Keep Talking and Somebody Explodes

A/N:Takes place after Season 3 of the Anime. Rated T for Bakugo's potty mouth and one little sexual joke. Enjoy:)

It started with a phone call. He should have known his day would take a bad turn when he saw the phone number.

"What do you want, old hag?"

"Katsuki Bakugo, this is no way to address your mother! I thought they were teaching you proper manners at U.A.?"

"Yeah, whatever. Now, what's your-"

"Don't talk to me with that kind of attitude, young man. Or do I need to come over and teach you myself? It seems your good friend Izuku was right when he call-"

"Deku did what?"

Katsuki didn't hear the answer. He had already dropped the phone and jumped out of his chair. Forget homework, forget the old bat, a certain green-haired nerd needed to die! He stormed out of his room, palms crackling with murderous intent. "Deku! Wait, the fuck are you-"

"There he is!"

"Go Kaminari! Volt Tackle!"

Katsuki blacked out…

Click.

"Alright, that's all of them. Let's get this stuff off him, quickly!"

"Aw, but I wanted to do one more with kitty ears!"

"Great idea, Toru. Here you go."

Click.

"Guys, I think he's waking up."

"Crap, time to clean up, girls."

"But he looks so cute!"

"I'll make sure to write it on your gravestone. No, seriously. Take. These. Things. Off."

"He's stirring."

"Hurry! All gone? Great. Wait, Ashido! Put the camera away! Okay…everyone, assume positions! Yaoyorozu, Iida, you know what to do."

"Why am I a part of this?"

"Don't worry, Yaoyorozu! While I admit that the method is questionable, I fully agree on teaching our fellow classmates how to behave properly. Politeness. Modesty. Kindness! Those are important qualities a hero needs when interacting with the common citizen!"

Katsuki was having a nightmare. He dreamed he had been tied to a chair and was facing a gigantic screen where "Izuku Midoriya's Top Ten Most Heroic Moments" were playing in a continuous loop. Whenever he tried to avert his eyes, he would receive painful electric shocks. He couldn't move a single bone in his body. He couldn't even scream because he was gagged with tape. There was no way to escape.

Katsuki woke up with a start. He was sitting in a small classroom, facing a big white screen. He could make out two familiar figures standing next to it. Ponytail? Four-eyes?

He was also tied to a chair and gagged with tape.

What the fuck? Katsuki tried to move but his body didn't obey. It felt heavy, like all his energy had been drained from it.

"Damn, Kaminari. I think you overdid it. He looks like he's still half out of it."

"Huh. Guess I have to train more."

Voices. Familiar voices. Behind him. Around him. Katsuki turned to take a good look. Kirishima and Electro-Dolt?

"Whoa, man! If looks could kill, you'd be toast already!" Another familiar voice to his right. Tape-Arms!

"Really? Let me see!" Footsteps, a pair of skinny jeans and a girly top right in front of him. Freaking Ghost Girl too?

"Oooh, you're right! Scaaary!" She moved away from him.

"Everyone, please calm down. Thank you. Iida, if you would…"

"Of course, Yaoyorozu! My fellow classmates, please pay attention to our special study group! Today's topic will be 'Heroic Behavioural Etiquette'! It is imperative for any hero to be at their best behaviour at all times. As a hero, you will always be in the public eye. You can never know if there is a camera trained at you. Be friendly, respectful, and humble. Stay calm and focused. We will try to create difficult situations later in this session to assess our own actions. But first- Bakugo! Cease your behaviour at once!"

Katsuki had tried to escape as soon as his newfound rage had brought new energy to his body. The speech served as the perfect opportunity. But neither the strange cord they had used to bind him nor the metallic handcuffs that were encompassing his hands were budging one bit. His Quirk wasn't working right!

"Silly Kacchan." Of course she would be here.

Raccoon-Eyes walked past him towards the front desk. It had a laptop on it.

"It's no use. These are Mei Hatsume's prototypes. You won't break out of them. And even if you did, it would be a very bad idea. Look." She put a cheap-looking camera on the front desk and hooked it to the laptop. She proceeded to connect a remote with only two buttons, one red and one blue, to the device. She put a hand on the camera.

"Now, you can probably guess what kind of pictures are on here, but we decided to give you a little preview." She pressed a key on the laptop and a picture appeared on the white screen. It was an Anime character, a blonde girl in a maid uniform. She also had a thick green lizard tail, fangs, and branched horns coming out of both sides of her head. "Cute, right? But we found a way to improve it."

She pressed the key again. Same picture, with one little change: it had Katsuki's face poorly edited over the original one.

The real Katsuki widened his eyes incredulously. Raccoon-Eyes was now wearing a shark's grin. "Don't worry. The actual pictures are much better than this. Because they have, you know, the real thing as a model." She gave him a wink.

The boys around Katsuki snickered. He gritted his teeth. He needed to escape and punish them all!

"Of course, the choice is yours," the pink menace continued. She pulled a pair of black sunglasses out of nowhere and put them on. Her playful tone became more serious. She held the remote in one hand. "Option one. You attend this lesson like a good student and behave. Once it's over, we all leave except Kirishima. He'll press the blue button-" she pointed at it- "and all the pictures will be deleted. He frees you and everything goes back to normal." She paused. "You could even use him as a punching bag afterwards!"

"Hey! I never agreed to that!"

"That's why it's called 'drawing the short straw'. Be a man and accept your fate."

Kirishima grumbled.

The pink devil went on. "Option two. You start any trouble, I'll press the red button, upload the pictures to the web and kickstart your new hero career as the explosive crossdressing maid. Or nurse. Or...crimson demon arch wizard? Toru had a few costumes." She glanced at the camera, shrugged and turned back to Katsuki. "Eh, I think you get the idea. So, what will it be?" Her shark-like grin returned.

Katsuki was rigid. He closed his eyes while he pondered an important decision.

Would the entire pink head make for the better trophy to mount on the wall or would the horns be enough?

He shot a glare towards his future room decoration who had grabbed a free chair to sit. She was still grinning and seemed to meet his gaze through her sunglasses.

He needed a plan and he needed more time. There was a slight pain in his chest and his head was still spinning. His Quirk wasn't working at one hundred per cent yet. All these extras would pay in time. Let them have their stupid lesson. Let it lure them into a false sense of security. As soon as an opening appeared, he would seize it, and strike.

He could break his bindings. In time, he could provide the amount of sweat to create an explosion big enough to both free him and propel him forward to get the camera. He allowed himself to relax a little.

Bring it, bitches! I'm gonna kill you all!

Raccoon-Eyes seemed to interpret his newfound calmness differently.

"Decided to be a good student? Smart." She took the sunglasses off. "But," she said, her eyes narrowing in a mock glare, "I'm still watching you, mister!" She turned to Four-eyes and gave him a thumbs up. "All in order, Mr. Class Rep. You can continue the lesson now."

"With pleasure! Let me begin by showing you an example of how heroic misconduct and misbehaviour can quickly lead to public ridicule."

A video appeared on screen. It was titled "Angry Explosion Kid Compilation (part 1 of 10)".

The protagonist of the viral video series watched himself on the big screen for the first time. An epiphany came to him. He had to find the poor, little person that had wasted their time away to create such an unforgettable viewing experience and show them his gratitude.

He would do so by freeing them from the agonising and cruel ordeal that was their life.

But the lesson had only started. And thus began an excruciating test of patience for Katsuki Bakugo.

The chance for freedom came at long last. Raccoon-Eyes, Ghost Girl, Tape-Arms, and Kirishima were at the front, participating in some kind of stupid scenario directed by Four-eyes. Ponytail was holding on to the remote. Electro-Dolt was too busy laughing at the clowns in front to pay any attention to him. The pain in his chest was gone and his head was clear. His palms were sweaty and his Quirk was ready. He only got one shot. Not about to miss his chance to blow it up, he fired.

The resulting explosion broke the handcuffs and the chair in half, but it didn't propel him as far as he had hoped. He lost precious seconds ridding himself of the remaining bindings. Raccoon-Eyes capitalised on this, grabbing the camera and dashing out of the classroom. She reacted fast, Katsuki had to admit. Not that it would help her.

He threw himself into the air and through the door, using his fine-tuned explosions for manoeuvring. The bright sunlight, which was shining through the windows, blinded him when he burst into the hallway.

Where did she go? There she was, at the end of the corridor. He had to cut her off! He boosted himself with explosions again, closing the distance between him and his target. He was right behind her in an instant, reaching out to grab her neck - only for her to dodge and jump out of an open window.

"Damn it!" Katsuki was doubly frustrated at the narrow miss and the fact they were on the ground floor - chances of her breaking her stupid neck were minimal. He fought back the pain shooting up his arms, feedback from the first explosion, and focused on his current goal. He couldn't afford any more near-misses!

If Toru had to rate the day so far, she would give it a solid eight point five out of ten. Pranking the resident explosive, angry teen with minimum risk? A bit uncreative but always funny and a good seven. Dressing said teen up in her favourite cosplay outfits while he couldn't escape? A dream come true and a definite ten. Spending fun time with her classmates? A clear eight. Taking photos of her fantastic creations with the chance to share them with the rest of the world? Nine out of ten. She would at least show them to Aoyama. Talk about true fabulosity, Sparkle-Boy.

Explaining to Aizawa why one of the desks in the classroom looked like someone had started a fire on it, why there were stains on the floor, and why a chair was missing would be a disaster to the overall score, though. Luckily, they had the means to fix it.

Mina was gone. So was the camera, which meant everything was going as planned. Bakugo's escape hadn't been hard to predict, after all. Leave it to Mina to "volunteer as tribute" as she had put it and play the distraction. That girl was either stupidly brave or a masochist. If she got caught... Toru shuddered. There were more pressing matters to attend.

She nudged Kirishima, who in turn gestured to a dumbfounded Sero. Judging from the groan that came from the back, Kaminari had taken some damage. Where did Iida go?

"Bakugo, don't you dare jumping out of that win-" The sound of an explosion cut off the yelled order. Yep, Bakugo was chasing Mina and the class rep was living up to his position.

Sero snapped out of his stupor. "Damn. Kaminari, are you okay?"

The boy got up with a groan. "Why, yes, I'm just peachy. You know I love the smell of napalm in the mor- Ouch! That will leave a bruise…"

Sero chuckled. "Yeah, you'll be fine."

Kaminari shot him a glare.

"Guys, I think we need to clean up," Kirishima said. He picked up some of the blackened remains.

"Easy enough. Wait, what about the chair? Even my tape can't fix this mess."

"You're right. We need to replace it. But how?" Kirishima paused, thinking.

"If only we had a way to create things out of nowhere," Kaminari said.

"You mean, like a Hero with a Quirk that can create things? It would be really useful to have someone like that around now," Toru added.

They turned to the most visible girl in the room.

"Oh, can it be? It's our saviour, the 'Creative Hero', Creati!"

Momo didn't look impressed.

"You told me it was a study group! You needed a good tutor! I'm not going to help you!"

They tried pleading. Toru even pulled her trump card, her patented puppy dog face. It always worked with Ojiro.

"No! You tricked me into this. And what are you even doing, Hagakure?"

Kaminari changed the approach. "Yaoyorozu, I've come to bargain." He held up two fingers. "Two packages of your favourite brand of tea if you help us."

No reaction.

"Okay, three. Four? Five, my last offer." He looked to Kirishima and Sero, who gave him a thumbs up. "You also get our slices of Sato's cake later at the picnic." His voice was desperate now.

He paused before his face lit up. He looked determined. "Yaoyorozu, I've come to bargain. I'll also be your servant for-"

"Five packages of tea, each of your choice, our slices of Sato's cake, the special 'Shoto Todoroki: Beach Edition' calendar, a new encyclopedia, and I'll take you shopping with the other girls. We can go to that 100-yen store you like so much," Toru chimed in with a winning grin.

"What was the third one?"

She ignored Momo's question. "Oh, and if you want," she added, "Kaminari can be your personal servant for a day. I have just the perfect butler outfit for him."

"Now, wait a min- Oof!" An invisible elbow stopped his line of protest. "I'll be at your service, my lady."

Momo seemed confused. "I don't need another servant. And I don't think I can eat that much cake."

Toru took her hand. "I'll keep my slice, then."

The boys muttered darkly.

"Do we have a deal, Yaomomo?"

The tall girl nodded.

"Perfect. Here, I think this can help you with the chair." She showed her the plans on her phone. Yaoyorozu studied them for a while and got to work. A few minutes later, the group stood before the finished creation.

"So, how are we gonna put this together?" asked Sero.

Yaoyorozu added a few tools and a manual. "Here you go, boys. Hagakure will clean the desks."

Kaminari picked up the manual. "And what about you?"

"I'm looking up new exciting tea brands, of course."

Toru couldn't help but laugh at Yaomomo's merry tone. She finished the mail on her phone and sent it on its way. Maybe this day could score even higher than eight point five! She just hoped Mina was okay.

Katsuki took a few steps back from the window to get a decent jump out of it, when a voice reached him. Out of the corner of his eyes, he could spot Four-eyes rushing after him, somehow still managing his gait to a walk instead of a run. Tch, nerd.

He sprinted and leapt, using the windowsill to gain additional height before he fired his Quirk to rocket after his fleeing target. He could see her taking the pathway which lead to the dorms, zigzagging her way through other students with her Quirk. She almost collided with one group, shouting something Katsuki couldn't understand. He sped up. You're mine, Raccoon-Eyes!

He readied himself for a dive when hands grabbed him from behind. Something soft and heavy pressed against his back.

"Hey, hey, listen!" A female voice. Behind him. Katsuki did one hell of a double-take. A girl with long blue hair was clinging onto him in midair.

"The hell are you doing? Get off!"

He had to do something or he would crash. He fired one big explosion downwards, the blast providing enough lift to avoid the pavement and tumble into the grass. He recovered himself, but when he tried to get up, she was still holding on to him.

"Weeeeee! That was fun! Your Quirk sure is a blast. Can you fire the explosions only from your hands? Or maybe also from your mouth? Like a dragon? Wow, your hair looks spiky, but it's actually pretty soft. Why are you chasing the pink girl? Do you like her? Did she turn down your confession and now you're trying to redeem your relationship? Huh? Huh!? Is that why you have matching hairstyles? That's soooo cute! Hey, is that face of yours part of your Quirk? You look like you're about to explode! Oh, is that how it works? Can you convert your anger into a physical explosion? I've never heard of anything similar. Does that mean you're always angry? That's not healthy, you know? You should smile more!"

She twisted Katsuki's mouth into unnatural grimaces, trying to bring it close to a smile. "See? Like this! Doesn't it make you happy? Oh, I know, we should be frie-"

"Shut up and let me go, you annoying airhead!"

She gasped. "You're not very polite, you know that? I don't think you can win the girl over with that attitude. Come to think of it, she actually screamed 'Save me!' and that's when I jumped in! Look, she's still running away."

It was true. The pink menace was now sprinting down a path which led into a small copse of trees next to the dorms. She was getting away!

Katsuki was about to blow up the immediate area when he noticed a pair of feet right in front of him.

"My, my, aren't we energetic today? Those first years are something else!" A booming laugh followed. The boy was a few years older than him. He looked like Tintin on steroids.

"Hado, I think you should let him go," a quiet voice added. Another boy, also older, with black hair was standing a distance away from them. He cast a furtive glance at Katsuki and turned away. "He also looks very scary. He makes me uncomfortable. I wanna go home." The last words had been barely audible.

Katsuki could not believe what was going on. The fucker was actually trembling! What was the problem with those weirdos?

"Huh? Oh, you're right, Amajiki." The girl let go of him and got up.

As soon as Katsuki was free, he fired off his Quirk to get airborne and headed into the woods. He was swiftly manoeuvring through the trees. At least, he had lost this annoying trio of weirdos. He hoped to never see them again. Raccoon-Eyes was probably heading for the clearing in the centre. He had to intercept her there. Katsuki accelerated. This chase was getting old.

It didn't take him long to reach the clearing. At the sound of familiar voices, he dropped to the ground and approached the source cautiously. He pushed some shrubs away, trying to spot his target. No sign of the pink menace.

Earlobes sat further away in the centre, tuning her acoustic guitar. Diabetes Man and the small useless guy were walking towards Earlobes, carrying a big cake and a picnic bag. As they set their luggage down, Raccoon-Eyes came sprinting out of the woods. Katsuki readied himself. She stopped in front of the boys. She was standing with her back to him, gesturing wildly and talking to the small useless one. With a feral roar, Katsuki launched himself towards his prey, hands sparking with murderous intent.

As soon as Ashido heard suspicious crackling behind her, she grabbed the nearest thing and turned around, holding it up in front of her to protect herself. Fortunately for her, the thing was Mineta.

Mineta's enjoyment lasted for two seconds. Then Bakugo arrived.

"Ah, there's nothing better than a nice picnic with friends after a long study session! Especially Sato's cake. My brain needs sugar!" Ochaco licked her lips in anticipation of a free high-quality dessert. "And thanks again for helping me with those math problems, Deku! You're a lifesaver."

The boy walking next to her looked up from his phone. "Huh? O-oh, you're welcome, Uraraka."

"Are you still reading that article?"

"Ah, y-yes, sorry. It's just so interesting! To think that people like the Hauler and Pop Step were out there not too long ago…"

"Who are they?"

"Vigilantes. You know, people who fought villains without a hero licence. There are detailed reports about their exploits! And the author also tackles the questions of morality and legal conflicts spawning from it. Pretty advanced for a blog…'Sleepy Captain Yoruichi' sure knows their stuff. Oh, an email!"

Ochaco was grateful for the interruption. While she was used to Deku's mutterings and even found them cute at times, it was hard to keep up with him when he got into the zone. Their study date had been fun, although Izuku ended up mainly tutoring her. He had been enthusiastic, but she couldn't shake the feeling of being in his debt again. She had to think of something to repay him. Maybe invite him to the new hero-themed restaurant in town...and maybe they could make the study date a regular thing!

"Deku…" she turned to him, only to discover him standing a few metres behind her, frozen. He was staring at his phone. His hands seemed to tremble a little.

"Are you okay?"

"Uraraka, let's go to the mall." His voice was low. He was still looking at his phone.

"Wh-What did you say?"

He looked up, meeting her questioning gaze. "Let's go to the mall," he repeated.

He closed the small distance between them and grabbed her hand. "C'mon, Uraraka. Let's go to the mall. You won't be sorry."

"What's gotten into you? What about the picnic? My free dessert! Permission slips?"

"Don't worry. I got them from Aizawa this morning. There's this exclusive Midnight body pill- Err, I mean, All Might collectible figure on sale today. I have a whole week's allowance to spend. We can go to that Mochi shop you told me about. It'll be my treat. They have free Wi-Fi there! So, throw every last care away and let's go to the mall today!"

Ochaco barely registered the awful rhyme at the end. This was so sudden! But his eyes had a familiar glint of determination in them. He was still holding her hand.

She nodded. "Okay. But drinks are on me." She matched his grin. She still had a debt to pay off, after all. A thought hit her. Was this a date? Heat rushed to her cheeks. She got so flustered she didn't notice Izuku pulling her in the opposite direction they had been going.

She also didn't notice the faint rumbling coming from the picnic spot that suspiciously sounded like an explosion.

"I'm sorry, guys. I tried my best to protect it, but in the end, Bakugo was just...too much."

"But, all the preparation! The careful planning! Everything was going so well! This can't be happening. We must find a way to restore it. And I was soo looking forward to it!"

"I know, Toru. We all were." Ashido put both hands on the invisible girl's shoulders. Her grip was firm and her voice shifted to a more encouraging tone. "And you know what? We're gonna find a way. It's not over yet."

Kirishima approached them with concern. "What are you talking about? I know the camera is broken, but the photos are saved. Didn't you send the files off before we left the classroom?"

"Wha- of course I did," Hagakure answered.

"We were talking about this," said Ashido and pointed to the ground where Mineta was lying, unconscious and slightly smoking. "He destroyed the entire four-layered chocolate masterpiece Sato made!"

"Noooooo!" Everyone looked at Yaoyorozu, surprised at the outburst. She clasped her hands over her mouth. "S-Sorry, but I could really need something to eat."

Kaminari chuckled. "Heh, guess the cake is a-"

Jirou's Earphone Jack poked him in the side. "Don't you dare. Finish. That. Sentence." She led Yaoyorozu away from the group and the small crater surrounding Mineta. "Don't worry, Momo. I brought snacks." The taller girl perked up at that.

"What about Mineta?" Sero asked.

"His sacrifice will not be forgotten. We will ensure to give him a proper burial with all honours," Ashido said, deadpan. Hagakure saluted and shovelled small mounds of dirt onto Mineta's body.

"Whoa. Now, easy there, girls. He's still breathing."

"Oh. My mistake. Let me fix that."

Sero paled when he saw Ashido's facial expression. Thankfully, Iida stepped in.

"Ashido! Hagakure! This is no way to treat your fellow classmate. It is of utmost importance we assure his physical well-being! You should treat your equals with respect. Stop your antics at once!"

Ashido tsked and motioned Hagakure to stop. "Respect, my ass," she muttered.

Kaminari joined her with a shit-eating grin. "You know Mineta does. Can't blame him. It's nice and- Oof!" He found it hard to continue talking with a pink fist driven into his solar plexus.

"I didn't quite catch that. What did you say?"

He was on his knees, spluttering and clutching his midsection.

"That's what I thought, Pikachu." She stalked off, over to Sato, who finished wiping excessive cake from his face. Hagakure was right behind her. "Oh, Saaatoo!"

"Yeah?"

"Any way to fix the damage?"

"No. There's nothing left to salvage, after all. Damn shame too. Took some time to make…"

Ashido pouted. "So...there's nothing you can do?"

"Aside from making a new one, no. But that would be a pain."

The pinkest member of their class stepped up-close to him and put a hand in his arm. She looked up to him with pleading eyes. "Can you do it? For me?"

"And me?" Hagakure had sneaked up behind him.

"I don't know…"

Ashido's hand went up from his arm to his cheek. "C'mon, big boy. Don't you want to be our hero?"

"Let's do it together! I'm sure Mina and I can help you out. We'll be your personal assistants for today." The last sentence was whispered into Sato's ear. "How about it, sugarcube?"

He gulped. "S-Sure. I can bake another cake. Let's go."

Two girls high-fived each other. Three boys were watching them in disbelief.

"These two are scary," Sero said.

Kirishima nodded.

"They just want Sato's sweet cream p- mmmmph!" A band of white tape cut Kaminari off.

"Seriously, what's wrong with you today? You wanna get buried in Mineta's place?"

Kirishima lifted Mineta off the ground. "Hey, Iida, we're taking our little Shield Hero here to Recovery Girl. Can you watch the cake crew?"

"Most certainly. I will also inform the others about the delay."

"Awesome, thanks. Let's go, Sero, Kaminari."

Sero dragged the latter along with him. "What's our cover story for Mineta?"

"Hmm. Let's say he cracked one too many dumb blonde jokes and Kaminari went a bit overboard."

"Mmmpff!"

"Sounds good to me."

"Wait a second. Almost forgot." Kirishima approached Ashido. "Do you know where Bakugo went?"

"I told him Midori was at the training grounds and off he ran."

"But Midoriya's at the dorms. He told me he was studying with Uraraka."

"Ah, details. Someone has to be there."

Kirishima facepalmed. "Let's hope he's not coming back."

Class 1-B's weekend Quirk training had turned into something different with the arrival of a new party. Given the natures of one peculiar classmate and the newcomer, the resulting event came to absolutely nobody's surprise.

"You know, I think we give Monoma too little credit sometimes. He's holding his own pretty well so far," Honenuki said to Kendo.

The girl nodded. "Yeah, he's not just all talk. He could become a decent hero. If he just wasn't so…"

"Mentally deranged?"

"Eccentric. Whoa, that was a close one." They watched as Monoma avoided Bakugo's attack.

"Still, to challenge Bakugo, of all people, to a fight because 'our eyes met, therefore we must have a battle'?"

"That was manly!" Tetsutetsu joined the conversation. "And Bakugo was eager too. That's the flaming fighting spirit of youth!"

"It might not be bad for them to get that aggression out of their systems," Kendo said, "it makes for a nice change of pace. And everyone's totally into it."

The students were standing in an uneven circle around the fighters. Some were cheering, some were holding their hands out to supply Monoma with their Quirks, and some were betting on the outcome.

Monoma was on his second round of Quirk-gathering. His expression showed signs of panic as Bakugo was cutting him off again and again. Finding himself cornered, he took a stance to face his opponent. He dodged Bakugo's first punch, blocked the second with his hand, immediately going for a counterattack with the acquired Quirk, and fired an explosion right in Bakugo's face.

"Oh, sorry, you had something stupid on yo- Urk!" Bakugo's hand shot forward and closed around Monoma's throat.

"Die!"

He fired a continuous stream of blasts towards the ground, catapulting them both high in the air. When they reached the apex of their ascent, he flipped his victim underneath him and fired another huge blast in the opposite direction, chokeslamming his opponent into the ground with a small crater forming under the impact.

"Aw, he's dead."

"Holy Shit!"

"Almost six minutes. That means I win!"

The dust settled. Monoma was out cold.

"Not half bad for a warm-up." Bakugo's expression was positively murderous. "But damn me if he isn't annoying as hell." He looked around. "Who's next?"

When his eyes met Shiozaki's, she began a strange chant. "Exorcizamus te, omnis immunde spiritus, omnis satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii, omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica, in nomine et virtute Domini Iesu Christi, eradicare et effugare a Dei Ecclesia, ab animabus ad imaginem Dei conditis ac pretioso divini Agnis sanguine redemptis…"

He noticed Tetsutetsu, who seemed awestruck. "Metal Kirishima! Get your ass over here!"

Kendo poked him in the side and the silver-haired teen recovered.

"What a manly finisher! But I see you still haven't memorised my name."

He slammed his fists together with a clang and pointed at Bakugo.

"I'm gonna tell you something important, so you better dig the wax out of your ears and listen! I'm Class 1-B's Iron Man! The man of indomitable spirit and masculinity!"

He started walking towards his opponent.

"I'm not just a steel version of your friend Kirishima! I'm the real deal! The real steel!"

He broke into a sprint.

"The mighty Tetsutetsu! Remember this name and remember it well!"

He was now covered in steel and raised his fist for a punch.

"Just who the hell do you think I am?"

That evening, Mitsuki Bakugo was lounging on her couch, mobile phone in hand and a triumphant smirk on her face. Her husband joined her with two cans of beer and a box of Pocky.

"Here you go, honey. Now, what's the happy occasion?"

She showed him the picture on her phone. "Look, Katsuki made friends with his classmates. Don't they look happy?"

"They do. But why is our son tied to a chair, clearly unconscious, and wearing a maid uniform?"

"That's the best part! We finally have enough photos to start a new family album! There are over fifty photos attached." She showed him the email.

He read over the sender's address. "And who's our benefactor? Who's 'Small Might'?"

"Oh, that's Inko's boy, Izuku. He's a bit of a pushover, but the results speak for him! Now I have blackmail material for years to come! Isn't it great?"

"Wonderful, darling."

She took a good sip out of her can and put a Pocky stick between her lips, mimicking someone smoking a cigar.

"I love it when a plan comes together!"

A/N: There you have it. My first attempt at fanfiction. As you've probably noticed, it's not entirely serious. I hope you had fun reading it, I certainly did have fun writing. Forgive the lack of en- and em-dashes, I've written this on my phone. If you got all the references, help yourself to one Internet cookie :). Feel free to leave a review to this story, I can't improve without feedback. I prefer concrit, but I'm happy about any review I get!