"Two Big Macs... Medium Fries... Small Chicken Tenders... And a Sprite." The cashier looked up from his machine. "And that's it?"

Odd Todd shrugged. "Yeah."

"You're sure?"

Odd Todd's eyes narrowed. "Yeah. I'm sure."

"Okay, man." The cashier rang up the order. "I just, y'know, thought you'd want something... well, odd. Like a McRib and jellybean sandwich soaked in orange juice or something..."

Odd Todd snorted. "Please. Such crude exhibition is beneath me." He wiped his nose with the back of his hand. "Besides, y'ever eat that kind of junk? Y'can't cause oddness if you're stuck in the bathroom all day." He dug the money out of his pockets. "Anyway, I'm allergic to orange juice."

The cashier nodded. "Huh."

Todd squinted at his nametag. "Mick Chiggen. Either that's your real name or it isn't. Either way..." He shook his head. His order arrived and he collected his tray of food from the glowering cashier. "Have a beautiful day."

Sitting down at a nearby booth, Odd Todd flipped open his laptop and Googled himself.

"Let's see how far my infamy has spread today..."

He scrolled down the list.

"Uh-huh... Uh-huh... Wha...?" He recoiled in confusion. "I'm not laid off... I am NOT laid OFF... What's with this 'lemon' business? Oh, good. Somebody 'loves' me. I hope it's a girl this time. I... Ah. Excellent," He smiled and clicked on a link. "Fanfiction... Oh, this should be good"

Odd Todd spent several minutes going down the lists of fanfics, his expression darkening as he jumped from site to site.

"This... Is... NOT... GOOD..." He stood up and bellowed, "THIS IS NOT GOOD!"

People from the surrounding tables turned to stare at him. He shrugged, sat back down, and sipped on his Sprite.

"Where'd they get the idea I have a crush on Olive?" He ranted, more quietly this time. "How could anyone have a crush on Olive? Besides, SHE has a crush on ME! And all these stupid 'Oscar' stories... And who's Otis? I don't know anyone named Otis! I..."

"Sir?" Mick Chiggen tapped him on the shoulder. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to keep it down..."

"I'LL KEEP IT DOWN!" Odd Todd shouted through clenched teeth, then caught himself. "I'll... keep... it... down."

"Uh... Thank you?" Mick Chiggen went back to restocking the napkin dispenser. "Now I know why Delivery Debbie has the 'No Villains' policy..."

Grabbing a handful of fries, Todd jammed them into his mouth.

"All this hero worship, all this gushing over these stupid agents and... Why aren't I in 'Ships Ahoy'?"

He finished one of his Big Macs in four bites.

"Very well," He flexed his fingers. "I'll show them what fanfiction really is! What fanfiction SHOULD be! The next level of fanfiction! The..."

"Excuse me?"

Todd looked over at the little kid holding out a pen and a napkin. "Are you Odd Todd? C'n I have your autograph?"

Todd smiled. "Sure thing." He signed the napkin. "Want me to do the laugh?"

Mick Chiggen looked over. "He's not doing the laugh."

"Spoilsport." Todd handed the napkin to the kid.

"Than' you!"

"No problem!"

The kid left and Todd resumed his rant.

"The most perfectly evil, most diabolical fanfiction in the entire HISTORY of fanfiction that doesn't involve hardcore slash with characters played by William Shatner!"

He began typing.

Mick Chiggen wiped off the next table over. "Wouldn't you be happier at Chik-Fil-La or...?"

"I'm evil, not sick. Now SSSHHH!"

Odd Todd began typing out his fanfic.