Well, this is a humor fanfic covering all the series of Gundam and uses the
characters of each series and manga . . . or at least tries to. The G-Pub
was influenced on the forums at the GameFAQs website, where a bunch of us
got together and began writing up little scenarios that just so happened to
take place in a bar. Each were fairly short and didn't have much of a
point. The challenge here, is that we take pieces of each one and are
making a large attempt to compile them into one large ongoing story. Thus,
the story of the G-Pub begins . . .
The G-Pub - Chapter 1: And It Begins . . .
The stars in the World of Gundam each took up a seat in the pub that accepted the lives of each and every one of them. Amuro Ray. Camille Bidan. Char Aznable. Heero Yuy. Garrod Ran. Loran Cehack. Among the hundreds of others, this place was filled with talk, action, and underage drinking. A phone rings.
Bartender: Call for Shiro Amada!
Shiro: That's me. (He takes the phone) Hi, dear. Yes, dear. Right away, dear. (Hangs up) Sorry, I gotta' go.
Amuro and Char: WHIPPED!
Amuro's statement is followed by "whipped" chants.
Shiro: Yeah, well, how many of you have steady girlfriends?
Tons of hands shoot into the air.
Shiro: That AREN'T dead.
Various hands drop, including Amuro and Char's.
Shiro: Yeah, I thought so. (He leaves)
Char: Steady girlfriends my ass. I've been pimpin' since double-O '79!
Amuro and various others let out small laughs.
Char: What? What?
Judau Ashta: I don't remember hitting on 9-year old girls considered "pimping".
Heero: . . . true . . .
Char: W-What are you guys saying? I'm the Red Comet. I've had my share of girls. Nanai Miguel . . . Reccoa Londo . . .
Jamil Neate: Lalah Sune . . . 14 . . . Quess Paraya . . . 13 . . .
Char gives Jamil an odd look. Amuro gulps down his martini.
Amuro: *Cough*Pedophile*Cough*
Char drew his gun.
Char: Got something to say to me?
Amuro: Umm . . . what are you going to do with that?
Char: Nothing, just polishing it. Hey, what's with that cough of yours?
Amuro faints, anime style.
Young Kikka looks up at Char.
Kikka: What do you have to say for your self . . .
Char: Umm . . . maybe the glory of victory be yours?
Jamil: (Lifts his drink) Glory to the Ped Comet?
Garrod: And may the glory of Michael Jackson be yours!
Heero: Heh . . . funny . . .
Char: Oh yeah? What are you giggling at, kid! I've got more experience than you in the battlefield and in the bed! Where's you're woman at!
Heero points out the window.
Amuro: Cinq Kindgom. Not bad.
Char whispers something under his breath and walks away.
Char: Don't you forget, Amuro! We're room mates for the next 2 months.
Amuro: (Frowns) Damn . . . forgot all about that one . . .
Kou Uraki suddenly runs into the room and falls over.
Amuro: What the-?
Camille Bidan: Hmm . . .
Amuro: I thought you said that you rigged the outside of the place the GP03S was getting repaired at with mines?
Camille: I did! (Turns to Kou) Hey, Kou, how did you get out of my little trap?
Kou: Me, being the genius that I am, walked into each and evrey one of them, setting them off - which, momentarily impaired my movement and left me badly bleeding BUT, ensured a path to safety. (Kou laughs) You guys thought you could outsmart you, didn't you? And you guys are called uber- Newtypes . . .
Camille slaps his forehead.
Camille: (Being Sarcastic) You are such a genious Kou . . . we envy you're genius . . .
Kou: Glad to see you admit it. (He walks away)
Four Murasame: Wow . . . just . . . wow . . .
Camille: I know. You'll learn to deal with him.
Four: No, that's not what I meant . . . I mean this fanfic. It's so goddamn sexist! I'm the first female to show up and actually say something!
Camille: Well, the author had to introduce us, get us out in the open, blah, blah, blah . . . it's the making of a goof fic.
Four: Good fic? Where the hell's the plot?
Camille: It's coming up soon . . . probably by the next chapter . . . err, or so . . . whenever the author decides.
Four: Crap-tacular. We need more women in here.
Camille: Since when did you decide to become a femi-Nazi?
Four: I am not a feminist. I'm just defending my rights.
Camille: Listen, this fic just began, give it some time. This thing's all over the place because it's a compilation of many small jokes made by a bunch of people off of the GameFAQs boards into one big fic . . . like the Mobile Suit Gundam Trilogy.
Four: Again, uber-crap-tacular.
Camille: Deal with it.
Four: Why should I?
Camille: Well, do you want to be back on the streets begging for food while asking Sunrise for walk-on roles in the background of newer and much flashier mecha series showing that Sunrise has long forgotten about us and the role we played in making them famous?
Four: . . .
Camille: . . .
Four: Oh, Camille, I want your cock so bad.
Camille: . . .?
Four: You're so sexy when you're angry.
Amuro: Another side-effect of artificial Newtype enhancement?
Camille: It's like built-in Viagra. (Shrugs) I'm not complaining. (Turns to Four) Right now?
Four: Right now!
She jumps on Camille, and the two get it on right in the middle of the pub.
Garrod: Whoa . . .
Kou: My virgin eyes!
Everybody turns their head sideways, and then opens their eyes widen as they watch Camille and Four pull off a nice "stunt".
Bright Noa: Must make a mental note to try that with Mirai sometime . . .
Meanwhile . . .
We are taken down a dark corridor. Down a long bridge, surrounded by fire, evil minions moan and groan as they continue to profit over badly dubbed Dragonball, Dragonball Z, and Dragonball GT episodes. Gremlins? The Sith? Mark Currant of G-Saviour? No, it was far worse than any of those.
President of Funimation: Come forth, my dark minions.
A small group appears. Next to the President of Funimation is the CEO of Funimation.
CEO: And these are?
President: Special Dub-Butcher Task-Force BUTCHHOUND. They despise good dubs like seen on Adult Swim and those sold on DVD. They enjoy profiting over the horrible dubs that cause the eyes and ears to bleed.
CEO: Are we so low that we must align ourselves with a group formed under the black wings of the 4Kids dubbing committee?
President: One day . . . one day! One day Gundam will be mine! Can you imagine it! Zeta Gundam turned from the bloodbath it is into a series with people getting blown in the "Next Dimension"! Imagine the cheap profits! And thanks to this group of individuals, I will have Gundam! Gundam will be MINE!!
(Insert unceremonious uncontrollable evil laughing)
Back at the pub . . .
Sayla Mass: This is . . .
Allenby Beardsley: What is it?
Sayla: I feel as if I'm wasting my talents here.
Allenby: Got the same feeling. It's better then being on the streets selling oranges.
Kou and Mark Currant walk by. Allenby begins whispering.
Allenby: Didn't you say your friend's brother's uncle's sister knew Tony Soprano?
Sayla: No, but I did have a contact in the Polish mafia.
Allenby: Close enough, how did it ago?
Sayla: I contacted them about a week ago . . . the sniper fell out of the tree.
Allenby: Dammit.
Four: This stupid fanfic. It's still incoherent and all over the place.
Sayla: It's a comedy what do you expect.
Four: But just look at it. All I have to do is step over here and I'm suddenly in a new scenario.
(Four walks over to a table)
Four: Umm . . .
Sayla: What's wrong?
Four: Forgot this part in the script.
Sayla: This is where the writer introduces a character he's a huge fanboy of.
Four: But he already introduced us.
Sayla: No, I mean . . .
Suddenly, the background music from Saturday Night Fever begins playing. The disco ball drops and the floor begins to light up.
Singing Girls: "And I get down to Gryps 2 . . . the Titans fleet . . ."
Paptimus Scirroco: Hi-ya! That's my cue!
Random Female: It's Lord Scirroco! (Faints)
Allenby: I wonder how much he pays those girls to faint for him . . .
Scirroco walks in dressed up. On his new white suit, there's a logo that says "Pappy's Pimp Service".
A sudden heavy smoke began to fill the air.
Allenby: Hey, Pappy, I think you're pyrotechnics team screwed up again.
Scirroco: No, those are just my new sales.
Four looks at the tables in the G-Pub, everyone's smoking.
Four: What the hell is going on?
Scirroco put his hand on Kira Yamato's sholder.
Kira: Bandai just made a join effort with Scirroco's mafia.
Scirroco: *Ahem*
Kira: Umm . . Scirroco's underground business.
Scirroco: It's a little known fact that I'm Italian and Greek.
Allenby: Interesting . . .
Four: So . . . explain yourselves . . .
Kira: We're just selling our new stake in the Gundam franchise. Four: And what does that mean?
Amuro: Thanks to Scirroco, Kira's become the "big connection" in town if you know what I mean.
Four: WHAT!
Amuro: Yep, hes the first guy to bring in this new stuff. Heh heh, look at the colors.
Four: Of my God! I thought Gundam SEED was just another cheesy remake of the plot of the original show, with the lame main characters and cliche unbeatable gundams from Wing. But a massive front for a drug ring! I can't believe it.
Kira: Believe it, why do you think they call it Gundam SEED! *Wink Wink*
Camille: Yep, heh heh, thats right.
Four: No not you too!
Camille: Don't worry, for me it's medicinal.
Four: You lie, you're not really sick!
Camille: Uh huh Paptimus fried my brain, and this is helping me make a speedy recovery.
Four: Yeah your brain's fried all right.
Paptimus: Heh, heh she called you fried. Mmmmmmmm . . .
Four: You're all a bunch of drugies!
Master Asia: No, it just hepls my . . . my arthritis . . . yeah.
Amuro: I can see you Lalah. I'm coming . . .
(Amuro gets up and begins swatting at a neon Budweiser sign)
Four: I can't take this smoke . . . nnnnnmmmm . . . my head.
Domon Kashu: Hey Kira, light another and pass that fatty around.
Kira: All right....you asked for it . . . uh oh . . . all gone.
Four: Ha! See how quick your . . . umm . . . yeah, see how quick the fun ends.
Kira: I'll be back, just gotta' go and pick up some more from my "contact".
Four: Your all so sick, I can't take anymore of this, I'm going to find . . . a new series . . . Mmmmm . . . my head is spinning.
Kira: I can't belive we went through a pound so quick....I think I'm gonna' like this franchise!
(Kira walks out counting his ill-gotten money)
Four: I'm leaving before he comes back, GOODBYE!
(Four takes a few steps and then stumbles)
Four: I think I'll just sit down for a little while . . . Mmmmmmmmmmmm.
Kira: All right I'm back.
Four: Mmmmmmmmmm.
Fuunsaiki: "Neigh"
Master Asia: That was quick.
Kira: The new shipments from the Plants just came in.
Duo: So that's why they call those colonies "PLANTS" . . . heh, heh. It almost makes sense.
Loran: Oww . . . my head . . . I need to get up for awhile . . .
Loran steps out of the G-Pub. He stumbles down the sidewalk and sees someone floating in front of him.
Loran: That's it. I've had way too much.
Floating Figure: I am Mad Dog from Unit BUTCHHOUND!
Loran: Hey, dude . . . you're getting a Dell!
Mad Dog: He's high. Well, this makes it easier for us. The boss will be pleased.
Mad Dog picks up Loran's arm.
Loran: Dude, what are you doing?
Mad Dog: You won't feel a thing . . .
Mad Dog cuts off Loran's arm. Loran screams his ass off.
Back inside the pub . . .
Amuro: What was that?
Sayla finishes her blunt and crawls across the floor and onto Amuro's lap.
Sayla: Oh, Amuro . . .
Amuro: Mmm . . .
Back outside . . .
Loran is now unconscious, with a new right arm that doesn't match his body.
Mad Dog: Heh, heh, heh . . .
He disappears. Loran wakes back up, and stumbles back into the pub.
Loran: Oh God, I need a Tylenol . . .
Amuro: And I need some lube.
Camille: Fresh out.
Amuro: Hey, Camille, you remember that old bottle of whiskey that you said was accidentily mixed with sour milk and begin to have that silicon-like feeling.
Camille: (Hands the bottle to Amuro) You're a sick, sick man . . .
To Be Continued . . .
Well, that's the end of the first. People who've been to the G-Pub will notice some familiar scenarios and such. Hope you all enjoyed the first chapter. If you've got any suggestions or death threats, e-mail me at [email protected]. Anyway, credit to the foundation and building of the G-Pub and everything surrounding it go to great guys like AmuroNT1, necropenguin, among other influential parties.
And, if you haven't noticed, the whole Unit BUTCHHOUND thing is influenced from Metal Gear Solid. Yeah, expect Metal Gear Solid crossovers, as well as crossovers from other video games and anime.
The G-Pub - Chapter 1: And It Begins . . .
The stars in the World of Gundam each took up a seat in the pub that accepted the lives of each and every one of them. Amuro Ray. Camille Bidan. Char Aznable. Heero Yuy. Garrod Ran. Loran Cehack. Among the hundreds of others, this place was filled with talk, action, and underage drinking. A phone rings.
Bartender: Call for Shiro Amada!
Shiro: That's me. (He takes the phone) Hi, dear. Yes, dear. Right away, dear. (Hangs up) Sorry, I gotta' go.
Amuro and Char: WHIPPED!
Amuro's statement is followed by "whipped" chants.
Shiro: Yeah, well, how many of you have steady girlfriends?
Tons of hands shoot into the air.
Shiro: That AREN'T dead.
Various hands drop, including Amuro and Char's.
Shiro: Yeah, I thought so. (He leaves)
Char: Steady girlfriends my ass. I've been pimpin' since double-O '79!
Amuro and various others let out small laughs.
Char: What? What?
Judau Ashta: I don't remember hitting on 9-year old girls considered "pimping".
Heero: . . . true . . .
Char: W-What are you guys saying? I'm the Red Comet. I've had my share of girls. Nanai Miguel . . . Reccoa Londo . . .
Jamil Neate: Lalah Sune . . . 14 . . . Quess Paraya . . . 13 . . .
Char gives Jamil an odd look. Amuro gulps down his martini.
Amuro: *Cough*Pedophile*Cough*
Char drew his gun.
Char: Got something to say to me?
Amuro: Umm . . . what are you going to do with that?
Char: Nothing, just polishing it. Hey, what's with that cough of yours?
Amuro faints, anime style.
Young Kikka looks up at Char.
Kikka: What do you have to say for your self . . .
Char: Umm . . . maybe the glory of victory be yours?
Jamil: (Lifts his drink) Glory to the Ped Comet?
Garrod: And may the glory of Michael Jackson be yours!
Heero: Heh . . . funny . . .
Char: Oh yeah? What are you giggling at, kid! I've got more experience than you in the battlefield and in the bed! Where's you're woman at!
Heero points out the window.
Amuro: Cinq Kindgom. Not bad.
Char whispers something under his breath and walks away.
Char: Don't you forget, Amuro! We're room mates for the next 2 months.
Amuro: (Frowns) Damn . . . forgot all about that one . . .
Kou Uraki suddenly runs into the room and falls over.
Amuro: What the-?
Camille Bidan: Hmm . . .
Amuro: I thought you said that you rigged the outside of the place the GP03S was getting repaired at with mines?
Camille: I did! (Turns to Kou) Hey, Kou, how did you get out of my little trap?
Kou: Me, being the genius that I am, walked into each and evrey one of them, setting them off - which, momentarily impaired my movement and left me badly bleeding BUT, ensured a path to safety. (Kou laughs) You guys thought you could outsmart you, didn't you? And you guys are called uber- Newtypes . . .
Camille slaps his forehead.
Camille: (Being Sarcastic) You are such a genious Kou . . . we envy you're genius . . .
Kou: Glad to see you admit it. (He walks away)
Four Murasame: Wow . . . just . . . wow . . .
Camille: I know. You'll learn to deal with him.
Four: No, that's not what I meant . . . I mean this fanfic. It's so goddamn sexist! I'm the first female to show up and actually say something!
Camille: Well, the author had to introduce us, get us out in the open, blah, blah, blah . . . it's the making of a goof fic.
Four: Good fic? Where the hell's the plot?
Camille: It's coming up soon . . . probably by the next chapter . . . err, or so . . . whenever the author decides.
Four: Crap-tacular. We need more women in here.
Camille: Since when did you decide to become a femi-Nazi?
Four: I am not a feminist. I'm just defending my rights.
Camille: Listen, this fic just began, give it some time. This thing's all over the place because it's a compilation of many small jokes made by a bunch of people off of the GameFAQs boards into one big fic . . . like the Mobile Suit Gundam Trilogy.
Four: Again, uber-crap-tacular.
Camille: Deal with it.
Four: Why should I?
Camille: Well, do you want to be back on the streets begging for food while asking Sunrise for walk-on roles in the background of newer and much flashier mecha series showing that Sunrise has long forgotten about us and the role we played in making them famous?
Four: . . .
Camille: . . .
Four: Oh, Camille, I want your cock so bad.
Camille: . . .?
Four: You're so sexy when you're angry.
Amuro: Another side-effect of artificial Newtype enhancement?
Camille: It's like built-in Viagra. (Shrugs) I'm not complaining. (Turns to Four) Right now?
Four: Right now!
She jumps on Camille, and the two get it on right in the middle of the pub.
Garrod: Whoa . . .
Kou: My virgin eyes!
Everybody turns their head sideways, and then opens their eyes widen as they watch Camille and Four pull off a nice "stunt".
Bright Noa: Must make a mental note to try that with Mirai sometime . . .
Meanwhile . . .
We are taken down a dark corridor. Down a long bridge, surrounded by fire, evil minions moan and groan as they continue to profit over badly dubbed Dragonball, Dragonball Z, and Dragonball GT episodes. Gremlins? The Sith? Mark Currant of G-Saviour? No, it was far worse than any of those.
President of Funimation: Come forth, my dark minions.
A small group appears. Next to the President of Funimation is the CEO of Funimation.
CEO: And these are?
President: Special Dub-Butcher Task-Force BUTCHHOUND. They despise good dubs like seen on Adult Swim and those sold on DVD. They enjoy profiting over the horrible dubs that cause the eyes and ears to bleed.
CEO: Are we so low that we must align ourselves with a group formed under the black wings of the 4Kids dubbing committee?
President: One day . . . one day! One day Gundam will be mine! Can you imagine it! Zeta Gundam turned from the bloodbath it is into a series with people getting blown in the "Next Dimension"! Imagine the cheap profits! And thanks to this group of individuals, I will have Gundam! Gundam will be MINE!!
(Insert unceremonious uncontrollable evil laughing)
Back at the pub . . .
Sayla Mass: This is . . .
Allenby Beardsley: What is it?
Sayla: I feel as if I'm wasting my talents here.
Allenby: Got the same feeling. It's better then being on the streets selling oranges.
Kou and Mark Currant walk by. Allenby begins whispering.
Allenby: Didn't you say your friend's brother's uncle's sister knew Tony Soprano?
Sayla: No, but I did have a contact in the Polish mafia.
Allenby: Close enough, how did it ago?
Sayla: I contacted them about a week ago . . . the sniper fell out of the tree.
Allenby: Dammit.
Four: This stupid fanfic. It's still incoherent and all over the place.
Sayla: It's a comedy what do you expect.
Four: But just look at it. All I have to do is step over here and I'm suddenly in a new scenario.
(Four walks over to a table)
Four: Umm . . .
Sayla: What's wrong?
Four: Forgot this part in the script.
Sayla: This is where the writer introduces a character he's a huge fanboy of.
Four: But he already introduced us.
Sayla: No, I mean . . .
Suddenly, the background music from Saturday Night Fever begins playing. The disco ball drops and the floor begins to light up.
Singing Girls: "And I get down to Gryps 2 . . . the Titans fleet . . ."
Paptimus Scirroco: Hi-ya! That's my cue!
Random Female: It's Lord Scirroco! (Faints)
Allenby: I wonder how much he pays those girls to faint for him . . .
Scirroco walks in dressed up. On his new white suit, there's a logo that says "Pappy's Pimp Service".
A sudden heavy smoke began to fill the air.
Allenby: Hey, Pappy, I think you're pyrotechnics team screwed up again.
Scirroco: No, those are just my new sales.
Four looks at the tables in the G-Pub, everyone's smoking.
Four: What the hell is going on?
Scirroco put his hand on Kira Yamato's sholder.
Kira: Bandai just made a join effort with Scirroco's mafia.
Scirroco: *Ahem*
Kira: Umm . . Scirroco's underground business.
Scirroco: It's a little known fact that I'm Italian and Greek.
Allenby: Interesting . . .
Four: So . . . explain yourselves . . .
Kira: We're just selling our new stake in the Gundam franchise. Four: And what does that mean?
Amuro: Thanks to Scirroco, Kira's become the "big connection" in town if you know what I mean.
Four: WHAT!
Amuro: Yep, hes the first guy to bring in this new stuff. Heh heh, look at the colors.
Four: Of my God! I thought Gundam SEED was just another cheesy remake of the plot of the original show, with the lame main characters and cliche unbeatable gundams from Wing. But a massive front for a drug ring! I can't believe it.
Kira: Believe it, why do you think they call it Gundam SEED! *Wink Wink*
Camille: Yep, heh heh, thats right.
Four: No not you too!
Camille: Don't worry, for me it's medicinal.
Four: You lie, you're not really sick!
Camille: Uh huh Paptimus fried my brain, and this is helping me make a speedy recovery.
Four: Yeah your brain's fried all right.
Paptimus: Heh, heh she called you fried. Mmmmmmmm . . .
Four: You're all a bunch of drugies!
Master Asia: No, it just hepls my . . . my arthritis . . . yeah.
Amuro: I can see you Lalah. I'm coming . . .
(Amuro gets up and begins swatting at a neon Budweiser sign)
Four: I can't take this smoke . . . nnnnnmmmm . . . my head.
Domon Kashu: Hey Kira, light another and pass that fatty around.
Kira: All right....you asked for it . . . uh oh . . . all gone.
Four: Ha! See how quick your . . . umm . . . yeah, see how quick the fun ends.
Kira: I'll be back, just gotta' go and pick up some more from my "contact".
Four: Your all so sick, I can't take anymore of this, I'm going to find . . . a new series . . . Mmmmm . . . my head is spinning.
Kira: I can't belive we went through a pound so quick....I think I'm gonna' like this franchise!
(Kira walks out counting his ill-gotten money)
Four: I'm leaving before he comes back, GOODBYE!
(Four takes a few steps and then stumbles)
Four: I think I'll just sit down for a little while . . . Mmmmmmmmmmmm.
Kira: All right I'm back.
Four: Mmmmmmmmmm.
Fuunsaiki: "Neigh"
Master Asia: That was quick.
Kira: The new shipments from the Plants just came in.
Duo: So that's why they call those colonies "PLANTS" . . . heh, heh. It almost makes sense.
Loran: Oww . . . my head . . . I need to get up for awhile . . .
Loran steps out of the G-Pub. He stumbles down the sidewalk and sees someone floating in front of him.
Loran: That's it. I've had way too much.
Floating Figure: I am Mad Dog from Unit BUTCHHOUND!
Loran: Hey, dude . . . you're getting a Dell!
Mad Dog: He's high. Well, this makes it easier for us. The boss will be pleased.
Mad Dog picks up Loran's arm.
Loran: Dude, what are you doing?
Mad Dog: You won't feel a thing . . .
Mad Dog cuts off Loran's arm. Loran screams his ass off.
Back inside the pub . . .
Amuro: What was that?
Sayla finishes her blunt and crawls across the floor and onto Amuro's lap.
Sayla: Oh, Amuro . . .
Amuro: Mmm . . .
Back outside . . .
Loran is now unconscious, with a new right arm that doesn't match his body.
Mad Dog: Heh, heh, heh . . .
He disappears. Loran wakes back up, and stumbles back into the pub.
Loran: Oh God, I need a Tylenol . . .
Amuro: And I need some lube.
Camille: Fresh out.
Amuro: Hey, Camille, you remember that old bottle of whiskey that you said was accidentily mixed with sour milk and begin to have that silicon-like feeling.
Camille: (Hands the bottle to Amuro) You're a sick, sick man . . .
To Be Continued . . .
Well, that's the end of the first. People who've been to the G-Pub will notice some familiar scenarios and such. Hope you all enjoyed the first chapter. If you've got any suggestions or death threats, e-mail me at [email protected]. Anyway, credit to the foundation and building of the G-Pub and everything surrounding it go to great guys like AmuroNT1, necropenguin, among other influential parties.
And, if you haven't noticed, the whole Unit BUTCHHOUND thing is influenced from Metal Gear Solid. Yeah, expect Metal Gear Solid crossovers, as well as crossovers from other video games and anime.