This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

Word Count: 1525

Title: Sassy Deanna

Note: AU modern timeline

The Golden Snitch

[Name] Crissie

[School] Uagadou

[House] Ogyinae

Ollivanders: Maple: Write about Newt Scamander.

AU month: Category 3: Song Prompt: All About that Bass - Megan Trainor

Hogwarts:

Assignment 2: Astronomy: Task 5: Write a fic featuring dragons.

"Newt, come on, we are looking for a dragon, after what happened the last time?" Jacob muttered he was pale-faced at the suggestion.

"Yeah, we have work to do," Newt said seriously.

"The breeze outside is lovely," Jacob suggested.

"If I didn't have to work, I'd suggest we go on a nice picnic," Newt said with a grin. "Here, have a cookie," he said, passing one to Jacob.

"Those are the ones I made," Jacob said as he bit into it.

"I know, I don't bake," Newt admitted. Jacob laughed loudly at his friend's antics.

"You can't miss this chance," he added after a while.

"Fine, I'll come with you, but if Queenie becomes a widow with our new-born son, then it's your fault," Jacob said.

"Oh come on, Jake will keep your wife entertained long enough for us to go on an adventure," he said with a smile.

"Yeah, he has been keeping us busy, I wonder if he will take after her," Jacob said lovingly.

"If it takes longer than the day, we can send her a letter letting her know," Newt added at his reluctance.

"Fine, as long as I get my bed this time and don't need to share with you, you kick at night," Jacob said.

"Imagine living with two mind readers," Newt joked at him. "No need to coddle him if he takes after your wife," he said with a laugh.

"Oh dear," he said when the image went through his head. He was getting used to considering his thoughts, and after the pregnancy, Queenie became more understanding that he couldn't control his thoughts around her and let him voice the comments before she would get angry at him.

"You're an inspiration, mate," Newt said to him kindly as they walked off to the Apparation point. They reached the Canadian coastline where it was rumoured that the last remaining wild Canadian Chatticus lived. Newt was excited beyond measure, and if they could find a female, they could convince it to come back with them to the Dragon sanctuary where she could help get them off the endangered species list.

"You want to talk to it?" Jacob said with wide eyes.

"Yes, it's a highly evolved species of dragon capable of speech and logical thinking," he said as they walked along the beach to the caves in the rock face.

"Excuse me for asking, but you did mention it being a wild dragon?" Jacob confirmed. Newt nodded cheerfully.

"Wild is a relative term," he added at his friend's reluctance.

He was looking at the rocks and checking for gaps wide enough to form a hollow. It seemed like they weren't going to find anything, every cave they went into was shallow, and the tide was starting to come in with the setting sun.

Then they heard a noise- not something that they would have expected… it was music, and it was coming from one of the caves they hadn't checked. It had looked too narrow at the entrance for a full-grown dragon, so they hadn't considered it.

They went inside and heard a radio blaring:

I'm all about that, all about that bass

I'm all about that, all about that bass

I'm all about that bass, no treble

We gon' take it to a whole another level

When they arrived in the cave where the dragon was, it was hard for Jacob to contain his giggle. The dragon was dancing! It seemed to be jiggling its behind. Jacob started laughing hysterically, and it was a twerking dragon. The booty was bouncing up and down to the music. The cave seemed to shake with the force of its movement. It looked like the entire place was about to cave in. The dragon stopped when it heard the laughter and turned around to face them with a glare. It was clear the dragon wasn't worried about the structure of the cave.

"Who dares interrupt my sanctuary?" the dragon said, annoyed.

"Hi there, sorry about my friend, I am Newt, and this is my friend Jacob," Newt said. He was in awe of the magnificent creature. He had never believed they would find one.

"Oh, isn't that the name of a lizard or something?" the dragon said. Newt nodded, not feeling the need to correct the dragon on such a technicality.

"It's an honour to meet you," he said bowing to the dragon. The dragon turned the radio down and spoke again.

"I'm Deanna," the dragon said.

"Forgive my ignorance, but you are a female, aren't you?" Newt asked.

"How can you tell?" Jacob whispered, trying to be quiet, so he didn't offend the dragon even more. The dragon was purple and had scales that seemed to sparkle beneath the light. Her body was large and voluptuous. Her eyes were sky blue and vast.

"Oh dear, this one, honey, females are a lot larger and generally smarter," she said facing Jacob. Her large jaw was open wide, and the men weren't sure if she was grinning or if it was a growl. "So, yes, I am indeed a female," she added after a pause, in case it wasn't clear.

"Well, Deanna, what a wonderful opportunity to meet you," Newt politely. "You are indeed one of the loveliest dragons I've laid eyes on."

"You flirt," she said, blowing a smoke ring into the shape of a heart. Her large eyes seemed to glint in the light.

"Well, we are here on a mission to find you, the Canadian Chatticus seems to be dying out, and another female could sure help with breeding," Newt explained.

"I don't want to leave here, and besides, I won't mate with just anyone you know, I have standards," Deanna said with as much sass as a dragon could have.

"What if we show you pictures of the eligible dragons in the camp?" he asked.

"I suppose, but he better be big and strong, mamma needs a man that can handle some rough lovin'," she said. "Don't want no stick figures."

Newt nodded, and Jacob was sitting on the ground just staying quiet.

"No offence to you of course," she added to Newt. He just laughed at her good-naturedly.

"Doesn't the handsome man want a chair instead? I haven't had guests in so long, shall I make tea?" She asked, addressing Newt but looking at Jacob. She gestured to a log in the corner, and Jacob stood up to sit in the corner while the dragon made tea. This event was the most curious adventure he had ever been on, and with Newt, and that was saying something.

"Some people have no business attending a dignified tea," she muttered to Newt when Jacob just accepted the cup of tea without as much as a word. After tea, Newt went about showing Deanna pictures of the dragons at the sanctuary, and eventually, she agreed she would breed if the sperm could be brought to her in a little vial and she didn't need to live in the sanctuary.

"Dragon sanctuaries are so boring, and they are for those that just can't handle the outside world," she said.

"I never thought of it like that, what if we bring the potential bachelor's here? Then they could stay with you if you formed some connection?" Newt asked her. Newt was cutting some toast for them to snack on when she suddenly exclaimed: "If toast is cut diagonally, I can't eat it."

When they left Deanna, Jacob needed to go and meet up with Queenie. Newt took a detour to the sanctuary and spoke to the tamers about the possibility of setting up dates for dragons. The situation was strange, but they understood the importance of it.

It took a lot of time to arrange the meetings; many of the males of the Canadian Chatticus were very eager to meet this new female. Deanna was very picky about the few that she would allow her to join her in her home. After she eventually met a few of the males, she was quite happy to help the breeding program. She was honoured to have a couple of different ones visiting her for some years until she bonded with one named Brutus. Then the two of them decided that they would be exclusive.

Newt was very happy for Deanna that she finally found a partner who could keep up with her.

When Jacob reached the park, he saw his wife running after butterflies in the park, their little son Jake laughing at his mother's antics. When Queenie saw him, she stopped running and turned to smile at him.

"I'm sorry I'm late, darling," he said. She nodded with a smile.

"I know, honey," she replied, giving him a quick kiss.

"It was such a wonderful adventure!" he said and then turned to pick up Jake and spin him around, making him giggle. Jake was a chubby little child with black hair and green eyes. He had a smile that could melt any heart, and his father loved him and Queenie so much.

"Daddy spoke to a grumpy dragon lady today," he said to his son.