Mother always told me I had to look my best. She taught me how to put on blush before I learned not to trust strangers.
I learned how to match outfits before I learned about people's good qualities with safety. I never had a bite of vegetables for the sake of being healthy. Mother only ever taught me how to eat to lose weight and stay skinny. The time she had me do the cookie diet with her, that was a treat. That's all I could eat: cookies. With her, for three days straight. Sure, they weren't very good cookies. There were bits of egg shell in them, and I'm sure cookies aren't supposed to have such a strong after taste, but they made us throw up a lot so I'm sure they did their job. What other reason could there be to eat cookies after all?
That was before I knew better. Before Lonnie made me realize otherwise.
I know you all think the worst of me, but really, I'm not what you think I am.
I love fashion. I love love. I love good, and being wanted. What's wrong with that? Cinderella loved all that! She got her prince. She went her happily ever after way.
My friends, I know their truth. Yes, Mal stole him, but not in the way you make it sound she planned. Yes, Jay is very rough, but never out of spite. Never for cruelty. How can you expect us to live a life like yours when it was never something we had.
We had to use what was available to survive. We worked together, and have each other's backs.
Believe me, I know I was a cheater. I hate it, but until Doug helped me believe in myself, I didn't think I could ever do anything without using help. He saw me, and he saw me. He didn't see a VK. He didn't see Evil Queen's daughter. He didn't even see who I thought I was—a girl who could get whatever she wants because she bats her eyes nicely. He saw me as a beautiful, but more importantly, capablegirl. He thought I was capable, something no one except my best friends thought of me. And supports me through everything.
If I were a gold digger, I wouldn't be with him. But I love Doug very much.
It's hard to walk around, seeing the way you all judge me. It's hard to try to prove that the image you have of us is wrong. That the way he's making me out to seem, that's not me. It's already hard enough to ignore the voice of my mother, always whispering in my ear. That I'm not enough, that I need to get ahead, that I need to put others down. It always telling me I'm ruining everything, and spitting in her face every time I ignore all the lessons she taught me...
And I love her, because she's what I aspired to be for many years.
Powerful.
Independent.
Admired.
In her own way, she truly believes she loves me too. She never wanted me to have her life. She never wanted me to lose out to someone more beautiful than me the way she lost out to Snow White. But I know life isn't a competition to survive, and I know empowering my sisters in arms helps us all more than trying to tear each other down. I learned from her mistake. Because I'm me, with my own thoughts and feelings and aspirations.
I'm not my mother!
I'm not a villain!
I'm not what you say I am!