She'd learned how to skin animals when she was very little, hunting was necessary when you were always on the run and being able to prepare and cook her own meals had come in handy more times than she could count.

Carol was seasoning a butchered rabbit beside Ellie when she nodded towards the blood and guts smearing the younger girls white t shirt.

"I have never met someone so absolutely beautiful and lovely yet somehow constantly covered in guts and gore nearly 24/7. You're an anomaly Ellie Mitchell."

Ellie grinned and peered up through her thick lashes

"I used to disappear for days when I was little, my social worker would be a mess until I walked right up to whatever foster home I was living in with a string of rabbits and squirrels all dead and tied to my belt loops. They thought I was crazy, maybe I am." She laughed lightly, blowing a loose strand of hair from her eyes and wiggling her blood covered fingers at her friend.

Carol hummed and placed a steady hand on Ellie's shoulder, squeezing soothingly as she rolled her eyes. The older woman didn't speak for a moment, her eyebrows scrunched in deep thought

"When I was married to Ed, Sophia's father, he was abusive. He never touched my daughter but I knew the second he did I would have to call the state, I knew that I would have to get her somewhere she could be safe. I thought every day of the foster home she would be placed in, if they were as broken as I'd read." She'd placed the rabbit down and turned her attention entirely to Ellie, the 24 year old refused to meet her stare.

She didn't want to talk about the state, any of her foster homes or her past. It wasn't dinner talk, it wasn't casual, it was scary and it was dark. Ellie stabbed at the squirrel she was skinning.

"Sophia's lucky to have a mom like you. She's lucky you took care of her. That's all." She whispered, eyes flicking to the door on instinct.

"And your mother?" Carol ducked her head to meet Ellie's, a maternal kind of warmth that was always present, normally it made Ellie feel safe and comfortable but right now it made her skin itch and her head ache.

"Don't know. She's dead, she died a long time ago. Long before I was born." She flung the squirrel on the table and wiped her hands on her jeans, smiling extra wide at Carol, she knew it looked fake just from the way her cheeks hurt "all done. I'll catch ya later." She rolled her shoulders and practically sprinted out the door, ignoring carols muffled calls of her name.

Ellie stumbled through the halls of the prison, pushing through the front doors and gasping when the fresh air filled her lungs.

Panic attack.

She was having a panic attack. Drowning in cold, cold water. it'd been a while since she'd experienced one but the lack of oxygen and blurry vision were a sure sign.

"It's okay Ella Ray. You're okay. Ten breaths in Ten breaths out." She whispered to herself rushing past the families all relaxing on the tables outside of the prison. The fence was caging her in and the walls were getting smaller and smaller, she pushed open the gate and tumbled hands first into the first oak tree she could find, her forehead pressed against the hard bark and she took greedy gulps of air.

"You can't do this. Not right now. You can't shut down Ellie, you can't. Don't do this." She whispered desperately into the almost silent forest air, fingers curling into the tree in front of her, brushing her fingertips and pulling at her nails.

Her heart was racing rapidly and images of meth filled silver spoons and her mothers angry, violent boyfriends blurring behind her vision as she tried frantically to stay steady on her feet, wandering farther back into the woods. She needed to get away from the people within the prison walls, she didn't want to scare them.

"Stop. Stop please." She cried, balling her fists and pressing them against her eyes, rubbing viciously.

"El?"

Her hands curled around the knife settled in the holster on her thigh as she spun around.

"It's okay. It's just me. S'alright darlin' it's just me."

Daryl stood a few feet away from her, his hands flat against his thighs as he slowly made his way towards her, blue eyes flooded with concern.

"Don't!" Ellie gasped, stumbling backwards until her back pressed against the rough bark "don't come close to me, I'm not right. I told you I'm.. I don't know what I'll do... I dont.." she choked, tears now actively streaming down her cheeks as she shivered.

She squeezed her eyes shut and willed the thoughts to fade away. It wasn't until warm muscled arms encased her that the shakes died down and her tears stopped.

"Daryl." She whimpered.

"Don't talk." He ordered, running his fingers though

her soft curls and pressing her tight to his chest. "Y'alright now. I've got ya. Ain't lettin' go."

With her fingers gripping the lapels of his leather vest and his lips pressed against the crown of her head, her breathing settled but only for a second before she was pushing out of Daryl's arms and stumbling back

"No! No I can't do this anymore.. I'm done! I gotta be." Ellie whispered her big brown eyes watery and tortured.

"El.."

"I'm dead Daryl!" She shouted before slamming her open palm over her mouth and shaking her head frantically "I'm just as dead as the walkers out in these woods, the only difference is that my heart is beating and there's ain't. I gave up a long time ago and I never belonged here!"

"That ain't true and you know it! You belong here just like everybody else. Don't run away from this.. from me." His heart was pounding out of his chest, Ellie's eyes flicked to every possible space in that forest except towards him.

"You don't know me." She whispered "none of you do." She laughed bitterly, dried tears smearing the dirt and grime on her cheeks.

"That's bullshit." He growled.

"Oh yeah?" Ellie finally spun towards him, her face contorted as if she was in pain. " if you knew me you'd a known I ain't made for families. I can't sit there and talk about my mama while carol cooks dinner. I can't hold a baby and act like the worlds okay, like I can protect her from anything. I can't protect anyone from shit!" She spit.

"Nobody's askin' you too. It ain't all up to you!"

Her tiny shoulders slumped and her head hung just a little lower before she looked back to Daryl with the saddest smile he had ever seen

"See? You don't know me at all." She whispered.

Daryl shook his head and reached for her, wrapping his hands around her thin arms, there was no way he was losing her, not like this.

"I ain't never had a family. Never wanted one, thought Merle was as good as it was gonna get. I was scared too, thought I couldn't handle it but now I got people.. people who love me..who love you. Ya can't turn your back on them... ya just can't. They need you."

Ellie laughed but it was hollow and cold

"Nobody needs me."

Daryl opened his mouth to respond, to tell her how he felt about her, all of the things he'd kept bottled inside, locked away.

"Daryl! We got a problem in here!" Rick called from behind the prison fence, his voice was muffled with distance and Daryl's eyes snapped between Ellie and the fence, conflicted and frustrated.

With a shake of her curls and the shadow of a smile Ellie stepped further into the woods

"Duty calls Dixon. You take care of yourself, take care of these people. They need you."

And then she was gone, nothing but a blur of olive skin and the glint of her knife. She'd left the same way she'd arrived, quietly and effortlessly, except this time she was running from something not towards it.

"Ellie!" Daryl called after her, moving to follow her trail.

"Daryl! We need you in here!" Rick was shouting, his voice shaky.

He couldn't just let her go, he needed her.

But his family...

Well his family needed him.