Without You-Chapter 1

Disclaimer: don't own anything

Author's Notes: I got this idea on a whim on Christmas Eve and had to put it on "paper". As I have 2 other stories that aren't done (Against All Odds and Battlefield, don't worry I haven't abandoned them, just suffering from a bit of writers block), I knew I wouldn't post anything unless it was completed. I will be posting a chapter every other day or so.

I didn't start writing this story until about three weeks ago, which seems to have worked perfectly as the song goes perfectly with this story.

This is a very different story that other stories posted in The Last Ship forum. This is truly AU (alternative universe). So fair warning. I do hope you all enjoy it though, I'm proud of what I've written.

Sticking with my timeline and not even attempting to go with the one the show tries to determine. I'll put the timeline at the bottom for reference.

I feel everything and nothing
At the same time
I'm weightless
All that I love in a moment is gone
I'm breaking

Oh, heaven knows I need this
Oh, wake me up I'm dreaming
Losing it all in the blink of an eye
I'm not ready to say goodbye
I'm not ready to say goodbye

-Not Ready to Say Goodbye by Leah Nobel

February 24, 2015

As a person who never believed in God, Rachel was surprised to find herself in heaven after her untimely death by the hands of a crazed immune.

Nor did she expect Darien Chandler to be waiting for her.

"Hi Rachel, I'm Darien" the blonde women said with a bright smile on her face.

Rachel eyed Tom's dead wife warily. She ran her hands through her hair and looked around. They were outside, in a field. The sun was shining brightly. Rachel could see horses running in the distance. The scene reminded her of being back in England.

She looked back a Darien, who still had a smile on her face.

Why in the world would Tom's dead wife be talking to her. Rachel immediately began to feel immense guilt for all the feelings that she had for Tom.

Darien took a step towards Rachel. "I know how confusing this is Rachel. Of all the people to greet you…"

"Why you?" Rachel blurted out. "If you knew...you wouldn't be the one to greet me...I don't even believe in God...why am I in heaven?"

Darien chuckled, "first, while you may not believe in God or heaven, did you really think you would go to hell?"

Rachel closed her eyes, shook her head and began walking away from Darien, "This is too much right now. I can't handle this. I just...this is not…"

"Fair?" Darien said from behind her.

Rachel immediately halted and turned.

"It isn't fair Rachel. None of it is. It isn't fair that billions have died from a virus. It isn't fair that I don't get to see my children grow up or that I don't get to be with the man I love, my husband." Darien paused "It isn't fair that you died because a person didn't want the cure to be spread."

Darien took Rachel's hands "It isn't fair...Scream about it. Cry about it. Don't hold it in."

Darien's words caused a damn to burst. Rachel began screaming, tears running down her face. Darien immediately embraced Rachel.

"Why me? What did I do? What did I do? All I wanted to do was save people." Rachel cried. "I shouldn't have walked away from Tom. I should have stayed and told him what I needed to say. I knew something was wrong the moment I saw the man...I should have run...I should have screamed...Tom's room was only at the other end of the hall...if only I had done that."

Darien rubbed her hands down Rachel's back and began whispering words of comfort. She could only imagine how hard this was for Rachel. For herself, she definitely was angry about dying but she was sick, her kids and father-in-law were sick, she knew their chances of surviving weren't good. While she didn't want to die and was angry at the world, hell even Tom for not being there, she could feel herself dying and well...she eventually accepted it. Accepted her fate. She prayed in her death that her children and Jed would survive.

She was greeted by her mother in heaven, who held her, much like she was holding Rachel. Her mother told her to scream and cry on the unfairness of the situation, just as she had told Rachel to do.

It was her mother who informed her that Rachel had died and would be passing to heaven. Darien didn't understand how her mother knew this information, but insisted that she be the one to greet Rachel. She felt she would understand how Rachel was feeling better than anyone else.

So she waited. Her mother had informed her that when the knowledge came of a person crossing over the time it took could be minutes or it could be hours. Darien didn't care how long she waited, she had to be the one to greet Rachel.

Darien's thoughts were brought back to the present as she felt Rachel's sobs subsided. Rachel pulled away from Darien, tears still coming down her face.

Darien reached down and took Rachel's hands into her own.

"Rachel, don't live in the would'ves, should'ves and could'ves. You did nothing wrong. This wasn't your fault."

Rachel pulled her hands from Darien's and wrapped her arms around her body. "I appreciate the advice, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm dead and I never said what I needed to say...it doesn't change the fact that…" Rachel trailed off. "Never mind. What happens next?"

"Rachel, it's okay. You can talk about Tom."

"I appreciate what you are trying to do, but I can't...not right now. I can't talk about Tom...it's just too soon."

Darien nodded. "When you are ready, I'm here….Why don't we go get you settled?

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

September 14, 2015

Rachel stood staring at the sunrise. She knew it wasn't the real sunrise, but she would take it. Heaven was much like a beautiful city, each person had a tiny home that they "lived" in. While they didn't require sleep, most people operated as they did when they were alive.

She had been dead for almost seven months. It got a little easier each day. As weird as it sounded, Darien had been a life-saver. Rachel spent the first week alternating between screaming outbursts and fits of rage to convulsions wracking her body. Darien had been there the whole time, comforting her, holding her. Rachel could see the amazing woman she had been and why Tom had fallen in love with her.

While she still wasn't ready to open up to Darien regarding Tom, she was slowly opening up about her past. Her father, her mother's death, childhood, college. Tom was off limits though. Darien would try to ask about him, but Rachel immediately shut down and changed the subject.

"Rachel"

Rachel turned to see Darien approach her with an apprehensive look on her face.

"What's wrong?"

Darien shook her head, "I'm not sure. I just received word that two new people would be joining us."

Rachel shrugged her shoulders, people had been dying and continued to join them daily so she wasn't sure why this had Darien so worried.

"I was told it's two people that you know."

Rachel closed her eyes, everyone she knew and cared about prior to dying were already dead, this could only mean whomever had died were people she knew on the Nathan James.

"They're from the James." Rachel whispered.

"That's my guess as well."

"You don't think…"

Darien shook her head, "No. They would have told me if it was Tom."

Rachel took a deep breath to steady her nerves, "Do we know when?"

"No, unfortunately not. It really depends on the individual and how long it takes them to cross over. Whomever agrees to greet them just goes to the field and waits, for however long it takes."

"Will you wait with me?" Rachel asked.

Darien gave her a sad smile and nodded. The two women walked side by side to the field in silence. Once there they stood for a while before deciding to sit down. They sat in comfortable silence.

They didn't have to wait long. They had been waiting for less than an hour when a flash of light appeared and two individuals began walking towards them. The two women stood and started walking towards the figures.

"Oh my god!"

"Oh no!"

"Rachel"

"Darien"

In front of them were Tex Nolan and Jed Chandler. Darien ran to Jed and flung her arms around him. Rachel stopped walking, shocked to see the two men. Tex quickly approached her.

"Hey doc."

This broke Rachel from her stupor and she embraced Tex. "What happened?" Rachel asked.

Tex pulled away, "I don't even know where to start."

"The beginning is generally a good place."

Tex nodded, "After you died, I took off. Went back to Texas with Kathleen…" Tex began. He explained to Rachel what happened with Jeffrey, Allison Shaw, Kara and Tom. As he was talking, Rachel kept glancing over to Darien who had yet to release Jed. Both had tears streaming down their faces.

Tex caught one of her glances, stopped talking and looked over with her.

"Who's the woman?"

"That's Darien Chandler."

Tex laughed, "you're in heaven and friends with Tom's dead wife. How does that work?"

Rachel gave him a confused look, "What do you mean?"

"Darling, I'm talking about the fact that you're in love with her husband."

"I'm not.." Rachel tried to say when Tex interrupted her, "Rachel, it was obvious to everyone but the commodore that you were in love with him. Hell, I don't know how the man didn't know."

"We don't discuss Tom and I ask that you please respect my wishes and please do not discuss my feelings about Tom to Darien. I value her friendship and I would prefer not to lose it."

Tex put his arm around her shoulders, "you win...how about you show me around this place."

Nothing but an empty page
Breathing in an open space
Captured by your moment's grace again
There's so much I left behind
Even more that waits in time
Everything's so undefined
I'm standing on the edge of my fear
And I see it clear

Here's my resolution
I'm letting go

August 16, 2020

The next five years were pleasant for Darien, Rachel, Tex and Jed. They quickly became a family of sorts. It took a few years, but eventually Rachel opened up to Darien about her feelings for Tom.

When the war started, everyone in heaven became distressed. Not since the virus were people arriving in mass numbers.

The arrivals of Andrea, Doc. Rios and Alicia nearly broke Rachel. She hated seeing people who she had developed a friendship with and grown to love like family during her time on the James, in heaven.

The death and arrival of Burk, did break Rachel. Seeing him approach the group, Rachel immediately collapsed into tears. Tex, did his best to hold it together for Rachel, but himself was at a loss. Burk, for his part, grabbed the two and pulled them to him. He became a source of comfort, even though he was the one who had just died.

With each arrival they were filled in on the war. How many people had died. How the crew of the Nathan James was faring. How Tom was doing. Each time they were told Tom was still alive, the foursome breathed a sigh of relief. He was the one person they didn't want to see up here, as much as they all missed him.

Rachel awoke with a start. While the room was dark, it seemed eerily familiar, too familiar. Rachel sat up, looking around, trying to get her bearings. She got out of bed and turned on the lights only to receive a jolt.

She was no longer in her "house" in heaven.

She was on the Nathan James.

She was wearing the black lace dress she died in!

"What the bloody hell is going on?"

She quickly made her way to the door and began walking down the familiar p-ways.

"I have to be dreaming." Rachel mumbled to herself. She turned a corner and saw a familiar body roughly twenty feet in front of her.

"Rachel?"

Rachel places her hand to her mouth in an attempt to contain her emotions. Tom began walking away from her.

"Tom" she calls after him.

Tom doesn't respond and continues walking. Rachel immediately began following him. "Tom" Rachel calls out. "Please...Tom...stop."

She attempts to keep up with Tom, but a black formal dress and heels doesn't make traversing the p-ways very easy. She ends up following Tom into a room is surprised to find Tex, not Tom waiting for her.

"Tex?"

"Hello darlin'" Tex responds and gestures towards the chair in front of her.

Rachel takes a seat in front of him and patiently waits for him to begin talking.

"What's going on? Where's Tom?"

"You just missed him." Tex responds. Rachel began to get up when Tex gestures for her to remain sitting.

"Tom is in limbo Rachel."

"Limbo? What do you mean?"

"This" Tex says gesturing to the ship around them "Davy Jones Locker, so to speak. Tom has a decision to make."

"Is Tom dead?" Rachel whispers

Tex reaches over takes her hands, "not yet. He has to make a decision."

Rachel jumps up from her chair, breaking contact with Tex. "Then I need to find him. I need to see him. I need to tell him that I love him but he needs to go back." Rachel tells Tex, the tears free flowing down her face. "He needs to live. For Ashley. For Sam. For Sasha. She loves him, like Darien and I do...it isn't his time. I love him but he needs to live."

"Rachel...wait" Tex says, grabbing one of her hands. "Things are happening Rachel. I can't explain it."

Tex pulls her to him in an embrace.

"You need to trust me Rachel. You need to follow your heart, don't live in regret and don't look back."

Rachel pulls away slightly, "What do you mean?"

Tex smiles as a bright flash of light encases the room causing Rachel to lose consciousness.

Lyrics

Untitled by Simple Plan

Resolution by Nick Lachey

Timeline

6/2014- Nathan James leaves Norfolk for Arctic

10/2014- Learn about virus, which Rachel states struck Cairo 7 months prior. They head to Cuba, get Tex. The ship gets damaged in episode 4, which takes 7 days to get to the island and another 7-10 days to be fixed.

11/5/2014- Episode 5. Tom does an audio recording to the kids, he states the date (the only "set in stone" date we get the entire season).

12/5/2014- Episode 7. Shows a timeline of "6 months prior". Sorensen was talking to another doctor. The virus was already known (probably stage 1 at this point). He admits that he did something to the virus that inadvertently weaponized it.

12/5/2014-1/2015- remainder of season 1, which includes rescuing Tom and Tex, the trials, and Baltimore. Kara learns she is pregnant (probably 8 weeks tops).

1/2015-2/21/2015- Season 2. We learn in episode 10 that Kara is approximately 16 weeks pregnant, so we know between season 1 episode 10 and season 2 episode 10 about 6-8 weeks have passed. We also know dates (18, 21, etc…) that the James stopped for the cure, but no month was given.

2/24/2015- Rachel shot

7/28/2015- Michener gives speech about Rachel

8/2015-9/2015- Season 3, Tom resigns

2/2017- 16 months later we see Tom in Greece

2/2017-3/2017- season 4

2/2020- season 5. We know that the attack was in the spring, they jump ahead a couple of months (to summer if I remember correctly). I'm taking some liberties on the exact "dates".