"I've seen this ceiling before" Subaru mused, having recently woken up from his most recent Return by Death. Grasping at his chest, he began to replay the scene in his head once more. The blank, unconscious body of Rem sat at the front of his mind like rain clouds on a wet spring morning. After the fall of Petelgeuse, he had gone to look for her in hopes of celebrating a job well done. However, on the trip back to camp, he began to notice something he had seen before.

Not a single person in the world could remember who Rem was, and later arriving at the camp site, he had found her with an amnesia ridden Crusch. They had been fighting something, that much was obvious. But the painful realization that had befallen Subaru afterwards was what caused his Return this time around. "Hey, Rem? Are you awake or just sleeping?...…. You're just kidding, right, Rem?" Subaru lightly shook the helpless maid before giving up after about an hour, each shake and word used with less effort than the last as he repeated the same mantra. Try as he might, Rem would not wake from her comatose state. In a last ditch effort, Subaru found the nearest blade he could and-

Blank nothingness surrounded him for a split second before his reawakening here. Attempting to restart the section involving the defeat of Betelgeuse seemed only natural to the self proclaimed hero. But as it turned out, this new life of his was not destined to be that simple.

After his morning stretch, he jumped out of bed, realizing nearly immediately that his respawn was not the same as before. "The last Return by Death point should have been after the defeat of the White Wha…." Subaru trailed off as realization hit home. Fear struck him like a cold bag of bricks to the face as he began sprinting at top speed, desperately trying to get there in time. It was already too late. There was nothing he could do. Subaru couldn't even count how many times he had repeated the process, certainly long enough to the point that the nature of Rem's condition had set in. There was no amount of effort he could give to make it in time; he had already tried countless times. She was permanently asleep with no need for food, or water, and nobody in existence could remember her. As if the White Whale had just erased her consciousness and memory.

He could still feel the damage the most recent blade had done to his neck as if it were still lodged there even now. Pain of the flesh was no new ordeal to Subaru, but what plagued his thoughts currently were all the times Rem had come to save him, and how she believed in him to be a hero when nobody else did. Tears began to well up in the battered boy's eyes as he let out a gut-wrenching whimper that didn't even amount to an eighth of the pain he currently felt. He didn't have the strength to yell, or complain, or to even feel angry or sad at himself for failing to save her.

Slowly raising himself out of the oh-so-familiar bed he had gotten used to waking up in, he took a moment to try and collect himself. It was then that he realized that Beatrice, the resident librarian and Spirit of the Roswaal mansion was watching him as he wept. "What is with you and always waking up in the strangest situations, I suppose?" her verbal tick a welcome and much needed constant in his world of uncertainty. He had no quick comebacks for the drill loli this time, as he attempted to pause his clustered grief for the faintest of seconds to explain his current situation. "You don't remember her either, do you?" he mused, more to himself than anyone else, just barely enough to pique the ears of the concerned Beatrice.

"Who are you to ask such a loaded question like that, I suppose?" she retorted, almost irritated that Subaru would insinuate anything about her without consulting her first. "Rem. The other demon maid that works here with her sister Ram ever since long before I arrived here" he continued, almost cutting Beatrice off mid-sentence. "What makes you think I would forget about such an important part of our staffing here at the mansion, I suppose?" she answered monotonously as usual. "Wait, so does that mean that you remember her? But I saw-" he stopped himself mid sentence, remembering suddenly the penalties of trying to speak too much about other timelines or his ability to reset upon dying.

"Whatever, just come with me for now" he forced out, angrily as he grabbed Beatrice's hand and began walking down the hallway. "W-w-What are you doing to me, I suppose? What do you need to know? I-" cutting her off mid sentence, Subaru stopped and spoke quietly this time. "Please, just come with me for a little while. I need to check if what I think is right or not". Beatrice paused for a second, "I will grant you your nonsense favor, but don't expect me to continue helping you all the time, I suppose". Subaru knew this was a lie by now, as he had been relying on the girl more times than he could remember in various loops, just to get to where he was currently.

Searching the house top to bottom, he finally stumbled upon Ram, the sister of the currently incapacitated Rem and set in motion his test. "Good morning Ram. I need to answer a simple question for me" he said. "Oh, Barusu, I don't take it as a surprise that you come to me for help, but it is interesting to see you here Beatrice-sama" she said curiously. "Ok Beatrice, this is the reason I brought you here. Ram, do you remember your sister Rem? Anything at all?" he asked, already knowing what the outcome was going to be. "What?! You brought me all the way here for a question as stupid as that?!" she shouted furiously. "Of course it's a stupid question, I've never heard of someone with that name in my life" she blankly stated.

Subaru had enough after that, and was satisfied with the conclusion he had found as his thoughts drowned out Beatrice's genuine shock and confusion. Calmly walking down the long corridors, he went to the kitchen, and grabbing a sharp blade from the pantry, he made his way back to his room. It was almost mid-day before Beatrice had finally caught up to him, as he stared at the blade held in his hands. "I have been searching all day for you, I suppose! How rude of you to just leave me there without so much as an explanation!". She looked down at a glimmer of light reflecting off of the large kitchen knife Subaru was clutching in his right hand. "What do you think you're going to do with that weapon, I suppose!?" she screamed at him, trying to stop the imminent sin about to be committed.

"I'm so very tired, Beatrice. I've spent the last weeks suffering silently over things nobody could ever hope to understand. Things that I can't even share, not for lack of trying" Subaru solemnly stated under his breath, attempting to get out some of the pain that refused to leave him for even a split second. "Putting it simply, Beatrice, I've made up my mind to enjoy what time I have left before I inevitably give in" he said, merely assuring himself of what he was about to do. He slowly drew the weapon to his throat, but was stopped just short by a pair of small, fragile hands.

"I don't understand a single thing that you're saying, but just because nobody remembers Rem, that doesn't make suicide the correct answer, I suppose!" she pleaded with him, not realizing sooner how much she hated people dying under her watch. Unaware that her words here were meaningless, she continued "I know that you cared about those two girls, but you can't do this to Emilia, it will crush her I suppose. Do you want to impose your pain on her as well, I suppose?!" her colder calculating side got the better of her for a split second, but the damage had already been done.

Tears once again began flowing from Subaru's eyes like a waterfall. "You're the one who doesn't understand anything here! I could have saved her, but I was careless and this outcome is the result of that carelessness! She comforted me in my time of need, believed in me when I didn't believe in myself and wanted to run away. How did I repay her?! I let her die out there! It's MY fault that this happened!" he was screaming by this point, with whatever energy he had left. All of the anger he held towards Betelgeuse and his wish to save Emilia had blinded him of what was important.

He knew that this could have been prevented, but Beatrice didn't. She was going to try to find some reason for him to not stab himself, because deep down she cared for all the people under the Roswall mansion household. But it wasn't going to do any good now, she was inadvertently driving the stake further into Subaru's heart and it was too late to turn back now. "And I was just hoping that I could finally catch some rest too." he whispered to the darkness, as he plunged the knife directly into his skull, hard enough and fast enough to instantly kill him. The agony ripped through his entire body in a split second, and with a screech of torment, Subaru had ended his own life in this loop yet again.

Shooting up from his lonely prison of a bed for the umpteenth time, he yelled for a few seconds before his lungs ran out of breath. The door to Subaru's reset slammed open with a resounding THUD!. "Subaru, are you alright?!" Emilia, the white haired elf girl asked him, after rushing into his bedroom having heard his screech from earlier. "Yeah, I'm alright right now…" he slowly trudged on, trying to keep himself from seeming too suspicious. "Well don't just scream like that out of nowhere, it scared Puck too! He was worried about you" as if on cue, the cute cat spirit popped out Emilia's necklace jewel. "Lia, he doesn't seem alright to me. I can usually tell what he's thinking, but today it's as if I'm blocked by a wall of dark clouds" the spirit spoke aloud.

'Well that's because you haven't met whatever creature owns the black hands that prevent me from speaking about it' Subaru thought, internally cursing the blasted hands that kept him from spilling even a single word about his ability or the other timelines he has lived out. Subaru was shocked to see Ram come bolting into his room, seconds after puck had finished his thought, completely out of breath. He wasn't sure why, but the demon maid looked as if she had seen a ghost. "Oh, Ram-san perfect timing. Could you look after Subaru for a short while? Puck doesn't seem to think he's alright today. I can't stay with him all day, as much as I really want to" she said with concern written all over her face and tone.

Taking a second to catch her breath, Ram simply stated "As you wish, Emilia-sama" staring at Subaru for a short while before exiting the room. Soon after, Subaru was left with his thoughts and broken mind to taunt him as he attempted to make sense of his current situation. He tried to grieve over Rem's "death" but she wasn't really dead. His mind couldn't get over the chance that she could be saved, but was unable to let his failure to prevent it leave his mind.

Immediately, all thoughts and attention shot to the door at his room, as Ram had swung the door open wide, silently shutting it behind her. She had brought sweets and tea along with her. Probably at the request of Emilia, Subaru silently thought to himself.. She sat them on the bed next to him, with a short thank you escaping Subaru's lips before slowly trying to eat one of the delicious looking desserts.

'Well I guess I do need to try and keep my strength up' Subaru thought to himself, and began slowly eating the delicacies in front of him. He hadn't noticed it until a few minutes after he began eating, but for some reason, Ram had yet to exit his room. It puzzled the young man as he ate, but he could tell she was waiting to say something to him. "Alright Ram, there's no need to keep sitting here and waiting to speak. Just say whatever's on your mind so that I can be through with it" closing his eyes, he awaited whatever verbal punishment was about to come his way.

What came next shocked the internally grieving boy. Suddenly, he felt Ram's arms shoot around him, as she practically jumped into his stomach, gripping him like he was a broken glass window and would lose the pieces if she let go. Ram began to cry slowly but surely, trying to make herself unable to be heard but it was plenty enough to make Subaru extremely concerned for the girl.

"Woah, woah, woah, wait a second Ram, what's going on?! What happened? Why are you crying and leaning on me of all people?" he was genuinely confused about the current situation. By no means did Ram ever really hate him, but she certainly wasn't the type of girl to just start crying all of the sudden, much less on him. "I'm sorry….." she managed to squeak out beneath the muffled sobs coming from just behind Subaru's head. "I'm so so so sorry Subaru…." she choked out amidst her own rapid cries and breathing. Subaru began to seriously worry, as nothing like this had ever happened in any of the other timelines. "I don't… I couldn't have… I didn't know…" those were the only words he could make out at the current time and even though he didn't know what was going on or why, he began to cry as well.

Subaru, unable to wipe the tears from his eyes, wept as the emotions of the past two weeks or more of resetting began untying themselves. Ram began speaking in between whatever time she had not crying or attempting to continue breathing. "I know! I know everything that happened between you and my sister!" she had a hard time containing her voice, but managed to confine the one sided conversation to just his room.

"You….know...everything? What are you saying?" his confusion and interest taking hold for a minute before the next words out of Ram's mouth completely broke his remaining fortitude. "I know… everything, Subaru. From before you came to this world, about your life before here and how even though you weren't satisfied with how it was going" she paused for a brief moment to catch her breath. "It was a good life compared to what has happened to you here. I experienced everything you went through from your first step in this world till now. All the pain, suffering…. How many times you reset trying to save Emilia…. How many times you reset trying with every fiber of your being to save sissy…"

As she spoke, Subaru felt an immense amount of sadness for the poor girl, recounting his story so far. "I didn't just see them either, I felt what it was like for you. How horrible it was, to be betrayed time and time again by forces outside your control, and being brutally killed, cursed, bludgeoned, stabbed! Treated awfully at every turn because nobody knew or could know, but still being ignored and hardly ever trusted by anyone. Only to have the one person who believed in you, my beloved sister, disappear from the world, not once, but three times and have nobody remember her at all! Including me!" Ram had begun losing control of herself, and was now visibly shaking in Subaru's arms even as she held onto him with everything she had.

"The things we did to you… that I did you … I can never take them back! I killed you with my magic, by my hand, not once but twice! And after all that pain you had endured, you willingly committed suicide! You jumped off a cliff! All for the sake of me and my sister! Yet I still continued to doubt you! Even after saving the townsfolk, saving Emelia for the second time, and saving my sister! I tried to kill you a third time! Over what?! A stupid blank note that was a mistake you didn't even commit!" By now, anybody passing by would have heard this exchange, but with the mansion being as large as it was, the two were left to sob, grieve, cry and comfort each other.

He knew how much pain he had been through, but never in a million years would he wish that kind of torment on somebody else. They continued to sob for so long that day turned to night, and after half of a day, both of them had returned to a relatively neutral state. "How many times did you do it? Kill yourself over the past day to try and save Rem?" she asked, but they both knew he didn't remember. "So how did this happen to you in the first place? What caused this?" he questioned aloud. "All I remember was doing my normal chores when a black hand grabbed me from a wall of darkness, and I-I w-w-was f-forced to l-live out your.." she said, fumbling over her words at the end, not even finishing the sentence.

Subaru thought it over for a second and coming to no conclusion, he stood up. Walking just enough out of sight, Subaru grabbed the sharpest object he could find from nearby: A simple cup. By far the most makeshift suicide he had performed thus far, but it would have to suffice. However, he was grabbed the instant before Subaru could crack the cup on the table's edge.

His hands were stopped by a much larger, more gentle force, however the words that came after were anything but. "What do you think you're doing Subaru!?" Ram angrily yelled at him under her breath, trying to stay quiet and unheard from potential onlookers. "I have to fix this, Ram! I can't leave you with the kind of suffering I've been through in your hands! I-" Subaru felt a hand smack him so hard across the face that he fell ass backwards back into his bed. "No! I won't let you continue on like this! Not after everything you've already done for me and my sister, even if we can't talk to her right now!" her shoulders began to visibly shake.

"You can't keep going on like this alone! Sooner or later you're gonna break, and you along with everyone else might not ever get a happy ending, even if you find a way to go home! I already know what you're thinking, if you're wondering how I knew what you were going to do. You were going to reset the timelines to erase my gaining your experience. I can hear your thoughts too, idiot!".

Shocked by the recent developments, tears still streaming down the boy's face, a more pressing matter came to his mind. He paused for a second, and attempted to collect his thoughts before beginning. "But I'm not sure if I could take it… I wouldn't be able to take it if you forgot somewhere along the line! I've had nobody who could ever understand my situation until today. If you lost your memory of it again….. I'd just end up breaking myself all over again".

It was then that Ram heard the three words she was dreading hearing for the second time today. "I'm tired, Ram." She released the firm grip holding the cup in the air before embracing him as tightly as she could. "Please don't do what you're thinking of doing…." she pleaded with the boy, knowing he planned on Returning by Death the second she let go of the cup. She had placed all her bets in hoping that she could console and support his weary and tired soul.

Subaru stood in blank awe of the scene unfolding before him, and before Ram could react, he dropped the broken cup to the floor. He had cracked the edge of the dish on the table like he had planned, and slashed his own throat open deep. "NO! How could you!? I don't want you to break! You have to stop! Nothing good can possibly come of this!" she said as she eased the boy to the floor and began to cover his wounds. "At least you won't be forced to live with the same regrets as sadness that I have" he sputtered out, spitting up blood before falling back into another reset. He could hear the anguish in her voice as everything began to rewind, but in his mind he knew that it was for the best.

However this time, his awakening was even more confusing. Subaru had awoken slowly to the feeling of something warm pressed up against his back, and unlike before, he was laying on his side. Ram had curled herself up against his back protectively with her arms encircled around his midsection. He attempted slowly to break free, hearing a few short words from behind him as the arms tightened to restrain him lovingly. "Not again…. I still remember… I didn't forget your suffering! I refuse to let you go through it alone! Not for as long as I still remember and you still exist here. I won't let you…." she said quietly into his ear, the stern and pained words caused Subaru to settle down, whimpering softly.

He knew that he had saved her sister, and done many things over multiple timelines to protect them, but even if Ram did experience his pain, he would never have expected her to do something like this. He knew that if she was willing to stake being found in this current state, clutched against his backside, he would never betray this gifted trust between them.