her apartment and flopping down on the bed lacking any ounce of grace whatsoever.

What a day.

Of course what Tiana hadn't realised, was that- their first encounter was actually the start of what would grow to be a long and beautiful friendship.

How much of an utterly terrible cliche is that?

"Get out."

Seriously this was like the fifth time he'd been in here in two weeks. Couldn't he see that she was too done to deal with this crap? Probably not actually. Idiot seemed to think they were friends, which meant he also saw fit to 'drop in' every time she had the late shift.

"Aww but you love me."

Tiana rolls her eyes. "Grayson, either order a damn ice-cream or scram. I picked this shift because it's quiet. What kind of lunatic shops in an ice-cream parlor, at-" A quick glance at the clock. "-Nine forty seven… in December."

Grayson pouts at her and Tiana has to remind herself, very forcefully, that she is not allowed to stab the man-child with a spoon.

"But Green-" What was with that ridiculous nickname anyway? Her eyes were hazel, not green. "-I've been hard at work, running on nothing but terrible coffee fumes-" She twitches slightly. Oh no. He was not playing that card, not to her; the cliche broke college student forcefully shoving her way through life with a dead-end job and an old cockatoo that knew more swears than she did. "-and all I wanted to do was to see my caring and wonderful friend."

He places a hand on his heart like he's been shot and all Tiana can manage is one very dramatic unimpressed eyebrow.

"And of course to buy a scoop of your finest vanilla." The eyebrow lowers itself and Tiana schools her face into a pleasant smile.

"Right away sir, anything else?" Her eyes cut towards the depressingly empty tip-jar, and he sighs, but Grayson's smiling so she thinks he understands that she's teasing. Which she's not. Because they would have to be friends for her to tease. Which they're not. Besides, a few less dollars never hurt anyone.

Twelve dollars and fifty cents lighter, Grayson's perched on a table licking his ice-cream- because apparently chairs were overrated- and Tiana's blood-lust has diminished, now that he's a 'paying customer.'

She could leave him alone, let him stew in silence whilst he sits there- probably contemplating all the ways he could continue to annoy her- or she could open her damn mouth and say whatever comes to mind in an attempt to get some conversation going.

"So Grayson-" Yeah that's it. Conversation- like a normal person. Ask him something boring; normal. You got this Tiana. "-Are all your family as annoying as you, or are you just special?" He chokes on a laugh and immediately she regrets the possible can of worms she just opened.

Grayson continues laughing and her face starts to heat up- Tiana turns around and starts viciously scrubbing at an odd stain, on the topside of one of the red booths. "Sorry, sorry- It's just you're pretty blunt sometimes." He snickers. "They're all pretty weird I guess-" He leans back, holding his hand up and licking droplets of melted ice cream off his fingers. "I've got a… big family. Gets pretty crazy sometimes." His head tilts, and he looks over to her curiously. "What about you Green? Got any family?"

Tiana chucks a box of napkins at him. "Got a mother. That's about it. Favorite colour?"

Grayson hums a little, thinking. "Celtic Blue." That's… oddly specific, and Tiana shoots him a weird look before her face clears with understanding.

"Oh so like that bird-guys colours yeah? What you a fan of his?"

Grayson looks absolutely scandalised. "Bird-guy!? His name is Nightwing and he's the protector of our city. How could you not remember his name!?"

Tiana just shrugs, unconcerned. And uncaring about Grayson's apparent fan boy status. "There are plenty of heroes in the world and whilst it's nice that Blüdhaven has one now, It's of no interest to me specifically. What's your favourite uh… animal?"

Grayson shakes his head in mock surrender, apparently offended by her casual dismissal of the bird-guy. Oh well. Tiana's never cared much for crusading halfwits. "It's a robin, probably." His voice turns a little sad, a little wistful but Tiana shrugs it off. None of her business, they were just play an impromptu game of twenty questions to pass the time after all. "Why do you refuse to call me Dick? We're friends Green-" He stresses the name with a smirk. "-and friends use each other's nicknames. Hell I think I'd take being called 'Big D' over Grayson.-" He shudders. "-my little brother calls me that and it's weird hearing it from someone who's only a tad psycho."

Tiana snorts before covering it up with a poorly timed cough. "I am not calling you anything that could be remotely taken for a bad innuendo or a dick joke. I refuse." Her hand shoos him off the table as she starts wiping it down. "And I know an idiot named Richard already. No sense calling the both of you that and getting confused." Tiana pauses. Wondering if her next question would be an overstep. It probably would be. So she asks instead "How much product do you use on your hair?"

Grayson grins at her. "I'll have you know I only use a little of the best; Can't have my dashingly handsome self looking anything less than perfect. Can you play piano?"

She looks at him in confusion. "No. Why would you expect that?"

He shrugs. "You have the hands for it, figured you'd be the type to enjoy the more classical stuff."

Tiana thinks she should tell him that no, she was not the type for classical music, and instead had an entire CD rack, filled with punk and old style rock. But instead she shrugs. "Maybe. Never had the time to learn an instrument, not then, not now."

Grayson studies her, in an unnerving uncharacteristically silent sort of way, he opens his mouth and Tiana fears that it's going to be something actually sensible when- "Yeah- I've never met a composer with pink, purple and white-" He gestures to her hair. "You're much better suited to scooping ice-cream. This way, if you ever need to hide, you can just jump right in the freezer and no one would ever notice you." He says it with so much seriousness that Tiana's brain takes a second to work through that sentence and to realise he sort-of just insulted her hair. How dare he. No one is allowed to sort-of insult her hair. No one.

He dodges the ensuing aerial attack of plastic spoons and chocolate wafers with the grace of a ballet dancer, laughing like pushing her buttons was, and forever would be a normal and daily occurrence.

Unfortunately, Tiana realised staring at the neatly typed and ultimately unassuming sign, stuck to the window the next day; It probably would be. It was quite a simple poster- Blocky white font on one of those free stock-image photos. Looking all the world like it belonged there, and for all she knew, it probably did.

'Beware of flying Ice Cream

Enter at your own RISK'

Welp. There you have it folks the first little chapter of this not-to-be-taken-too-seriously fic. Because really, it only was started because I really really wanted to throw ice-cream at someone. Sorry If Dick's a bit OOC. First time writing for him, so he'll probably get better over time... maybe.

Please leave a review, to let me know if you like it- or hated it.

Either way you'll make my day! Also- Let me know if any of y'all would be interested in being a beta-reader.

~Tap