Serena

It's been three days since June has not left her room. Three days that Rita brings her meals and especially, three days that she refuses to see me. How blaming her after what I just put her through. I shouldn't have listened to her, I knew I shouldn't have let Fred do it, I should have stopped him. She is so strong that I believed her when she told me that she could do it, that she was capable of it. How could I be so naive, no woman is able to suffer that without being affected.

I absolutely need to find a way for her to agree to see me and talk to me; I can't let her that way. I slowly climb the stairs to her room, take a deep breath and gently knock on her door.

- Go away Serena!

- How do you know it's me?

She does not answer and I hear her crying behind the door. It's too much; I can't stand anymore not being able to be near her and not being able to support her.

- I'm going to enter June...

She curls up on her bed and I have the impression of seeing a wounded animal that is frightened by everything around him. My heart tightens at this sight and I rush to her to take her into my arms. She resists for a short time and then comes to rest her head on my lap.

- I'm so sorry ... he'll pay for that, I promise you.

Her silence puzzles me and I don't know what to do for her to realize how sincere I am. I know she will never forgive me, and I don't expect it, I don't deserve her forgiveness. I gently caress her cheek and I feel her slowly relaxing to finally fall asleep. She has never been as beautiful as she is at this moment, asleep on my knees, and I have to violently restrain myself not to put my lips on her forehead. I avoid moving so as not to wake her up, even when a cramp in my calf appears. I want to keep her as long as I can against me.

She wakes up almost two hours later and snuggles a little closer to me, making my heart beats even faster.

- Hey ... I whisper while stroking her messy hair.

- Hey ... she simply answers me by looking up at me.

- Fred will be back soon, it would be better if he found me in the house, I should go downstairs.

- Okay…

She caresses my wrist with her thumb and slowly gets up to let me go. Her eyes stop on a bruise that she notices a little higher on my forearm.

- What is that? She hurriedly asks me.

- It's nothing ... I hit a door, nothing serious.

- What did he do to you Serena?

I close my eyes to avoid June's disturbing look and try to find a plausible story that would prevent me from revealing the truth to her. She doesn't need to know, she doesn't have to know. What Fred has done to me is nothing compared to what she had to endure, it's a small price to pay for my betrayal.

- Nothing June, he didn't do anything... Don't worry

- Don't lie to me! How can you do that! You tell me that you have feelings for me and at the first opportunity you lie to me! How do you want me to believe you? How do you want me to trust you?

- June...

She is not wrong. I am so used to not being honest and not really being myself that I don't know how to behave normally anymore. But how can I tell her that I let my husband tie me to our bed, that I let him whip me to expiate my sins, that I let him dishonor me to satisfy his ego of deceived and betrayed male. How can I tell her all of this without her judging me to be so weak? The truth is that I prefer a thousand times him attacking me rather than her. I can endure everything as long as I know that June is spared from my husband's violence.

I can't tell her, the words won't come out; I unbutton my dress and start to undress to show her the stigmata of the punishment inflicted by Fred.

Her beautiful eyes fill with tears and her hands are gently placed on my bruised body. She caresses with fingertips every scar, every wound, and I feel a burning desire for the blonde who's not aware of what her hands on me can cause. I grab her wrists to escape this sweet torture and try to gently get out of the bed.

- June stop...

- Sorry ... I'm sorry; I didn't want to upset you

- Upset me?

I let a frank laugh out that surprises the blonde.

- You're beautiful when you laugh ... say June smiling at me

June

She is indeed beautiful. I noticed it the first day I saw her, but her beauty was so far spoiled by that hard, impassive behavior she gave herself. But hearing her crystalline laugh rekindles that natural beauty that emanates from her. At this moment, I understand all that Moira have told me about women's beauty and the attraction that she could have for them, because if I'm completely honest with myself, at this moment, I'm dying to put my lips on Serena's, not just her lips in fact.

I grab her hand and gently pull her against me. Her mixed look of desire and incomprehension arises on me and gives me the courage to continue. I grab her neck and slowly approach her face of mine until I feel the softness of her lips on mines. Quickly, my hands find the way to her body that I walk as if I already knew and the groans of Serena encourage me in my discovery of the offering she makes me.

Her generous breast rises as my fingers brush them and her breath becomes more and more erratic.

- June stop ... stop ... we can't! We must not!

- Why ... I thought you wanted to...

- Of course I want to, you don't even imagine how, but we must not.

- Let yourself go Serena...

- The last time I let myself go Fred raped you and beat me! So no, I can't let myself go! No way.

Her hands surround my face as she gently lays her forehead against mine in perfect communion.

- I can't take the risk that he will hurt you again, I won't survive.

- He won't denounce us, he is too afraid of what people could say. He is far too proud to say that his wife and handmaid have had an affair. You have nothing to fear Serena.

- That's not what I'm afraid of. He could kill you June, he's capable of it.

- Not if I kill him first!

Serena violently pulls back and begins to walk in all directions by putting on her clothes. She is angry and I don't know if her anger is directed against me, against her husband or against herself.

- Are you completely out of your mind? Stop saying that! You don't realize the consequences. What will I do next? Do you imagine for a single second what my life would be like if you killed Fred? You would be arrested and executed! That's what would happen! Don't you understand that I love you? I can't let you do that! You can't die June! I forbid it!

- You've kept telling me that you love me Serena ... but I think what you really love is the idea of having me all for yourself. And not me. You love the idea of me, it gives meaning to your crappy life to tell you that you could do something good for once, but it's not me that you love!

- So what was all this? You were ready to sleep with me for what reason exactly? You pity me, don't you? Did you think it was a consolation price? What was that June?

- Honestly? I don't know what it was and why, but be sure it will never happen again!

Serena leaves my room like a fury, slamming the door behind her. It had been a long time since I had seen her so angry at me and I must admit that I'm not very proud of myself. I immediately regret my words and try to catch her up in the hallway but she already is far.

Rita brings me my meal that night and I can see in her eyes that something annoys her.

- I don't know what you did to her, but she's worse than usual...

- I'm sorry if she came after you.

- Don't worry about that, I'm used to it.

I can tell that she wants to say more but that she doesn't dare. She probably has an opinion about what's going on between Serena and I, whatever it is, because even me can really say that I know what's going on.

- You can talk to me, you know, I won't take offense

- You are playing with fire. It's dangerous.

- I know…

- So why would you do it? Is it revenge?

- If only I had the answer to this question ... I don't know why Rita, I have no idea. Can you give her a message?

- Don't put me in that position, please...

- Just a message ... tell her I'm sorry and that I didn't think what I said.

- I'll see what I can do…

I guess Rita managed to talk to Serena. She enters the next morning in my room, unable to look at me in the eye. She sits on the edge of the bed as she has so often done and nervously plays with her hands.

- I have a surprise for you ... I think you'll like it ... It's the best I can do to convince you that I'm sincere when I tell you that I love you.

We sit in the car, and Serena puts her hand on mine, addressing Nick.

- We have to be back in three hours, before Fred notices our absence.

Nick nods and gives me a confused look. I'm in the same state of mind as him; I'm completely unaware of what Serena has planned. I watch the snowy landscape parade without having any idea of the destination. Serena and I remain silent, her hand still resting on mine. Nick stares at me in the rearview mirror, trying to find a clue to my state of mind. We stop in front of a big house that seems deserted if we make an exception for the car that is already parked in the driveway.

Serena gets out first of the vehicle and comes to stand beside me to enter the huge house, leaving her hand on my back. Nick seems worried; obviously, he has no idea where we are and why.

The sheets on the furniture confirm that the house is uninhabited and this reinforces my fear. What if Serena took me here to get rid of me? A man walks towards us and asks us to follow him.

- You have ten minutes.

I enter the room designated by the man in question and my heart stops beating. A Martha is sitting on the floor playing with a child. With my child, Hannah.

Serena approaches me and whispers in my ear:

- Go ... she's waiting for you.