Note: I've been meaning to get a little more involved around here again and get back to answering PMs and all of that, but work has kept me busy and then my sister got side-swiped by an 18-wheeler. She's fine, but everyone is shaken up and it's been a really long week. Guys, if you're driving, be really careful out on the roads. It's really scary how fast things can go wrong. Stay safe.

Something was up with Gray and Natsu. Lucy sensed it the moment she wandered into the guild that morning and noticed they were sitting on opposite ends of the room. Natsu was sitting at their usual table near the front with Happy, while Gray was lounging back at the bar and chatting with Cana. They were about as physically far apart as it was possible to be while still both being inside the building. Neither deigned to look at the other.

Lucy's heart sank. When they were angry with each other, they usually yelled and punched and fought it out until something gave. How furious must they be that not only were they not fighting, but were staying as far apart as possible and refusing to even look at each other?

"What happened?" she demanded as she sat down beside Natsu.

"Huh? Whatcha mean?" Natsu scratched his head and frowned at her. "Good morning to you too."

"Why are you fighting with Gray this time?"

"Fighting?" Natsu's frown deepened and he exchanged a look with Happy. "What makes you think we're fighting?"

Lucy rolled her eyes. How stupid did he think she was? She was nothing if not observant, and she could very well sense when something was wrong.

"You're on opposite sides of the room and won't even look at each other," she said dryly. "What happened that was so bad that you can't even fight it out with fists?"

Natsu blinked at her for a few more seconds and then heaved a sigh. "Can't get anything past you, huh? Darn, we were hoping we could fly that under the radar so we didn't get in trouble with Erza."

"Wait, you're fighting?" Happy asked. "Since when–?"

"Since that thing last night, remember?"

"Oooh…" Happy nodded. "Yeah, that."

"What is it?" Lucy asked, perhaps a little too morbidly curious about what horrible shenanigans the boys had been getting up to. "What happened?"

"You don't want to know," Natsu said grimly. "It would offend your delicate sensibilities."

Happy snickered. "I don't think her sensibilities are all that delicate."

Lucy shot him a nasty look. "Quiet, cat. Come on, Natsu. It can't really be that bad?"

Natsu only shook his head. "Oh, it is. I'm never going to forgive him. I may never speak to him again."

"But what about the team?"

"…I haven't exactly figured that part out yet."

Lucy started to panic. Natsu's normally cheery eyes were so serious, and she had the sudden fear that this was much worse than she had thought. He was even thinking about disbanding the team over it! No, Lucy had to fix this and fix it fast.

"You'd better hurry and work things out before Erza shows up," she said quickly. "She'll clobber you both if you don't stop fighting."

Natsu's face was lined with grim resignation. "So be it."

He was even willing to defy Erza and face her wrath? These were dire straits.

"Just talk to him," Lucy pleaded. "It's not worth ripping the team apart."

"Yeah, it kind of is. He's a jerk. I'm not going to talk to him."

"Just–just– Here, I can help! I'll help you broker a truce so that you can talk things out."

"…What?"

"You know, I'll be your go-between," Lucy said, warming to her theme. She would do what it took to keep the team together. "Carry messages back and forth until you've reached an agreement by proxy, and then when you've both agreed to meet without yelling, you can hold peace talks and hash everything out."

Natsu's eyebrows climbed slowly up his face, but then he nodded. "Okay. Tell him that I hate his guts and never want to speak to him again and I hope he rots in hell."

Lucy's mouth opened and closed soundlessly for a few moments before she could choke out, "I think you're missing the point. Why don't we give him a constructive message?"

"I hope he constructs himself a comfy place in hell?"

She dropped her face into her hands. Why her? "How about we start with something conciliatory to open up the lines of communication?"

"Tell him that he was a total jerk last night and I'm never going to forgive him."

"…You know what, fine. I'll be right back."

Lucy turned away with a sigh and started across the room towards Gray. If even Natsu, who could be fiery but rarely held a grudge for longer than a few minutes, was so worked up about this, she could only imagine what a hassle Gray would be. This was going to put her diplomacy skills to the test, no doubt about it.

She slid onto the stool next to Gray and tapped him on the shoulder. He broke off his conversation with Cana to give her a smile.

"Hey, Lucy. What's up?"

Lucy did not smile back. "I'm here to help you and Natsu make up."

Gray's brows furrowed. "Make up?"

"From your fight last night. Natsu won't tell me what happened—says it would offend my 'delicate sensibilities'—but he's really angry and it's ridiculous how you two won't even look at each other anymore. You need to fix things before Erza gets here and fixes them for you."

"Our fight?" Gray twisted about on the stool to frown across the room. Lucy glanced back as well, just in time to see Natsu turn away. "Oh. I'm surprised he told you. Well, what if I don't want to make up with him?"

"You're fighting?" Cana grinned and elbowed Gray in the ribs. "Ooh, tell me all about it! Are you holding out on me? C'mon, give me all the drama!"

Gray rolled his eyes. "Maybe later."

Lucy took the chance to jump on the bandwagon. "You might as well tell us. What happened that was so bad?"

Gray shook his head. "You would never look at Natsu the same way again," he said somberly.

Lucy swallowed down her curiosity. She'd get it out of them sooner or later, but it was already disturbing enough to see how reticent they were being when usually they'd whine and complain about anything even mildly annoying that the other did.

"Well, I agreed to be your go-between until you guys can agree to meet and discuss things rationally. Natsu says that he's really angry about what you did, but he's willing to meet with you and talk things out. I'll even be a mediator if you want."

"Are you sure that's what he said?" Gray asked, his eyebrows nearly jumping up off his forehead.

"…More or less."

"Well, too bad." He crossed his arms over his chest and stuck his nose in the air. "I'm not willing to talk to him until he apologizes."

"But–"

"Nonnegotiable. He's a jerk and should be ashamed of himself, and I refuse to have anything to do with him until he admits that he was totally and utterly wrong."

Lucy set back out with a heavy heart, wondering how she had gotten herself into this predicament. The boys were both so stubborn, and her tact would only be able to get them so far.

Natsu and Happy were whispering with their heads close together when she plopped down beside them again, but they stopped and stared at her expectantly.

"Well?" Natsu asked.

"Gray says that he only really wants an apology, and he'd be glad to talk to you if you're willing to admit to your part in what happened."

"My part in what happened?" Natsu asked incredulously. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, if you admit to what you did wrong, then he'll admit to what he–"

"But I didn't do anything wrong! It was all him! I'm not going to apologize for anything. He should be the one apologizing. When he apologizes for everything, then maybe I'll consider not killing him. But I probably still won't talk to him."

Lucy slunk back over to the bar.

Gray raised an eyebrow. "What'd he say?"

"He says that he'll meet you halfway. If you apologize for your part of it, then he'll apologize for his part."

"Apologize?" Fury flashed over Gray's face like thunder. "For what? He's the one who messed everything up! Forget all these stupid negotiations. I don't want to talk to him anyway. Tell him that he was a shitty friend and I don't want anything to do with him."

Lucy scrambled to save the situation and rushed back to Natsu, hoping against hope that she could work the boys into some state of semi-agreement that she could use to calm hostilities.

"He says that he's sorry for his part, and he'd be willing to talk things out if you'd just–"

"No!"

Lucy spent the next hour and fifteen minutes running back and forth across the guild hall, using every trick of diplomacy and tact she knew to negotiate a meeting. Nothing worked. If anything, the boys only got more hostile and aggressive the more reasonable her suggestions became.

By the time she rushed to the bathroom for a brief break, she was nearly in tears. What was she doing wrong? She was being so careful to turn their crude, aggressive attacks into reasonable olive branches, and it wasn't working. She had always prided herself on her ability to bring people together, but she was failing now. Had she finally met her match?

She took a few minutes to take some deep breaths and collect herself before squaring her shoulders and heading back out to try again. She was not going to give up.

When she walked back out into the hall, something was different. She blinked blankly at the team's normal table, now empty, and then spun on her heel to search out Gray. He was still sitting at the bar, but now Natsu and Happy had joined him. They were all laughing and teasing and grinning like fools, as if they hadn't just been slinging insults back and forth all morning.

Lucy's feet carried her slowly towards them, her mind reeling. "What's going on here?"

They turned and grinned at her. She didn't smile back.

"You were great!" Happy chortled. "I didn't think you would keep going for that long."

"I can't believe you thought we were fighting," Natsu added with a snicker.

Gray shrugged. "I really was just chatting with Cana. You know, I don't spend all my time with that flame-brained idiot and the team."

Lucy stared at them. They…weren't fighting? Natsu had…what? Taken her assumption and run with it, creating a fake argument to keep her running back and forth for over an hour until she was nearly in tears trying to get them to work things out. All for what? A joke?

"I am going to kill you."

Erza sighed. "Come on, Lucy. You're usually the reasonable one. They were being stupid, but that's just the way they are. Let it go. I want to do a job."

"No." Lucy crossed her arms and scowled down at the table. "I don't want to talk to them ever again. I spent an hour trying to get them to work things out, and they weren't even fighting at all! They're rude and disrespectful and–and– I'm done!"

Erza rubbed at her face wearily. This was what she got for making an early-morning stop at the bakery. She had come in late to find an irate Lucy fuming at their normal table, with Happy and the boys huddled together in a nervous clump at the bar. She'd spent the last twenty minutes playing mediator, attempting to get the two parties to stop being children already. Success had been limited.

For once, it was Lucy being the unreasonable one rather than the boys. It was getting ridiculous.

Erza pulled herself to her feet and headed back for the bar, where the rest of the team was watching anxiously.

"What did she say?" Happy asked.

"She says that she'll think about forgiving you for this incident if you'll apologize to her."

"But I didn't do anything! I just sort of…went along with it."

"Yeah, it was Natsu's idea," Gray said. "He made up this whole bullshit idea and signaled for me to go along with it."

"Hey!" Natsu protested. "You still kept it going!"

"Only because you started it!"

"Yeah? Well–"

Erza had had enough. It was bad enough with Lucy breaking away from the team, and she did not have the patience for the rest of them to devolve into pointless bickering too.

The argument was cut off abruptly as she grabbed both boys by the collar and snagged Happy by the tail. She dragged them back across the hall despite their raucous protests and shoved them right up to Lucy.

"Everyone, apologize. Now."

Lucy practically sneered. "I'm not talking to them."

"That's it!" Erza roared, losing the last shreds of her patience. "All of you, hug and make up at once!"

They all paled considerably. "But–"

"Hug and make up."

She shoved them roughly into a group hug, and they complied with white faces and trembling bodies. Erza smiled and washed her hands of the affair, pleased with herself for a job well done.

Diplomacy at its finest.

Note: And somehow Erza wins again.

emmahoshi: The boys are just total dorks, Happy is a horrible instigator, Lucy can be a little naive, and Erza lacks a bit of tact. They make a fun team X) Thanks for R&Ring :)