Group Chat: Number One Hero and Extras
Reckless needy nerd: IT'S HERE!
MY LETTER!
That's the tea: :0000
IZUKUUUU~
Open it open it!
Number One Hero: YOU BETTER WAIT UNTIL I ARRIVE
YOU STUPID DORK
Speedy Gonzales: Bakugou-kun, "stupid dork" is a redundant statement. You used "stupid" and "dork" together and they have the same meaning.
Number One Hero:
Speedy Gonzales: You are wrong to flip me off because I am correct in this instance.
That's the tea: Izuku! Are you and Baku gonna read your letters together? :DDD
Reckless needy nerd: Yup! Kacchan3 UwU Kacchan I'm so excited hurry up 3333
That's the tea: AngryBoyÒxÓ Look what your precious Deku calls you OvO He's cute isn't he
Kacchannnnn~
Number One Hero: stfu smh
That'll be his catchphrase once he's a Hero
"Everything's alright! Why? Because Kacchan's here!"
That's the tea: terribly egoistical of you to compare yourself to All Might Bakubaku
Reckless needy nerd: That's kind of egotistical Kacchan
Ochako! :D
We said it at the same time!
That's the tea: uwu soulmates
Number One Hero: You see this? I'm pointing at this idiot broccoli
That's mine
Unless he says you're his girlfriend you're out of luck
Gtfo
That's the tea: uwu ur just jelly
I'll fight for ur honor Izuku
En garde, Sir Bakugou
Number One Hero changes That's the tea's nickname to Homewrecker Slut
Homewrecker Slut: You can't run from the truth
Speedy Gonzales: Bakugou! That's unnecessarily rude! Why must you be like this?
Number One Hero changes Speedy Gonzales's nickname to Slut's Ally
Number One Hero: I get my nutrition from being petty and Deku's love
Reckless needy nerd: Kacchan I don't approve.
Number One Hero changes Reckless needy nerd's nickname to Number One's Captive
Number One's Captive: But why?
Number One Hero: I know you want to escape my hold Deku
But I have handcuffs to prevent that
Number One's Captive: I'm so confuse
What going on
Homewrecker Slut: Izuku don't worry I have connections ;DDD
They can get you out in no time
Slut's Ally: I am siding with Midoriya-kun in this matter.
Bakugou, what should I do for you to change my name?
Number One Hero: Do a dogeza.
Slut's Ally: On second thought, I am fine like this.
Number One Hero: You chicken? Get on your hands and knees, Sonic the Hedgehog.
Homewrecker Slut: *documentary voice: And here you can see an Assholus Douche-eus, commonly known as a Bakugou Katsuki, asserting dominance over another male of different species. Interestingly, he seems to be propositioning the rival male, paying no attention to his actual mate, a rare Sweetus Izukulus
Number One Hero: Deku knows I would never cheat on him
Right Deku ?
Number One's Captive: :(((((((
Kacchan do you think Iida-kun is better-looking than me?
Number One Hero changes Number One's Captive's nickname to My One True Luv
My One True Luv: You're forgiven.
But I didn't see you answer my question
Number One Hero: I'm at the front door
My One True Luv: ! :DDD 33 Coming!
Homewrecker Slut: Pshhhh Izuku he totally deflected you
Izuku?
I guess you two are looking at the results
Slut's Ally: Uraraka-kun, I received my letter just now! I must leave the chat for a while!
Homewrecker Slut: Oh! That's alright Iida-kun :))) I'll be waiting!
Welp I'm alone
Group Chat: Number One Hero And Extras
Number One Hero: FUCK YEAH I GOT IN
Homewrecker Slut: :DDD Congrats!
Slut's Ally: Congratulations to you, Bakugou-kun!
Number One Hero changes Homewrecker Slut's nickname to Sips tea
Number One Hero changes Slut's Ally's nickname to Good boy
Number One Hero: I reward those who serve me well.
Remember this rule.
Sips tea: What about Izuku?
Le gasp
Did he not get in?!
IS THAT WHY HES SILENT?!
Number One Hero: He got in and the bitch cried so hard he ruined his face permanently
He's in the bathroom
Meanwhile I am in charge of his phone
Sips tea: oh no
Good boy: Oh no.
My One True Luv: Kacchan uwu I love you ur so hot
Sips tea: When I think about it, yeah Izuku would actually say something like this :/
My One True Luv: Marry me Kacchan I wanna be your wife
I don't want Ocha bitch sweetie I want uuuuuuuu 3333
Sips tea: well.
Ocha bitch isn't so original Baku.
Impress me.
Number One Hero: *cracks knuckles
Number One Hero changes My One True Luv's nickname to Teagirl is an ugly shit
Teagirl is an ugly shit: Ocha you're so ugly not even Glasses would want to kiss you
Sips tea: I beg your pardon
Iida is my imaginary boyfriend
As in I imagine us kissing and being a lovey dovey couple
So your argument is irrelevant
Teagirl is an ugly bitch: so you're saying "only in my dreams"
Sips tea: I'm saying it's happening in an alternative universe
In that alternative universe I'm also dating Deku and you
Teagirl is an ugly bitch: so you're saying you're after our hot asses
Sips tea: I decided in that alternative universe I'm not dating you - I whisk Deku away from your evil clutches and live with my hot husbands Tenya and Izuku
Good boy:
What has happened while I was gone?!
Sips tea: Iida-kun welcome back! :DDDD
Ooh are you choking?
Good boy: Are you saying you would like to be romantically involved, Uraraka-kun?
Sips tea: :DDDD Why not?
You're very handsome :DDD
And diligent
And sweet
And you'd be the perfect chivalrous boyfriend
Who wouldn't want to date you?
Teagirl is an ugly bitch: Me.
Sips tea: we know you're deep in denial for your affection for Iida, Kacchuki
You just need some time to come to terms with it
And you need to ask Izuku for permission. :0
Baku? Where have you gone?
Number One Hero: KACCHAN GIVE BACK MY PHONE
IM MAD AT YOU
Teagirl is an ugly bitch Teagirl is an ugly bitch Teagirl is an ugly bitch
COME BACK
Oh wait I have absolute dominance over this realm now
Ochako what would you like to have as your nickname?
Sips tea: Deku?
Hmm this is fine actually
I enjoy gourmet memes
Tell Bakugou I love it
Number One Hero: hmm okay
Iida-kun?
Good boy: I would like my name, if you would.
Number One Hero changes Good boy's nickname to Tenya
Number One Hero changes their nickname to I am a bad boyfriend
I am a bad boyfriend changes Teagirl is a bitch's nickname to Deku
I am a bad boyfriend changes Group Chat name to Prince Ochako and Her Husbands
I am a bad boyfriend transfers admin status to Sips tea
I am a bad boyfriend: I thought he might change the changes again if I gave the admin status to myself
I am entrusting you with this task Ochako!
Sips tea: *salutes
And btw Izuku? Wanna. Be my. Husband? :D
Hm and I guess Bakugou too
He's crude
But he's not so bad
And I guess you two arrive as a package now
I am a bad boyfriend: Hmm….
I mean, you're very cute! And I heard of people dating multiple people.
I guess if Kacchan's okay with it, I don't have any objections
Wait I backread the messages
Does that mean I'm going to be dating Iida-kun as well?
Sips tea: if you want?
If he doesn't refuse I guess
And if he can bear with Bakugou XD
Tenya: I am not against it.
Sips tea: it means "I would love to, please make me your boyfriend" in Iida-nese
I am a bad boyfriend: :DDD I need to ask Kacchan
Deku: Eh. It's whatever. As long as I have Deku I don't mind. I am a bad boyfriend What.
I am a bad boyfriend: I'm tired of fighting. I wanna cuddle. Let's say sorries and watch a movie together
Deku: Alright. Sorry I used your phone without asking, and sorry for being mean to Floaty
I am a bad boyfriend: sorry for giving admin to Ochako
Deku: WAIT WHAT
WHEN WAS THAT
DEKU
YOU LITTLE SHIT-
Group Chat: Prince Ochako And Her Husbands
I am a bad boyfriend: Being back on my own phone feels like I popped out wings and farted into the sky
Tenya: That is an unusual analogy. What inspired you, if I may ask?
I am a bad boyfriend: Having my phone back, obviously.
So since we're all dating now-
Does that mean we're ALL gonna kiss when we arrive at UA?
Sips tea: O.O
!
:DDDDDD KISS KISS KISS
Deku: KISS KISS KISS
Iida-kun is kissing okay for you?
Tenya: I think so? I have never kissed before.
Deku: Neither have I!
I am a bad boyfriend: heh virgins
Deku: you're a virgin as well
I know because I watch your routines 24/7
There's nothing you do that I don't know
Sips tea: sTaLkeR aLerT-
Deku: ….Kacchan Im so sorry! D:
I am a bad boyfriend: stfu Teagirl Deku's like that on a daily basis
He just has a hero fetish
Sips tea: O-O
Hmm btw I wanna go on a date
Tenya: Like the time we watched that skating anime using Skype?
Sips tea: nah like-
A PUBLIC date
Maybe the movies!
I am a bad boyfriend: Why would we go to a movie theater when we can watch movies here?
Deku: but being together physically is better
Right Kacchan? :DDD 3
Sips tea: Heart time
333333
Deku: 3333333333
I am a bad boyfriend: 333 stfu
Three threes for three people who are lucky enough to date the future number one hero
Tenya: 3
One heart for all of you because all of you have their own special place in my heart.
Sips tea: Omg Tenya
That's so cute!
And :0000 romantic
Deku: Prime boyfriend material
I am a bad boyfriend: What am I, chopped liver?
Tenya: You're a rude romantic, Bakugou. Unless you want to take over my position?
I am a bad boyfriend: You can have it smh.
Deku does that mall near the subway have a movie theater?
Deku: ?! Kacchan 3333!
Hm, I think it does!
Ochako, where do you live, if you don't mind me asking?
Sips tea: uwu anything for you sweetie
I'll send you the coordinates. You two are at Musutafu, right?
Deku: Yup!
Wahhh this is gonna be so awesome!
"I can't believe we're doing this," Katsuki grumbles, very loudly if I say so, in the middle of the mall. Despite the disapproving glances of his boyfriends and girlfriend, "We could have been chillin' at Deku's. He's got Netflix."
"Don't you have Netflix as well, Bakugou-kun?"
"Well, he's got a free trial. I ain't gonna waste my paid subscription for movie dates."
"Sheesh," Ochako whined, draping herself onto Izuku's shoulders. "I wish I had Netflix. Saw this awesome anime series that's being streamed there."
Katsuki, turning to her, "Which one?"
"The Dragon Prince or something."
"Huh? Sounds fucking lame."
"It's got a possibly gay character in it. And it has magic. "
"Okay it's probably not that lame."
"Oh!" Tenya points at the entrance of the theater. Enthusiastic, he smiles at his companions and urges them to hurry up. "We have arrived! See - GPS is never wrong!"
"I beg your pardon you fucking jet motor because it always is -"
The argument doesn't get a chance break out, since they all get distracted by the seat selection. Izuku insists on choosing a row in the middle. Simultaneously, Katsuki pushes for one in the back because, "No Deku, if we get that place popcorn is gonna rain on us. Understand? Rain. "
"But Kacchan. The two thirds of the seats from the bottom to the top are the best ones since the audio acoustics says they receive the best quality of sound and graphics-"
"Yeah, well, I don't care. I don't want a popcorn rain."
"I agree with Midoriya-kun."
"I mean, isn't that because you're incredibly gay for Izuku, Tenya?" Ochako questions in suspicion. "No offense, even though you should be offended. You know. Since we're all dating."
Tenya lets the silence reign before articulating his answer. He pushes his glasses up his nose, the light glinting from the lenses. "Well," he starts. "No. In fact, I read the same article that suggested Midoriya-kun's proposal. It was absolutely... sound , if you would, in its points. I believe we will have the best experience in the two-third-row!"
"One: I can't believe you're a pun-maker as well as a smart-aleck. Two: You're wrong. Reasons? My common sense in my brain. Mark my fucking words , we're going to have popcorn all over our hairs."
"Oh? Let's have a bet then," Ochako says. She knows that Katsuki will rise to her bait. "If we get assaulted by popcorn, you can get the admin back."
" Bitch. Do you know how hard it's to clean off oil?"
"Fair point. Admin and the choice of place for our next date."
" You're on."
"Is this supposed to be cool?" Ochako asked Tenya. The scene played out, the streotypical male protagonist giving a wickedly sexy grin at the camera. "I mean, it's obviously hot - but I was expecting something with more personality."
"Wait, are we here to discuss the appeal?" Izuku piped up. "In that case: I think he'd be overall nice to date-"
"Like hell. He's fucking annoying. Ew."
"You're only saying that because he is taller than you, Bakugou-kun."
Ochako shushed them as Aquaman defeated the members of the pirate crew with his extremely powerful strength. Cooing, "Ooh, yeah, use those snack muscles baby. Hmm… Look at that freaking chest. Those pecs."
"I'm… I'm really tempted," Izuku said, eyes wide at the male lead.
Katsuki snorted, unsubtly stretching his own muscles, "He's got nothing I don't have. Wanna feel me up, you fuckwads?"
"Ew," Ochako answered with the straightest face she could muster. Katsuki moved to punch her but Tenya got between them, covering his girlfriend in a noble fashion while Izuku pulled the beast by his sinewy biceps.
"You're very handsome, Kacchan," he placated, patting his boyfriend's hair. "You've even got breasts!"
"Wait the fuck up-" Ochako's head snapped back. "- Kacchan has tits?"
"Shush," Tenya said, pointing at the screen which showed a heart wrenching scene depicting father-son angst with character death. "It is the bad guy's origin!"
"Sorry Iida-kun," Izuku apologized. To Ochako, "I mean, have you seen his pectorals? They bulge."
Ochako hummed, "Wanna show, Kacchan?"
"No way in hell after that 'Ew.'"
"Aw. But I wanted to drool over my boyfriend."
"Tough fucking luck."
Katsuki was laughing for five minutes.
" Kacchan," Izuku hissed. "We're getting unwanted attention! What if they throw us out?!"
"It's too fucking funny - he's a Draco Malfoy! Deku, look at this dude. Look at the top of his hair."
Ochako snorted, devolving into giggles as the Draco Malfoy look-alike took up the whole screen.
Tenya gaped, "I - I have to admit there's an uncanny resemblance…"
"Nope. See, that's the back of his hair. He's got a ponytail," Ochako noted. "A baby ponytail."
"He's like an amateur crossover between Lucius and Draco. Who the hell makes these characters?"
"Well," Tenya interrupted. "It is still a nice movie."
Katsuki raised an eyebrow. He poked Tenya's cheek, "Have you seen any movies since ten years ago?"
"That's very insulting, I will have you know," Tenya defended himself, sniffing in a superior fashion. "I watched a lot of classics-"
"Yeah, like what? Dr. Strange? Movies with shitty plots don't count."
"Oi, Baku." Ochako threw a popcorn at him, even though Katsuki dodged it expertly. "Dr. Strange was awesome."
"It was shitty. Deku, agree with me."
"Eh? I didn't watch that, Kacchan; I can't agree with you."
Tenya ended up asleep on Katsuki's shoulder, drool leaking from the corner of his wide agape mouth.
"Gross," Katsuki hissed, a shiver taking hold of him. "How the hell can someone so proper be reduced to this?"
"Well, rude. You're talking as if you never drool, Katsuki," Ochako pointed out. "I mean, I have tons of screenshots of you from Skype. You always fall asleep before we reach the ten o'clock mark."
"That's different," Katsuki refutes. "I'm a guy who doesn't care if you idiots think I'm filthy. This particular moron here is the one who's princely. And princes don't drool. It's a fucking rule."
"No, it's not, Kacchan."
"Um, excuse you, Deku. Suck my dick."
Ochako whistled, "Are we really at that stage? Hm, you two live close though. Getting up to some mischief alone? For shame."
Katsuki flipped her off, Ochako retaliated by repeating the gesture. Izuku slumped in his seat as he was so tired of all this bickering. Soon enough, he slipped into a light sleep similar to Tenya's.
Now both of Katsuki's shoulders were full. Full of nerds.
He scoffed, "I guess y'all are kind of tolerable."
"Aw," Ochako cooed from the sidelines. "That's high praise from you, Katsuki! So cute!"
"WHO'RE YOU CALLIN'-"
To the horror of everyone aware of the physical world, an explosion in the movie startled the audience. They, unwittingly, let go of their big-size popcorn without care; Ochako and Katsuki stared in dismay as the buttery goodness descended upon their heads in slow motion.
'May God have mercy on us,' Ochako thought as she bare witness to this atrocity.
'Man I hope Mom got that premium shampoo,' was on Katsuki's mind.
Popcorn. Salty popcorn. Caramel popcorn. All that deliciousness staining their shirts and perfect hair. They would have to up their cleaning routine for tonight.
"I'm sorry, Kacchan," Izuku repeated for the infinity-th time on the video call. "I really didn't think it'd happen!"
"I fucking know, Deku! Stop apologizing like a little bitch!"
"He's right, Deku," Ochako pointed out. "Don't be so hard on yourself! We got to watch the movie in the best quality possible after all; isn't that right, Tenya-kun?"
Tenya nodded in agreement, face splitting with a wide and fond smile. "I liked the placement of the seats, Midoriya-kun. And even if it was your fault that we had popcorn raining on us, I was onboard with your decision beforehand and that would mean the blame also belonged to me."
"Kindly shut up and watch the anime, nerds," Katsuki reminded them with a harsh shush. "This is the new fucking season and I'm not gonna ruin the experience with your endless babbling!"
It went smoothly after that. They traded insults and sarcastic words with the same grace they had while exchanging affectionate endearments.
Dozing off in the light of their laptops, tablets and phones, they dreamed of each other going to the same school...