Naruto was journeying into a distant, far away filler land that will in no way be referenced in later parts because it's filler. Suddenly, he fell in a sand trap made by a giant ass antlion because animals are fucking huge in Naruto.

"Aaaaaaaaaah!" Naruto cried out as he fell into an ancient tomb. But this was no ordinary tomb, no. This was the Tomb of the Greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed.

"Oh, hey, how you doing, love?" The Tomb Raider, Lara Croft, asked Naruto.

"Woah! A crossover on top of a crossover? This is heaven!" Just then, the tomb EXPLODED! Lara Croft died and Naruto was belted with so much Greedy energy that he became Greedo from Star Wars… You know, the green headed alien that Han shot first?

"WELCOME, NEW ALLY!" A talking, floating, spectral ankh appeared out of nowhere as Lara's corpse had become possessed by a hoard of greedy coins before she stood up. "I am Anhk and this is Mezual! We were once part of a civilization of the Greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed before our nominal tendencies got the better of us and we died. But we buried ourselves in the hopes that someone like you will come and revive us."

"OH COOL! But I wanted to be a Hokage, not a Greed." Naruto frowned.

"Uh, it's Greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed. Not Greed." Mezual added.

"That word's too long!" Naruto barked.

"Fine, we'll call it Greeed. Happy?" Anhk said.

"Very." Naruto said.

"Good! Now, use your greedy powers to make monsters!" Anhk said.

"Uh… how?" Naruto asked.

"You must use Cell Medals." Mezual said as she took a medal that had the face of Cell from Dragonball Z on it. She then broke it in two and created a pair of mummy-like monsters.

"COOL! I'm gonna make a lot of monsters, believe it!" Naruto said as the audience takes a shot.

"Very well. Where shall we strike our greed first, my lord?" Anhk said.

"Well, there's a village I come from. Why don't we go there?" Naruto asked.

"Sure. Why not." And so Naruto and the Greed traveled to Konoha.

"Here we are, my lord…" Mezual suddenly has the hots for Naruto as she felt up his back. "What shall we do? Shall we have them consume themselves like we had and make them just as greedy as us?"

"Hmmm… Nope. I'm gonna bash them with a hammer because I'm now semi-evil!" Naruto took out a mallet and began to run throughout town, smacking people upside the head with a large mallet.

"Perhaps it is the past time of Naruto's people?" Anhk took out a mallet despite having no limbs and began to smack villagers as well.

About a few hours later, Danzo held a meeting with a man named Councle.

"Okay, Naruto is fucking insane. I mean, he had a demon fox that the Hokage stuffed inside him because of some masked asshole, but now he has a mallet. A fucking mallet!" Councle said.

"Don't worry, I have the solution." Danzo smirked and took out a belt with three coin holding holes. "I have been preparing for this for a long time."

"Oh Naruto-kun, even though you mercilessly murdered every villager in the town, including my family, I'm super bold in loving you!" Hinata snuggled with Naruto.

"Yeah, who the fuck cares about Sasuke-kun when I can have you?" Sakura said as she too snuggled with Naruto.

"I'm only in this because of Sakura." Ino joined in the cuddle pile.

"Even though I'm a boy, the author mistook me for a girl so here I am." Haku said to Naruto, not very interested in him as he stared at a picture of a shirtless Zabuza.

"I-I-I matter, r-r-right guys?" Tententententen said as she cried into Naruto's arms. Suddenly Mezual got out a bunch of piranha-like monsters made out of Cell Medals and they nommed on the girls.

"Mezual, the fuck?" Naruto shouted.

"Only I can love you, Naruto-sama-kun-tachi-san-chan-dono-sensei-senpai." Mezual put her hands on her face like that one famous Yandere to drive home the point she's a Yandere. Suddenly, her back exploded and out came a large shark monster with kitsune tails.

"THE FUCK IS THAT!?" Naruto asked.

"I gave birth to our child, Naruto-sama-tachi-san-chan-"

"No, you had a fucking abomination explode from your body like wasps out of a caterpillar!" Naruto shouted.

"NARUTO!" Danzo arrived into Naruto's bedroom. "Today is the day you are defeated!" Danzo put three coins into the belt, then took out a circular device and scanned them. "HENSHIN!"

TAKA! TORA! BATTA! TATOBA! TA-TO-BA TATOBA!

Three large coins, conveniently arranged in a stoplight, circled around Danzo before they formed onto him. He was transformed into Danzooo. Danzooo took out a sword and put three Cell Medals in, one was Imperfect Cell, the other was Semi-Perfect Cell, and the final was Perfect Cell. He then scanned the sword.

TRIPLE! SCANNING CHARGE!

He sliced the large shark monster in two and made it explode Cell Medals, all of whom were singing that they did it their way.

"You can't kill the Greeed! Only Medals devoid of any desire or greed can…" As Anhk said that, Danzooo took out some purple medals. "Oh fuck." Danzooo plopped in the coins and scanned them.

PUTERA, TORAYKEA, TIRANO! I LOVE YOU! YOU LOVE ME!

Danzooo became Danzooo the Dinosaur. With his own theme song. That we won't sing because we can't do songfics. Anyways, Danzooo the Dinosaur pulls out the Power Ax and put a shit ton of Cell Medals in it.

PU-TO-TIRA NO PIZZAAAAAS!

And he was firin' his lazaaa! BAAAH! It hit Mezual who took a fatal hit.

"Aaah! Naruto! Please, remember the brief love that we had… Bleh." And she died. Unfortunately, Naruto took until the end of his series to get that Hinata loved him canonically so he'll forget it by the next arc.

"Run, Naruto! We must preserve the Greeed legacy before- BLEH!" Anhk was cut down by Danzooo's Power Ax as Naruto ran out of the city. The two had an antic-filled chase before the Akatsuki, upset that their million-year plan was being put on hold by this, intervened, kicked Naruto's ass, and extracted his Core Medals, conveniently Kitsune-themed, and left his ass to rot. Danzooo, being Danzo, let this happen while he chortled evilly. Because Danzo is Danzo and Danzo is the worst.

And all while Gato (you remember Gato, right?) had his plans uninterrupted because, like all Naruto fanfics that wanted to shake up the formula, this happened during the infamous Land of Waves arc.

Of course, there was a man who would want to stop Gato and his plans. A vagrant wanderer who had somehow been transported onto this world with nothing but the clothes on his back, tomorrow's pair of underwear, and a broken Taka Core Medal that he kept close to his chest.

"Well, Ankh… A whole new journey awaits…" Eiji walked into the Land of Waves, ready to show this world that, truly, anything goes.

[Author's Note: So… Context! I found a challenge on this site and I decided to write a parody about it where the stipulations are wildly exaggerated, so Naruto literally bashes villagers, Kamen Rider Birth not being present but a Greeed creating a Yummy (i.e. giving birth) is, etc. With that said, I do apologize for taking the challenge and essentially making fun of it. It does have potential, but everyone who takes it takes the challenge with an idea in their mind. Mine just happened to be parody.]