The next few days consisted of meetings.

First, Petra Venj, the right hand of Mara Sov, requested a video meeting with Jayesh and Ruith about recovering Taken. Petra asked questions for hours, relaying them to other Awoken around her. It seemed that she was developing a plan to recover the Taken Techeuns.

Jayesh went out into the grounds around the Dasa compound and didn't return until after sunset. When Kari asked where he'd been, he looked distant and said, "Walking."

Phoenix healed him all night.

The next day, Ferral called a meeting with Wren, Madrid, Elledia, Ruith, and Jayesh. They discussed whether to send the Corsairs back to the Dreaming City. When Madrid insisted absolutely not, the discussion changed to how they could best support their fellow Corsairs from elsewhere in the Reef.

Jayesh left halfway through the meeting. Again, he went outside and didn't return until after dark. Kari asked Phoenix where they had been. The ghost would only say, "Around the grounds. We didn't leave, don't worry."

Again, Phoenix healed Jayesh all night.

The next day, Kari happened across Uldren in a shadowy corner of the compound, disguised in cheap armor with a hood over his face. "Have you seen Jayesh?" she asked him. "He keeps running off. I'm worried about him."

Uldren shrugged. "He's been through hell, ma'am. He needs space. But I'll see what I can do."

Thus it was that Uldren explored the park-like grounds that afternoon. He found Jayesh at the far end of the property, hidden by a fold in the hills. He'd discarded his warlock robe, and wore only his undershirt, pants, and boots. He went through Dawnblade forms over and over, holding each one for nearly a minute - high guard, riposte, middle guard, parry, low guard. But he used a stick instead of his sword. His clothing was drenched in sweat.

After a while, he stopped and turned to his watchful ghost. "Anything?"

"No."

Jayesh went through the forms all over again, stopping to ask the same question of his ghost. Again and again.

Uldren sat on a rock and watched for a while. Eventually, Jayesh had to rest. He sat in the shade of a nearby tree and gulped water from a large bottle stashed there.

Uldren got up and sauntered across the grass. "Hey."

Jayesh glanced at him. "Hey."

"Practicing?"

"You might say that."

Jayesh took a long drink. Uldren kicked the stick, which lay nearby. "Still no sword?"

Jayesh rested his elbows on his knees and stared at the stick. "No. Not a flicker of Solar Light. And sometimes I can't remember where I am."

Uldren leaned against the tree trunk. "Your wife's worried. You haven't told her?"

"I don't want her to know." Jayesh mopped his forehead on his shirt. "I've always been a Dawnblade. Righteous fire and healing. If I tell her that ... that that part of me is gone ... I don't know what she'll do. I have to get it back."

"Give it time," Uldren said. "You've only been recovering a few days. It took me a resurrection and two weeks before I could get near my Light. I still don't think it's as powerful as it should be." He summoned his golden gun and held it up, watching the fire lick along the barrel.

Jayesh sat there, shoulders slumped. "I can't hear the Traveler, either," he whispered. "It's like Riven lobotomized me. So much is just ... gone."

"Same here," Uldren replied. "Do you feel like the inside of your head is bleeding, sometimes?"

"Yes ... yes, that's how it feels."

They sat there in silence, two wounded soldiers who understood each other.

"Tell your wife," Uldren said. "She needs to know. Don't shut her out."

"I don't want her to be ashamed of me," Jayesh murmured. "Without my Light, I'm barely a Guardian."

"So let her know, idiot," Uldren said, spinning the golden gun and letting it vanish. "I can't stay here and babysit you. Ferral's lawyers freed up my assets. I've got enough glimmer to buy a ship and supplies. I'm getting off the Reef."

"Where you headed?" Jayesh asked.

Uldren shrugged. "Around. It depends."

"Well." Jayesh looked as if he wanted to say a lot of things, but couldn't find the words. "Thanks. For the rescue. Keep in touch."

"Consider us even," Uldren said with a sudden grin. "For taking bullets for me. I took Queensfoil for you. I hate that stuff."

Jayesh grinned a little. "Nasty. Hope I never have to touch it again."

"Stay out of the Ascendant Realm," Uldren said. "And don't be so hard on yourself. You're hurt. It's fine to take time to recover."

Jayesh gazed at him for a long moment. "Thanks."

"Anytime." Uldren straightened. "I'm taking off. Might be a while before we see each other again."

Jayesh scrambled to his feet. "Hey. I just wanted to say - if you ever need help, have your ghost send mine a message. I'll stick by you, if you need a friend."

Uldren slowly nodded, touched. "Might be handy to know one Guardian who doesn't hate me."

Jayesh retrieved his stick and robe, and they walked back to the compound together. They discussed jumpship builds all the way, debating which type would suit Uldren the best. They parted ways at the compound with a handshake.

Uldren didn't see Jayesh again for a long time.

"I hear you're leaving," Madrid said.

Jayesh and Kari were having an early dinner before heading back to Earth. Madrid approached their table, pulled out a chair, and sat down. The mess hall was filled with a murmur of voices as other Guardians ate their evening meal. Golden sunlight streamed through the tall windows. It gleamed on Madrid's hunter armor and drowned the glow of his yellow eyes.

"Yes, we are," Kari said stiffly. "What do you want?"

Madrid shrugged. "Nothing much." He turned to Jayesh. "I wanted to thank you for saving Wren and Elledia."

Jayesh inclined his head. "No problem."

"I have hope again," Madrid said. He gestured to his arm band. Two of the four lights were lit. "I'll have to return to the Dreaming City soon. But I can visit Wren here every night. She and Elledia are setting up a remote monitoring station to watch the curse from the outside."

"Good," Jayesh said. "I paid a high price for them."

"Like what you paid for Ruith?" Madrid said.

Jayesh paused, thinking about it. Ruith had mentioned the Light paying a high price for her. And it had cost him his Dawnblade and his sight to free the Corsairs. Maybe he shouldn't be surprised that the Darkness demanded payment in precious Light.

Kari gave him a surprised look. "What's he talking about?"

"Light," Jayesh said. "I ... I don't know how to tell you this. Riven took my Dawnblade. I can't use it at all anymore."

Kari stared at him, stricken. She reached across the table and took his hand, her eyes wide.

Madrid, too, looked shocked. He rocked back in his chair, yellow eyes widening. After a moment, he said, "That wasn't what I meant, but ... yes. You accomplished what I couldn't. And I ... I haven't been kind to you. I wanted to apologize. For everything." He looked at Kari as he spoke, extending the apology to her, too.

"Don't," Jayesh said. "No apologies necessary. Now that Riven did a number on me, I understand more about what you've gone through. And ... I don't even know what I'm trying to say. But consider yourself forgiven. We're good."

Madrid smiled for the first time in weeks, as if Jayesh's acceptance had eased a great burden.

Kari said nothing.

Madrid got up. "I'll let you two finish your dinner. I need to head back, while I still have time. Take it easy."

"You, too." Jayesh watched the burly hunter depart.

As soon as they were alone, Kari clutched Jayesh's hand. "You lost your Dawnblade?"

He met her eyes and nodded. "I've been going through my training exercises, trying to get it back. But ... it's not there."

"Jay, I'm so sorry." She stroked his face. "You must be devastated. I didn't know."

He pressed her hand to his face and kissed her palm. "I thought I could regain it in a few days, but I haven't. I didn't want you to be ... disappointed."

"Why would I be disappointed? You're hurt, Jay."

He stared at his plate for a long moment. "I know that's one reason you married me. Because ... I used the Light differently from Rem. And now I'm ... less."

"I married you for you," Kari said, taking both his hands across the table. "Don't be like this, you know I can't stand it. Have you lost Arc and Void?"

"No, those are still there. But I'm not very good at using them." He sighed. "And I can't reach the Traveler. I spoke to it through my Light, but without my Solar, I can't ... really use the other types ... to communicate."

They held hands and gazed at each other a long moment. Kari's gaze was full of melting tenderness. Slowly it hardened into determination.

"Here's what we're going to do," Kari said at last. "We're flying home. You're visiting the meditation spa in the Core District, beneath the Traveler. And you're going to get your fire back."

He smiled and his eyes filled with tears. She understood - why had he worried? Kari knew him better than he did, himself. And she had such a simple plan. He had been so afraid that she'd reject him, and she'd embraced him, instead.

"That means so much to me," he whispered around the knot in his throat.

Kari squeezed his hands. "Let's finish and head home. The sooner you're well, the better."

The Last City was arranged in rings and districts that radiated outward from beneath the Traveler. Directly beneath it, the sense of Light was strongest, Guardian or no Guardian. Here minds were enhanced, bodies were restored, and the secrets of the universe were explored. The greatest hospitals and universities occupied the Core District.

The Vanguard had constructed what they called a meditation spa there. It was a little walled garden, open to the sky, with beds and couches everywhere where Guardians might relax and refresh in the Light. In particular, badly injured Guardians sought it out - Guardians with wounds beyond a ghost's capacity to heal.

The spa was empty that morning as Jayesh entered. An Exo woman ushered him in. "Take as long as you need, dear. The snack bar is always open."

"Thanks," Jayesh said, looking around. It was all lawns and gravel paths, flower beds and fountains. Rather like the Gardens of Esila, but not quite as aristocratic.

He settled himself on a padded bench and gazed up at the Traveler. From beneath, the old wounds it had received in the Collapse were all that were visible. Even in the morning sunlight, blue Light glowed deep within.

He closed his eyes and soaked in the ambient Light. It filled the air, warm and potent, cracking with energy. "I could make serious Light constructs here without trying," he thought to his ghost.

Phoenix phased into being and swept Jayesh with a healing beam. "All my abilities are on overcharge," he remarked. "I love the Core District. Remember healing in the hospital during the plague?"

"Core was always the easiest," Jayesh agreed, without moving or opening his eyes.

Phoenix worked on him, his beam so low, it felt like a warm breeze. Whenever Jayesh had rested or slept on the ride home, Phoenix was there with healing.

Jayesh had seen the Vanguard healers upon arriving at the City, a few hours before. They had examined him gravely, and informed him that he had stage five psychic damage. They also warned him to file no reports until he had dropped below stage two.

"They don't want me writing down a bunch of hallucinations," Jayesh thought.

"You're not hallucinating," Phoenix said fiercely. "I kill them whenever they start."

"You kill them ...? What would I be seeing, then?"

Phoenix floated in front of his Guardian in silence until Jayesh crackled an eyelid to peek at him.

"Bones," he said simply.

Jayesh shuddered and shifted positions. "Thanks for keeping me sane, little light."

"It's my fault you're hurt," Phoenix said softly, returning to work. "Traveler forgive me, I've failed you so badly."

"It might hear you," Jayesh said, pointing at the orb overhead.

Phoenix glanced upward. "So what? It's true. And I'm going to heal you, if it takes years."

Jayesh sat in silence for a while, dozing a little in the aura of Light and his ghost's comforting healing. Spa records stated that the Guardians who healed quickest were the ones who slept out here. So Jayesh gave himself permission to rest deeply.

After a long while, half-asleep, he reached for his Light and thought, "Traveler?"

No answer. No touch of extra Light. He was still cut off. Jayesh dozed again, refusing to let himself panic. It wasn't time yet, that was all.

He tried over and over as the day wore on. At noon, he ate at the snack bar, then tried different seats around the gardens. He found one he liked better, in the back, in a little enclosed glade. The Light's presence was almost tangible there.

As he basked, Jayesh became aware of a faint collection of voices. It sounded like a party he was overhearing from another room. Then Phoenix spoke, and he realized he was hearing ghosts.

"He's so sick, everyone. Has anyone else any experience with psychic damage?"

"My Guardian had some," said a female ghost. "She had a bad experience with a Hive wizard. Stage three damage. I think they call it that because that's how many months it took to heal her."

The ghosts murmured among themselves. Jayesh sat perfectly still. He was picking up one of the Light channels that ghosts used to talk among themselves, and was hearing something that few Guardians were ever privy to - ghost chatter.

"Not even resurrection fixes it," another ghost chimed in. "My Guardian went full Thantonaut for a while, if you know what I mean. I had to ask the Vanguard to intervene. He was so sick."

"My Guardian never did recover," said another ghost in a low, dreary voice. "He abandoned me and sought the Darkness. He's a Shadow of Yor, now."

The ghosts murmured sympathetically.

"What stage was he?" Phoenix asked.

"Stage five. He lost his Light and everything."

"My Guardian is stage five," Phoenix whispered.

"How is he?" several voices asked. "That's bad, bad."

"I'm keeping him sane," Phoenix reported, "but it's an hourly fight. I'm already so tired. We're in the Core District and I can barely keep up."

Absolute silence.

Jayesh tried not to grimace and give himself away. This was educational. And frightening.

A single ghost said, "You ... you're going to have to intercede for him."

"Yes, intercession," the other ghosts whispered. "The Traveler listens."

"But it's my fault he's hurt," Phoenix said brokenly. "How can I intercede when I'm the one in the wrong? I let him travel the Ascendant Realm alone."

"You did what?" many voices exclaimed. "You thought he would survive alone? How stupid are you? Why would you do that?"

"I was afraid," Phoenix said in a small voice. Jayesh felt him actually cowering behind his head, his shell touching his Guardian's hair. "My Guardian let me stay behind, even though he was afraid, too."

More silence.

Then a female ghost said, "Your Guardian is too good for you. You don't deserve to be his ghost. You don't deserve the Light at all."

This was too much for Jayesh. He sat up, turned, and caught Phoenix out of the air. "Now you listen," he snarled, not sure if the other ghosts could hear him or not. Phoenix blinked up at him in terror. "You lay off him. He's the best ghost a Guardian could ask for. We may have made a bad decision, but we made it together. Now you either give good advice or shut the hell up."

"They heard you," Phoenix whimpered. "Light and Darkness, they heard you."

"His Guardian is on the network," the ghosts murmured to each other. "Core District. Of course."

"We should have encrypted the frequency."

"Too late, now."

A ghost said, "Sir, our apologies. But your ghost has more or less committed treason against you."

"What do you want me to do?" Jayesh snapped. "Throw him away?"

"Ikora's ghost didn't speak to her for sixty years," another ghost said. "Your ghost deserves similar treatment. You have stage five because of his negligence? He should be punished."

"He's holding back my hallucinations," Jayesh said. "Isn't that punishment enough?"

The ghosts muttered noncommittally.

Jayesh leaned his forehead against Phoenix's shell. "Other ghosts are mean."

"But they're right," Phoenix whispered. "You're not a Dawnblade anymore because of me." He made a sound as if drawing a deep breath. "I'm going to intercede on your behalf. Maybe the Traveler hasn't completely written me off. Sit down and relax, Jay. We'll see if I remember how to do this."

Jayesh did, letting his ghost float into the air again. "How does it work?"

"Hush," Phoenix said, gazing upward. "I have to concentrate." He phased from sight.

Jayesh lay back in the Light and waited.

When Phoenix made the sound, Jayesh jumped. He'd expected words. What he heard instead was a low moan that rose in register to an agonized scream. Afterward, there was a short silence. Then Phoenix began to sing.

He used a language Jayesh had never heard before, melodic syllables that intermeshed into patterns of thought. As Jayesh listened, he realized the music was creating pictures - vivid pictures of himself, as Phoenix saw him. They were so heart-rendingly honest that Jayesh stuck his fingers in his ears for a while. He saw himself as a hero, a towering Dawnblade who cut down Gate Lords and armies of aliens. Then he saw himself as a pathetic, prideful, self-pitying whiner. Ugh, Phoenix had his measure, all right.

Jayesh only unplugged his ears when the song changed. Now Phoenix was pouring out nightmare images of Jayesh's hallucinations. But to Jayesh, they weren't visions - they were memories of the Ascendant Realm and Riven's clutch. His ghost had seen far more than Jayesh had mentioned. So much for hiding anything.

As Phoenix sang the images, the Light built around them. The Traveler was listening. Jayesh reached out one hand, trying to speak to it, but he had been struck dumb. Riven had cut out his mental voice. Instead, Phoenix spoke for him.

His song was basically, "Here is my Guardian. Here is what happened. Have mercy."

Jayesh waited for a vision, or a voice, or instant healing. But nothing happened. The Light slowly faded back to normal. Phoenix hung in the air, surrounded by motes of Light, gazing rapturously upward. Jayesh felt suddenly alone and cut off. What if the Traveler decided that he was too damaged to waste time on? What if it simply let him die, alone and Lightless?

Someone sat on the bench beside him. Jayesh jumped - he hadn't heard anyone approach. Then he looked at the person and laughed. It was a man in a white and gold warlock robe, his hood shading his face and glowing sky-blue eyes. The Traveler had sent him its avatar.

"Traveler!" Jayesh exclaimed.

The avatar turned with a smile. "Guardian Jayesh. Your ghost has made intercession for you."

"Yes sir. I'm not really sure what that means."

"He asked for help on your behalf, because you could not ask for yourself." The avatar lifted one hand and rested it on Jayesh's head. "Ah, I see the damage, Guardian. You have been savagely wounded by Darkness. Tell me. What of your Dawnblade?"

Jayesh sat there, feeling the warm hand on his head, completely trusting, like a small ghost in hand of its Guardian. "I've lost touch with it, sir. Phoenix says he can bring it back, eventually."

"Perhaps," mused the Traveler. "This wound is complex and very deep. Healing it is changing the shape of your mind."

Jayesh hesitated to ask the question. "What's that mean?"

"What did the creature say when she devoured your Light?"

"She said ..." Jayesh swallowed a sudden dryness in his throat. "She said that now I was nothing, created out of nothing, for nothing, and my end would be nothing." The words still echoed in his head like an evil benediction, a curse upon his very existence.

The avatar nodded slowly, pondering this. "Yes, I see."

"Can I be healed?"

The Traveler didn't answer for a time. Then he said, "How did this wound come about?"

"Well ..." Jayesh tried not to sound accusing. "You sent me to redeem a Taken. I did that."

"You did," the Traveler agreed. "But that was not all."

"Well, once we had Ruith, she helped us save two Corsairs from dying in the time loop."

"Yes," the Traveler said. "Accompanied by a Guardian you did not trust."

Jayesh said nothing. Uldren Sov was too large a topic to summarize.

"You left your ghost when you entered the Ascendant Realm," the Traveler observed. "Why is that?"

"I was afraid," Phoenix broke in. "He left me behind as an act of kindness, though he was scared, too. All this is my fault."

"All?" the Traveler said, looking at the ghost. "You take credit for the Ahamkara's viciousness?"

Phoenix looked down.

"Had you been there," the Traveler went on, "she would have tracked you down sooner by the taste of your fear. She was delighted to find a solo Guardian. At the same time, she was disappointed. The Ahamkara are not kind to ghosts."

Phoenix said nothing.

The Traveler returned his attention to Jayesh. "You carried a blessing and received a curse in return. It doesn't seem fair, does it?"

"No," Jayesh muttered.

The Traveler was silent a moment. Then he smiled. "Dear Guardian. The time has come for you to shed your blade."

"Wh-what?" Jayesh gasped. "But - my Dawnblade-"

"You cannot get it back, now. But Solar Light has many aspects. Do you know of the Sunsingers?"

"Yes," Jayesh said. "They're an elite class of Solar warlocks, and ... Traveler, you want me to become a Sunsinger?"

"You must have Solar Light to heal, Guardian Jayesh. But it could not return because you are not the same. As you have changed, so must your Light change. Now." The avatar removed his hand from his head and rose to his feet, his white robe flowing about him. "I shall teach you the song of stars, of suns, of unquenchable fire. And you must learn the tender refrain of healing, for a healer you remain. Fill your lungs, my Guardian, and sing with me."

Kari looked up as the apartment door opened. "Jayesh?"

He walked in, smiling, and she knew at once that something good had happened. He'd lost the crumpled, anxious look. His gaze was steady, his movements easier.

"Are you well?" she asked, hurrying to him.

He took both her hands and kissed her lightly. "I'm much better, lovelight. Not a hundred percent, yet, but closer than I was."

Kari studied his face. The Light in his eyes was brighter, and there was something intangibly changed - a certain radiance hung about him, as if his Light was overflowing. "Did you talk to the Traveler?"

Jayesh looked at Phoenix, who floated at his shoulder. "Phoenix had to talk for me. But the Traveler is merciful and generous. It made me a Sunsinger."

Kari's heart jolted. "A Sunsinger? But what happened to your Dawnblade?"

Jayesh's face fell. "Apparently, healing me without reconnecting to Solar Light first has changed the shape of my mind. I can't use the Dawnblade anymore. That's why it made me a Sunsinger. It's like a promotion." Even now, he looked uncertain, as if this new configuration of Light was as foreign to him as a new limb.

She hugged him tightly, elated and grieved for him at the same time. He'd lost so much of himself in the Dreaming City. Now he was forever changed - her dear husband and friend. It frightened her, but infuriated her, too - that this would happen to her kind, gentle Jayesh.

"I'm with you every step of the way," she whispered. "We'll get you healed and trained up, the way you're supposed to be."

"Thanks," he whispered back. "I couldn't do this without you." He drew a deep breath. "Let's sit down. I have a song to teach you."

The end