Chapter Two: The Impossible

He had been warned. He knew he was not ready, but he entered anyway. Something inside him told him he deserved the despondency. A minimum punishment for not having stayed to fight, even if he had ended up dead. Maybe that's how he would have stopped those monsters from stabbing their disgusting teeth into Clementine's leg.

—This will be difficult. It won't be like when you brought her; You were running and there was no time to think. Now you will see her thoroughly. —Ruby warned, pulling Louis out of his stupor—. I don't have much else to indicate. You have to let her rest and recover, so try not to move her too much. I stopped the bleeding, but I don't know if she is suffering or at what level.

Between the worry and the guilt there was a painful anxiety in Louis's face. He wanted to go in now, but Ruby had to give him one last warning.

—This is when I ask you something that you won't like: feel what you feel, don't free her. A single walker can be defeated. Two are already a major problem.

Louis nodded barely. He understood, but that didn't mitigate the sudden courage that invaded him when he heard Ruby refer to Clementine in that way. She was not a walker. Not yet. Louis didn't want to be talked about as if she had lost the fight. She was in there, fighting with a strength that went beyond his understanding. Weak, but alive. Hope was something he couldn't lose.

The door resounded and vibrated for a short time after being opened. An intense smell came out of the interior. The unmistakable scent of blood reached his senses, until he called his eyes to settle on the cause.

Louis felt the urge to look away, but he forced himself to keep looking. It was the least that could be done. Clementine, her invincible Clementine, who was able to carry an entire community on her back to keep it afloat, could pass for a corpse. Her skin was pale, almost ghostly. Dry lips and bloody bandages. Dark furrows surrounded her eyes, plunging them into a gesture that called for martyrdom. And to top it off, strong moorings held both wrists, stripping her of humanity. He could measure the seriousness of the matter.

Distressed, Louis rushed to the bed until he almost touched the girl. In an instant he imagined innumerable ways to bring her back, to listen to her voice to tell him from her own mouth that everything was just a nightmare. He felt the faded cheek and was convinced that it was real. Again in him that pain throbbing like a scream.

Not wanting to move away, he knelt next to the girl resisting the desire to see her free of those damn ropes, but nothing could stop him from caressing his face. He ran her face delicately over and over again. He sought to warm her, to restore her the vitality that she gave off each time she smiled. It was then that Louis took off his coat, covered Clementine with it and settled beside her. There he decided that he wouldn't move from that place. Not until she woke up.

—Clem, I... it's my fault. Everything is my fault. —His voice was wounded and frustrated—. This shouldn't have happened. I should never have left your side. I don't know at what point it occurred to me to climb that fucking fence. I should have done like AJ and not listen to you. You are strong, smart and brave, everything that I am not. If I could switch places with you, I would. You know that, don't you?

That lacerating pain broke his voice. He was choking on his breath, as if he lacked air in each inhalation. He wanted to cry of anger and affliction, but what was his suffering compared to hers? It was better to smile and hope for her. So, perhaps, it would mitigate his own grief.

—Hey, we have a house waiting for us. Nine hundred fourteen floors to build our home. Yes, a home. I can see us living there. We can paint the house in pink or the colors you want. Don't worry about the stairs; I will be your official transport. I'm going to teach you to play the piano, to AJ and to you. We will give an opening concert right under the skylight. I can already see it. The loudest applause will be for you, Clem. We will make all the noise we want without fear of anything. —He smiled sadly, whispering promises that he swore to keep—. But none of this will make sense without you. I realized that when we escaped the raiders and you weren't with me. I felt a void I hadn't felt before, not even when my parents left me behind. I thought I'd lost you, but when I saw you again I felt complete. Understand what I say? AJ and you are my family. I need you by my side. If you leave, I won't stand it. Surviving knowing that you are not there would be the same as dying. For what you want most, live. If you don't do it for me, do it for AJ. I won't ask for anything for me again. Just stay by my side.

He understood that his life had irremediably intertwined with hers, and that he was capable of following her as she was, whatever fate it might be. Unable to contain himself, Louis grabbed Clementine's face in his hands and kissed her on the mouth, without helping sobbing between his lips. The feelings flowed to the surface of his being with all the sadness that accumulated along with his crying. And at last the tears appeared, with the despondency of the languor and the longing for hope.

There were times when he was harassed by a great fatigue and, vainly, he took sporadic naps to recover his energy. But he was still there, waiting for Clementine. At first Ruby was reluctant to have him anchored to the infirmary, but she accepted his presence willingly as he demonstrated his usefulness. If it was a question of looking at the evolution of the patient, Louis was the most reliable source. He was in charge, besides helping to change the bandages, to take the time that Clementine had been unconscious. Thanks to his testimony they could be relieved, assured that the amputation had taken effect; twenty-four hours after the bite, it was hard to believe that she would eventually transform. Incredible but true. They had among their ranks a feat of survival.

It was so, after discussing it at length, the entrance of other people was gradually allowed. AJ was the first to make a presence, agreeing with Louis when he cleaned Clementine's face with wet fabrics. Surprisingly, the child didn't faint before the state of the girl; his chin was raised all the time, adorned with a triumphant smile.

—I knew she could do it. Don't be offended, Lou, but you don't know her as much as I do. She is stronger than you or even her believe. Clem prepared me to move on no matter what happened, so I did that. Just what she taught me. —AJ said as he approached the bed slowly, proud of having made the right decision.

Louis moved his seat slightly back and invited the kid to approach with a wave of his hand.

—Come and see her up close, buddy.

—But Ruby said...

—Don't worry. I won't tell her if you don't. I've broken about twenty of her rules myself. Come on. Clem will do well with you.

Involved in complicity, AJ took a position next to the young woman, remaining mired in finding differences between the Clementine he had dragged in the forest and the one in front of him.

—Look. The color is already going back. —Louis said, with that enthusiastic air that characterized him.

—Yes. She looks better than when she arrived. —AJ spoke, moving from excitement to concern in the interval of the sentence.

—What's wrong? —Louis asked.

—I disobeyed her. I don't usually do it, but this time I did it. I only hope that when she wakes up, she will not be angry with me, and that she can see that I tried to put her to safe using what she taught me.

—Silly stuff. She adores you. When she sees you, she will not be able to enjoy herself. And if she gets upset with you, I'll support you. After all, I also had the chance to kill her when I found you, and I didn't. Or you can blame me. I'm the one who always screws up, am I not?

The little boy chuckled. With so many older kids surrounding him, it was a relief to have someone come along to speak as equals. He needed it to not feel in a constant state of submission, to have confidence in other people. The ties were also vital to survive. Another lesson that Clementine had instilled in him, along with seeking redemption for his actions.

—What about you, Lou? Are you mad at me about Tenn?

Uncomfortable silence. Louis took a few seconds to assimilate that Tenn was no longer with them. The impact after what happened to Clementine had made him relegate that moment. A chill shook him. The image of the little one being devoured by the walkers returned silently to his memory, like a ghost. It hurt again, he was stunned by the noise of the shot. There was something. Something he still couldn't face. He was still stuck between dream and reality.

—I... need time, AJ.

Better leave it there. AJ made no objection. He didn't like being patient, but patience was giving Clementine a second chance, so it couldn't be so bad. With this, AJ would learn for himself what grief meant and the usefulness of waiting. It was not the time to touch the most recent wounds, but to prevent new ones.

The child's attention rested only on the patient. His eyes noticed more than cheeks faintly flushed.

—She's fighting. —Said the boy, contemplating the girl's face. His eyes traveled between longing and worry—. I know that expression. She gets like this when she has nightmares. Now she is fighting against something real.

—You're right. You know how she is. She doesn't give up. She is ready to face any enemy. —Louis said, trying to get the kid out of the darkness into which he sometimes submerged. Something in that look didn't give him a good spine. No child should look like that.

—I need her. She told me that I didn't need her, but it's not true. It is true that I can defend myself, and that if I saw me on my own, I would know what to do, but this is something else. It makes my heart tighten. It feels bad, and I no longer want to defend myself. I know it sounds silly.

—You know what, little man? It's okay what you feel. Believe me, I feel it too.

—How can it be okay? I would like to take off me. I'm afraid something will take her away from me. I had never been so close to losing her. This time I was able to do something, but what will happen if next time I'm not? It turns my head. I don't want to be alone.

It wasn't so simple. Louis knew no feeling more intense than love, in its different facets. It must be because fear always accompanied it. He was an inexperienced young man, but it didn't take a genius to realize that love was capable of bringing out the best in people, of strengthening them and of seeing them realized. But at the same time, it had the ability to become enormously vulnerable. It was enough to see himself, tired and haggard, but he had no heart to leave Clementine's side in those conditions.

—It's complicated. They are feelings that come together. —Louis said. He still didn't know anyone who could love without fear of losing the loved one. Not even in those times, when it seemed a good idea not to be attached to anyone, but it was part of being human; inevitable, impossible—. Listen out. Ensuring the survival of others is something that nobody can do. But you can count on that, whatever happens, I will not leave you alone.

—You promise?

—Promised. —he smiled.

No one could replace Clementine. That was not the purpose, but to give AJ additional security. It was an occasion to make him feel loved, that other people needed him, that he was important.

There was a knock on the door of the infirmary. Seconds later, Aasim's face peeked out.

—Ah hello. I can interrupt, right? The dinner is ready. We are waiting for you to serve.

The word "dinner" was enough for AJ's stomach to roar until it filled the room, provoking Louis' laughter.

—Go ahead. Go with him before you eat yourself.

—You are not coming, Lou?

—Me? Nah, I'm okay. I already ate a shark.

—Not true.

But nobody would take him out of that place. They had tried before, and he always managed to get away with it. Better not to insist and take something of the dinner later, so at least he would have a bite. AJ also understood that, and that was why he went to sit at the table with ease, but Aasim tried to reason with Louis one last time.

—If you continue to behaving like this, you will only weaken yourself. You won't be of any use to anyone in the long run. Think: If you don't eat, you will not have the strength to take care of her. Do you think she would like to see you like this?

Precisely one of Clementine's shortcomings was that she seemed not to know when to stop her eagerness to protect others at the expense of her own safety. First with AJ, then with the kids at school. Now they could sit down to dinner, and she was still fighting.

—I know she wouldn't. She would scold me. She would try to reason with me by saying that I am necessary for the group, even if I'm not. And if I refused, she would drag me growling. You know, that sound that does something every time is not as she wants. —Louis admitted, watching the girl as if imagining her expressions—. But for that she has to get better. When she wakes up, she can tell me whatever she wants.

The subtle violence in the devotion of his words was evident. It was a definite no to move from there, and Aasim knew he was wasting his time. The only one who could make him reconsider was lying unconscious. He was content with the plan to leave Louis a plate of food for after dinner and prepared to leave him alone.

—Aasim? —Louis called before he left—. I know it's none of my business, but if I were you, I would not wait any longer.

Ruby. Aasim understood it. Maybe Louis had waited too long. Clementine's complicated state only confirmed that it was possible for long-term plans to have a higher cost than living on a day-to-day basis.

The night was a bright and pearly gray. Perfect, if wasn't for the constant fatigue that began to affect Louis. An incipient shadow began to linger beneath his eyes, but the company of others helped. AJ, in particular, managed to keep him hopeful. It was necessary, because as the hours passed, the chances of Clementine opening their eyes diminished. But Louis's heart didn't want to be receptive to that scenario. It didn't matter. It was unreal.

AJ slept in one of the corners of the room, huddled in a chair. He said he was going to stay awake forever, but failed after twenty minutes. Funny, Louis covered him with a blanket. It was nice to feel accompanied. It was an excellent ground wire.

He was going to return to his place next to Clementine when then, to his great shock, there was a sonorous grunt coming from the prostrate girl, a raspy, costly noise that deepened to a greater volume. It began to get louder. Some movements accompanied it. She showed some intermittent spasms, like wanting to get rid of something.

Louis felt his blood freeze in an instant. Those protests, that way of moving... couldn't be. Like a fearful animal, he approached the bed. He was afraid to see that they had lost the fight, that the young woman who was watching closely was nothing more than an empty body, but more than anything what he would have to do if his suspicions were true. He was aware of the knife he kept. It felt heavy, nauseating. He didn't want to touch it. His hands shook.

I can't, he realized with frustration. And he called himself a coward and selfish, because just as he didn't feel capable of letting her go, he wasn't willing to end her suffering either. Clementine had been wrong to trust him. He sent the rules to hell and began to undo the bonds that kept the girl prisoner. He felt the urgent need to embrace her. Only once more to experience that delicate communion, nothing else, and then seek to gain the courage he needed to give her peace.

But when he was ridding Clementine of the last obstacle that held her, Louis felt a sudden grip on his wrist.

—¿L-Louis?

An impact of amazement crossed his mind, barely managing to keep his eyes straight ahead. He was overcome by a terrible weakness when he heard that voice, feeling that he should lie on the ground. But he was immobile on the spot when he made contact with Clementine's half-open eyes. She was alive. He remained in that daze for a few seconds, purely stupefied. In the end she decided to approach him by stretching her hands. He continued rigid, waiting for a blow or a scream to wake him up from what seemed to be a cruel illusion. But no. He reached his state of maximum perception when he felt Clementine's palm on his cheek.

—Louis. —She whispered weakly—. What... what happened?

There was no response from him. He wanted to call her, but he couldn't, because he was afraid that she wouldn't answer him. As if she were a ghost. As if he was dreaming. She must have noticed the anguish in his face, because she smiled at him as if to reassure him. A gesture that took a considerable proportion of her energy. Louis's mind insisted on convincing his body that he was not hallucinating, to stop acting like an idiot and spoke to her once and for all.

—Clementine... —he mumbled, drowning over her with fascination, caressing her face. His warm breath, longing, brushing hers, seemed to defuse the anxiety of the moment.

The young woman could feel that her body gradually relaxed a little, losing the rigidity after having spent days in bed. After opening her eyes completely, she placed both hands on the boy's shoulders. The first good news after waking up was that he had managed to survive.

The warm blood began to flow again through the Louis veins, making him breathe . And so it was that he surrendered to reality, warm at last. He sighed with joy and closed his eyes, holding the girl against his chest. It was calm at last. He felt her so perfect and real against him that the tears didn't take long to lean out.

—Oh God, Clem. You are alive. —He exclaimed, sobbing in his embrace, noticing thatthe fatigue inside him was being killed. The detestable cloud of uncertainty had finally disappeared.

Clementine was exhausted, helpless before him. She just looked at him, just assimilating where she was. He kissed her tenderly, repeatedly. A laugh appeared in her eyes.

—Did I overdo you? —Louis asked, still smiling. The question made Clementine smile too, because it was hard to imagine him without exaggerating.

—I was expecting a joke, but I can get used to this. —She said to reassure him, but noticed something else—. Lou, are you crying?

It was then that he tried to retract his engulfing emotion, with the tears almost gushing from his eyes. Clementine was touched by the gesture that showed, once again, her inexhaustible desire to make her smile.

—I'm sorry, I'm just so happy to see you. —Louis expressed drying the remains of his tears with his sleeve.

They drifted almost motionless, contemplating each other in silence. And the silence was pure and total. It did not bother them in the least. However, she missed something. She still lacked an important confirmation. Her face became startled.

—AJ, where is he? —She asked, eager for some information. She was trying to dig into her last memories, putting the puzzle together slowly.

—It's okay. Look. —He said staring at the boy in the corner—. That little man over there has guts. He saved your life, Clem.

Saved her life? Clementine frowned, confused for a few moments, until the connection was made in her head and brought her back to those fateful minutes. Minerva's attack, the bite on her leg and, finally, the last favor she asked AJ: to kill her before she transformed. She felt the panic freezing the back of his neck.

—It can't be... AJ...

There was little left to wake him up, but she couldn't even sit up. Her own body stopped her. Something was wrong. She missed the urge, a weight on one of her limbs, but she couldn't see it, because Louis's coat covered her. She immediately moved it aside, startled by the finding: the lower half of her left leg was gone. A bandage on the knee marked the new limit of her anatomy. For her, it was a slap. A violent tremor came to her eyes.

—No... no, no, no. —She sighed almost without air. She reached out and touched the end of her leg, grimacing when her fingers touched the bandages, feeling the sutures beneath them. A grimace of pain overshadowed her initial joy—. It was my mistake. How could I let them bite me?

—Clem, look at me. —Louis called, trying to capture her attention. You have to know that if AJ had not done what he did, you wouldn't be with us.

—Are you watching this, Louis? I'm missing a leg. —She said desperately—. I can no longer run or hunt, much less protect AJ. I am a burden. I'm doomed.

—Of course not, Clem. —Said Louis, looking for what to say to calm the situation—. There's still hope. Do you remember how Violet was? She can barely see anything, but she doesn't give up. I don't give up either. I will help you to walk again. Until then I can be your legs. We will find a solution.

—There's no solution for this. —Clementine denied with her head, holding what was left of her leg.

—Yes, there is. Listen to me please. You can't see it now because of what happened to you. I know it's not great, but I swear that you will achieve it. You have gone through so much, you must have seen other people in your situation. You are stronger than them, I swear. You are not alone.

—I'll just be a burden. —She murmured sadly.

—That never. Give it time. That little man needs you. —He insisted, beginning to relate what had happened—. AJ... he risked taking the ax and amputated your leg to keep you from transforming. He was very brave. Hell, I still do not understand how he did it. And as if that were not enough, he dragged you out, I do not know with what strength. If he sees you like this, he will feel terrible. You can't give up now.

Clementine was more and more overwhelmed by the story. Not so much for her, but for AJ. Until recently she was afraid of how he was assimilating the world, in that cold and pragmatic way. But what Louis was describing was something greater, because it was madness, but a right madness. AJ had not listened to her and had done well to turn a deaf ear to her request. He already manifested an independent will. With this it was more than proven that, if the child she had raised faced any problem, at any hard and effective difficulty, he would overcome it. James had been wrong too; It was not the thirst for blood that moved AJ, but love.

—I ... I realized that you had been slow to come back, so I went looking for you. I found you a few meters from the barn. AJ told me what happened and we went back to school. We had to act fast. I admit that at one point I didn't know if I was carrying you or something else. Shit, I didn't know until Ruby examined you. —The guilt was becoming present in his voice, increasingly constricted. The darkness of his eyes reached Clementine's bandages, there, where her leg was missing—. None of us knew anyone could survive a bite until now. And you also lost so much blood. It was difficult to achieve it. God, if you didn't wake up soon ...

She slowly focused her eyes with a look of uncertainty, flaming, over Louis's eyes. Had it been so long while she was asleep? Reading the traces of exhaustion and strong emotions in the boy's face, it had been a torment. She had never seen him like that.

—How long have I been unconscious? —She dared to ask.

—Counting today, three days.

Now she understood why after his anguish. Louis looked at her with restless, hazy eyes for a few moments. He seemed to be considering his very soul. Then he looked down silently.

—It was stupid to have jumped that grate. I don't know what I was thinking when I listened to you and got separated. I could have done something... anything... I don't know...

—Louis, stop. —Clementine said, taking his hand so that he could see her directly in the eyes. She conveyed him affection, and also the plea that he shouldn't feel guilt for having better luck—. Pay attention to me. Don't believe for a second that this is your responsibility. No one could have prevented it. I couldn't. I always manage, but this time I couldn't. If AJ hadn't cut my leg, if you hadn't carried me back, if anyone had refused to open the doors of the school, if Ruby hadn't treated me... do you realize? All of you saved my life. Stay with that and don't condemn yourself. I'm happy you're here.

Louis's heart shuddered, throbbing like a dazed bird. It would be hard to accept what Clementine said, just as it took him work to believe in anything positive that was said about him, but this time he would take his courage and transform it into something useful. He would earn those words.

—Clem? —There was a small voice in the corner. It was AJ, just waking up. His flushed face said it all—. You're...

She laughed excited to see him. She opened her arms and waited for him.

—Come here.

The little boy got up and ran to her, taking care not to hurt her when he reached his destination. Then he filled his heart with a warm tenderness, with the love he missed. He looked at her face. She was alive. What a joy to see it with his own eyes. It was no longer a dream or a ghost to fight. He put his arms around Clementine, and she hid her face in his shoulder.

—Did you miss me? —She said quickly, impulsively. She wanted to feel at home again.

—Yes. —he said, interested only in the beating of her heart. She was content to listen to his voice.

—Are you happy? —She asked with her particular way.

—More than ever. —Replied the boy.

—Me too. I'm proud of you, my goofball. —She exclaimed in sudden ecstasy and sadness at the same time, shedding a tear. She was still overwhelmed by her leg, but there would be time for it. For the moment, she was content to just hug the little one.

—Louis, did you see her? Look at her. She's okay. Can you believe it? —Explained AJ, who couldn't be happier.

—Goddamn right. Just like the ninja she is.

And then the three of them embraced, as they did in the forest, only this time they were at home. They could breathe easy, knowing that those they loved would sleep safely in their beds. It was an amazing and warm contact on each other. Louis shuddered in his soul as he was part of that intimacy. That's how a real family felt? It was perfect. It was worth all the pain in the world.

A/N: Sorry for the delay. You have no idea how difficult it was to write this chapter, between the emotions they implied and my university studies. More over, I'm traveling. But I am very happy with the result. I sincerely hope you like it. I want to see my babies happy and I detest that they suffer, but as it is clear from this chapter, it is impossible to detach one thing from the other.

Thanks for your reviews. I read each one of them.

What challenges do you think our protagonists should face next? Will their sorrows be over?