Izuku liked to role-play. Not with swords on open green fields or in anime chat rooms, but thinking about everything he'd do with Saga: birthdays, theme park dates, exploring restaurants, reading books next to each other in a little cuddle.

Or there was Christmas.

It was the most extravagant and detailed of all his visions. They would buy a big cake together with frill and cheesy hearts, feeding each other and getting into a food fight next to the Christmas tree. They'd huddle together the whole day, exchanging sweaters and wrapped in the same blankets. Maybe Saga would tease him with mistletoe everywhere they went and Izuku would be so embarrassed but he'd want nothing but to kiss him all day. Izuku would ask all sorts of questions, talk to him all day and memorize every inch of him. He'd be spoiled rotten up until Izuku would give him a big gift. The gift could've been anything but the image of Saga beaming expression was unlike any light in the sky or pleasure he'd ever witnessed before.

Then they broke up, and that Christmas dream never happened.

Izuku stopped imagining such things ever since.

"I need to clean my house," Izuku groaned, sprawled across the floor— or rather across laundry, boxes, and miscellaneous stationary— in his apartment.

"Then do it," Uraraka giggled on the other end of the phone. "Just a little a day and suddenly all your worries will be blown away."

Izuku had a brief moment of wondering if Uraraka worked on children's books recently. "You don't understand. I hardly have the energy to breathe and the time I have to cook my meals dwindles so low I could be working in a five-star resort." Izuku sighed. "Maybe I should get a maid."

"Oooh, look at you! So fancy you can afford a maid," Uraraka teased.

Izuku flushed. "More like I work so much the extra money isn't spent on anything else. I don't even make much more than All Might's."

"Wait, you actually make a little more?" The short reveling tone made Izuku want to sit up and proclaim, 'it wasn't worth it', as he knew Uraraka got a little vicious when money was concerned. However, he was even too tired to deny her the idea.

"Actually, never mind, not important now," Uraraka continued. "How about I come by one day? Make room in your schedule and we'll have a cleaning party. You can take me out to dinner as a treat."

"I guess the holidays are coming up…" Izuku drifted. He forgot to plan anything, being so focused on his work. He supposed Uraraka would be the one he'd want to spend it with. "Sure, that sounds perfect."

Urarka squealed. "I'm so excited! It's so hard to physically hang out with you. There's always one new project you're taking care of. I miss your aura."

"My aura?" Izuku chuckled.

"It's spiritual. I've been getting more into spiritually since our industry is hell and you have to have a good internal navigation system."

"'Rara, you're ridiculous."

"And you love me," she sang. "Speaking of love, any more updates on the next door Casanova?"

Izuku groaned and rolled over to stuff his face into a pile of paper that poked at his face. "We don't speak his name in my home," his voice muffled.

"Wow, that bad?"

Izuku thought of the kiss on his cheek from a few weeks ago and recoiled at the floating feeling that followed it. "It's better not to think about it."

"And he's still nailed down by that…Yoyo, girl?"

"Yaoyorozu. Yeah."

"Bummer." There's a short silence. "You should get laid this Christmas."

Izuku shot up from the floor and yelled, "Gosh, Rara!"

"You're so brooding, and honestly I know you haven't gone out with someone in a while. All this traumatic-romantic stress is going to explode at some point. Don't worry, I have a best friend-wing woman-license. Along with a decent gay-dar. You're in good hands."

"I get enough 'hands' from Casanova, thank you."

"Ehhh, but is it enough? Is it?"

"Don't set me up. I'll hate you forever, Uraraka."

"Fine, fine!" Another silence. "How about getting laid on New Years?"

Izuku loved Uraraka, he did, but sometimes he couldn't tell if she was teasing him or being serious with her usual sugarcoating of humor to cheer him up. It was a thin line. They did make plans to meet around Christmas, and it gave Izuku something to look forward to— even with the threat of Uraraka promoting his nonexistent sexual life.

Izuku was not looking forward to the next few days.

The company entered the holiday season, decorations of tinsel, colorful bulbs, and Santa hats scattered all over the halls and departments—there was a definitive joy in the first week but it all went to hell in the next. The holiday season for publishing meant the printing offices closed early, meaning everything was planned around their schedule. The shoujo department's cycle was cut in half, placing double the stress in a pressurized amount of time. Meaning no sleep or showers or living of any kind.

Izuku was so tired it felt like a miracle to open his eyes.

"Good work, everyone!" echoed the boisterous cheer of Iida. "I expected nothing less from the best. I hope you're all well prepared for the gathering tomorrow. Remember, it is a formal dress code, you must show up early to volunteer and greet early arriving authors, and you're allowed a plus one."

Then there was that.

The Company Holiday Party, which everyone was required to attend, but as usual it was hard to think about such luxuries when there was always so much work to do before hand.

Everyone was collapsed properly in their paper piles across the department and barely lifted their heads at the announcement.

"Honestly…I'd rather sleep forever," Kirishima groaned and everyone sighed wistfully in agreement.

"This is a highlight of the year!" Iida asserted. "A time to relish our achievements, set forth new goals, and give thanks to all our hard workers."

"Forcing us to an unpaid event for several hours with people we see 364 days out of the year isn't much of a 'Thank you'," Aoyama pointed out. Everyone groaned in agreement, again.

"You are provided 29 days of vacation around public holidays and 14 days of personal leave along with paid time accrued, which is well beyond—"

"We'll be there! Just…stop talking," Todoroki silenced him from the resting lean of his chair. A grateful sigh was shared by them all when silence graced their ears again.

Izuku showed up to the rented venue with raised brows and an awkward stop at the ballroom. It was a grand open area with a buffet lined at the edges, silky drapes of beige sunlight along the tall windows, and smooth off-white tiles. Servers were setting up trays of champagne to pass out to the arriving guests. He dressed accordingly, a simple black suit he'd used for years and the tie just a bit crooked but he hoped no one cared enough to point it out, but he felt out of place. He didn't realize how big the party would be until now. He wasn't much for mingling.

Izuku, and eventually more of Emerald, spent the first forty minutes greeting guests as they arrived and passing out name badges for company employees and keeping track of plus ones. It wasn't terrible, but it was tedious and suspicious that their department was the only one doing the job.

"I thought we weren't supposed to be working today?" Kirishima mumbled next to him and Aoyama gave a wide-eyed look which looked like he wasn't surprised in the slightest. Izuku stifled a laugh.

When they were finally released, another department being forced to the task, everyone naturally gathered to enter the ballroom at once, and it was a bit comforting when Izuku felt like the inexperienced intern following along. Then a swarm of women seemed to turn towards them immediately and Izuku froze to blend in with the rest.

"It's the Maiden Department!" A woman exclaimed, thus opening the floodgates for them to approach. They split amongst themselves for each gentleman, so it wasn't as overwhelming but Izuku still struggled to keep up.

"Everyone is even more gorgeous than last year!"

"Who's the new cutie? Are you married yet?"

"You should have a welcoming party afterward! How about a few drinks?"

"Don't be shy, we don't bite!"

Izuku turned his head to Tamaki, the one who should definitely be handling this the worst, but he looked just as at ease as if on the phone, and talked to all the women with decorum and grace. He sent simple smiles, dazzling in their own right, and looked them properly in the eyes and they seemed to melt. Izuku followed his lead, unsure what else to do, and soon relaxed as the women were just happy for a bit of company, though a tad flirtatious with their questions. Once a server passed with a champagne glass, Izuku nursed like a shield.

The front doors were met with a new wave of people, which turned the heads of the gaggle of women once again. Izuku used the short distraction to move on the other end of the room, but a new wave of anxiety hit his chest when he looked in the same direction.

He only recognized one face in the new group at the doors, but all of them zoned in on their department. A man with spiky blond hair glared directly towards Kirishima who was beaming at him like a star fallen from the sky. A voice leaned towards Izuku's ear and murmured, "That's Katsuki."

Izuku whipped his head to look at Todoroki, moderately flustered at his sudden appearance, then back at Katsuki, and back at Todoroki. "W-wait, what? That's Kirishima's author? I always thought he was a girl."

"It's a common assumption, which works out in his favor. He has a strong personality, too much for Shoujo. That's why he works with Kirishima. They balance each other out."

Izuku watched Katsuki march to Kirishima and hover rather close with a simmering glower. He didn't look angry per se, just perpetually irritated. Kirishima's bright smile and nice attire really brought it down. It made sense.

Another blonde, more broad in the chest and ridiculously bright in cheer, was walking straight to Tamaki. It was almost the same replica dynamic of Kirishima and Katsuki, except reversed. The blonde was bright and cheerful while Tamale huddled close with a neutral expression, yet there was a clear companionship that made them look like a pair rather than two individuals.

Then, the last arrival, the one Izuku was dreading, walked straight towards him. Izuku was already trying to shuffle away, hoping a coworker would force him into some simpering conversation.

"Could you wear any less clothes, Momo?" Todoroki asked.

"I wore a very thick coat before I came indoors if that helps. You know I hardly choose my own clothes." Momo gave a subtle flip of her styled waves, confidence oozing naturally from her pearly skin. Izuku almost felt frumpy in comparison.

"So, we officially meet. Again. Sort of. Midoriya, right?" Yaoyorozu smiled at him, giving a short laugh, and Izuku's shoulders jumped as he was surprised she was being so polite. He half expected her to be worse than Iida and chop his head from his shoulders on the spot.

"Uh, yes! Yaoyorozu, I remember you. It's wonderful to see you again." He paused. "You look as beautiful as ever."

"Oh, you're so sweet. It just comes with my family. Trust me, I hate making the effort. Todoroki is the one who always looks effortless. Even after a week of never leaving the office, he'd still be the most attractive in a room."

Todoroki fought from wrinkling his nose. "Please don't say that."

"It's true! You're a real catch, Todoroki. All the girls in college wanted a piece of you. Luckily I've been there since the beginning to protect you. " She beamed up at him and Todoroki made no effort in smiling back. Something stabbed Izuku's chest.

"I was really lucky. Especially with your family's food," Todoroki said, raising his head to gesture at Izuku. "Izuku tried one of the bentos."

"Oh yeah?" Yaoyorozu politely turned to him with interest. "I remember Todoroki mentioned it, it's hard to keep track from day to day. What did you think?"

"O-oh, it was delicious. Really amazing," Izuku stuttered, slowly feeling like he wasn't really in the conversation. It was all pleasantries, a businesslike exchange. They were all playing their part. "Thank you so much for taking care of him. He'd be worthless in the office otherwise with all the coffee he drinks."

Todoroki sent a retaliating glower.

"You're right, he's hopeless!" Yaoyorozu laughed and Izuku laughed appropriately afterwards. He didn't feel genuine about it at all.

"I, uh, see someone I need to speak to. It was lovely meeting you again, Yaoyorozu. I'll see you around." Izuku left as fast as he could and grabbed a glass from the buffet table before finding the closest person who would make conversation with him. He remembered little of what he said, he was a robot on auto pilot trying to ignore the sore spot spreading around his chest.

Later into the party, Izuku finally believed it was time to leave. He tried to mingle with authors, recognizing a few and wanting to gush about their series and question their current process, but he couldn't find himself in the mood. He flipped open his phone and wondered if he should invite Uraraka over one night earlier than planned.

Izuku walked up to the revolving front doors of the venue and stuttered to a stop at Yaoyorozu leaning against the wall. She didn't at all look surprised to see Izuku and stood tall with that small smile.

"Leaving for the night?" she asked.

"Uh, yes. I have some things to do at home."

She nodded. "I never thought Todoroki would meet you again. I really hoped he wouldn't."

Izuku flinched and mumbled, "Me, too." He paused. "Congratulations on your engagement. I always thought you two would end up together." The following silence was the worst he experience all night. He probably shouldn't have said it at all.

Yaoyo squinted at him, a personal joke playing on her lips. "We're…not actually engaged."

Izuku's heart jumped. "Sorry?"

"We're not exactly each others' type. Though I've never minded pretending to be engaged. It really helps out with our families."

"He doesn't…isn't engaged? " Izuku whispered to himself. Todoroki had denied it many times, but he never believed him. Wasn't he playing with Izuku? If he wasn't then—wouldn't that mean—

"But even with knowing this, I want to clarify," Yaoyo walked closer, her heels clacking against the tile like a trooper's march, "I don't support any relationship—future or present—between the two of you, in the slightest."

Izuku swallowed. "We don't— we're not anything."

"And it should remain that way. For his sake." She held his gaze like a solemn promise and Izuku couldn't do much but swallow. "Do you realize how long he looked for you?"

"Looked for me?" It clicked a moment later, that brief confession a month ago, the quick admission. Izuku twisted at his wrist, a bundle of nerves clenching in his stomach.

"Eventually, he found you. You were in America. With your family and living happy. He finds out that you hadn't gone there on a whim or emergency, but that you had always planned to leave. While you were dating, you knew, and never told him."

Izuku seized on the spot, not because he was caught or felt guilty, but thinking about Todoroki. "It wasn't—did he think I was playing with him? I wasn't—!"

"Then why lie? You can't justify yourself all these years later. You made your choice."

"It wasn't like that," Izuku urged.

"You should just…Please stay away from him. You caused nothing but harm when you weren't around. I don't want to see what it could do to him now."

Izuku had nothing to say to that. They both caused each other harm. Of course to Izuku it felt more visible, permanent, and impossible to overcome. It was a mental and physical pain, one he still endured. He looked down at his hands and clenched them hard together.

"Yeah…you're probably right."

Yaoyo's heels echoed loudly as she went to pass him back to the ballroom. She stopped, looking off somewhere and hesitating to say something more. "Did you ever really love him? Really?"

Izuku was still staring at his hands, a clog in his throat as he remembered every time he thought about Todoroki when he got those scars. What he had to push through, what he lost in the process.

"Yeah, I really did." His eyes prickled and he turned his head so Yaoyo wouldn't see it.

"Do you…love him now?"

Izuku chuckled, the wetness in his throat bleeding in it. At first, he said nothing, finding no honest words to answer. But it was clear Yaoyo wouldn't leave without something concrete. "No. I couldn't."

"You don't sound very convinced."

"Everything's different now and…we're not good for each other. You said so yourself and you know him better than me. I'll, maybe, always love Saga. But Todoroki is my boss. We hardly know each other. "

She didn't say anything, pausing for a few moments as she stared forward to process his words, before continuing on her way to the ballroom. Izuku stood there a moment, trying to swallow through his own admission. Find the truth in what he said.

Even he doubted his own words.

Izuku strode outside the revolving doors and down the front steps, shaking his head to clear the conversation. The air wasn't unreasonably cold considering the time of year, but it bit at his nose and soft puffs of air played outside his mouth whenever he breathed. He wouldn't mind taking the station back home instead of a cab.

He got as far as the next building when hasty steps tapped down the same stairs he left and he turned out of curiosity. He regretted it immediately when he was faced with the furrowed brow and swiveling head of his boss, looking around the street. When he made eye contact with Izuku, his posture seemed to unwind a fraction and he took fast strides towards him, making it impossible for Izuku to make a break for it.

"Hey," He stated simply, his expression unreadable and drinking in Izuku's face as if it was a puzzle to solve. "Let me drive you home."

"You have a car?" Izuku asked, surprised.

Todoroki shrugged, a half-smile sparkling in his eyes. "Of course. Do you think I make Momo drive me every time I have to meet an author?"

Izuku found it insane that he'd worked here for nearly half a year and never knew Todoroki drove a car. Then again, there was a lot about him he didn't know. That he didn't understand. Izuku clenched his jaw and found his eyes drifting away from looking at Todoroki. "Um, no thanks. I think I'd like the walk."

"I'm not—," Todoroki stopped himself before taking a step closer, his cologne lifting around Izuku. "I was there when you talked to Momo."

Izuku's eyes widened. "More reason for me to go home alone."

"Izuku," Todoroki stopped him. "You're still running. The more you run, the more you admit what you're trying to avoid."

Izuku flushed red and stood silent. Was that what he was doing? Increasing his own feelings by denying them? He was briefly reminded of Uraraka's words about exploding at some point and being so close to Todoroki made him panic.

Izuku took a measuring breath. "O-okay. Fine. Where's your car?"

Izuku huddled himself against the car door next to the passenger seat, as if to avoid Todoroki's scent all over the interior. He also tried to ignore the deftness of Todoroki's movements across the A/C, sound system, or checking the mirrors. Little indications of a new Todoroki he didn't know and he didn't want to admit he was curious to know more about.

Soft sleets were building on the corners of sidewalks and the top of buildings, lights sparkled blue and white against the usually dreary grey of the city. There were many smiling faces and Izuku was stuck in his own head, trying to find balance with the man driving him home. He was sure it would drive him mad and there was a pressure at the tip of his tongue to release everything between them. Maybe they needed closure, to be honest, and talk out their confusion. This constant cycle of misunderstandings and rocky emotions would hurt Izuku's progress at work, and it's not like he could escape it at home either.

It was something he seemed to keep forgetting. He didn't originally come to Aizawa Publishing for romance or to relive his high school days. He was there for himself. To be the best editor. And admittedly, when he allowed Todoroki to instruct him, really let him in, he made a lot of progress. But then Todoroki would bring their past into the conversation and Izuku took ten steps back.

They needed to move past it.

"Yaoyo isn't your fiancee," Izuku rushed out in a murmur and quickly turned his head towards the window as red rose to his face. Maybe he shouldn't have started with that one.

"You don't say," Izuku could hear the smile and turned with the urge to shove him out the window. "No, she's not. We pretend to our families but not anyone else. I guess that doesn't stop assumptions though," Todoroki sighed. "She's one of my best friends."

That brought a lot more questions than it answered but Izuku knew prying would prolong the conversation. "And, um, you found out I went to America."

"Yeah." Todoroki paused. "I did."

"I didn't play with you!" Izuku blurted out, again, causing Todoroki to whip his head and raise his brows. He quickly turned back to the road, brows falling to a furrow. "I know it doesn't mean anything now, but I never played with you back then. I honestly thought not to go to America because of you. To stay together—Uhm, not that it's important but I…" Izuku doesn't know why he wanted to tell him. It just bothered him. He was stupid when he was young for many reasons but for so many years he believed he was the victim. He didn't think he meant anything to Saga, that all his feelings were wasted and left a gaping hole that filled with bitterness and cynicism. But to think Izuku caused Todoroki real pain all these years…

"I never really thought you played with me," Todoroki whispered. "I hated you for a while, but after we met again, it made me realize I could never really think badly of you."

The air in the car settled, the rough waves that always sat between them, tossing his anxiety like a shell, felt more like a low tide Izuku could stand on. Izuku still felt terrible but it was…better. Talking to each other honestly— it was nice, even if a little bitter.

"What you said…about whether I like you now or what I remember of you," Todoroki continued and Izuku fidgeted with his hands as he listened. His eyes fought not to drift towards outside the windows, to watch the joy on stranger's faces rather than indulge in what he dreaded Todoroki would say. "For a moment, I thought you were right. I tried to keep our distance at work, I tried to only see you as a subordinate. But—it's impossible not to look at you. Impossible to treat you differently when you're the only one I see in a room. I want to kiss you, hold you, tease you for things that should be annoying but I—" Todoroki caught on his own words, a hand ruffling the back of his head as a mix of emotions ran across on his face: frustration, endearment, dumbfounded. It was like watching a slideshow on x1000 speed and Izuku struggled to keep up with it all.

"I love the current Izuku," Todoroki admitted, "not the past one. I want you to love me so bad you're weak to it. And I don't want you to change. Not even a little."

The walls around Izuku's heart felt like they were shuddering, as if an entire earthquake was at his feet. He had denied it for so long, for so many years— it couldn't be that easy. That Todoroki—for him—

The crank of the handbrake and Todoroki turning off the engine broke through and Izuku realized they were parked behind their apartment. Time felt like it condensed itself, strangling Izuku in place. There were too many emotions in his chest, bleeding back into old wounds and tangling into something unnamable. He didn't know how to handle it, how to make it go away.

Then a soft pressure glided across his hand, questioning and gentle, which forced him to look up. Lips found his mouth, nibbling, sucking, and tenderly encouraging him. Izuku wantonly whimpered, his eyes already half-lidded as he fell into rhythm with Todoroki's mouth. He watched the earnest determination on Todoroki's face as he kissed like parched on a glass of sweet red wine. A hand tangled through his hair, running through it in small caresses against his skull.

Izuku leaned forward, finding the turmoil in his chest falling away like unraveled twine. Todoroki groaned and that sent a shudder between his legs. The car was easily growing warm, growing thick and taut. Todoroki pulled back and leaned their heads together. They breathed heavily on the other, finding their own answers on each other's face and indulging in each other's presence.

The hand in his hair traveled down his coat, making its intentions clear as it traveled down his chest. Izuku felt his breathing increase as the hand reached between his legs. He didn't stop staring at Todoroki who looked as he did the first day Izuku met him: unreadable, unfairly beautiful, and dangerous.

The hand went for his belt and Izuku's hips twitched forward and he clenched a hand against the car seat. The sound of his zipper going undone was as loud as a passing semi truck and Izuku clutched at Todoroki's tie to pull him forward and drown it out. Todoroki breathed out, clearly surprised, but didn't relent. The kiss was much deeper, had much more tongue than before. Slick and hungry is how Izuku would describe it, and it took him a moment to realize Todoroki's hand didn't go any farther.

As they pulled away, Todoroki stared down at him in awe.

"What? What is it?" Izuku said, a bit dazed and breathless.

"You kissed me."

It took Izuku a moment to realize what that meant. Yeah, they had been kissing for a while, wasn't that the point? Then his head cleared and he realized what he meant. His face felt red hot and the small satisfied smile on Todoroki's face confirmed it.

Todoroki kissed him again—much softer this time— and Izuku hesitated to return it. He didn't know what he was doing, what it meant for them when Izuku didn't pull away. Todoroki pulled back to give another kiss on Izuku's cheek, on his eyelashes, and progressed into making Izuku incoherent again. Izuku couldn't keep up, it was hard to breathe let alone think, and maybe that's what he wanted. To not think.

All he could feel was Todoroki's fingers raising his skin, all he could taste was the smokiness on Todoroki's tongue, all he could smell was the natural sweat mixed with sweet cologne. It wrapped around him—hid him from the rest of the world—and drove him senseless.

They were out of the car, up the stairs, and in front of their apartments before Izuku could be aware of it. Todoroki hadn't stopped touching him for a second.

"Your keys," Todoroki groaned, his mouth finding a hard time unlatching from Izuku's. Izuku grappled through his coat and stumbled to get his key through the lock as Todoroki began pushing him against a wall. Todoroki eventually reached around him to line up the key and they stumbled through the entryway.

The keys ended up somewhere, along with their coats. Izuku was too focused on the hard wall against his back and the mouth sucking on his pulse. Both hands went under Izuku's shirt and untucked it from his pants. Izuku shivered, the hands colder than before, as they ran along his sides.

"Touch me," Todoroki whispered next to his head then pulled back, looking as composed as ever when Izuku felt a wreck. "I want you to touch me, too."

Izuku's hands were shaking, his heart hammering so hard it was trembling through his veins. He ran his hands along the front of Todoroki's shirt, rubbing across the surface. Todoroki stood still, breathing deeply and watching Izuku's every action. Izuku felt a bit more confident and reached for Todoroki's belt and unbuckled it until he could pull out the shirt and touch bare skin. Todoroki sighed into a hum and moved forward for another kiss.

Izuku reveled in the soft skin gliding at his finger tips, the ripples in his abdomen and taunt form of his chest. Then he noticed the deft fingers pulling at his own pants and briefs and Izuku squeaked at the sudden cold air between his legs. His pants pooled at the floor and Izuku could barely exclaim his surprise before Todoroki crouched to his knees and took Izuku's cock in one gulp.

"Oh my—fuck, Todoroki—" Izuku gasped and clutched the side of Todoroki's head as he freely bobbed and sucked. Loud squelching echoed down the hall of his apartment, saliva and precum creating a smooth suction, but it felt too amazing to complain about how embarrassing it was. "Y-you don't have to—ah ah, oh god, you don't have to do that!"

Todoroki vibrated a noise around his tip, and Izuku stuttered his hips back from bucking forward and cumming immediately. He didn't want to think how long it'd been since he'd masturbated, let alone have sex, that he wanted to cum within thirty seconds. He felt a smile at his tip before Todoroki released him, and something felt familiar about it not that his head could keep up.

"You rather we did something else?" Todoroki asked.

Izuku tried to find his breath and touched the side of his face, the heat radiating to his hand. "I—I didn't mean—"

Todoroki rose back to kiss, quickly shutting him up. "We don't have to do more…" Todoroki whispered, seemingly telling the truth but the vibration on his skin said otherwise. "I just—you're here. You're here and nothing else matters."

Izuku held his breath, the back of his head reminding him of something. That this wasn't right…this wasn't what he wanted. But he did want it. He wanted all of Todoroki like a drug to get out of his system. He didn't want sweet words and tenderness, because it wasn't true. What they had was nothing but a reflection of the past, unsatisfied and festering for years and they needed to release it. They needed this to end what they had.

Izuku grabbed Todoroki's jaw, a slight tremble in his hand, and swiped a thumb across the bone. "I- I want to… do more," he admitted before instigating a kiss for the second time that night. Todoroki sighed pleasantly against him, his entire body unwinding into relief as they breathed wanton life into each other's lungs. Izuku kissed him hard, hard enough to bump teeth and draw eager moans. All his frustration, all of his past would go into this moment. He didn't want to be gentle, he just wanted— he wanted—

Izuku kicked off his shoes and pants before they stumbled across his apartment and to the bedroom. Their clothes jumbled into heaps on the floor and the bedsheet slid to the bottom edge as they tangled around one another. They licked and teased noises from each other, and sometimes Todoroki tried to slow down, be sweet, but Izuku would push back and be more aggressive. Todoroki eventually understood the rhythm, not at all opposed.

Izuku ended up on his back, panting from excitement, and Todoroki was sliding a sprawled hand slowly up his chest. Izuku arched to encourage it. He shivered against the cold finger tips stroking his abdomen and grasping his waist. Their hips bumped, Todoroki's erection standing tall against his, and satisfaction rumbled into Izuku's throat. His arched again until they were rutting, a sweet teasing friction that made Izuku clutch the sheets and keen, and Todoroki dropped his head between Izuku's collarbone and huffed against his shoulder.

Izuku had power for once, swelling in his chest and encouraging his hand to move between them and grasp their cocks together. Todoroki made a short, 'ah!', and gripped Izuku's hip to steady himself. He mumbled sweet nothings into his neck and gave short kisses and whispered moans as Izuku twisted his wrist around them.

"Don't stop. Don't stop. Izuku— ah, yes—just like that," Todoroki breathed.

Izuku was so close, he nibbled and sucked at Todoroki's shoulder, making a harsh spot as he stroked them faster. Todoroki reached down to help, his long fingers more adept at reaching every angle of his cock, and Izuku arched— his other hand reaching up to drag Todoroki into a kiss. After a few strokes, he cummed into their hands, splattering up his chest.

Todoroki watched, grunting next to his shoulder and bucking his hips as he pulled himself off and followed the same path of fluid on Izuku's stomach. The rise and fall of Todoroki's chest collided pleasantly in the aftermath and they languidly explored the other's mouth as they came down from the high.

Izuku felt the stickiness on his hand and groaned, wiping across the sheets. Todoroki chuckled and kissed his forehead. "Never cummed on your hands before?"

Izuku groaned and covered his face. "Please don't talk."

Todoroki huffed a laugh again and waited a moment before pulling Izuku's hand from his face and wiping at it with his dress shirt. Izuku wanted to pull away and reprimand him but the gentle smile on his face made his chest fuzzy.

"Where did you get these?" Todoroki asked, pointing at the discolored lines on Izuku's hands. He slowly dragged the shirt across his fingers as he cleaned them, and followed the motion by touching each scar like guidelines on a treasure map. Izuku swallowed.

"College. I liked working with my hands back then." Izuku kept it short, not wanting to admit the mental state that caused him to mindlessly hurt his hands. That the very reason he hurt himself was now treating him gently and making his chest constrict.

"Ah, such as, self defense? Cooking?" Todoroki guessed.

Izuku could only nod.

Todoroki gave the softest victorious smiles, like a man unlocking the secrets to the earth's existence. Izuku always forgot the strength of his smiles, the sudden sweetness and beauty of it that could shock a man to his knees. Todoroki gathered Izuku, his arms wrapping broadly behind his back, and held Izuku's head to his chest, nuzzling into his hair.

He breathed deeply and moaned, "Izuku."

Izuku was clutching Todoroki's arms and trying to comprehend the sudden tight affection. He can't imagine the expression on his own face but Todoroki looked…it was hard to name.

"I don't know your last eight years. I've been in love with you for every moment and yet I have no idea who you are." He dipped forward and kissed the side of Izuku's face until nuzzling him back into an embrace. "I want to know everything about you. Please, don't hide and tell me everything."

Todoroki was always hard to read, from the way he can start with scolding him at work to the sudden open confessions. And when Izuku got a glimpse, he was filled with so much warmth all the negative things between them would fall away.

Todoroki was holding him like he was precious and Izuku didn't even know why he was falling so hard when he thought his conviction was strong enough to fight it. That being in bed with him would finally blow all those feelings away. He was an idiot.

So he vowed to keep it secret. That with every fiber of his being, the words from Todoroki could've been from him as well.

That no one in his entire life came close to affecting him the way Todoroki did.

He would never confess something so frustrating.

A/N: I always write to improve, so comments and critiques are welcome! Thank you for reading!