Christian's POV

"Because it's the way I am."

"I'm Fifty Shades of fucked up."

The words buzzed around in my head like fireflies, hindering my ability to sleep. The one person that made life have meaning, the light in my day, my reason for living as of lately, left me two hours ago, and sleep has been impossible. Every time I closed my eyes, thoughts of the day's events came rushing back.

Flashback

Her face streaked with tears as she walked into the elevator, and as soon as the doors closed, I slumped to the floor. How in the world could I let myself punish Ana like that? How could I take things so far? Now, my girl's gone, and I have no idea how I'm gonna get her back.

End of flashback

I checked the clock for the fifth time that night: 3:00 A.M. Usually, I'd be wrapped around Ana, my face buried in an apple-smelling wonderland. God, how wonderful her smell is! As my heart started to ache, tears sprang to my eyes, but I pushed them back. One fell slowly, and in this moment, I let them all out: crying for my girl, the unfamiliar feeling that inhabited my heart when I think of her, everything. I needed to get her back, and nothing is too good for my Ana. As badly as I wanted her to be my submissive, she wasn't giving in that easily. Maybe, this was a mistake, trying things her way. I needed to control her, protect her, and I needed her to willingly accept what I was and still am offering her. Yes, she did take those spankings like a champ, but I knew I had fucked up when she stood in front of me, her guard back up. I just have to show her that life as my submissive won't be so bad.