CHAPTER 4: Cooperation

The next morning, while Harry was cooking breakfast for his Aunt, Harry had an idea.

"Aunt Petunia, can you tell me about your parents?" asked Harry.

It was always a risk, asking questions in the Dursley household, but Harry thought that Aunt Petunia's love of gossip would carry the day. She wouldn't be able to resist the opportunity to tell stories about other people, and tales of the Evans clan would be far more interesting than this week's endless drivel about the new neighbours at number eight.

"My father Joseph Evans was the accountant for the biggest textile factory at Spinner's End," boasted Petunia, "That's up north, where I grew up with … ahem … where I grew up. Accounting was the family business, so to speak. My grandfather, Martin Evans, was an accountant too. My mother, Kathleen Evans nee Rose, was a skilled cook who also did a lot of charity work, often serving on church committees and raising funds for local worthy causes. My parents first met each other at a mutual friend's party and by all accounts it was love at first sight. They married before the year was out."

"So were they well off?" asked Harry, "The Evans? Being accountants and all that."

Accountants were respected professionals, in the wizarding world as much as the muggle. It was something worth considering - going into the family business of accountancy - even if it wasn't glamorous like being an Auror. Looking after other people's money probably paid as well as anything the ministry could offer. From what Harry knew, money stuff was a steady career that had the bonus that he could pursue it outside of the ministry, and gain valuable skills that were portable between the wizarding and muggle world.

Vernon stomped his ample bulk into the kitchen. "Don't ask questions, boy!" he thundered, "And where are my eggs?"

Harry turned back to the stove and rolled his eyes. "Coming Uncle Vernon," said Harry, forming a plan as he served Vernon's bacon and scrambled eggs. The local library was useless for any magical career stuff, but it would be able to tell him more about accountancy, and maybe there would even be books to give him a taste of some real life accounting. It would be a nice way to pay homage to his Evans ancestors, and learning the basics of their trade might even be fun. Maybe he could learn enough skills over summer to help the Weasley twins in their joke shop, while they did the inventing. In the meantime, Harry was happy to have learned some new names for his family tree.

Hedwig was off delivering his letter to Hermione in London, so his owl could be flying back anytime, depending on whether Hermione wanted to write a long letter or a full on epic epistle. Hopefully her reply would have some tips about what to look for at the library, so he would hold off on his trip there until Hedwig got back. In the mean time, he had others to write to.

Plus there was another day of drudge in the garden to look forward to as well. Harry had plenty to think about.

While he messed about in the garden, Harry invented a new game. He didn't want to think he was crazy, so he didn't call it "Imaginary Friends", but it all started when he mused about what he would talk about with Hermione, Ron and the rest the Hogwarts gang, if they were here. He called it "composing-letters-in-my-head-so-that-I-can-transcribe-them-when-I'm-inside-and-thus-make-best-use-of-my-valuable-time".

Unsurprisingly, in his head Hermione's letter was pretty long, even though it was the second in as many days. Ron's was pretty short. Neville's was in the middle. Dean's ended up being about the same as Neville's, although most of it was asking about football and sounding him out for a leading role in the "footchase" conspiracy and asking if he knew anyone in Griffindor who was similarly enthusiastic about tennis for "beaterbat". Harry was stumped about what to write to Seamus at all, because most of their conversations had been the Irish boy lurching between homophobic and homoerotic weirdness that Harry found off-putting in a way that he couldn't quite explain.

Parvati would get a nice long apology for the whole farce that was the Yule Ball, and he even had an idea on what he could do to make amends. Padma would get a note too: he'd ask Remus for a list of the books he recommends for 5th, 6th & 7th year Defence Against the Dark Arts, which he'd then pass on to the Ravenclaw. Lavender was another a tricky one. It would be good to ask her for advice about updating his wardrobe, because she seemed to know about that sort of thing, but he wondered if that transgressed some secret taboo in boy/girl relations that would see them joined at the hip on Hogsmeade weekends for the next three years. Hermione would be able to clue him in on that score, she'd save him from inadvertently getting a Lavender Limpet.

Harry had no clue which of the chasers would get the quidditch captain's badge, but he could write to them all to ask if anybody had a wireless and if the team could maybe listen to a quidditch broadcast every week as a sort of bonding exercise. He couldn't think of anything to say to the Weasley twins that didn't come across as nagging them about what they had done with the thousand galleons that he had given them, so he gave that up as a bad job. Likewise he couldn't think of much to talk to Ginny about, except to see if she was interested in trying out for quidditch this year. Between the summer homework and his tentative letter writing campaign, Harry thought that should be enough to squander his entire stock of parchment. Plus the whole front yard was now trimmed and completely weed free, so all in all, it had been a pretty good day.

When it came time to actually write the letters, Harry figured that he needed to write to Remus first ... so he could get information for Padma ... who would get her letter in the same delivery with Parvati. This convoluted scheme wasn't as complicated as the whole "plan" thing, but it was getting to be like the whole fancy time-line schedule caper all over again: the parchment roll thingy that Hermione did in the dream to wrangle the tasks into order. Harry realised that with too tight scheduling, his letter writing campaign risked flying Hedwig into the ground. But because he'd seen what the Weasleys did with their ancient owl Errol, Harry didn't want to be that kind of person. Especially not to Hedwig, his first real friend. Surely there were better ways to communicate between wizards than by owl, something like a phone, but maybe they just had a specialist squadron of "instant owls" like phoenixes or something …

"Dobby!" exclaimed Harry.

Dobby appeared with a pop, his ears poking out from under a pile of knitted hats. "Master Harry Potter sir calls Dobby!" squeaked Dobby gleefully.

"Dobby, great! I didn't expect you to come. Like, yeah, it's great you did, but I didn't expect it," said Harry with a beaming smile.

"Dobby is happy when Harry Potter sir calls," said Dobby, "Dobby is a free elf, not a lazy elf. Always Dobby comes!"

"I need your help Dobby. Can you use your elf magic to deliver letters instantly?" asked Harry.

Dobby's ears flopped as he shook his head sadly, "Dobby cannot deliver letters. Master Harry wants an owl for delivering. Is demarcation the delivery is."

"Oh, okay, I have an owl, I just didn't want to overwork her," said Harry. "I don't know what demarcation is though."

"Demarcation is rules for magical creatures staying friends!" said Dobby excitedly, "Owls deliver letters! Owls poo from great heights, owls do not ever do any cleaning. For this, elves do not ever deliver letters and do all the cleaning!" He nodded vigorously, "Also elves squat to poo! Owls and elves this way stay friends!"

"So demarcation is an important thing. I wonder how come more magical creatures aren't friends," said Harry.

"Demarcation is greatest thing!" exclaimed Dobby, "Harry Potter sir is greatest wizard, but demarcation is greatest thing! Demarcation is getting everyone fair shares of work!"

"So the important thing is that everybody gets a fair share of the work?" prompted Harry.

Dobby looked aside furtively, "Dobby is a bad elf, scabbing work from Hogwarts elves. But Dobby is taking wages only so he can buy a Master! Wizards can make work with gold."

"Why can't elves use their own gold to make work?" asked Harry.

"Is demarcation is!" wailed Dobby, "Elves is not allowed to make plans!"

"So who won't be your friends if the elves forget demarcation and make plans?" asked Harry.

Dobby shuddered. "The wizards! The wizards make the plans, the elves do the work! This the Great Demarcation is!" exclaimed Dobby, "We is never forgetting!" He stopped suddenly and gazed intently at Harry. "The Great Harry Potter does not know this?"

"No Dobby, my friend. I did not know this. Nobody told me about the friendship magic with the elves," said Harry.

"Harry Potter does not know the story of the Seven Founders of Hogwarts?" asked Dobby, blinking while his head and hats tilted comically.

"The story I heard was of the four founders of Hogwarts," said Harry. "Hermione already has something to say about the bias in Hogwarts a History but to hear that they edited out three founders will surely rile her up."

"No, Harry Potter sir, Hogwarts is having four Founding Employees, witches and wizards getting wages from Seven Elves and the Seed Capital. The Seven Founders is elves. The elves of ..." Dobby paused reverently, "the Board."

"Wait, what? Hogwarts has a Board of Directors, and they're elves?" asked Harry.

Dobby nodded so vigorously that a couple of his hats came off, "Elves worked … to hire wizards … to make a plan … for making work …. for elves. The wizards' plan was Hogwarts School. Now elves has works of Hogwarts School for doing! The Board works is making work … for hundreds of elves … for hundreds of years!" said Dobby, bouncing with excitement.

Harry could feel his head exploding. He had thought that "a plan to make a Plan to make a PLAN" was confusing, but throwing interspecies demarcation into the mix made everything even weirder. Actually, Dobby made things plenty weird enough by himself, but to have the whole institution of Hogwarts being founded through dumb luck by creatures that didn't plan … it was mind boggling. Doubly so that the elves had somehow created something that had lasted a thousand years, leaving pretty much everything that wizards had done in the dust.

In the back of Harry's mind it answered questions about why some of his homework seemed like pointless busywork. The machine they called Hogwarts was a hamster wheel designed to keep elves busy. The machine also just happened to keep students busy, and the busywork the students did just happened to prepare witches and wizards for running in the hamster wheel of the Ministry of Magic ...

This revelation did not help Harry's brain at all. A plan within a plan. A wheel within a wheel.

No wonder the elves got shitted off with Hermione and her "knitting plot" to free the elves! It was their frigging school in the first place. The wizards were guests in the elves' school, and all the elves asked in return was to cook the meals and weed the frigging garden.

"So the thing that elves want is plenty of work, and they get this from a wizard having a plan?" asked Harry. When in doubt, just repeat the last thing that you understood, but phrase it as a question. This was a strategy that had always served him well when dealing with the wizarding world in general, and elves in particular.

Dobby again nodded so vigorously that Harry worried that his entire head would come off, not just more of his hats. "Does Great Harry Potter sir have a plan?" asked Dobby with a slightly unhinged gleam in his eye.

"I've been working on a plan for the last week." said Harry.

"A seven day plan!" cried Dobby, "Harry Potter sir is a truly great wizard to imagine such plans!"

"Actually, Dobby my friend, I call it the 'Eight Day Plan', that's the name of my plan that generates the Plan."

Dobby latched onto Harry's leg and started humping. "A plan to make plans! Harry Potter sir is truly the Greatest Wizard Ever!" The elf humped some more. "Work work work." Dobby muttered.

"Easy there Dobby, I don't know how much work there will be for you. I hadn't known about the friendship magic with the elves when I made the plan. I just thought it would be a lot of work for me," said Harry.

"How much work in this plan?" asked Dobby, still attached to Harry's leg.

"Lots of work, Dobby. Ten years or more," said Harry. "Maybe enough for the rest of my life. I plan to be the best wizard I can be. I'm pretty sure that will probably take a while, and I'm not expecting it to be easy either."

"Does Harry Potter sir have Accoutrements?" asked Dobby excitedly, after finally unlatching from Harry's leg.

"I'm sorry Dobby, I don't know what accoutrements are," said Harry.

"Ritual bits of Elf-Bonding!" said Dobby, "You is needing Seed Capital and Secret Competitive Advantage. If you is making Family Business you is also needing one Witch, one Girl-Elf, one Business Plan and two Sacks. But you is not needing them now! Seedy and Secret is enough for Dobby-bonding! I gives you Seedy and you gives me Secret, we is saying Words of Power, and bonding is done!"

"Hang on Dobby," said Harry, and the elf re-attached himself to Harry's leg. The young wizard sighed. "I wasn't thinking of bonding an elf. Also what do you do with the girl-elf and the sacks?"

Dobby unlatched from Harry's leg once again. "What does wizard do with witch?" Dobby asked innocently, pointing at the bed. "Making Family Business also making family is."

Hedwig tapped on Harry's bedroom window.

Day Nine was turning out to be completely insane.

"Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life," muttered Harry to himself.

A/N: My point is that Harry isn't the Heir of the Founders of Hogwarts. And despite this being a Gary-Stu, I'm not giving the protagonist a page full of titles …

I'm hoping to recast the "elves are slaves" debate away from a racial paradigm. I had a big long rant about my opinions on this, but nobody wants to be lectured to in Author's Notes, so I'll skip it.

That said, I really do believe that the Weasleys' treatment of their "ancient owl Errol" is animal cruelty. So if you were wondering about the bashing I mentioned in my first author's note, it's the Weasleys. I fully intend to misrepresent the Weasleys in the worst possible light. After all, I'm writing a fix fic that holds Sirius up as a role model for Harry after literally everyone else dropped the ball in canon.

On a lighter note:

Q: What do you call a grave robber with NEWTs?

A: A Curse Breaker.