A/N Severus Snape and the Art of War is back in business! I had taken it down back in 2017 due to receiving too much hate mail by some silly Snily haters. After keeping almost 200 chapters hidden in the corners of my pc's database, I have finally decided that people are allowed to hate whatever they want and that this story is simply too important to me to leave it unfinished. A lot of chapters are currently going through beta process to filter out the typos and minor inconsistencies I've inevitably (as English is not my native language) made along the way.

A/N Warnings: Story contains sexual content, minor form of drug use, violent scenes, swearing, loads of references to the 70s and especially its music, a very slow and natural relationship progression, war related PTSD.
This story does NOT contain: character bashing (because I love them all equally), rape scenes and gore.

The Goldfish of Horace Slughorn

'Look…at…me…'

The green eyes that had once belonged to Lily were staring intently into his own.

Was it concern he saw in those eyes? Pity?

Why the fuck does it even matter.

The snake's venom was coursing through his veins, bathing his broken body in an invisible fire that reminded him of the Cruciatus Curse. A curse he had often felt under the hands of the Dark Lord. The pain had been nothing compared to Lily's death. The pain meant nothing to him now.

Memories had started to pour out of him as he felt the cold glass of a potion vial being pressed against his face. He could only hope that Potter's spawn was smart enough to understand the importance of the memories he was giving to him.

Not that any of it mattered anymore. The boy was bound to die soon. It had been both a blessing and a curse to once again be the carrier of bad news. How oxymoronic that he had to do it once more in the final moments of his own death. As if death was his life's legacy spread out like some disgusting venereal disease.

He closed his eyes. His mind was slipping out of consciousness. He was no longer aware of the three students who were kneeling beside him, trying in a feeble attempt to stop the wound on his neck from bleeding. The blood had already filled his lungs, stained his hands, and tainted his mind.

...

How strange? He had expected complete darkness to surround him, but instead everything was bright. Was there an afterlife after all?

If he could have groaned, he would have. The last thing he wished for was a continuation of his already miserable existence.

His eyes had started to adjust to the light, and the first thing that appeared in front of his eyes was…a fishbowl?

He rolled with his eyes and let out a sigh. Not his mother, nor some divine being, or even bloody Dumbledore himself had appeared to guide his way. Instead, he was stranded and abandoned in some unknown ethereal place with a fucking fish—goldfish?
His skepticism had turned into curiosity. He placed his hands around the bowl. The bowl seemed much larger in his hands than he initially thought it was. Or were his hands somehow smaller than before?

'Pip?' he whispered to the little fish. 'Is that you?'

'I see you found Francis!' said a jolly, familiar voice behind him.

Severus nearly dropped the bowl, catching it just before it shattered onto the floor. Before him stood a much taller, and much younger looking version of…

'Professor Slughorn?' his voice sounded small to him. Child-like even.

'Ah, yes my dear boy. It is good to see you again.' Slughorn patted him reassuringly on the shoulder. He looked up at the professor, clutching tightly onto the bowl, not wanting to risk another near accident.

'Sir, where are we?' Once again, his voice sounded small. For a second he wondered why, but he couldn't be bothered with such questions for now.

Slughorn smiled at him, 'I think it would be easier if you told me where we are.'

The light started to fade out before them, and he found himself standing by a riverbank.

Slughorn looked around as if he wasn't quite sure what he was looking at. 'Where did you say we were, Severus?'

'Cokeworth's riverbank along the Thames. I grew up here.'
Slughorn's face fell at the sight of it.
The bank was in the same poor disheveled state as Severus remembered it. Dirty and slick from all the waste that the factory produced on the opposite side of the river.

'Of all places, why this one?' Slughorn asked.

'I used to come down here all the time with…' He bit his lip and looked down at the goldfish in his arms. Pip had been a Christmas gift from Lily. The very first Christmas gift he had ever been given. She had told him it was to keep him company on the days that she was not around. Having Pip around had been a great comfort.

'Would you like to sit down?' Slughorn gave him a compassionate look, as if he understood what was going through his mind.

They sat underneath an oak tree. The same one where he and Lily had so often sat together, hiding from the hot summer sun. He placed the fishbowl in front of him on the grass and looked at it for a while, trying to let everything sink in.

'I thought it was Francis for a moment,' Slughorn said eventually, 'but now I see that it isn't.'

'Who was Francis?' Severus asked.

'A fish Lily had given me, after she found out my wife had passed away.' Slughorn looked longingly at Severus's fish. 'I found a bowl on my desk one morning, with just a little bit of water in it. On the surface was a petal of a lily. As I watched, it sank, and before it reached the bottom it transformed into a wee little fish.' Tears had sprung in his eyes as he recalled the memory. 'Did this little one die too, on the night that Lily…'

Severus shook his head. A lump had started to form in his throat. 'Pip died the summer after my OWLs, at the hands of my father.'

He couldn't quite believe himself. After years of dealing with death and despair, he was starting to feel sentimental over a stupid goldfish.

'Did you die too, in the battle?' Severus said to turn the conversation.

Slughorn nodded. 'I don't mind so much though. I've lived a long and happy life, unlike you.'

'I wasn't asking for your pity,' Severus sneered.

Slughorn ignored his remark. 'You and Lily. I know that as a teacher you are not supposed to have favourites, but the two of you made quite an amusing couple.'

Severus rolled his eyes. 'Lily and I were never a couple.'

'You two sure acted like one,' Slughorn chuckled. 'Just like my wife and I used to be. She was a Gryffindor girl too, just like Lily was.' Slugorn closed his eyes as if he was trying to recollect himself.

'It broke my heart to see how your friendship with her had shattered. I would've liked to see you marry her. You seemed right for each other.'

'Little late for that, isn't it?' Severus asked sarcastically.

'Not quite Severus, not quite.'

'What the hell is that supposed to mean?'

'It means you have a choice Severus. You can either move on, like I did, or go back and set things right.'

'I don't quite understand.'

'It means, Severus, if you don't mind me quoting William Blake here, that in the universe there are things that are known, and things that are unknown, and in between there are doors.'

Severus contemplated for a moment, trying to process the information he had been given. 'Why would I want to go back to that bloody war? Haven't I done enough already?'

'Who said anything about going back to the war, Severus?'

'My whole life revolved around this war,' Severus's voice rose. 'What difference would it make?'

'As I said,' Slughorn responded calmly, 'it is not the war you would go back to.'

'My mother is gone. Lily is gone. Hell, even most of my Death Eater friends are gone. I have nothing left to go back to.'

'You have everything to go back to Severus, because you have a choice.'

Severus frowned. 'I still don't quite understand.'

'Follow me.' Slughorn got up and walked to the edge of the river while Severus followed suit.

'Look at yourself.' Slughorn pointed at the calmly flowing river.

As far as the troubled water allowed, Severus' reflection showed the face of a young man, rather than the worn and sallow face he had grown accustomed to.
It was also the first time he noticed that he was wearing an oversized brown shirt along with shabby looking jeans. Things he hadn't worn since he was a teenager.

He looked up at Slughorn. 'What will happen to me, if I go back?'

Slughorn shook his head. 'Even if I knew, I wouldn't tell you. This is your choice, and your choice alone to make.'

'I need some time to think.'

Slughorn nodded in understanding and sat back down by the oak tree, looking contently at the little goldfish.

He had the chance to go back. To see Lily again. To see his mother again. He could even change the course of history.

A leaf had fallen off the oak tree and landed gently in front of him on the surface of the river, leaving small ripples as it drifted off down the stream. All it took was to change a single deed. A single word. A single thought.

He turned around to look at Slughorn, who was now cradling the bowl in his hands.

'How do I go back professor?' Severus asked.

Slughorn looked pleased. 'If you wish to come with me, all you need to do is step though the clearing, but if you wish to go back, you will have to step into the river.'

Severus groaned. 'I can't swim.'

'You're not supposed to.'
His gaze was locked onto that of his old professor. 'Are you telling me that I need to drown?'

'Dying is as easy as falling asleep. Living however,' Slughorn raised his shoulders, 'not so much.'

'Fucking fantastic,' Severus scorned. 'Here I am, barely dead for an hour, only to die another painful death in order to live again.'

Slughorn laughed. 'It does seem a bit oxymoronic doesn't it?'

Severus stood up, drew a deep breath, and exhaled. 'Take good care of Pip for me, will you?'

'Are you sure you don't want to take her with you?'

'Fish don't drown now do they?'

Slughorn laughed and looked delighted. 'Of course, my dear boy. I think my wife would love her very much.'

Without another glance back, Severus waded into the cold water. He was already waist deep when Slughorn called out to him, 'Severus.'

He looked around to see the man standing at the edge of the clearing, the fishbowl tucked underneath one arm. 'If you see me, the other me, please do go to one of his parties, will you? He does like having you around.'

Severus nodded, 'I promise.'

With a small wave, Slughorn disappeared though the clearing.
Severus marched in all the way until his feet no longer touched the bottom of the river and allowed himself to let the stream carry him away.
He exhaled, squeezing as much air from his lungs as he possibly could, and sank under the surface of the water. A natural response of panic arose inside of him, but he suppressed it by letting memories of the past flow through him as he slowly sank to the bottom.

The squeezing sensation in his chest felt painful as his lungs hungered for oxygen, but the pain released as soon as he slipped out of consciousness.

Death through drowning wasn't so bad after all.