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Written for the Quidditch League Fanfiction Competition – Season Seven – Round One

Captain for the Tutshill Tornados

Round One: Snake Humour

We don't have enough comedy rounds in QL, so how better to remedy that than dedicating a round to Monty Python? For those who don't know them, or want a refresher, Monty Python is a group of Parselmouths… um… British comedy group known for their sketches, and later their films, using several different types of humour. It's the most well-known comedy group in the UK and the members have been referred to as the "Beatles of comedy" in terms of influence on the industry.

CAPTAIN: "The Dead Parrot." Best line? "Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been nailed there." Write about a character talking their way out of a situation

Word count: 2996

Love and Devotion

"Cadmus?"

His older brother hummed, looking away from the night sky.

"Do you think Mother would be mad at us?" Ignotus felt younger than he was as he asked the question, but he couldn't stop himself. His brothers always made him feel utterly safe and when he was with them, there was nothing to fear.

Cadmus turned to face him, the rustling of his traveling cloak loud in the silence of the night.

"We did what we had to," Cadmus replied.

Ignotus struggled to keep their eyes locked, his brother's dark blue eyes looking far too intense in the weak light provided by their fire.

"We left," he whispered, losing the battle and lowering his gaze.

He startled when he felt an arm wrap around him and pull him towards a strong chest. He relaxed instantly when the familiar scent of his oldest brother invaded his senses. Steel and blood and fire.

"We lived," Antioch said, his arm tightening just a bit around him. "Mother would have wanted that above everything else. As long as we're together we can make a home anywhere."

Ignotus took a shuddering breath and let the warmth of his brother settle his nerves.

"I miss her," he whispered, too low to reach beyond the tiny haven they had created for the night, shielding them from everyone that might be hunting them for their unnaturalness.

Cadmus moved closer to them, touching their foreheads together.

"Sleep."

Ignotus closed his eyes, trusting his brothers to keep him safe.

The following morning came far too soon, as far as Ignotus was concerned. Though, he understood his brothers' need to keep moving. Their mother had bought them time, but their father would notice them missing soon enough—if he hadn't already.

They would not waste her sacrifice by being caught.

As they made their way through the wilderness, Ignotus couldn't keep his mind from going back to those last moments. Their mother's screams as they flogged her already broken body would haunt his steps for the rest of his life.

"I hate it," he whispered.

Antioch stopped, looking at him.

"Hate what?" he asked.

"Magic," Ignotus replied.

He startled as Cadmus gripped his shoulder.

"Don't say that," Cadmus hissed, his grip tightening. "Mother loved magic. She protected us. She was proud of us. Don't… don't go shunning something she adored just because those… those non-magic people can't see the beauty of it."

Ignotus looked down, shame crawling inside him like a living creature wanting to burst through his chest.

A large hand caressed his hair, and Ignotus instinctively knew it was Antioch.

"They fear it. They feared us. Father feared what we could do."

"What will we do, then?" he asked, looking into his brother's dark blue eyes. "We have no home. Nowhere to go. We can't keep running."

Antioch smiled. It was just a small twitch of the lips; however, it had been so long since Ignotus had seen a smile on his oldest brother's features that he drank in the sight.

"Remember that Lord that came by the village? The one who spoke with Mother?"

Ignotus frowned. "Lord Slither?"

Antioch and Cadmus shared a chuckle.

"Close," Cadmus said. "Slytherin. We heard him talking with Mother. He was telling her that he was from a school for people like us. That we would be safe there."

Antioch nodded. "Mother was hesitant. It is far, and we would be away for most of the year. She wouldn't be able to go with us." The small smile that had been gracing his lips vanished. "Well, considering… it's as good as any other place."

Antioch turned and continued to walk forward, Cadmus following him. Ignotus remained behind for a few moments, then ran after them.

"How do you know we're going in the right direction?" he asked, catching up to them.

Antioch held up a dark stone. It looked like every other stone Ignotus had seen.

"Lord Slytherin gave this to me. Just in case, he said. One drop of our blood, he said. I did it that first night. I've been feeling something pulling me in this direction."

Ignotus had never even heard of such a strange thing. Magic could do that? What else could it do? Would it keep them safe? Would Lord Slytherin teach them how to do magic?

He shook his head. He trusted his brothers. He would follow them anywhere.

"Are you sure?" Cadmus asked, frowning at the rushing river below them.

"Yes." Antioch grimaced. "Well, as sure as I've been about following a magical pull into the unknown."

Ignotus slowly approached the edge of the cliff. The drop wasn't too high; however, the river below seemed far too strong for anyone to be able to swim through it. He couldn't even see anywhere they could pull themselves out on the other side.

"Don't get too close," Cadmus told him, looking up and down the river. "Maybe there's a crossing further down? Or up?"

Antioch shook his head. "I don't want to venture down the river. There's that little village further down, remember? Father might look there. I want to keep away from people as much as possible." Antioch glanced up. "And I don't want to go deeper into the forest. You never know what we might find or what might find us."

Cadmus raised an eyebrow. "Afraid of the monsters in the dark?"

Antioch stared him down.

"Magic is real. How do you know that everything else isn't?"

Ignotus eyes' widened. "Magic," he whispered. His brothers glanced at him and he smiled brightly. "Magic! We can use magic to cross!"

His brothers looked at him with the sort of indulgent fondness that he usually soaked up. This time, however, he frowned.

"I'm serious. Mother loved magic. Magic can help us."

Hadn't Cadmus been telling him not to hate magic?

Antioch reached over, ruffling his flyaway hair.

"It's not that we don't believe that magic would be able to help. We just don't know how to do it. Things just kind of happened."

Ignotus' shoulders dropped.

"I might be able to help with that."

Ignotus jumped out of his skin. Before he could turn to look at whoever had spoken, his brothers had pulled him back and stepped in front of him.

"Who are you?" Antioch snarled.

Ignotus frowned at his brothers' backs. They were far too protective of him. He leaned to the side, peeking at the stranger.

The man was tall. Tall and lean, and there was something about him that made Ignotus want to take a step back. He had eyes so dark that at first glance they seemed black. However, when the light hit them just so, Ignotus could see it was the darkest red he had ever seen. Still, it wasn't the eyes that kept Ignotus' attention. It was the pearly white skin. There wasn't a single blemish visible. Not even Lords looked so utterly untouched by strife and time.

Ignotus didn't need to be told to know that this man was utterly magical.

The man smiled at them, and Ignotus had to fight the urge to recoil at the sight. He had never felt so threatened in his entire life. Not even when the not-magical were clamoring for their deaths.

"Who I am does not matter," the man told them. "What I can do for you, does though." His eyes roved over the three of them, lingering a little before moving on. "Tell me, Antioch, Cadmus, Ignotus, what do you desire? Tell me truthfully what your innermost desire for magic to do for you is, and I will make sure you pass over this river without any danger befalling you."

His brothers had tensed as the stranger spoke their names, and Ignotus felt as if his heart was about to beat right out of his chest.

Run! Run, run, run. Runrunrunrunrunrunrunrunrun!

A mantra thumping to the frantic rhythm of his heart, and yet his legs refused to listen to him.

"Come now, boys," the man said. "You do want to reach safety, do you not? Your father and the hunting party will catch your scent soon enough. Beyond this river lies safety for the three of you. You simply need to answer my question."

"Antioch," Ignotus whispered.

Cadmus reached back, gripping his shoulder.

"I want to be powerful enough to protect my brothers," Antioch answered.

Ignotus leaned closer to his oldest brother, though he was careful not to dislodge Cadmus' hand. Their presence was the only thing grounding him. He was dreading the moment he would be forced to speak with the stranger.

"I want to always be able to reach them, no matter what," Cadmus said.

Ignotus felt Cadmus' hand on his shoulder tighten as seconds went by and he said nothing. Finally, gathering every shred of courage he had, he locked eyes with the man.

"I want to hide us. I don't want anyone to find us unless we want them to."

Was it cowardly of him to want to hide? Maybe it was; however, if it kept his brothers safe, he wouldn't mind being labeled a coward.

The stranger hummed, his eyes hungrily taking them in.

"Such love and loyalty towards each other." He smiled that terrible smile. "I wonder if others will ever earn that loyalty from you."

Ignotus flinched when the man clapped his hands. It was just the once, though the sound seemed to echo in his mind, sounding louder and louder until it suddenly stopped.

"Well, a promise is a promise."

The man raised a hand, and the rocks at their feet trembled. They twisted and turned and flowed and, suddenly, a bridge was forming out of solid stone right before their eyes.

They stared at it transfixed, hardly able to believe their eyes. Their magic had never done anything of the sort.

"Go on, then," the man said. "It's perfectly safe."

Cadmus and Antioch shared a look, and Ignotus was pulled firmly to Cadmus' side. Slowly, his oldest brother stepped onto the bridge. The beating of his heart drowned the sound of the rushing river just waiting for the bridge to vanish under his brother's feet where it would pull him into its depths.

When Antioch reached the other side, Ignotus' breath left him in a rush. As soon as Antioch nodded, Cadmus was dragging him over the bridge as fast as he could, never once looking back at the stranger.

As far as he was concerned, the further away from the man they were the better. If he could, he would put whole oceans between them, and even then, it didn't feel like it would be enough.

Then, between one blink and the next, they were over the bridge, and the bridge, just like the man, was gone.

Ignotus was ready to believe that it had been nothing more than a figment of their imagination. He was ready to reach Lord Slytherin's safe heaven and forget this encounter ever happened. Reality, however, reared its ugly head.

There was a cloak wrapped around him; a cloak he had never seen before.

Cadmus was looking at a thick gold ring set with a black stone on his left ring-finger when it had been bare mere moments before.

Antioch couldn't take his eyes away from a thin, carved stick that was gripped in his right hand.

That same feeling that had come from the stranger was all over these objects, and, somehow, Ignotus knew that this wouldn't be the last time they would see that man.

"Can you repeat that, please?" Ignotus stood completely still, eyes locked on the hunched figure in front of him daring him to utter those damning words one more time.

The flinch was visible, and he felt a savage pleasure at seeing it.

"Lord Cadmus was found dead in his home." The words were a mere whisper. "His wife and child were nowhere to be seen. There was no sign of a struggle."

"Leave."

"My-my Lord?"

"I said: leave!" he bellowed, throwing the ink bottle at the wall, watching as it shattered in a shower of broken glass and ink.

The messenger couldn't move fast enough, and Ignotus' legs gave up under him. His anguished scream echoed in the room.

How dare she! How dare she kill his brother! Ignotus knew she had done it. He had never liked her. She had been against their union. She had been enamoured with that stable boy and wanted nothing more than to run away with him.

And Cadmus, sweet Cadmus had let her go.

However, not even a year later she had come crawling back. Life was far harder than she had anticipated when one didn't have the riches that came with her noble breeding.

And Cadmus, sweet Cadmus had taken her back.

He had given her everything. Yet, Ignotus had seen the look in her eyes every time his brother so much as touched her hand.

Cadmus had been so in love with her that he had never seen the malice she directed at him.

"Father?"

He looked up at the tentative call.

"Antioch," he whispered, motioning his only son into the room.

He smiled—a wan, sad thing—as his son approached him. Sometimes, it ached to look at him. He looked so much like the uncle he was named after—the uncle he had never had the chance to meet—that Ignotus' heart broke a little.

Antioch had been taken from them far too soon. Murdered for a bit of gold. Their strong, powerful brother taken by greed before he even had the chance to start a family, to fall in love, and experience life to the fullest.

"Father?" Antioch reached out and Ignotus took his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "What's wrong?"

Ignotus pulled him closer, wrapping his arms around him—the last of his true family.

"Uncle Cadmus… he…" He cleared his throat. "He passed away, son."

Antioch tensed in his arms, before pulling away. "What?"

His son looked at him with wide, frantic eyes before they filled with tears. Ignotus pulled him into his arms once more, holding him as Antioch sobbed, wishing his brothers were there to do the same for him.

"Come now, Ignotus, there's no need for such dramatics."

Ignotus turned around, and there he was. The man looked the same as he had all those years ago when his brothers and he had met him by the river. Even his clothes were the same.

"If you wanted my attention, you only needed to call me. There was no need to slaughter a whole town. Then again…" The man's eyes went to the wand that used to be his oldest brother's, and the ring that now sat on his left ring finger, as well as the cloak that covered him from head to toe, hiding him from everyone but this one man. "I do enjoy seeing my gifts being used."

"She deserved to die," Ignotus said. "They all did."

At first, Ignotus hadn't meant to kill them all. Just her. However, when he saw them splitting his brother's possessions between the villagers as if they were nothing…

When he saw her wrapped around that damned stable boy laughing as if she hadn't a care in the world, while his toddler nephew was cast to the side as if he meant nothing…

Ignotus hadn't been able to control himself.

He hadn't wanted to control himself.

The man smiled. He walked closer, reaching over and cupping Ignotus' cheek. As gentle as he was being, Ignotus still found him the most terrifying being he had ever seen.

"So many years later, still such love and devotion." The smile grew. "I chose my companion well."

"Companion?" Ignotus whispered, ignoring the wailing of the baby beside him.

The man hummed. "You and your brothers were my favorites. I would have been content with either one of you. It's why I gave you those gifts. However, Fate has a habit of meddling, and only you remain now. I will not allow her to meddle more. You have no further place in Life, but I will never take you. Eternity awaits you, Child, and I am anxious to see what you'll wreak."

"Eternity?" Ignotus mouthed. Bits and pieces coming together to form a picture he couldn't accept.

He had been reckless since Cadmus had been killed. He had dueled more people in the last months than he had all his life. He had been hurt more than he could remember ever being. And yet… yet he lived—even when he was sure the wound had been fatal.

"You can't," he whispered.

The man raised an eyebrow. "Oh? I assure you, I can. I am the only one who can."

Ignotus shook his head, taking a step back and breaking the contact between them. "No. I don't want it. I don't want eternity! I don't want immortality!"

"Whatever made you believe you have a choice?"

Ignotus took another step back, glaring. "I'll spend eternity hating you and everything about you. That love and devotion you seem to covet? It'll never be for you."

The man—Death—stopped smiling. "You believe you can spend Eternity hating me?"

"You think I can't?" Ignotus sneered. "Keep me from my family—my brothers—and you will never have anything but my hatred and contempt."

Ignotus didn't waver, even when faced with Death's displeasure. He wouldn't back down. Spending eternity without his brothers was something he couldn't abide.

"Very well," Death said. "I will grant you mortality; however, you must swear on yours and your brothers' souls, that your bloodline will give me my companion and, whomever they may be, they will not be able to refuse. The Peverell bloodline will provide me with my companion or all your souls will be sent to oblivion. Do you agree, Child?"

Ignotus felt a shiver run down his back. Could he do it? Could he damn some descendent of his to an eternity with Death?

Antioch…

Cadmus…

Forgive me…

"I agree."