Disclaimer: All characters and the plot and main story line belong to Tolkien. I own only the email addresses. By the way, I am so so sorry I took forever to update especially to Kiwi05 who had to go to the trouble of emailing me to remind me that there actually might have been people waiting to see what happened next. I had major writer's block by the way and please give me ideas for email addresses especially for the upcoming Rohirrim. Constructive criticism is appreciated, I apologize to whoever mentioned that the spanking got a bit too much. Now that I look back at it…

Inside a quiet little Chinese restaurant, Haldir huddled under his silk, frilly, baby pink cloak that had been decorated with sequins and ribbons. Hot pink would have been more atrocious but it would have been too much, his sister's cloak was already shocking enough. Why wasn't he repulsing that ugly dwarve despite following Legolas' advice to the letter? He typed an email to Gimli; he wanted this evening to be over as soon as possible. He looked around furtively praying that no one at the restaurant recognised him as he typed at the computer…

To: NOT vertically*challenged [email protected]

From: Haldir the Immortal [email protected]

Subject: Tonight's date

Dear Gimli,

I hope you enjoyed yourself tonight. The dinner was… unforgettable. I'm not sure if I would be able to handle another date like this again…it was fueled with such intense emotions! Unfortunately, I have an early shift tomorrow morning so I'll have to cut this um… wonderful date short so I can get some sleep. I cannot function on less than er…23 hours sleep! I'm afraid I can't walk you home tonight I am in such a big rush, maybe another night. If I do not see you before you leave on your quest I will say my good-byes now. GOOD BYE!

Haldir

* * *

Gimli smiled and blushed but it was impossible for anyone observing to detect it since he had a large amount of facial hair covering his whole face. He couldn't believe that such a charming and handsome elf lord would actually find him attractive! Sure he usually went for the small furry ones that didn't talk back but Haldir was just completely different to anyone else who actually paid him attention. He peered up at Haldir through his helmet and fluttered his eyelashes at the blonde elf. He wasn't sure if his date could see anything from under that very feminine pink hood that was completely covering his face, but it was still worth a try.

To: Haldir the Immortal [email protected]

From: NOT vertically*challenged [email protected]

Subject: RE: Tonight's date

Dearest Haldir,

Tonight's date has been really special to me. I've been getting some very positive vibes from you and I feel that we really connect. Unfortunately, I must continue with the quest so I will be leaving you soon. But I still feel that we should not hold anything back at all from this wonderful relationship that we have. I understand that Elves dislike grieving very much since you have the rest of eternity to mope but isn't it better to have loved and lost rather than not to have loved at all? Do not worry, I will try to survive so I can come back to you eventually!

I would like to have a chance to say goodbye to you properly before the rest of the fellowship leaves. A chance where we can have complete privacy. I know it's a little difficult for you to be seen with me because I am a dwarf but just remember that elves can be with humans if they choose to so why not dwarves.

My heart continues to beat faster every time I think of you,

Gimli

* * *

Merry looked around quickly to make sure that no elves were in the room with him as he sculled some Elvish wine down to calm his nerves. He typed an email to Pippin quickly…

To: DA ToOkman [email protected]

From: MerRy cHriSTmAs! [email protected]

Subject: Disturbing suspicions

Hey Pippin,

You know the other day how I was climbing a tree to "look for a very rare species of mushrooms" but was really trying to spy on Legolas having a bath again. Did you think that Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel were acting suspiciously because they were climbing that tree as well and they had a really guilty look on their face when they saw me staring at them? I think I wasn't the only one spying on The Elven prince…

When they climbed down after exclaiming invigorating it was to climb a tree I heard them talking to each other in Elvish and I heard Legolas' name mentioned and the Elvish word for "what a hottie". Do you think I'm just imagining the worst?

Merry

* * *

Pippin was chuckling to himself as he replied to Merry's email. This was a very interesting development in the now love-hexagon: Legolas, Merry, Pippin, Boromir and now Galadriel and Celeborn…

To: MerRy cHriSTmAs! [email protected]

From: DA ToOkman [email protected]

Subject: RE: Disturbing suspicions

Whoa dude…

I think your suspicions are right. I mean, why would The Lord and Lady of Lothlorien risk getting their designer clothes dirty by climbing trees. You know what Frodo told me the other night; he told me that the One Ring allowed him to hack into their email accounts. He read some of the emails that they had been sending to each other and some of them have mentioned Legolas in a somewhat promiscuous way. It seems they have been searching the Internet for any pictures of him but they couldn't find any so they've been trying to get a small camera installed in his room and his bathroom. But with his keen eyesight he keeps finding them and getting rid of them.

By the way, since when did you learn how to speak Elvish?

Pippin

* * *

Merry pulled out his bag of dried mushrooms and ate a handful. He had told himself that he would save those mushrooms for an emergency where he was about to starve to death but this was an emergency! His worst fears had just been confirmed! Elves had a crush on Legolas and with Legolas mentioning once that he preferred Elves to other species, he was sure to succumb to their advances. Both Galadriel and Celeborn had experience and *gulp* the offer of completely new experiences on their side. Merry thought that he was about to cry soon.

To: DA ToOkman [email protected]

From: MerRy cHriSTmAs! [email protected]

Subject: Re: Re: Disturbing suspicions

I can't speak Elvish, I only picked up a couple of words and phrases from Aragorn and Arwen and a couple of elvish ladies who constantly said "what a hottie" whenever Legolas was mentioned or spotted.

Anyway lets get off the depressing subject. How do you think the date between Gimli and Haldir went? Have they realised yet that Legolas was messing with them? Oh no! I changed the topic from Legolas only to return back to him! I'm going to go drown my sorrows and try to forget him. I'm off to meet some Elvish Ladies who thought that I was adorable.

Merry