The paper easily crumples between Lucy's hands as she throws it across the room with as much force as possible. Her pathetic attempts at writing had resulted in a trash can full of failed prompts and frustration. She needed at least four sample articles before her interview for Sorcerer's yet she was struggling to write even one. Worst case scenario, she could always pull from her old writing but it felt wrong.

She's not quite sure what to do as she stares at the blank paper on her desk. The glass-half-empty part of her tells her that she's lost her knack for writing, that she'll never get back the feeling of transferring her thoughts onto paper and being proud of it. The blonde has to physically shake the thoughts out of her head to stop thinking about it, the other part of her assuring that it was just a case of writer's block. She'd had writer's block dozens of times before and this time was no different. Right? She wants to ask.

Lucy rolls her eyes at herself with a huff, stepping away from her desk. The cool breeze slipping through her windows beckons for her to come outside, so she sighs before slipping on her shoes and pulling her hair out of the knot it was in on top of her head. She hopes she'll be able to muster up some sort of inspiration as she grabs her keys, clipping them onto her belt. The motion feels foreign to her as she runs her fingers over them, beginning her walk through her neighborhood. She's not quite sure where she's going but the weather wasn't rainy or snowy for the first time in a few days, so Lucy wasn't going to miss the opportunity to feel some sun on her skin.

The seith mage had annoyed her to no ends during his short visit, dragging her to 8-Island for lunch when she'd admitted how long it had been since she'd really gone into town. It had been nice to talk to someone and Lucy had begun to realize that maybe instead of loving isolation, she'd just become used to it. Silence and solitude were comfortable but not comforting. They'd talked and laughed for hours and Lucy had been so sad to see him go that night. She hadn't let herself think about how much she missed everyone, trying to keep herself from falling any deeper into the hole that Bickslow had just barely pulled her out of.

The feeling of rubble beneath her feet brings her out of her thoughts. She doesn't know why she's surprised when she realizes where her feet have taken her. Standing in front of the ruins left of her home, Lucy feels a wave of emotions come over her. Her feet shakily move her forwards, towards the doors. She wonders whether they could even classify as doors anymore, one toppled over and the other barely holding onto its hinges. She wants to turn back, to run back to her dark apartment where she could ignore everything and pretend it was all a bad dream. Out of all her emotions, pride takes the lead as she makes her way inside for the first time since the guild was disbanded. Unfortunately, her pride is quickly overshadowed by the overwhelming vision of her guildhall in such a state (broken down, dirty, empty).

Graffiti slurs are strung across what's left of the walls and it still smells like ash. The strong scent in the air makes her curl into herself, visions of her dragon slayer clutching her mind, unwilling to let her forget his absence for even a minute's time. Guilt threatens to swallow her whole as she scolds herself for not coming back sooner. Perhaps there would be less destruction to fix if she hadn't spent so much time brooding in her apartment. After all, Natsu had tasked taking care of the guild to her. It was the biggest reason she'd rooted herself here. If he was here, would he be disappointed in her? She imagines that he would give her a look, rolling his eyes and making fun at her lack of progress before grabbing her cold, cold hands with his warm ones and leading her further into the guild.

With that thought, she's thrown into the loop of hating him and missing him all over again as she begins to pick up the trash littered on the floor. Her chest fills with the same aggravating, conflicting emotions as it always does when she thinks of Natsu. She hates him. A burning, boiling, seething rage that makes her want to throw up. He left her and she will never be able to get over that but at the same time, she loves and misses him to pieces. It's obvious that she'll always love him even if he is far, far away and she can only hope he feels the same.

Lucy finds herself cleaning up the guild nearly every day. She knew that there was months' worth of work to be done. The structure had to be completely rebuilt and repainted, most of the furniture had to be repurchased, and everything needed to be cleaned of the ash, dirt, and debris that had accumulated on top of it. She'd quickly realized that she'd need funds (and help but she would keep denying herself of that), so her two main focuses had become finishing her sample writings for Sorcerer's and making progress on the guild. It was a little weird to feel productive again, a good weird, a weird that helped her get out of bed every morning and push away the depression that threatened to swallow her up whole again.

She couldn't deny that there were also days where she couldn't even muster up the energy to eat, let alone get out of her bed. These days were full of all the terrible, dark feelings that she longed to lock up deep inside of her again. Then, there were the days where she'd get to the guild and just completely fall apart, overwhelmed with the responsibility that she'd put on her own shoulders.

It was an odd time for her, full of some days where she felt so full again that everything almost, almost felt normal and days where she'd fall so deep that she wondered if she could ever get out again. But she was reading again thanks to a recent trip to the market and she'd written a few decent samples that could be polished up into something good. Unfortunately, with all of this, the nightmares that had just barely escaped returned with a vicious force as well. She preferred the raging battle of emotions and thoughts inside her mind to the nightmares of dead loved ones coming to haunt her or loved ones dying because of her.

Tonight, she settles down in front of her television with a book and a coffee mug filled to the brim with boiling hot liquid. She'd waken up nearly an hour ago in a cold sweat and decided that she and sleep were just not meant to be. So, she'd migrated to her living room in hopes that the voices from the television would keep her company and the book in her hand would keep her entertained enough to stay awake.

She doesn't know why she's surprised when the late-night TV host and his guests begin talking about Fairy Tail. It feels like every time she looks at a magazine or turns on the TV, the rumors about Fairy Tail got even more preposterous. Jenny Realight sits beside a man who works at Sorcerer's as well (who seems vaguely familiar, but Lucy isn't sure whether it's his face or his name that rings a bell). The kind words from Jenny about Mira make her heart happy as she smiles softly at the lacrima screen. Her smile quickly drops as the interviewer shifts his focus to the other guest. She can't understand why she just hates him until he begins talking about his involvement with Fairy Tail.

"So, your most recent project is an exposé of sorts on Fairy Tail and its disbandment," the host begins. Lucy raises her eyebrows, every part of her body begging to go into panic mode. Her leg bounces erratically as she continues to watch. There was no way the man could know anything. There was no chance any of the Fairy Tail members had said anything, especially not the ones looking for answers. Even if they had, it wasn't like they knew much in the first place. Nonetheless, the idea of an exposé on Fairy Tail makes her blood run cold.

"Well, I wouldn't call it an exposé," the guest, Kyoya, chuckles. He goes on to talk about how quickly the guild had disbanded and the lack of public acknowledgment by any of the guildmembers. "I mean, the whole thing is shrouded in mystery! We deserve to know what happened and as someone who's worked closely and studied Fairy Tail before Sorcerer's, I know there's more to it than what meets the eye."

"Kyoya," Lucy whispers, repeating the name in her mind as she rushes towards her stack of mail, digging through the pile of letters she'd never bothered to open. She knows she's seen the name somewhere outside of Sorcerer's. She ignores the fury bubbling inside of her at the notion that anyone besides the guildmembers "deserve" to know what happened as she flips through the papers.

"You've always been quite the conspiracist," the interviewer jokes, talking about his previous articles on Fairy Tail and related guilds. "Honestly, though, do you ever think you're putting a little too much thought into it?"

"A-ha!" She whispers, pulling apart the envelope with his name written on the outside and scanning the letter. She feels blood rush to her head, her face flushing, as she reads the words inside. The letter is full of questions, asking for her cooperation in finding out what happened to Fairy Tail. His words are demeaning and full of insinuations of them trying to be sly and secretive. She quickly realizes she's seen him before. He's written trashy articles on them multiple times, questioning their guildmembers and the destruction they cause, calling for their guild to have stricter regulations or for Makarov to step down as guild master.

"Sometimes, I feel like I'm going crazy," he admits with a laugh. "But if there's one thing I know, it's that there's more to this than Makarov's health or Tartarus. This feels big. I mean, when was the last time people from the number one guild in Fiore just up and disappeared? Natsu Dragneel, Gray Fullbuster, Lucy Heartfilia, even Makarov's grandson, Laxus Dreyer, are all gone from the media and the magic world. A guild this big, this successful, doesn't just disband like this. That's for sure."

Lucy's entire body shakes with anger. Despite the slight surprise of hearing her own name, she can't remember the last time she was this furious with someone. She crumples up the letter before throwing it as far as she can with a loud shout. She feels like throwing more things, like punching someone or ranting or doing anything to release the anger that was building up inside of her with each thought. She wishes she could stomp onto their set and tell him off, that if anyone deserved to know the truth, it was the members that were still mourning over the loss of their home and loved ones. She wants to tell him that he's a terrible person for being so insensitive about a guild, about a family that's been broken up. Can't he see how it's affecting all of them by their silence? She hates how he thinks there's some mysterious reason for all the members leaving Magnolia. She wishes she could tell him that it was just because none of them could handle feeling alone in a place that once made them feel so full, that they couldn't stand living in their hometown without their home.

She's afraid he'll find something they haven't found yet because she knows how stupid and pathetic they'll all feel if he does. She's more afraid he won't find anything and the question of why Fairy Tail disbanded will remain a mystery to them all. She's sad because she has no one to express her frustration to.

Her hands continue to shake and she clenches her eyes shut to keep from crying as she pictures him, his wild orange hair and his sly smirk. She lets out a loud sigh, feeling physically relieved of a pressure she didn't even know she felt as a bright light shines beside her.

"Hi," Loke greets. Lucy can barely reply, wiping her tears as she stares at him.

"Hi," she whispers back. They're both not quite sure what to say. The air between them is almost too thick, almost too tense, but the years of friendship between them keeps it from teetering over the edge.

"You summoned me," he says with a raised eyebrow. They'd all accepted that it would be a long time before Lucy summoned them again. They didn't doubt that she would come back to them one day but they knew she needed time. She refused to move past what she did to Aquarius, terrified of hurting the rest of them too.

"I… I did," she nods. She knows he's confused but she can't provide the explanation he wants. Lucy hopes he'll be able to figure out that she needs a guildmate more than anyone else right now.

"How have you been?"

"It's been… weird," she whispers. Another sigh of relief escapes her lips as he sits down across from her, pulling her blanket over his feet too as if no time has passed since they last spoke like this. "You?"

"Weird," he nods. Neither is sure what to say next.

"I'm still scared, Loke," Lucy admits after a moment of shared silence. She knows she has to say this before anything else as she continues, "I think… I'm always going to be scared but it's better. I promise… I'm—"

"I know," he sighs softly, smiling at her. He reaches over to place his hand on hers and she bites her lips as she cries. Loke watches her cry for a moment before telling her what Plue had done to Aquarius the other day, hoping that she would understand that they were okay. They were waiting but they were okay. She laughs along to his story, tears still dripping down from her chin to her chest.

"God, I miss them," she smiles once he's done, still fervently trying to wipe her tears. She hated that she was crying. She didn't want to cry anymore. "I've missed you."

"Mm," he hums in agreement.

"Tell me more," she urges, letting him tell her all the gossip of the Spirit World that she'd missed. The feeling of her magic being used is so heartwarming that she feels like crying even more than she already does. She's missed it so much. She's still not sure how much she'll summon them because as much as she loves them, she thinks that now, she'll always be more scared of losing them. Nonetheless, she knows she has to face them soon, has to face that fear soon.

When he's all talked out, Lucy tells him everything too. She tells him about Bickslow and Sorcerer's Weekly and the guild even though he probably already knows. It feels so good to get it off her chest. Each time she talks to someone, it seems like the part of her she's had locked up so, so tightly is let go of. It's hard to realize she's been lying to herself about how much she likes being alone because if she's being honest, it's not really even a realization. She's always known. She's been telling herself all of this to help let go of the fact that she may never feel like a part of a family the way she was before and how now, even when talking to Loke, she's not sure if she can ever get back the girl she's locked away.

Loke is so angry when she tells him about the interviewer and exposé. Everything is still a little awkward but it's better than it's been in months, so they don't mind it. They plan a whole fight against Kyoya, a masterplan to take him down, and by the time Lucy feels her magic begin to strain, the birds have begun to chirp outside and her stomach aches from laughing.

"You should try to sleep or at least grab some lunch or something," Loke says. "You've got to take care of yourself, you know?"

"I'm getting better at that," Lucy promises. She hoped that she was getting better. At least, she felt better. She could laugh now and her sadness didn't plague every thought in her head anymore (only every other thought, she jokes). "I'm getting better."

"I'm glad. I've been really worried," Loke sighs, running a hand through his hair. God, they had all been worried. There were some days he wished Lucy were weaker so she didn't have such a strong cap on their gates otherwise he could've stormed into her room, made her eat, helped her get out of bed, and be okay again. But she'd done it herself, or well, was doing it herself. He could tell she wasn't quite alright yet but she was getting there and that was a start.

"I'm sorry for worrying you and… and thank you," Lucy squeezes his hand. "Thank you for staying by my side even when I didn't want you to and worrying and talking and everything. Thank you for everything."

"You definitely got sappier while I've been gone," he laughs, patting her head. "Summon me soon, okay, Princess?"

"I will," she nods as he disappears. She stares at the spot he had sat in for the remainder of the day as the silence settles in around her. Her jaw hurts from talking for so long and her mind begs for her to retire to her bed. So, she tries to sleep again to no avail. Every time she closes her eyes, she pictures herself losing someone new and all the progress she's made feels irrelevant.

Nearly a week after talking to Loke, she finally finishes the samples she'd started weeks ago. They just barely meet her expectations and at this point, she knows she doesn't have anything more to offer. This was the best she could do right now and if they didn't like it, she would just have to figure something out. A part of her wants to fail so she can continue with the life she knows, the life that is comfortable. Despite this small part of her, her pride refuses to let her fail. She's failed more than enough this past year to last her a lifetime. As she reads over the samples for the hundredth time, she wishes she had Levy or Mira here to proofread for her. Her keys call out to her from on top of her dresser and her breath catches in her throat as she thinks of calling out one of her spirits.

Was it terrible that she only called them out when she needed something? It was, wasn't it? She's incredibly selfish and even though she knows they won't fault her for it, the thought makes her look away from her keys and step away from the papers on her desk.

Another week passes by before she decides that she's more selfish for not calling them out at all and in a minute of courage, she summons Capricorn before her anxiety can consume her. She stands there staring at him, completely unsure what to say. Using her magic almost hurts, just as it did when she summoned Loke more than two weeks ago. Maybe it was because her body wasn't used to the drain of magic anymore, she couldn't be sure.

"Well, I hope you know that Taurus and Virgo are wallowing in self-pity because they aren't the next to be called after Loke," Capricorn tells her with a chuckle. She doesn't know why she expects him to be older, to have aged during their time apart, but he looks the exact same. It comforts her to see that. "What do you need assistance with?"

"I, um, I'm applying to Sorcerer's Weekly and I was hoping you could proofread my samples," Lucy tells him, finally forcing herself to speak. If he hadn't asked, she probably would have stood there the rest of the day in her thoughts. "If you don't want to or you're busy, it's completely alright but… you just always used to read over my stuff before Fairy Tail, so…"

"Of course," he nods, bowing slightly as she blinks at him. He clears his throat, making her jump towards her desk to collect the papers neatly. She suddenly feels like a child again. Capricorn had been the one to teach her how to properly read, the one who'd sat by her and sounded out all the big words, and then once she was older, the one to read over her school papers and rough drafts. She hands him a pen and the papers before he settles down in her desk chair to mark them. She wonders if he'll give her a grade like he used to when she was younger. The advice he gives is more than helpful, not that she expected any less of him, and she finds herself oddly inspired after their conversation.

"Thank you so much," Lucy tells him softly, holding the papers to her chest. He smiles fondly at her, wondering how she could resemble his late summoner so much. He often thinks of how proud Layla must be of Lucy. Not to mention how proud he is of her himself.

"No one could dream of rejecting you with those samples," he assures her. "Once you add my revisions and corrections, of course."

"You think so?" Lucy beams, the praise from her childhood teacher making her heart skip.

"I'm honored to be the person who taught you how to write," Capricorn tells her. "And honored to still be able to help the next bestselling author of Fiore."

"Capricorn," she pouts, clenching her hands to keep herself from crying as he says his goodbyes. She doesn't wait to submit the samples. As soon as she adds the new corrections, she places them into a package and makes her way to the post office to mail them off to Sorcerer's. She's apprehensive when handing it over, knowing that now, the decision was made, set in stone. Lucy knew that no one would reject her after reading her pieces and seeing her name but she still feared letting herself, and now Capricorn, down. Nonetheless, reminders of his praise are more than enough to calm her nerves and she practically beams the entire way back home.

The first few days after mailing her samples, she is more productive than she's been the past months. The guild begins to visibly improve with a lot of the trash now gone. Next would be sweeping and dusting away all the debris and ash. Laxus finally lets her talk to the rest during a phone call instead of him and Freed hogging their phone time strategizing and updating her. She tells Bickslow about Sorcerer's and he's more than elated.

"You better call me in the next few days and tell me when your interview is so I can have an excuse to ditch these assholes," Bickslow grins, his tongue lolling out of his mouth as Evergreen shouts at him in the background for calling them names. Lucy reminds him that she has to pass their preliminary round before they offer her an interview but Bickslow just laughs, telling her that if they didn't accept her, they'd be making the worst decision of their lives. He quickly follows this up with, "They'd truly mourn not seeing your big jugs every day."

All she can do is laugh when the other three scold him for her. Their call ends with her promising that she would leave them a message once she hears back about her samples. They'd all thought it would be in the next few days but a week and a half later, Lucy still hasn't heard back from them and has convinced herself that it was because she sucked. All her prior confidence from Bickslow, Loke, and Capricorn had quickly been erased from her mind as she retreated to her bed where she laid, curled up, contemplating life and falling into the spiral she'd just barely climbed out of. The blonde mentally criticized every choice she'd made in her samples, wishing she could take her application back.

What was she doing? She wasn't even sure if she wanted the job anymore. How long could she ask someone to stay back in her place? Lucy knows her fear is stupid and that she's pathetic for having so much anxiety over traveling for a few days but she just can't help it. The nightmares she has about Natsu coming back to an empty city keep her from sleeping, regret and paranoia occupying her every thought.

It's only when she finally receives a letter asking her to come in that weekend for an in-person interview that half of her worries wash away. They'd loved her samples and were excited to speak about what she was interested in writing to see if she'd be a good fit. It was a little terrifying to think about, leaving the city, possibly seeing old friends (Jason and the Strauss'), being a part of something bigger than herself again. So, she spent the majority of her day stressing over all those things.

Evergreen had forced random fashion advice on her for half an hour when she'd called to tell them the news and all Bickslow had said was I told you so! They were happy for her, happy to see her take a step forward. It was like a parent watching their child leaving the nest for the first time.

The next few days are spent pacing her living room and practicing interview questions. She's never had to formally interview for anything, becoming a mage as soon as she was of age. Her acceptance into Fairy Tail had been faster than the snap of her fingers, so she was nervous about actually having to sit down and present her credentials. It wasn't like she had an abundance of experience or education to put her in front of other candidates. She was just a good writer and well known. Of course, she's also dying inside at the anxiety of leaving Magnolia but all she has to do is think about how it was only for two days and that Bickslow would be holding down the fort for her here. She hoped that she would have enough courage in her to summon Loke to check up on the guild and Natsu's house while she was gone to further ease her nerves, so, all in all, she had plans in place and it was only two days.

The day before her interview, Evergreen and Bickslow both appear at her door. They both look tired as they greet her, the tension from their work apparent in their features. Lucy swears she can even see a gray hair glint in Evergreen's perfectly styled hair that she would have to tell her about later.

"I know it's only been a few months but I expected a much friendlier reception," Evergreen rolls her eyes before wrapping her arms as tight as she can around the blonde once. Bickslow and Ever had argued for two entire days about who was going to go back when Lucy had refused to choose. Bickslow had been the one who had pushed her to get the job and promised her that he would stay back but she hadn't seen Evergreen in months and the woman had become kind of like an older sister to her over the past few months, so she had no preference between the two. She trusted them both. Laxus had gotten sick of their bickering and told them they could both go visit a day early and annoy Lucy about which one of them had to return back the next day and which one was going to stay until the blonde got back. Things were calm enough for Laxus and Freed to handle themselves and if anything were to happen, the two were just a phone call away.

"My turn!" Bickslow nonchalantly plucks Evergreen off of Lucy to give her a hug of his own. Lucy laughs at Evergreen's annoyance, knowing the two of them were probably just like this over there too. Lucy wonders how Laxus hadn't killed them yet.

"It's been too long," Evergreen tells her, fixing Lucy's hair with a small smile. It had only been a few months but it felt like an eternity. Bickslow's description of Lucy after his visit comes to mind as she examines the celestial mage, noticing her thin frame and dark circles. She hadn't expected anything different, though. With everything that had happened, Evergreen would be more concerned if Lucy acted completely fine.

As they make themselves comfortable in Lucy's living room, the change in her personality becomes clearer to Evergreen. She's lost a bit of the spunk she used to have, laughing and smiling less, touching them less when talking. The older woman can't help but feel worried about the lonely blonde and wishes they had visited sooner. She couldn't imagine being alone after everything that had happened.

"I talked to Laxus about you coming and he says once we're in a better town because the one we're in right now is super fucking shady, don't even get me started, you should definitely visit," Bickslow tells her once she's placed cups of tea in their hands and snacks on the table. Lucy looks at him hesitantly, shooting him an awkward smile and a small nod. He lets out a soft sigh, sharing a small look with Evergreen as the blonde gets a faraway look in her eyes.

There isn't much to update her on, their last phone call covering most of the important stuff, so Evergreen happily resorts to complaining about the testosterone she's surrounded by.

"I mean, I don't know why I'm surprised anymore. You'd just think that this one," she slaps the back of Bickslow's head as she speaks. "Wouldn't casually come into the bathroom while you're using it or try to take showers with you to 'cut the water bill'."

"It's not like I'm being sleazy when I do it!" He defends, rubbing his head. They both have to explain personal space and boundaries to the man. Lucy is a little surprised at how close the four of them were because of how distant they had felt from the rest of the guild for a long time. Laxus and Freed had been the only ones who she'd actually talked to much before Tartarus but when her team had fallen apart, it felt like the Thunder God Tribe had adopted her into theirs. For that, she was thankful. Even if she felt like she didn't quite belong, whenever she felt completely alone, she had begun to think of them.

Despite Lucy's pleads to stay in her warm apartment for lunch, Evergreen decides on a nice restaurant near the markets. Bickslow snickers at Lucy as she piles layers on her shoulders to face the harsh winter wind while complaining under her breath. He'd been a victim to Evergreen's decisiveness for the past few months and he'd forgotten people didn't have a demon dictating their every move.

Lucy's conflicted between enjoying herself with the two or letting the part of her that loves being alone win as well as worrying about her departure the next day and thinking about the low she's going to feel once they leave. She's quite used to the constant state of conflict and hopes that the other two can't notice the war waging in her mind. Bickslow and Evergreen are more than amusing as they tease each other relentlessly, enjoying Lucy's occasional jabs and her twinkling laughter.

Not soon after they leave the restaurant, she notices Bickslow raise his eyebrows in surprise. She eyes him with concern before spotting the familiar mage trudging through the street in front of them.

"Cobra?" Lucy says with a tilt of her head. The man's head whips towards them, recognition flitting across his features as they approach him. Bickslow and him nod in greeting (to which Lucy makes a mental note to tease him about later. I mean, what was it with boys and the nodding thing? They couldn't say hi like normal people?) as Lucy asks, "What are you doing here?"

"I knew the circus was closed but I didn't think all of the fuckin' clowns had vacated the damn town," he grumbles. A laugh nearly bubbles out of Lucy's mouth at his words, nearly. She shoots him a look, one he knows too well from his time at the guild, so he gives her the answer she's looking for. "Got separated from the rest, so I thought I'd come and see what was up with you all, ask about Erza for Jellal."

He'd figured that most of them would've left but the drastic change of magic power from the last time Jellal had dragged them here and now was so startling that he'd made his way into the town before he could even quite think the decision through. At the least, he assumed he could get some information about Makarov. He'd known inklings of what Laxus and his team were up to from overhearing snippets of his phone calls with Jellal, so the last people he'd expected to be in the city was half of his team. Nonetheless, he was glad it was the three of them, some of the only Fairies he could tolerate, and not the obnoxious dragon slayers that seemed to constantly terrorize the guild.

"Lost Fairies always find their way home, hm?" She mumbles, memories of her teasing his team about how they were Fairies through and through surfacing in her mind. Perhaps, if the guild hadn't disbanded, they would've become members by now. The saying tastes bitter in her mouth, feels wrong. There was no home anymore, she wants to whisper, a wave of pessimism coming over her.

They sit in silence for a moment, everyone unsure how to continue the conversation after her remark. He can feel the sea of grays and blues that drown her soul even when he tries not to. It's so overwhelming at moments that he can feel tears prick his own eyes at the sad melody her soul sings in hushed tones. He's never encountered a song like this one, a song so pretty yet sad Occasionally, a note in the song would be sung out of tune, a dissonance, that was slow and soft. It's a stark contrast to the way her soul used to sing when he last saw her nearly half a year ago.

"Sorry," Lucy laughs awkwardly, smiling at the three mages who were worriedly eyeing her. "How have you been?"

"Dandy," Cobra snorts, watching the edges of the blonde's lips quirk upwards at his words. "You?"

"Doin' dandy as well," she replies, smiling softly at their little inside joke, as a mischievous smile spreads across Bickslow's lips. He's not surprised to see an identical expression on Evergreen's face too. They'd had no idea that the two were on such good terms. Before Cobra can object, they're pulling him towards Lucy's apartment to have a cup of tea. He tells them he has to leave, that he really doesn't want to spend any more time with them than he has to, but the two ignore his complaints. He looks back at Lucy for help but the blonde shrugs, knowing that trying to go against them was useless.

It takes a few minutes of arguing before Cobra's shoved inside Lucy's apartment and another few before he sighs before slipping off his shoes and jacket and slumping down onto the couch. Bickslow raises an eyebrow at him.

"You act like I've never been here before," Cobra snickers, enjoying their confusion. "Whenever Erza was here with Blondie, Jellal would drag me here to try to cover the fact that he was trying to flirt with his girlfriend."

"They weren't very good at keeping it lowkey, were they?" Lucy laughs, shaking her head as she peels off her own layers. Bickslow and Evergreen looked between the two of them, intrigued by their friendship. They'd seen the two exchange greetings, have passing conversations at the guild, nothing too intense, so all of this was more than entertaining for them. Finally, some normal people drama, they think. Contrary to popular belief, Lucy and Cobra had spent enough time together to be comfortable in each other's presence. The only way Jellal and Erza could have enough courage to be in the same vicinity as each other was if the two of them were there, egging them on with stern looks. It was almost a game for them, seeing who could push their person to make a move first each date night. The two weren't quite friends though. Lucy knew almost nothing about him besides that he'd almost tried to kill her a while back (which she still annoyed him about) and she had kept her mind and soul locked up well enough to make sure he didn't know too much about her either. Despite this, she was one of the only people that could handle his snarky remarks and sour mood besides his team.

In exchange for kidnapping the grumpy mage, Evergreen offers to whip him up some tea.

"Actually, I probably still have some of that hot chocolate you like stored in a cupboard somewhere," Lucy says, ensuing in Bickslow making fun of the cold mage for his drink of choice for the next half an hour. Lucy can't honestly say she feels bad about exposing him and he can tell that much by her smile but any hard feelings he harbored for her are out the window once he takes a sip of her hot chocolate. He could never figure out what her secret ingredient was and she refused to tell him, saying it was a family recipe she would take to the grave. She'd had it well protected too. Even when he dug through her soul, the recipe and a handful of other things were locked tightly behind a door he couldn't reach.

They talk business for a while and it almost feels normal, for the four of them to be in Lucy's apartment like this. Lucy's fears and worries are still at the forefront of her mind but she silently listens to Bickslow and Evergreen talk to Cobra about all that was happening with the guild. They all trusted him. He was Jellal's second in command.

"How are the rest doing? Jellal, Midnight, Meredy, Sorano, Sawyer, Richard, everyone," Lucy lists. He rolls his eyes, taking his time to make fun of each member of his team. He tells her about how Sorano has joined Sabertooth and how he feels like Jellal and Meredy may be growing closer to which Bickslow pretends to pass out.

"But we're alright," he shrugs. "It's not fuckin' easy being undercover and on the run, you two know that better than anyone, but whatever."

"Mm," Lucy nods. "That's good. I'm glad you're all good."

She tells him about Erza, knowing that Jellal was probably wondering about her. At one point, her eyes flitter to the board hidden underneath the sheet on the side of her living room, the image of Erza's section on it flashing through her mind. Cobra raises his mind at the image as Lucy stares at him expectantly, hoping she wouldn't have to say some of the parts out loud, still speaking about what she'd learned from her frequent letters and postcards. He nods to tell her he's seen the dots connecting her across the map.

It's a few hours later when her lacrima begins to buzz, Freed's face appearing in front of her when she answers. She can tell by his expression that something is terribly wrong as her heart drops into her stomach.

"What is it, Freed?" She asks, Bickslow and Evergreen coming to stand behind her. Cobra wonders if he should leave but he's stuck in place, enraptured in the melancholy that suddenly fills their souls but especially the blonde's.

He explains that the town has decided to rebel against the government, that Bickslow had been right about his feelings of something brewing beneath the surface. He curses from beside her, biting his lip and shaking his head in thought.

"Laxus… I told him not to but he left to help the villagers," Freed tells them, making Bickslow erupt in a string of curses once more.

"We'll be back in less than five minutes," Evergreen promises, already gathering the things she'd littered around Lucy's living room earlier. Freed nods with a soft sigh. He'd debated solving the problem himself but he knew that with how everything was going, their night was going to end in a hell of a fight and that not only would they need back up but that the four of them would need to essentially disappear for the next few weeks.

"Fuck!" Bickslow curses once more, slamming his hand down on the table as Evergreen grabs the transportation lacrima from her bag. Lucy feels light-headed at the anxiety that consumes her at the thought of her family being in such a dangerous situation again and her not being able to do anything about it again. A part of her wants to go with them but she knows that it won't do any good. Her magic was too recognizable and she hadn't summoned properly in months. She would be more of a hindrance rather than a help.

"You'll call as soon as you're in the clear?" Lucy asks, wrapping her arms around herself as tight as she can to keep her tears at bay. She can't cry right now. She can't cry in front of them. "And you'll all be okay? You'll find Laxus and get the hell out of that town?"

Evergreen nods, replacing Lucy's arms with her own as she hugs the woman. She tries to keep her own fear and anger at bay, not wanting to show the blonde how terrified she was. The two were completely terrified of what was going to happen. They knew that in the worst-case scenario, they could always transport themselves back to Magnolia and be okay. That was if Laxus was willing to leave and they both had a feeling that he wouldn't without a fight, a fight he could be injured in, a fight that could reveal their identities and amount all their work to nothing. They were pissed at Laxus for rushing off into a fight without asking them, without thinking about what their actual mission is.

"I'm so sorry, Lucy," Bickslow whispers as he hugs her. "I know I promised and—"

"Don't you even dare worry about that right now," Lucy scolds. "You guys are going to go find Laxus and drag him out of that town and call me so I can murder him for being so stupid, okay? Just focus on that."

Bickslow shoots a tight smile to Cobra and Evergreen blows Lucy kisses as they disappeared from their sight. Lucy crumbles to the ground, letting her hair cover her face as her tears finally fall. Cobra rises from the couch, the crying and tension making him regret his decision to come in the first place as he reaches for his shoes.

"God, sorry," Lucy laughs, turning away from him to wipe her eyes. "This is so awkward. I know you hate awkward… I mean, who doesn't hate awkward?"

"It's fine, Tink," he sighs, scratching the back of his head. He's not sure what to say in moments like these, he never is. When anyone has a mental breakdown, Meredy is always the one to console them. The last person to come to would be him. He had the emotional intelligence of a rock. "I should, uh, I should go."

"Yeah, no, thank you for keeping us company. It was nice," she tells him, shooting him a shaky smile. He can just see right through her, see through her façade, and each crack that she's tried so hard to glue together. He's not sure if she knows but souls never lie and hers was in so much pain that he almost wanted to stay and help. Her soul almost looked like his had when things were at their worst. She had the same empty expression that he sported most of the time and he knew better than anyone that nightmares were probably the cause of her dark circles but even though he could see all of this, he couldn't do anything about it. He wasn't the therapy friend who you told all your problems to. He was the hey, I need you to beat someone up for me friend and that was how he liked it.

So, he doesn't know why he stays in Magnolia for the night or why he finds himself going towards the train station around the time he'd seen flash across Bickslow's soul when he was saying goodbye and why he stops when he sees blonde standing in front of the trains, frozen in place.

She hadn't been able to sleep for even a second, her mind either worrying about her friends or leaving the next day. I mean, should I even go? I could always cancel, right? She asks herself. She's got another reason to stay in Magnolia now, in case Laxus and the rest were to come back. She hoped they wouldn't have to but in case they did, she should be here. They would need her to be here. If everything ends up being alright though, she could be losing the best chance she has at a normal job. She knows she needs the money, especially with all the repairs the guild would be needing and the money she wired to Freed's account every month so they wouldn't have to worry about money. She knows they also need her to get a good job. So, basically, she's stuck in between both options.

About three hours before her train departs, she packs up her lacrima and her writing samples and makes herself presentable. It takes her more time than usual because, between each step, she takes a thirty-minute break full of pacing her apartment and doubting her decision over and over again.

She reaches for her keys once she's grabbed all her things, her hands still shaking with a mix of fear and anxiety and dread. Loke's key glints in the light and she decides this is maybe the only thing that can help her get onto her train in an hour.

"Loke," she breathes. A feeling of safety washing over her as he appears, taking one look at her before holding her trembling hands in his. He waits for her to speak despite already knowing what she needs. "I have a favor to ask of you and I really need you to say yes because if you don't, I don't think I'll even be able to leave my apartment today."

"Yes," he answers, cutting off Lucy's rambling. She sighs, laughing at herself before covering her face with her hands.

"God, what am I doing?" She whispers, wishing that her mind wasn't such a mess and that going for a job interview a few cities over didn't make her want to crawl into her bed and cry.

"You're doing what you have to do," he tells her. "You have to go."

"And you'll stay? You'll be here?" She asks. He nods, telling her that as soon as her magic was strained, he would use his own. He tells her that even though he wasn't in the best shape, he could stay for much longer than two days before having to worry about himself.

"I'll be right here when you get back and if anything happens, one of the other spirits will let you know if I can't," he assures her. "So, go."

She nods slowly, grabbing her purse and hooking her keys to her belt as she exits her apartment. She hears Loke lock it from the inside, shouting for her to walk away through the door. Each step is hard but she eventually finds herself at the train station. People surround her and the sound of the trains departing paralyzes every muscle in her body. She can't go. She can't. This terrible, dreadful feeling fills her to the brim that something terrible is going to happen if she leaves. She's not even sure if she's breathing anymore. The only thing she knows is that she can't get on her train today.

"Hey, you good?" Cobra asks from behind her, startling her. She holds a hand to her heaving chest and notes that she, in fact, is breathing. Her breaths are staggered though and she decides she's probably having a panic attack. Her thoughts are so distorted and messy that Cobra feels a headache coming on. People were such a pain. "Take deep breathes. Otherwise, you'll pass out and I'm not carrying your ass home."

One of the train's horns goes off and Lucy's eyes flit to the large clock in front of her. It's her train. The train conductor calls for passengers and no matter how hard she tries to calm down, she can't.

"The train's boarding," Cobra informs, watching the blonde clench her hands together as her entire body shook in fear and anxiety. He's never been someone good at emotions, never been put in this sort of position where he has to do the soothing. His only memories of someone soothing him are of his mother long, long ago but he can't really sing a lullaby to the blonde before sending her off.

"I can't," she shakes her head, repeating the phrase as her mind goes haywire. She needs to lay in her bed and cry about all of this until she feels numb again because feeling numb is much better than feeling all of these emotions at once.

"I'll be here while you're gone," he tells her. He makes a mental note to kill himself later for the way his mouth was betraying his mind. "Like Bickslow was supposed to, right? I'll be here. It's not like I have anywhere else to go."

No matter how much she wills for her feet to move forward, she's stuck in place. Stuck in Magnolia.

"I know it's not the same as Bickslow and I know you have a shit ton to worry about but your spirit and I will handle shit here until you get back," Cobra rephrases. "I can handle shit here, Tink."

His words are oddly comforting and she trusts him. She trusts him and Loke to take care of things here. And if anyone came back, if something happened, she could be home in a few hours. She has to tell herself this a dozen times before she takes a hesitant step towards the train.

"Go," Cobra says softly, giving her a gentle nudge. It's enough for her to stumble forward and keep moving, small suitcase in tow as she nervously looks back at him. "I'll be right here when you come back in two days. I'll be right here."

She doesn't know whether it's because the man can basically read minds but he seems to have just the right words to make her continue her walk into the train. She watches him through her window until he's too far to see and then she resorts to staring at the spot where he used to be while playing his words in her head and counting down the minutes until she's back home.

Here's a long one! As always, thank you for reading, favoriting, following, and reviewing! I read the reviews for this fic again the other day and got ~inspired~ to actually piece all the blurbs I have for this fic together, so they really do help! Any suggestions, comments, thoughts, corrections are always welcome. I hope you enjoyed reading & I can't wait to write more.