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💚 Second Chances 💚

Chapter 13 (3,8K)

I'm not sure why, but here I am, laying awake before the sun is even up. I mean, it is 6:47 am, and I am up when we are on holiday! My body hates me! why would it wake me up so early when I'm not supposed to go to school, otherwise? I sigh with resignation and cuddle a bit more against Jace, so happy to feel him so close against me.

It is a bit odd that I feel those happy emotions just by being near him. It's like I am a whole other person whenever he is around. As if … I feel complete. It's … as if my centre of gravity becomes Jace. Everything I am doing, thinking or feeling is related to Jace. It is … odd.

My phone reaps me out of my thoughts, and I am a hundred percent sure that it's what woke me up in the first place. Whoever has the indecency to call me out at that godforsaken hour, has definitely tried to call me before.

I check the caller ID, and my heart skips a beat as I answer in an urgent whisper, "Jordan? What's wrong?"

"Hey, Clary. Simon is okay. Don't worry."

I sigh with relief. Jordan is the one person who has been by my sides to help Simon with his drug problems. A sort of sponsor one could say. And of course, because he helped Simon, and Simon had many relapses before being clean, there were many times when Jordan called me at impromptu hours because Simon would have gotten himself into troubles. Having Jordan call me so early in the morning just brought back some ugly and stressful memories.

"Why do you call me at 7 am? Not that I'm not glad to hear from you, but 7 am!"

"I ... I just wanted to talk to you. Where can we meet? It's kind of urgent."

"Do you know the Institute?"

"Yes, I'll be there in twenty minutes." He says before hanging up.

I won't lie, this is making me anxious. Because Jordan can say whatever he wants, the only reason he has to actually want to see me is Simon.

So I get out of bed as delicately as I can, surprised that Jace didn't wake up with my phone call, and I go to the bathroom after quickly grabbing my clothes in the closet. A quick shower after (and my teeth feeling fresh and minted), I hurry downstairs, quite surprised that Jace still didn't wake up. I don't know, I always pictured him as a morning person.

What I didn't expect, was to find Luke as soon as I opened the door of my bedroom. In fact, it takes me a few seconds to process the idea of him being in the Institute. It feels so … odd and out of place.

He looks exhausted, proof that I'm sure he didn't sleep of the night. He has dark rings under his eyes, making him look somehow ferocious, and his grey strand of hair that is usually carefully combed back is now widely hanging on his forehead. But what worries more is that he is here without Mom.

"Luke! What are you doing here? Where's Mom?" I ask, without trying to sound bitchy, and he looks at me with a sort of desperation as soon as I mentioned Mom. I gasp, falling on my knees as I realise why he's here. This can't be happening!

I start missing air in my lungs, when he rests a comforting hand on my shoulder, and tells me, "It's not what you think Clary. It's just that your Mom ... disappeared."

"What?" I lift my head up, and he kneels in front of me, putting some soft pressure on my shoulder.

"She's not at your place, not answering her phone, and she didn't show up to her class yesterday night."

"But that doesn't make any sense. I talked to her yesterday. I was in the mall when she called me and ..."

I try recalling our conversation, and now I remember that I felt that something was off. I mean, for starters, she called me from a private number. But more than that, she did seem distant, as if she was careful of what she was saying … as if someone was listening to her. How did I not realised that before?

"Luke, do you think that he got her?"

"I don't know Clary. But if he does, he'll come after you."

"But I thought that ... You said he was…"

"I know, but before yesterday I didn't think he was in New-York. Clary, your father is a very dangerous man when it comes to putting his plans in action, so …"

"We have to go and get her. What if he hurts her?!"

"She sent you here to protect you. Believe me, she didn't want to. The only thing you can do is to stay here. Let me go and get her."

"But..."

"Clary I need your word, I won't be able to focus on getting back your mother if I have to worry about you and your whereabouts all the time. I need your word that you'll stay on the Institute's grounds."

He looks straight in my eyes, waiting for him to nod and give him my implicit word. And … I do. How can I not? I know that he wants Mom back as much as I do. I know that he cares a lot for her, for me. He's always been there for us, so why should I stop trusting him now?"

"I'll bring her back to you, I promise."

I nod again, willing the tears that want to come out to actually not spill, and I stand up with as much grace and confidence as I can. He does the same, and gently pats my hair (like I've seen him do so many times with Mom) before he leaves.

For a few minutes, I just stare at the doors where he just walked through, focusing on not crying. All I want to do is cry. I want to cry so much. I want to cry until my eyes are dry and my throat is sore, but I can't. Not yet. Jordan is waiting for me with some other kind of bad news.

So I go to the courtyard, making sure that I listen to Luke and stay on Institute grounds. Jordan arrives on his bike barely a couple of minutes after and comes straight to me as soon as he's off of it, removing his helmet as he does so. As soon as he is at my level, he stops and carefully examines me, as much as I do for him.

It's been a few weeks since I've seen him, and it looks that he's gotten even more muscular than before. His hair is also longer, fitting into a man bun now. He still looks scary, with that 'don't mess with me' aura. I wonder if he got himself any new tattoo. Jordan is very much into the Indian culture, and he has many mantras all across his body to remind himself that his mind is stronger than his body in all honesty, he is my role model. After all, he's been through, he still managed to find himself stronger.

"Clary? Are you sure you're okay?" He hesitantly asks, and all I can do is nod. I am literally unable to pronounce a single syllable. I shake my head, and we walk a bit further into the Institue, making him whistle at the imposing architecture of the building.

"So …what's so wrong you couldn't tell me over the phone?"

He carefully studies my face, playing with the helmet in his hands, and I see how his eyes linger on my clothes, his jaw slightly clenched. After all, there used to be a time when I would dress in dresses, skirts and cosplays. And we both know why it's no longer the case.

"I … I heard some stuff going around. And I thought you should know about them."

"Such as?"

"Jonathan." He deadpans, and I just stay indifferent to that name. Jordan is still looking at me, apparently debating whether or not he should go any further into this and tell me more, and so I say as if nothing,

"And? He's gone, isn't he?"

He hesitates, rocking from one foot to the other, his eyes still carefully studying him, and I press him, "Isn't he?"

"Well, the word on the street is that he's back." I take in the news, trying to see the positive in it: back doesn't mean in my life. "And he's looking for you..."

I stay motionless waiting for the wave to hit me, but it never comes. I only feel numb. I can hear Jordan calling my names several times and myself reassuring him and telling him that I'm okay. I can hear myself thanking him for the update and telling him goodbye. I just feel … like I've lost control of everything. My life, my body, myself. I feel like I'm in this endless void surrounding, and taking me to some other place.

I don't even know how, but I find myself on the rooftop of the Institute, sitting on the edge with my legs dangling in the air. Why? Why? Why? Why does my life have to be so fucking hard? Why can't I live this happy routine that everyone is so eager to quit? I would happily trade my sucky life with anyone's average life! Why me? What have I done wrong in a past life to deserve that?

I take a deep breath and suddenly burst into tears. I just want to cry, cry at the unfairness of my life. Right now, only Jonathan is in my mind. Jonathan and how much I hate him. I hate him so much for what he's done to me, what he's done to Simon, for how's he made me feel. But most of all, I hate myself for crying over him, for being frightened like a little girl by the very idea of him breathing.

I bring my knees to my chest as the sun starts shining at its most. It must be around noon. How long did I stay up there, crying over that pathetic excuse of a human being? At least four hours, and yet, I am still crying. The tears keep rolling on my cheeks, and the sobs keep growing in my throat. As hard as I try, I can't stop myself.

I know I should get back inside because people are probably starting to worry, but I just can't stop crying. I cry over my missing Mom and the uncertainty of it all, over Jonathan's reappearance, and the shadow it casts on my life, over my life and how weak I feel at the moment.

Again and again and again, I cry. It seems endless until it finally stops. I brusquely stand up, furious at myself and whipping the tears with anger as I go back inside the Institute. thankfully, I don't meet anyone to my room, and once there, I lock myself in, heading straight for the closet.

I fly open the doors and take all my baggy clothes to throw them in a pile. I also take my overlarge shirt and ass it to the pile from Hell. This is the part of me that Jonathan is not going to take away from me anymore! it's because of me that I changed my clothing habits, and I am so not going to let him take over my life anymore! If I am not able to do a thing to find my Mom, you can bet I am going to help myself.

I push all the clothes on the floor to a corner, before going into the bathroom. But as soon as I open the door, I am face to face with an anxious Jace, who immediately wraps his arms around me in a tight embrace.

"Where have you been? We've been looking everywhere for you!"

He slightly lets go of me to gently cup my face with his hands, and as he is about to kiss me hello, he notices something on my face that stops him and makes him frown,

"Have you been crying?"

How am I supposed to answer to that, without warranting more questions from him? So obviously, I take the easy way out and tiptoe myself so I can wrap my arms around his neck, and kiss him. In fact, this quickly turns into something passionate from my part. I kiss him as passionately as I want to forget.

I can feel him hesitating, and so I close the gap between us, making our bodies touch. And yet, he still isn't responding the way I want. One of my hands angrily twists my fingers in his golden hair, whilst the other hand goes down to show him what I want, and when I feel his hard-on in my hand, he finally reacts, only to break our kiss and take my hands off of him,

"Clary, what's wrong?"

"Make me forget. Please, make me forget."

Okay, this sounds more like a supplication than anything else, but ultimately, this is what I want, to forget. And I know that Jace will make me forget. He is my centre of gravity whenever he is around, whenever he is mentioned, whenever I think of him.

I can feel some tears forming in my eyes (who knew I had any left to spare), and so I turn my head to him and go back to the door.

"You don't want to do that."

"Uh? Why?"

"You're not wearing anything except a bra." He points out, and I look down at what I'm wearing (not) and quickly wrap my arms around my chest as I realise what I really did. I just threw myself at him, half-naked, obviously ready to take it to the next step and he still rejected me.

I turn to glare at him, and he is much closer than I expected him to be. In no seconds, he takes me in his arms, but I am so not having it. I don't want to be Jorah fucking Mormont and be stuck in the fucking friend zone! So I push him off of me, and start yelling, "Jace if you don't want me, don't play this game!"

"What do you mean?"

"It means what it means! If you think that I'm off-limits when it comes to sex, then I don't want this relationship! I want all of you! I don't want to be just your friend that you occasionally kiss when your lips get bored!"

He opens his eyes with surprise and shock before pacing in the room like a madman. I close my eyes to stop the tears from building up once again (honestly, when am ii going to stop crying?). But I quickly snap my eyes back open when he starts yelling back at me, "You think this is easy for me? Seeing you like that, dressed next to nothing, and knowing that if I touch you, you'll freeze as if I burned you! Don't you think that I want to hold you right now? Don't you think that I want to have my way with you right now? But I can't!"

"And why can't you?"

"Don't make me say it out loud, we both know that it won't make you feel any better."

He stared at me, making me understand that he knows. How does he know? That remains a mystery. I never told him anything, or anyone else in fact, beside Jordan, Simon and Mom. And … well, let's be honest, it changed everything. How can I be with him now that he knows? Hw can he help me build a new me if he already knows?

I turn to avoid his gaze, leaning my face against the door. Unsurprisingly, all I want to do is cry. Again. But God helps me, I am not going to cry for a boy. Not again! I don't even know how I manage to be coherent, but I tell him, "Well, in that case, I don't want to hold you back. I'd hate for you to feel bad about my life. Just go, Jace."

I hear the bathroom door closing, and I swallow my hurt. Once again, Jonathan has ruined my life. He is getting good at this, now, he can do it without even being here. This is a new level of screwing up with my life. Kudos Jonathan.

But suddenly, I can feel Jace's presence behind me. He is caging me against the door, and his lips find their way to my neck.

"I want to make it go away Clary." His hands leave the door to softly fluter up my arms. His lips flicker against the skin of my neck. "I swear I'll make it go away." Slowly, very slowly, one of his hands undoes my braid, setting my wild hair loose. Gently he makes me turn and I close my eyes, refusing to let him see what a wreck I am. He kisses my forehead, my eyes, my nose, and then he says, leaning his forehead against mine :

"Clary, open your eyes please."

I shake my head and he asks again. He's holding me with such gentleness that I can only comply. So I open my eyes to meet his. If only I could get lost in the gold of his eyes. He stares at me, his eyes full of so many emotions I can't understand. He cups my head still holding my gaze.

"Let me make it go away." And then he kisses me, with that same gentleness he used to make me turn. I melt against his kiss, wishing for it to never end. Slowly he pushes me against the door, never breaking the kiss. One of his hand slowly leaves my face to go on my lower back, making me shiver. I gently lift my hands to wrap them around his neck, not trying to change our kiss. It is perfect, just perfect. Me in his arms, feeling like I am someone. Like I was someone to him.

And obviously, the door suddenly opens, knocking my head to his in the process.

"Clary do you know wh...?" Izzy asks before stopping herself and I sigh at the inconvenience.

Never I would have a normal alone-moment with Jace. Once again Izzy has to interrupt us. Her head is popping through the door. Her eyes going from Jace to me when I hiss at her: "Ever heard of the word 'knock'?"

"Jace ... can't you hold your hormones for a second!"

Okay, so if this isn't blatantly ignoring me, I don't know what it is! I move a little, so she can enter in the room completely because let's be honest, it's futile to try to resist her. Jace doesn't seem very happy to see her, and I can't blame him. I think we were sharing a beautiful special moment, ruined by Izzy-I-don't-know-how-to-knock-before-getting-in-someone's-room.

She looks at me with insistence, and I remember that I am not wearing a shirt, so obviously, I blush and rush to put something on. Jace has the nerve to chuckle, before Izzy starts to lecture him, "Seriously Jace, what's wrong with you? This isn't …"

"Izzy, shut up!" Jace interrupts her, in a bad mood now, for some reasons. I put on the first tank top that comes to me, and Izzy (of course) disapprovingly shakes her head.

"Jace, Mom is looking for you. She's in Dad's office with him." He frowns at her, asking her silently what they want, but she just smiles at him. I turn back to my closet, trying to be as invisible as possible to leave them to have their silent sibling-moment.

Half a minute late, Jace kisses my forehead under Izzy's analysing eyes and leaves me with her. I can't help but wince at the idea of Izzy and me in the same room just after she saw me kiss her brother twice. I can feel her need to talk about it pour out of her.

"So I see you decided to clean your wardrobe from all those ... things you called cloths. You know what that means?"

"We're not having another shopping session, Izzy! Once a year is more than enough."

"It's either shopping or we talk about what I just walked into..." She deviously smiles at me. And I'm stuck. In both cases, I don't want to do it. But shopping would make me break my promise to Luke.

"Well, let's talk about that then," I say, resigned.

"Man, you must really hate shopping. So what's going on between you two?"

"I don't know."

"You haven't stopped kissing for three days, and you don't know what's going on?!" She asks with suspicion.

"I guess not."

"And there was no sex, you're sure?"

"I think I'd know."

Izzy looks at me as if her eyes are about to jump out of her eyeballs. "Well, he must really like you. Jace doesn't do good with abstinence."

I can't hold back a snort, making Izzy look at me suspiciously. I avoid her gaze when she suddenly gets up.

"Anyway, no shopping doesn't mean no makeover. You owe me one remember, I'm so going to make him drool and wish he could have his hands all over you!"

"Should I be worried that you want to put me on your brother's bed?"

"You like him don't you?" I nod. This is something I am sure of, in the middle of this wreck that my life is, I really like Jace. "In that case, no worries. Anyway, if you don't want to do anything with him, he won't, but that doesn't mean we can't make him suffer. Come on, all my stuff are in my room, and I have some clothes that I'm sure would fit you."

.~°~. .~°~. .~°~.

💚Your thoughts and opinions are always welcomed💚

💚 So lots of things happened here. To help you with what to focus on.

💚 Jordan and Jonathan were introduced a bit more. What do you think of them?

💚 Luke clearly has declared Jocelyn missing. What is going on here?

💚 Clace is getting serious, and Jace clearly knows what happened to Clary. What are your thoughts?

💚 Izzy is the ever-so-present cockblocker, and Maryse wants to speak to Jace … what about that?

💚Well, let me know what you think. What was your favourite part? What do you think will happen next?

💚‼️💚 The updates of the week are 💚‼️💚

- Road Trippin, FSOG version (daily)

- The Nanny, FSOG story (chap 11)

- Second Chances, TMI story (chap 12)

- Stargate, TMI one-shot (COMPLETE)

- No Strings Attached, FSOG two-shot (part 1)

- The Daddy story, TMI & FSOG version (chap 15)

💚 Cassandra Clare owns the names of the characters from the Mortal Instruments franchise, everything else is mine.

Love, Mina💚💚💚