When Hiccup offered her some help in catching up on school, she knew she couldn't afford to turn him down. But she was terribly scared to even think about having him in her apartment again, and spending time with him without being able to just let loose and have fun. She was afraid of her own self control when she knew the right thing to do was to talk to Connor first, then work things out with Hiccup. She wasn't sure she would be able to hold herself together to focus only on school, but when she thought about her upcoming exams the panic in her chest told her she needed to accept some help. After so long of being in a daze, she needed to at least get back on track in one area of life.

When they got to her place, she went straight for the kitchen table and started unpacking her books, still a little unsure of herself and unwilling to meet his eyes as she asked him if he wanted a drink.

"Just water, thanks."

She nodded and moved to grab a glass. The formality was foreign to her around Hiccup. They were so used to making themselves at home in each others personal spaces having known each other so long, and the stark contrast between the last time he was over just made her stomach clench at the strangeness. She tried to cover the frown on her face when she caught him watching her out of the corner of his eyes, but she wasn't sure how convincing it was. With a sigh, she passed him a glass of water and sat down, where Hiccup already had his books open. She was grateful he didn't say anything unrelated to school, as she knew she didn't have the energy. She wondered if he understood that without being told, and a tightness spread in her chest.

As he opened a textbook, drumming nervous fingers delicately on the table, he said "Alright, here we go."

His bright smile while timid, sparked a flame of hope in her heart, giving her the energy she needed to focus.

xxx

They had reviewed the course content for five hours, and Astrid thought her brain was going to explode. With a groan, she let her forehead fall out of her hands to hit the table.

"Please just feed me to a dragon or something, gods I don't think I'll be ready for these exams."

She heard Hiccup's chuckle next to her as she stared at her feet, noticing in her peripheral vision when he shifted and made to reach for her shoulder, but then thought better of it and let his arm drop back to the table.

"Astrid you'll be prepared. We've already covered a lot of what you missed in one day! I have total faith in you."

She looked up as he said that and the glimmer in his eyes when he looked at her made her miss the comfort of his arms around her. She longed to reach for him but held back. Knowing it wouldn't be right. Thankfully their gaze was broken when her stomach growled audibly and she had a good excuse to take a break. Feeling slightly more at ease with him in her apartment than when he'd first entered, but still sensing some tension in the air, she was able to offer him some warmed up leftovers that Heather had left for her for dinner without feeling so awkward. Handing him a plate, she sat down and began scarfing down her food, attempting to ease the ravenous feeling in her stomach. It wasn't until she had almost completely finished her plate that she glanced to see Hiccup's with hardly a dent in it, that she realized her mistake. As she felt the weight of the food move down through her, her stomach almost immediately turned over with it and a bout of nausea hit her all at once.

"Oh no."

She said weakly, clutching at a pain in her abdomen. Everything started to fade as the energy drained out of her and only the thought of reaching the bathroom remained. Attempting to run but stumbling, a pair of warm arms encircled her and seemed to know exactly what she needed. Half carrying her to the bathroom as she felt the bile rise in her throat, she barely noticed Hiccup was the one helping her as she reached for the cold porcelain to cling to as she heaved. After her dinner had almost entirely resurfaced and she was left dry heaving, with tears running down her eyes at the pain and desperation to breathe, she began to notice her surroundings again. And what she felt most was the unwavering warmth of a hand against her back. Rubbing soothing circles while his other hand held her braid away from the bowl. She allowed herself a moment of weakness, leaning into the warmth at her head that supported her and allowed the air to fill her lungs, taking slow deep breaths as the last of the queasiness left her. Then she stood on shaky legs, feeling completely embarrassed and ashamed.

"Hiccup you should go." She couldn't look him in the eyes as she spoke the words.

xxx

Bewildered, his hand still on her for fear she might stumble, "What! Astrid there's no way-"

"Hiccup I'm fine. I haven't eaten much in almost three weeks. My body is just not accustomed to sustenance and I ate too quickly. That's on me. I'll be fine."

"But-" He tried.

" 'I promise I'll leave as soon as you want me to Astrid.' " She mocked him.

He couldn't look away from her. She was definitely not herself and here she was pushing him away again when she was ill. Hiccup couldn't stand the exhaustion on her face, and felt anger in the pit of his stomach towards her for the first time since she'd started her pity party.

"No. Astrid I'm not leaving. I'm going to put you to bed and then sleep on the couch until Heather gets home, but I'm not leaving you alone!"

His voice had hardened. He was slightly frantic and could feel the worry pulsing through his veins, driving his anger. He was not going to allow her to push him away again. And he was definitely not allowing this to go on any longer. It was unlike her. Astrid was someone who was always sure of herself, and this ghost of her was not going to stay.

So no matter what she said, he resolved that he was not going to leave her tonight. Not when she was sick. He knew when Astrid was reaching her limit and he didn't believe this was just due to eating too fast. He stared at her downcast eyes and waited. There was no way he was backing down. Even if she wouldn't look at him.

"Okay." Her voice broke as she said it. And Hiccups heart did a little too as he sighed with relief and gently tugged her arm toward her bedroom.