LORD OF THE MUTANTS.
by Todd Jensen.
Author's Note: Don't worry, I haven't abandoned "Somewhere Over the Rainbow Bridge". You'll still see regular instalments of this story at FanFiction. But I thought that you might appreciate getting to see something else by me while waiting for me to get the next chapter finished.
X-Men belong to Marvel Comics and Film Roman Entertainment. The Tolkien elements belong to the Tolkien estate. Note that this spoof is a combination of both the original book The Lord of the Rings and the movies.
1. PROLOGUE.
{Open on a dark, forbidding, volcanic landscape dominated by a single smoldering volcano.}
NARRATOR: Long ago, the Dark Lord Apocalypse forged a magic ring in the furnaces of Mount Gloom.
{The scene shifts to a rocky ledge within the volcano, overlooking a lake of seething lava in its very heart. Apocalypse is standing upon the ledge, holding a golden ring in one hand.}
NARRATOR: He poured his malevolence and greed for power into the ring, and set upon its band the Ruby Gem of Cytorrak, that would enhance the abilities of any mutant who bore it. And with this ring, he set out to conquer all of Marvel-earth.
{Apocalypse slips the Ring upon his finger and raises his hand high in a threatening gesture. The scene changes again to a map of Marvel-earth, over which a shadow spreads.}
NARRATOR: One by one, the free lands of Marvel-earth fell before him.
{The scene shifts to a peasant village. The villagers flee for their lives as Apocalypse's soldiers attack, setting fire to their huts.}
NARRATOR: But there were still some who would resist him. A Last Alliance of Mutants and Humans was formed, that entered his dark kingdom and challenged Apocalypse to battle.
{The scene shifts back to Apocalypse's kingdom. The Last Alliance is marching upon Mount Gloom, led by Captain America and Alex Summers. A younger Logan, in his Canadian uniform - the one that he wore in the flashback scenes in "Operation Rebirth" - can be seen within its ranks, although as an extra.
Under Captain America's silent direction, the Last Alliance does battle with the hordes of Apocalypse's soldiers. After much fierce fighting, Apocalypse's troops fall back, about to flee.}
NARRATOR: Victory was at hand. But the Last Alliance had forgotten Apocalypse himself.
{Apocalypse suddenly appears, his arrival heralded by a rumble of thunder, the sky darkening, and the ground trembling all about. The Last Alliance looks up in horror as he strides towards the ranks of the invading army. The Ring glints upon Apocalypse's finger.
Apocalypse lets out a powerful energy blast at the Last Alliance, decimating it. Captain America rushes forward to do battle with him, but after a fierce struggle, Apocalypse hurls him against the side of Mount Gloom. Captain America slumps to the ground, while his shield rolls away before him. Alex Summers rushes to his side in alarm, as a near-triumphant Apocalypse prepares to finish off his surviving opponents.
Alex's gaze falls upon Captain America's shield, and he rushes forward to snatch it up. But Apocalypse sees him running towards it, and brings one foot down upon the shield, breaking it in half.}
NARRATOR: It was then, when all seemed lost, that Prince Alexander Summers of Claremont took up the shield-fragment of the fallen hero Steve Rogers and faced the Dark Lord.
{Alex snatches up one of the pieces of Captain America's shield, and throws it like a discus at Apocalypse. The shield slices off Apocalypse's ring- finger, which lands before Alex's feet, the Ring still upon it. Before the astonished gaze of both the Last Alliance and Apocalypse's hordes, Apocalypse self-destructs in a burst of energy. His army turns and flees in terror.}
NARRATOR: Apocalypse had been defeated at last. And if the Ring had been destroyed then and there, he could never have returned to plague the world. But Prince Alexander was a fool, and refused to do just that.
{The surviving officers of the Last Alliance are gathered around Alex, clearly urging him to destroy the Ring. Alex shakes his head.}
ALEX: Are you kidding? This ring is a really cool trophy! I'm taking it home with me as a souvenir!
NARRATOR: But he did not keep the Ring in his possession for long. For soon evil befell him.
{Alex is riding home along the banks of a great river by a forest. Eyes peer out at him from behind the trees, and then a small band of Morlocks falls upon him. Alex is overpowered before he even knows what happened.
Shortly afterwards, Alex is lying face down upon the surface of the river. The Ring sinks down to the bottom of the river-bed, gleaming in the mud.}
NARRATOR: And there the Ring remained for many years, until it was discovered.
{A hand reaches down into the mud, and pulls out the Ring.}
TOAD (voice-over): Yo, what's this?
NARRATOR: The mutant Tolansky used the Ring to spy upon his family and discover their secrets, until they (already anything but fond of him because he was a mutant and also because he smelled worse than a skunk convention) banished him from their home. He went to live in the remote mountain caves, bearing the Ring with him. And there it consumed him.
{Toad squats by a lake within a dimly-lit cavern, gloating over the Ring.}
TOAD: It's mine, all mine. My precious.
{A fly buzzes by, and he catches it with his long tongue and swallows it.}
TOAD: Gulp! Yes, my precious.
NARRATOR: In the outside world, Apocalypse began to regather his old strength. The Ring heard him calling it, and abandoned Toad, slipping off his finger, hoping to be recovered by its old master.
{The Ring rolls off by itself onto the cave floor, and lies upon its side.}
NARRATOR: But then something happened which the Ring did not expect. It was picked up by the most unlikely person imaginable.
FORGE (bending down over the Ring and picking it up): Hullo, what's this?
NARRATOR: Forge Wagner from Bayville.
TOAD: Aaaugghhh! Where is it? Where's my precious? It's gone!
{Forge hurries on his way, while Toad hops about in frustration.}
TOAD: Thief! Thief! Wagner! We hate it, we hate it, we hate it forever!
NARRATOR: And so it was that Forge Wagner took the Ring back home with him to Bayville. And there the Ring remained hidden for many years, and even Apocalypse did not know where it lay - until now.
by Todd Jensen.
Author's Note: Don't worry, I haven't abandoned "Somewhere Over the Rainbow Bridge". You'll still see regular instalments of this story at FanFiction. But I thought that you might appreciate getting to see something else by me while waiting for me to get the next chapter finished.
X-Men belong to Marvel Comics and Film Roman Entertainment. The Tolkien elements belong to the Tolkien estate. Note that this spoof is a combination of both the original book The Lord of the Rings and the movies.
1. PROLOGUE.
{Open on a dark, forbidding, volcanic landscape dominated by a single smoldering volcano.}
NARRATOR: Long ago, the Dark Lord Apocalypse forged a magic ring in the furnaces of Mount Gloom.
{The scene shifts to a rocky ledge within the volcano, overlooking a lake of seething lava in its very heart. Apocalypse is standing upon the ledge, holding a golden ring in one hand.}
NARRATOR: He poured his malevolence and greed for power into the ring, and set upon its band the Ruby Gem of Cytorrak, that would enhance the abilities of any mutant who bore it. And with this ring, he set out to conquer all of Marvel-earth.
{Apocalypse slips the Ring upon his finger and raises his hand high in a threatening gesture. The scene changes again to a map of Marvel-earth, over which a shadow spreads.}
NARRATOR: One by one, the free lands of Marvel-earth fell before him.
{The scene shifts to a peasant village. The villagers flee for their lives as Apocalypse's soldiers attack, setting fire to their huts.}
NARRATOR: But there were still some who would resist him. A Last Alliance of Mutants and Humans was formed, that entered his dark kingdom and challenged Apocalypse to battle.
{The scene shifts back to Apocalypse's kingdom. The Last Alliance is marching upon Mount Gloom, led by Captain America and Alex Summers. A younger Logan, in his Canadian uniform - the one that he wore in the flashback scenes in "Operation Rebirth" - can be seen within its ranks, although as an extra.
Under Captain America's silent direction, the Last Alliance does battle with the hordes of Apocalypse's soldiers. After much fierce fighting, Apocalypse's troops fall back, about to flee.}
NARRATOR: Victory was at hand. But the Last Alliance had forgotten Apocalypse himself.
{Apocalypse suddenly appears, his arrival heralded by a rumble of thunder, the sky darkening, and the ground trembling all about. The Last Alliance looks up in horror as he strides towards the ranks of the invading army. The Ring glints upon Apocalypse's finger.
Apocalypse lets out a powerful energy blast at the Last Alliance, decimating it. Captain America rushes forward to do battle with him, but after a fierce struggle, Apocalypse hurls him against the side of Mount Gloom. Captain America slumps to the ground, while his shield rolls away before him. Alex Summers rushes to his side in alarm, as a near-triumphant Apocalypse prepares to finish off his surviving opponents.
Alex's gaze falls upon Captain America's shield, and he rushes forward to snatch it up. But Apocalypse sees him running towards it, and brings one foot down upon the shield, breaking it in half.}
NARRATOR: It was then, when all seemed lost, that Prince Alexander Summers of Claremont took up the shield-fragment of the fallen hero Steve Rogers and faced the Dark Lord.
{Alex snatches up one of the pieces of Captain America's shield, and throws it like a discus at Apocalypse. The shield slices off Apocalypse's ring- finger, which lands before Alex's feet, the Ring still upon it. Before the astonished gaze of both the Last Alliance and Apocalypse's hordes, Apocalypse self-destructs in a burst of energy. His army turns and flees in terror.}
NARRATOR: Apocalypse had been defeated at last. And if the Ring had been destroyed then and there, he could never have returned to plague the world. But Prince Alexander was a fool, and refused to do just that.
{The surviving officers of the Last Alliance are gathered around Alex, clearly urging him to destroy the Ring. Alex shakes his head.}
ALEX: Are you kidding? This ring is a really cool trophy! I'm taking it home with me as a souvenir!
NARRATOR: But he did not keep the Ring in his possession for long. For soon evil befell him.
{Alex is riding home along the banks of a great river by a forest. Eyes peer out at him from behind the trees, and then a small band of Morlocks falls upon him. Alex is overpowered before he even knows what happened.
Shortly afterwards, Alex is lying face down upon the surface of the river. The Ring sinks down to the bottom of the river-bed, gleaming in the mud.}
NARRATOR: And there the Ring remained for many years, until it was discovered.
{A hand reaches down into the mud, and pulls out the Ring.}
TOAD (voice-over): Yo, what's this?
NARRATOR: The mutant Tolansky used the Ring to spy upon his family and discover their secrets, until they (already anything but fond of him because he was a mutant and also because he smelled worse than a skunk convention) banished him from their home. He went to live in the remote mountain caves, bearing the Ring with him. And there it consumed him.
{Toad squats by a lake within a dimly-lit cavern, gloating over the Ring.}
TOAD: It's mine, all mine. My precious.
{A fly buzzes by, and he catches it with his long tongue and swallows it.}
TOAD: Gulp! Yes, my precious.
NARRATOR: In the outside world, Apocalypse began to regather his old strength. The Ring heard him calling it, and abandoned Toad, slipping off his finger, hoping to be recovered by its old master.
{The Ring rolls off by itself onto the cave floor, and lies upon its side.}
NARRATOR: But then something happened which the Ring did not expect. It was picked up by the most unlikely person imaginable.
FORGE (bending down over the Ring and picking it up): Hullo, what's this?
NARRATOR: Forge Wagner from Bayville.
TOAD: Aaaugghhh! Where is it? Where's my precious? It's gone!
{Forge hurries on his way, while Toad hops about in frustration.}
TOAD: Thief! Thief! Wagner! We hate it, we hate it, we hate it forever!
NARRATOR: And so it was that Forge Wagner took the Ring back home with him to Bayville. And there the Ring remained hidden for many years, and even Apocalypse did not know where it lay - until now.