It was an odd realization; knowing she had commited a memory into mind, but the contours of it had somehow vanished and now only the feeling, the knowledge it was important, had remained.

Kuchel didn't remember what it had been, exactly. There was something about that one memory of Levi, something she was sure was important. He was probably still three years old... or was he bigger already? Was he four, had it just been last year...? He was growing up so fast, but she would then always remember him as a baby and he would feel so small and fragile again... It felt like it had been just yesterday... it felt like an eternity ago. Kuchel didn't remember. But it had been a joyful moment, filled with laughter. Of that she was absolutely sure.

Levi had laughed, and so had she, for several minutes. The look on his face had been of pure joy. That she could remember vividly. From there on, the outlines blurred under her tired memory. She faintly recalled holding him, hugging him close. Had they been playing, and Kuchel caught him off guard with a row of tickles that made him fall to the ground squealing and laughing so much he ran out of breath? Maybe she had told him a story he had particularly enjoyed and he had began to add his own twists to it, like he loved to do, one of which had been so miraculous and endearing that had made Kuchel burst out laughing? Perhaps he had done something for the first time, something simple and mundane that proved in such a wonderful way that he was growing up too fast?

She couldn't be sure anymore. As she tried to focus on it, it would fade as if a cloud of smoke blurred into it and changed into something else, never letting her know what exactly it had been.

What remained was the feeling that had etched itself into Kuchel's mind: something about that moment had been special. Something had made her think 'I have to save this. This, this one moment, I cannot ever forget it.'

A heartwarming salvage of a good memory, something to hold on to for when it became too heavy, for when all else failed. And now, she could not remember what it had been.

She felt Levi's fingers running through her hair, so soothing and gentle she felt herself cradled back to sleep, to her struggle to find the right recollection of that important moment, because this other struggle was too much, too heavy and too real.

"It's good, isn't it, mom? You want more?"

Kuchel swallowed the soft food that was spooned to her mouth by tiny fingers. He waited but kept going even if she took so long to move her lips, or if the careful portions were too much and made her cough. Levi kept cuddling her hair, telling her it would be alright. She tried to open her eyes, but her eyelids were too heavy, and instead she focused on the feeling of his touch, its calmness, the gentle reassurance of it.

The memory was not clear, but the feeling was. That one feeling she could never forget, that one special moment she would never forget again because it had rippled and blurred into so many others, even now, here, with his soft touch on her hair. Not a memory in itself anymore, but a lingering, present feeling.

Yes. It was important. But she didn't have to save it. It was right here, the feeling of peace, of loving. Of him.

"Thank you, Levi."

So that was it. It's alright. She was holding on to it until the end.

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the end

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Author's Note: Although I thought I had finished my kid Levi fics, 2 ideas still remained rummaging through my mind. The plan was not for it to be told quite like this, however. Today, I had a relapse of the bad old days and the melancholic aftermath, and with them, the immediate crave to write this and change it to this result.

This ties with my 'The Window to the Sky' fic. Written to the naked version of 'Cut Me Out' by Lord of the Lost.

Thanks for reading.