Smoke Signals

Part I: Spring

It had been over a decade since Alec Hardy last lit a cigarette and over two since he'd quit smoking for Tess, but the craving faithfully flared up with every bad case.

Today, his fingers itched worse than ever. When their misogynist suspect hadn't quit sneering at Miller or fiddling with that packet of Marlboros, he'd confiscated it. The interrogation had been a bust and the arsehole had run out of there so fast that no one had noticed Hardy slip the box into his pocket. Hardy hadn't even been fully conscious of the action until he'd stepped out for some air and found the cigarettes instead of the Aspirin he needed to relieve his splitting headache.

Hardy didn't even like Marlboros but a bystander misread his hesitation and generously offered him a lighter. The man lit his cigarette and then ambled off down toward the docks with his own, leaving Hardy to take his first drag in the shadow of the station house.

God, he'd missed this.

He wondered how it was possible for a cigarette full of toxins to feel like a breath of fresh air. For a moment he was decades younger and his nerves smoothed out, his muscles relaxing as he focused on nothing but the air leaving his lungs and the smoke curling before him.

He inhaled the chemicals and released them again. As always his mind inevitably drifted to Daisy and Tess, but it didn't linger, instead skipping past her and settling upon the case and the incident in the interrogation room earlier. He could still see the bastard leering at Miller. He didn't remember the exact words he'd said to her but the sexual implications were made abundantly clear.

Hardy's hand trembled and he took another long drag on the cigarette to quell the little tremors of his temper. Miller was more than capable of handling herself and hadn't given the man the luxury of her attention, but Hardy remembered the muscle twitching in her jaw, her brittle smile, the forced pitch of her voice, and the way her eyes blazed. He would've liked to have let her loose on that misogynist pig, but instead he'd lost his own temper and been forced to release the man. Inappropriate comments and leering weren't enough reason to arrest someone but damn it Hardy wished it was. Hardy's ears had burned long after the interrogation was over and he'd had trouble looking her in the eye, because he hadn't been able to do more to prevent that kind of disgusting behavior. It wasn't the first time something like this had happened to a female colleague and sadly it wasn't even the worst he'd overheard, but this time it burned him in a way it hadn't before.

Puffing on the cigarette, he stewed in silence as the anger slowly gave way to something else that itched at him like the craving for a cigarette. His mind was still fixated on Miller, and the creeping realization that she was absorbing more and more of his attention. He didn't think of Tess quite so often, and Zoe had been easily sacrificed for his commitment to his job and his partner…

Frowning, he pulled on the cigarette but his partner stayed firmly in his thoughts. Miller was… Well… With the exception of Daisy she was really the only person he honestly cared about in this town. He told Daisy he'd come back because this town needed him and he knew his own bleeding heart, but Miller was something else. He spent almost every day with her and he relied upon her, but it was more than the co-dependence and intense respect that had fostered a relationship between him and Tess, and then of course there was the lack of sexual attraction.

The man's words resounded in his ears and the knowing glance he'd given Hardy, as if he'd known that it might have been the furthest thing from his mind at that moment but it definitely had crossed his mind once … Or twice … or every so often or oh, hell.

Fuck.

He was attracted to Miller.

Hardy buried his face in his hands, narrowly avoiding singeing his hair.

He wanted to sleep with Miller, but not for the reasons the man had implied. There was a difference. It burned him that man with a few choice words had objectified her when she was so much more than that and she deserved more than any man could give her.

Hardy had known since the moment it first crossed his mind that he wasn't worthy of her and he'd buried the thoughts deep in his subconscious. But today the man's comments had churned up those sentiments and it shamed him that it had come down to this. Miller was better than him and he appreciated and respected her as a woman and as an individual. He wouldn't act upon some stirring baser instinct, even if it was painfully obvious that this wasn't about sex, far from it. She'd been there for him when he was dying, it would've been impossible not to fall for her.

"Shit." Hardy pressed the shaking cigarette to his lips and immediately coughed up his next inhale.

"You alright?"

Hardy nodded and choked again upon finding Miller perched on the step beside him. Her eyes narrowed in on the cigarette before Hardy could hide it from her.

"I knew it," Miller said, shaking her head. He was expecting a scolding, but Miller's silent presence unnerved him.

Taking another restless pull on the cigarette, he blew smoke in the opposite direction. It didn't do any good as the wind brought the poison right back to them.

"How long's it been?" Miller asked, startling him. He shrugged, it wasn't important anymore.

"You're not planning on making this a habit, are you?" The smoke swirled between them but Miller barely blinked. Hardy tried to hide behind the veil, but Miller always saw right through him.

"He shouldn't have been allowed to say those things to you." He dropped his eyes to the cigarette and snuffed it out on the concrete.

"I could've handled him," she reminded him. "'sides," she smiled and stretched out her legs in front of her, "It was kind of nice to be hit on, made me feel young again." It was a joke, but it left a bad taste in their mouths. Hardy violently brought his heel down on the smoking butt, leaving a cigarette burn on the steps.

"Is Daisy in trouble again?" Miller inquired gently and Alec shook his head. "You know I meant it, if you need me to talk to her…" she tapered off as Alec assured her again that it wasn't Daisy.

"Then what's bothering you?" Miller pushed and Hardy wished he could smoke the rest of the pack. "No, don't do that," she stayed him with a hand on his arm, "You blew that interview."

"Millah, he was way out of line!"

"I get it, Hardy, he was a disgusting misogynist prick, but you can usually keep it together for the sake of an investigation." She looked up at him searchingly. "So, tell me what's eating you before you cock up the next one."

"'m bloody sick and tired of men like him," he snarled. "The way he was talking to you wasn't right." He smacked the packet of cigarettes against the step next to him. "I wanted to arrest him just for looking at you like that," he growled, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I did too," Miller agreed, "but if I went around arresting every man who leered at women, we'd be wasting our time and resources and the cells would be overcrowded." A smile tugged at the corner of her lips, but her eyes were serious as she asked, "Was it because he implied that you'd like to shag me too?"

"Dunno," Hardy croaked and cleared his throat, "Maybe."

Miller's eyebrows lifted and the amusement left her face to be replaced with something alarmingly like disappointment.

"Not because I wouldn't," he tried to explain, "because you know you're…" He fumbled for an appropriate word, and cleared his throat again as Miller's eyebrows came together in a frown. "I'm your boss, but if I wasn't, if we were those people," he stuttered to a halt. Blimey he was mucking this up. "I mean loads of men they would…" He made a vague motion with his hand, digging himself in deeper. It took Miller a minute to muddle through it.

"So you're saying that if we didn't work together, you'd want to shag me?"

"Well, yeah," he admitted, tugging at his ear and then he panicked. "Not just for a one-off," he backtracked and mollified, "You're the type of woman who I'd… want to go to the pub with for drinks."

"You don't do the pub," Miller reminded him, frowning. Hardy dragged a hand through his hair.

"You're missing the point."

"I've never seen you go into the pub."

"Not here," he acknowledged. "This is a small stupid town and I can't even walk into work with you without someone assuming we're having an affair," he spat and kicked the packet down the steps. "Can you imagine what they'd say if we had a drink together?" Scoffing, he stared out over the road and the wee harbor beyond it.

A group of idiots had strung up fairy lights on their docked boats and the whole harbor seemed to sparkle and shimmer with their reflection. It was ridiculous. If it wasn't for the woman next to him he never would've came back to this god forsaken town.

"Would it be so bad if someone thought we were together?" Miller asked softly and Hardy's heart skipped a beat. He clasped his shaking hands together and tried to focus on the lights beyond them.

"I'm your boss," he pointed out carefully.

"So?" Miller hedged and Hardy wondered when she'd gotten so close to him, why she was always so bloody close to him.

"I was married to my DS," he reminded her bitterly, "It didn't end well, but even before that, people talked." He wet his lips and swallowed hard. "They treated Tess differently. She had to work harder to prove that she hadn't got to where she was because of me." He ducked his head, scratching at a freckle on his wrist. "You're already up against so much. I didn't want to make it any harder."

Miller was sizing him up, deconstructing everything he'd said. But Miller wasn't stupid, she'd heard the sentiment that lay between the words and was considering carefully what to do about it. His heart thudded away in his chest as he waited. Finally, she spoke.

"I appreciate it. But I don't give a fuck about what anyone thinks," she told him bluntly. "I get the job done, we're good at what we do, and I don't have to prove anything to anyone." She stubbornly held his gaze, and Hardy realized that his weak bleeding heart had never stood a chance.

"If you really want to keep it strictly professional, I'll understand. I respect that and I won't even bring it up again," she offered generously. "But…" She looked up at Hardy and he saw a flicker of hope. "If you change your mind… we could maybe go for a drink."

"Alright," he agreed before he could talk himself out of it. Miller blinked and then she smiled. Her smile had an odd effect on him, his face felt warm, warm enough that he had to turn away and rub at the back of his burning neck. He spotted the cigarettes on the steps below them, but Miller got to the packet before him.

"If I let you smoke another one, will you come with me to the pub for one?" she bargained with him.

"Aye." Hardy shrugged and she tossed them back to him. He caught the carton and tapped it against his open palm.

"Do you have a lighter?"

Miller's disappointment was almost enough to stave off the craving. Sighing, he reluctantly let go of his bad habit, dropping the cigarettes into the rubbish bin behind him. He shoved his hands in his pockets and rejoined her on the steps.

"Don't tell Daisy," he said and her eyes softened.

"Don't do it again," she warned him, pointing a finger at him. He rolled his eyes, until he felt a little tug and a light tap on his chest. "We'd like you to stick around for a bit."

Hardy's breath hitched as she looked up at him through her lashes.

"I'm not going anywhere," he assured her.

"Good." Miller smiled.

Hardy touched her arm and gently steered her down the steps. They walked past the harbor and down to the local pub with Miller chatting and casually engaging him with the occasional question related to work or Daisy. Hardy's heart sped up when their newest PC greeted them cheerily from the entrance, announcing that more than half the stationhouse had the same idea as them. He must've seen the chagrin on Hardy's face, before hastily ducking back inside to warn the others and start the rumors about them. Miller waved to a blurry face that appeared at the fogged window, but instead of dragging him inside, she walked past the pub.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm knackered, don't really fancy a drink with all my colleagues right now," Miller said, wrinkling her nose. She hugged herself against the cold and quickly retreated to the opposite side of the road. Hardy was too relieved to be frustrated or puzzled by her sudden change of mind. But as they passed the harbor again, the loaded silence became too much for him to bear.

"We could have a drink at mine," he suggested.

Miller's head snapped up and Hardy feared he'd made a mistake.

"Okay," she said, shrugging with the same indifference he'd tried for earlier. They walked the short distance to his house, and Hardy's panic mounted as he frantically tried to remember if he had any alcohol or if he'd dumped it all after the latest trouble with Daisy.

"You can sit," he told her awkwardly after unlocking the door and shedding his coat. Hunting through the cabinets, he tried to remember what he did with that bottle of red wine Zoe had left months ago, or that rarely used bottle of Scotch that had been kept in lieu of a cigarette after a very bad day.

"Your ice box is empty," Miller pointed out, coming up behind him as he knelt under the sink.

"I've been busy," he reminded her with a little growl when his search came up empty. Damn, Daisy must've taken the Scotch too last month and he hadn't even noticed. Rising to his feet, he wiped the dust from his trousers. Miller took one look at him and rolled her eyes.

"Unbelievable," she scoffed and folded her arms over her chest. "What kind of man invites a woman back to his place for a nightcap and then has nothing to offer?"

"I'm sorry," he sighed, dragging a hand through his hair. "It's been a rough week, a really rough couple of weeks."

"I know."

Hardy stole a glance at her and was surprised to find nothing but understanding in her warm gaze. She unfolded her arms and hesitantly stepped closer to him.

"I'll take a raincheck for that drink," she said, letting him off the hook.

Nodding, he braced himself against the counter and studied the swirling pattern of the faux marble. He should've known he'd muck up his one shot with her.

"I'll see you tomorrow then?" he asked, without looking up from the crusty stain he'd discovered. An idea occurred to him and he added, "Unless you want…"

"Yes."

Alec stood up straight, startled to find her right in front of him.

"Tea?" he asked stupidly, but there was a different kind of thirst in her eyes.

"No, ta." She shook her head and removed the clip from her hair. Hardy watched fascinated as the thick waves fell past her shoulders and caressed the creamy expansive of skin visible in the scooped neck of her blouse. "I didn't come here for a cuppa-"

"Water?" he interrupted her, yanking on the knot of his tie as he struggled to think straight. "Erm I might have some of those biscuits you left the last time, probably stale…" He flung open a cupboard and Miller slammed it shut, nearly taking his fingers with it.

"Quit it before you annoy me again and I change my mind," she snapped.

"Change your mind?" he sputtered. "You're the one who said no to the pub."

"It wasn't about the pub, you knob!"

Hardy arched a brow, propping his hands on his hips.

"I was trying to – God, you're so bloody dense!" She reached up and grabbed hold of the blasted noose around his neck, pulling his head down to hers. Hardy was forced to hold very still as she deftly unknotted his tie and slid the silk free from his collar.

"I haven't done this in a long time…" Miller trailed off, folding the tie on the counter beside them. "At least not with someone I know and actually like…" she admitted shyly.

"Sometimes," he corrected her, and Miller flashed him a pale smile. He touched her cheek with the backs of his fingers and she took a deep breath.

"How long have you thought about sleeping with me?"

Hardy bit down on his lip, but he'd already damned himself earlier.

"I don't know," he confessed. He couldn't pinpoint the exact moment because there wasn't one. "Maybe when we were solving Sandbrook and we were both so bloody lonely, or maybe it was afterwards, when I missed you."

"You missed me?" Miller laid one of her hands on his chest and his heart beat harder.

"Why do you think I came back?"

He held his breath as she searched his face with those wide brown eyes. She must have been satisfied with what she found there, because her hand moved from his chest to the nape of his neck, urging him down again until their mouths met.

Hardy let her get used to the feel and taste of his lips on hers, until she gradually grew more bold in her exploration of his mouth and her fingers sunk into his hair. He took that as permission to sweep her into his arms and explore the curves she'd been hiding beneath far too many layers.

Hardy was patient and attentive, listening for the changes in her breathing and using the tugs on his hair as a guide. He smirked at the moan she tried to suppress when he sat her on the counter and slowly kissed his way down her neck to that creamy expanse of skin. Ellie squirmed and helpfully unbuttoned her blouse, revealing a bra that couldn't quite contain the perfect swells of her breasts. Hardy almost groaned at the sight of them. He was thoroughly enjoying himself, and he thought she was too, judging from her sounds of approval and the fingernails lightly raking over his shoulder blades. But her hand suddenly twisted in his hair and then abruptly shoved him off of her.

"I'm sorry," she blurted out, her eyes shiny with lust and to his horror tears.

"Fuck," he cursed, "I didn't mean to-"

"I don't know what came over me," she sniffled and wiped the tear tracks from her face. Hardy opened his mouth and she gave him an apologetic watery smile. "I'm sorry, I can't do this."

Hardy gaped at her, but quickly collected his jaw.

"It's not you, Hardy, I'm just not…" She looked up at him pleadingly and he finished her sentence.

"You're not ready." Almost four years had passed since Joe committed a murder and broke up a "happy" marriage, but while she'd teased him relentlessly about Zoe and whatever the second girl's name had been, Hardy hadn't heard Miller express much interest in dating.

"We can go slow…" he suggested hesitantly, but fresh tears welled up in Miller's big brown eyes. "Or we could pretend that this never happened," he offered instead, and a strangled sob escaped her before she cupped a hand over her mouth.

Hardy had no bloody idea what to do. He wanted to comfort her, but up until tonight she'd been averse to his touch. It wasn't helping that she was crying possibly because of how he felt about her and how he'd kissed her. He belatedly realized that Ellie had been deliberately vague about her own feelings. So he handed her a tea towel to mop up her face and put the kettle on. He made the tea too strong, but a few sips fortified him, and the heat between her hands seemed to soothe her.

"I made a mistake."

"It's okay, Miller," he reassured her, even though his heart was breaking. "We can forget about it."

They sat in his kitchen for another five minutes of unbearable silence before Miller set her tea aside and slid down from the counter to use the loo. Hardy wished he could time travel and prevent himself from opening up to her or inviting her back to his place. Even if they never spoke of this again, Hardy knew he'd fucked up everything and they'd ever be able to go back to the way things were before.

Miller returned with her hair tied up and just a smidge of puffiness around her eyes to suggest she'd been crying.

"I'm gonna head home," she said softly, and Hardy almost knocked his chair over in his haste to walk her to the door. He wasn't stupid enough to see her home, but he asked her to text him once she was back at the house safely.

"This isn't going to change anything, I still want that drink at the pub," she said as she shrugged into that bright orange monstrosity that she refused to replace.

"As long as you don't tell Daisy about the cigarettes," he volleyed back, stepping out onto the deck with her.

"I meant it, you know, about you sticking around," she said seriously, and Hardy knew that she did mean it. Maybe she didn't fancy him, not yet, maybe not ever, but she did care about him. What happened tonight wouldn't shake that, Hardy was certain of it. He'd try his best to put his less than platonic feelings behind him.

"'m staying right here," he assured her and held her gaze steadily.

Ellie threw her arms around him and Hardy wondered if this was going to be something they were going to do from now on, or if this was a onetime hug because she felt sorry for him.

"Thank you," Ellie whispered in his ear and pecked him on the cheek.

Hardy nodded and let her go. He watched her walk away until he couldn't see the spot of neon in the moonlight. And he stayed out there listening to wind rustling in the neighbor's blossoming garden until his eyes were dry and the moon was high in the sky.

A/N: Ever since Hardy revealed he used to be a smoker I could not get that image out of my head. Once I started it, I couldn't stop. I pretty much have this fic done, and it'll be told with hopefully less than 20k words and in four parts (one for each season). It's kind of a slow burn, and a definite OOC interpretation of Hardy and Ellie's individual backgrounds and budding relationship.