Midnight had come and gone but sleep had continued to elude him. That was very likely the case for a lot of the crew, he was sure, and as he walked through the halls he could hear muffled sounds of activity behind closed doors to quarters and workplaces alike. What few individuals he passed gave him quiet acknowledgements, whether they were nods of the head or mutterings of his rank. Ed acknowledged them in return, opting primarily for the former.

When he reached his destination he didn't expect to find anyone else there. The mess hall was usually unoccupied at this time of night, at least during the week, but the spacious room boasted a single occupant who was sitting at one of the tables staring down at the surface. If she had noticed his arrival she was giving no sign. Ed remained where he was for a moment before he stepped into the room and headed for the bar, walking boldly around it to help himself to not just one drink but two.

With a glass in each hand he headed over to the table. "Mind if I join you?"

Talla blinked as she lifted her head, remaining silent for a moment as she looked sheepish. Ed wasn't sure whether it was a result of his presence in general or the fact that she obviously hadn't noticed she had any company. "Captain. Of course." She sat up a little straighter, appearing more awkward than he had ever seen her since she had first set foot aboard the Orville.

Ed claimed the seat directly opposite her, but not before he set one of the glasses down in front of her. Talla looked down at it and then up at him, hesitating for a moment before she lifted the glass and took a sip. He saw the subtle signs of approval on her face even though she didn't say a word. Ed had noticed her fondness for Xelayan rum. He took a sip of his bourbon and then set the glass down on the table.

For a while he didn't say anything, knitting his fingers together loosely on the table in front of him as he let his eyes roam the mess hall. With the low lighting and the scattered shadows it should have been unnerving after all that they had been through, and so recently, but Ed still found the place soothing somehow. Kelly had once called it beautiful. He was inclined to agree.

"No one blames you, you know." He turned his eyes to Talla only after he'd spoken the words, catching the way her whole body stilled just before she cleared her throat and made a conscious effort to regain full composure. When she didn't immediately respond, he went on, "That thing would have jumped into whoever went into that room. It was rotten luck that it was you."

"That's putting it lightly." Talla took another sip of her rum, keeping her gaze turned down.

It wasn't like her to avoid eye contact. Since Ed had known her he had never seen the Xelayan in any way cowed or reserved. It wasn't right. "Yeah," he conceded, "it is." That brought her gaze up, if only for a moment. No sooner had she dropped her gaze again than he was saying, "Talla, listen to me." There was the slightest inclination of her head that told him she was listening, even if she still wasn't looking him in the eye. "It could have happened to anyone." After a moment he pressed on, "And I'm not saying that to undermine what you went through, because it must have been hell. From what I've heard from others who went through it, that's exactly what it was. And I can't imagine how it must have felt. None of us who didn't experience it can imagine it, so we can't tell you how to feel, or how to deal with any of this."

Talla was turning her glass on the table, slowly and carefully so that she didn't spill any of its contents. But she was still listening.

So he kept going. "And I'm not saying it's going to be easy. I'm sure it's not." Ed allowed himself the shallowest of laughs before saying, "Hell, I'd be shocked it if was." And worried, most likely. "But that's not a reflection on you, or anyone else. At least not a bad one. It means you're human." He paused, tilting his head. "Well, you know what I mean." He had been trying to make her smile, at the very least, but it hadn't had the desired effect. "Look." She didn't lift her gaze but he pressed on anyway. "What happened was awful, no one's going to say otherwise, but it doesn't say anything bad about you."

Talla did lift her eyes then, and she met his gaze directly for the first time since that moment on the bridge when she had come down to Gordon's side while their Helmsman had been bleeding to death. "I could have killed you," she said.

"But you didn't."

"I might have."

"But you didn't."

She pursed her lips and he saw the way the line of her jaw tightened as she gritted her teeth, likely in annoyance. Ed was well aware that he was being frustrating but at least he had gotten her to talk to him. And she was looking him in the eye now.

"I wasn't strong enough to hold that thing back or keep it from doing any of what it did." With a look of disgust and a shake of her head she gestured very pointedly at his left hand. "I broke your hand," she said with the sort of fire that he had come to associate with her. It was actually reassuring in that moment, hearing her talk that way. "And I would have broken your arm, if Gordon hadn't stopped me. God knows what else I would have done." She lifted her glass and took a generous mouthful.

Ed tipped his head, considering her words, and then he nodded. "All true." After a beat he added, "Well, almost." He took a swig before he went on, "Because it wasn't you, Talla." Before she could argue he pressed the point, "It was your body and your voice, yes, but you weren't holding the reins. You said so yourself: you weren't strong enough to hold it back or keep it from doing any of what it did."

Talla swallowed whatever she had been about to say and sat back in her seat a little, dropping her gaze.

"Kelly told me that the thing inside of you was the leader," he said to her, "and that it created all of the others. It was the original." Claire would have used the scientific term but he didn't need that here and now. Talla knew what he meant. She dipped her head a little in acknowledgement. "And it wanted the strongest person on this ship. That's what it was after." He ducked his head a little to catch her gaze and when he had it he straightened again, succeeding in encouraging her to do the same. "And that's what it got. That's not on you, Talla, no matter how you spin this."

It was on him, as far as he was concerned, but he wasn't going to share that with her. It would only make her feel worse, he suspected, and that was exactly what he was trying to avoid. But just like it was Claire's job to patch them all up when they were wounded, and just like it was Talla's job to bust heads when they were under threat, it was Ed's job to keep all of them safe. He had failed too many of them in that regard during this mission. As he looked across the table at Talla it was impossible to doubt such a thing. If he had been more cautious about the Discovery she never would have been put in the position to be infected in the first place. In his mind it was as simple as that.

"It used my strength to hurt people. To kill people." She looked like she felt nauseated, and he couldn't say he blamed her. In her position he would have felt the same way.

"Exactly," he said to her, and he heard the determination in his voice, the enthusiasm with which he spoke that single word. "It used you. That's exactly what it did."

Talla frowned, looking into her glass. It was getting low. "Ensign Holloway is dead because of me."

"No." Ed spoke the word firmly and with every ounce of conviction he possessed. "Ensign Holloway is dead because she was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and because—" I failed her, he thought but didn't say, "—those things were cruel." It was Ed's turn to frown. "Kelly told me what it was like, what they were like. They were clever and cunning but they were vicious. They were animals when you stripped away everything they got from their hosts. They were aggressive and predatory and they took pleasure out of using that stolen strength against others."

She was watching his face. "She told you that?"

Ed nodded, remembering the hours he had spent in Kelly's quarters with the two of them talking, going over every little detail together. He had ended up spending the night there when they had both realised that it was much too late for him to head back to his own quarters. All things considered Kelly's couch was actually pretty comfortable but more than anything it was the knowledge that there was someone else close by, someone he trusted implicitly, that had made it so easy for him to sleep. "She told me that it took over completely when she was—" Ed couldn't bring himself to say what he had been about to say, so he changed it, "—when we were fighting." That was a little better. "It was all instinct and rage, and it wasn't even using her brain anymore. It wasn't thinking at all. It just wanted to kill." Ed remembered how a slight chill had trickled down his spine when Kelly had told him that.

Talla had dropped her gaze briefly to her glass again, her brow furrowed. She shook her head but didn't say a word.

Kelly had also told him how arrogant the creatures were, how complacent in their abilities they had been. They had been so convinced of their superiority and the inevitability of their victory that the thing inside of her hadn't even felt the need to warn the others about Claire's environmental program and the threat it posed, because in its mind there hadn't been a threat. Not until Ed had made a break for it, at least, and that desperation to eliminate any possibility of being defeated had very likely played a large part in the parasite's switch to full-blown predator, and would-be killer.

"It wasn't your fault, Talla." Ed's voice had softened and he hesitated before he reached out and laid his hand over hers. He saw the way she tensed, just for a moment, before it bled right out of her. When she lifted her eyes and met his he went on, saying, "I know it's not easy to accept that, or believe it, but it's the truth." With his hand over hers he gave a slight squeeze.

For a few moments she just looked back at him, obviously struggling with the words he had offered to her, and he saw the way she swallowed, more than likely against a tangle of emotions that had risen up in her throat. Instead of nodding or verbalising any kind of response she moved her hand but she didn't withdraw it. She turned it over on the table instead, carefully so as not to dislodge his touch, and closed her hand around his. It was his left hand, the one that had been shattered in several places by the thing manipulating Talla's considerable strength. It would have been easy to be unsettled by that knowledge but instead Ed gave her a small smile and the subtlest nod of his head, feeling the first promise of relief when she gave his hand a gentle squeeze in response.

Kelly joined them first, taking the seat to Ed's left and sitting so close to him that her arm brushed his any time she shifted her weight even the smallest amount. Bortus was next, taking the seat opposite Kelly, to Talla's right. Claire and Isaac arrived one directly after the other, the Doctor taking the seat to Ed's right with Isaac claiming the chair on her other side. John and Gordon were last to enter, with the former sitting across from the Kaylon.

Gordon sat down next to Talla and gave her a smile.

It was Isaac who made the trip to the bar and brought everyone a fresh glass of their preferred beverage, not saying a word as he did so.

No one spoke and Ed knew why. It was because they didn't need to say anything at all, because words weren't necessary. Even after all that had happened none of them felt the need to speak so much as a single word. Instead they all sat there, every single one of them dressed for bed but far from feeling the call of sleep, each of them enjoying the companionable and trusting silence of their closest companions and crewmates.

Crewmates wasn't the right word for what they were. It fell short.

Ed glanced to his side at Kelly. She smiled at him. Friends wasn't enough either.

He looked around the table, taking in each face in turn, and as he lifted his bourbon to take a drink he smiled to himself.

Not just crewmates, and not just friends. They were more than that. So much more.

They were family.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I just want to say a huge and deeply heartfelt thanks to every single person who read and reviewed this fic as I was writing it because it wouldn't have been the incredibly rewarding and gratifying experience that it was without so much wonderful feedback. From start to finish I have loved writing this piece and it's because of the people reading it that that's the case, and at the risk of sounding beyond cheesy I feel so blessed to be a part of such an accepting and generously welcoming fandom. It had been over a decade since I'd last written a piece like this and you all made it such a wonderful experience that I never once regretted stepping back in, and I can't say that enough.

For anyone who's curious about such things I'm already planning out another multi-part fic in this fandom, and I have several ideas for one-shots that will (hopefully) start appearing in the near future. Hopefully you'll all enjoy reading those ones as much as I'll enjoy writing them! :D

And finally, for any trivia/pop culture geeks out there, the inspirations for this fic were as follows: The Thing, The X-Files (specifically the first season episode "Ice" - for anyone who wondered what the message on the wall from the Discovery said, it was from this episode: "We are not who we are"), with little splashes of The Faculty, and 2001: A Space Odyssey. Those are the ones I can remember off the top of my head, with the first two (the second actually already drawing a lot from the first) being the driving force.

Thank you all again for making this such a joy! I feel incredibly lucky, and beyond grateful, and I can't wait to dive back in with these incredible characters and this amazing world :D