A rewrite of Baz arriving at Penny's house, and Penny finding out about Simon and Baz's relationship.

Obviously, I own nothing.

Simon

"If you make a single move towards Simon- even a gesture- in my house, I will slaughter your whole family, Basilton. I'll kill them so hard, they won't even be able to find the Veil. Simon didn't do this."

I want to tell Penny that she doesn't have to worry. I don't think Baz is going to try to kill me. Hopefully not ever. I mean, we are boyfriends now.

Baz looks at me, and our eyes meet, and then he's moving towards me, and then we're kissing.

Right in front of Penny.

I don't even care, though, because I've realized recently that kissing Baz is something I could quite happily do for the rest of my life.

"What. The. Fuck."

Reluctantly, I pull away from Baz, turning to face Penny.

Her mouth is hanging open, and her eyes are so wide, you can see the white all around the iris.

And she's… laughing?

She's clutching her stomach, cackling.

"Put a lid on it, Bunce," Baz snaps. "We've got bigger problems right now."

"I should have known!" Penny gasps, getting her hysterical laughter under control and rolling her eyes. "It's so obvious!"

I look at her, surprised. "Is it?"

"Yeah. I mean, the following, the obsession… Nicks and Slick, how did I not figure this out sooner?" She frowns at me. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Um… because…"

"Because," Baz interrupts, "We've been… I mean, this has been going on for about forty-eight hours. Give or take."

Penny looks him up and down, then fixes me with the full force of her glare.

"All right," she sighs. "I guess this means I have no choice but to trust you, Basil. Don't make me regret it."

"Noted," Baz says, taking my hand.

"And you," Penny adds, pointing at me. "We're going to talk later. I want to know how this happened."

I wince, and Baz squeezes my hand.

We follow Penny up the stairs, not letting go of each other the whole time.

Fin.