Monday, September 9th, 1996

Nat's seventeenth birthday passed without fanfare. She had spent the entire day in bed, smoking and sobbing intermittently. Nat knew there was probably at least some owl post from her mum waiting for her, but she hadn't managed to get herself to the Great Hall Sunday, nor had she earlier today. She was too dehydrated and exhausted to make the trek to the common room, never mind to meals or to her one class of the day.

The severe guilt and heartache resulting from the break up had overwhelmed Nat almost immediately, and she quickly fell into a severe catatonic episode. Listlessness and psychosomatic immobility engulfed her, and all she could do was stare at the top of her canopy. For the greater part of the last three days, her only entertainment was obsessively trying to interpret the nature and origin of her plethora of Dark fantasies. Nat's only relief from the gruesome and bloody fixations was sleep, which was always quickly ruined by a seemingly endless stream of night terrors. Unable to sleep, and resigned to continue watching the grisly imagery flit in and out of her mind, Nat packed a nug of Sleepless Dream into her bong and cashed the bowl in one long hit.

Her head swam as she coughed out plumes of smoke. Before she could succumb to the strain's heightened effect on her visions, Nat thought to Vanish everything on her bed. When she was withered like this, she was already prone to increasingly brutal visions, and sometimes she couldn't contain thrashing or yelling through the worst of them. The last thing Nat wanted to do on this terrible day was to fuck up her expensive glass bong, or to send the water spilling all over her weed and pouch.

Nat tucked herself under the covers, trying to get perfectly comfortable before settling into the odd high. She knew it was a self destructive strain to smoke the strain, but sometimes it just felt good to invoke the scenes on purpose. It gave her a sense of control, to choose to see the violent, disturbing, and depressing premonitions willingly, before they would inevitably haunt her as recurring dreams. At least with the help of the magical effect, the flashes and memories tended to be shorter. Nat closed her eyes and waited for the floodgates to open.

She sat in her bed in July, staring down at the front page feature of the Daily Prophet, featuring a moving image of a Muggle bridge twisting and turning before collapsing in the water.

She watched, with the perspective of a fly on the wall, as a cloaked person wearing a mask with snake slits for eye holes cornered a middle aged blonde witch. Green light flashed from the Death Eater's wand and the woman's lifeless body slumped to the ground.

She was in Borgin & Burkes, but rather than perusing the book section as usual, she sat behind the counter watching the door to make sure no one could even attempt to enter.

She looked down at a wand in her hand, newly crafted, thin, delicate, and intricately carved. It exuded a sinister aura that caused her heart to pound with excitement.

She laid alone, bleeding on the floor of the Room of Requirement, her thigh throbbing with pain but her head racing with adrenaline and endorphins.

She saw herself with a group of cloaked men and women, running through the darkened streets of London in the early hours of the morning, striking down Muggles as the whole group cheered and laughed.

"Miss Foxworth," a gentle voice called. "Miss Foxworth, Professor Snape sent me to come check on you." As Nat came to with a nearly unbearable headache, she recognized the voice to be the matron of Hogwarts. Nat immediately realized she was in deep shit.

Evanesco, Nat silently cast, Tergeo! She hoped the Vanishing and Scouring charms would be enough to hide the reek of pot. She broke the protective charms and opened her canopy, but collapsed immediately upon standing up. Her vision failed her and she felt very close to losing consciousness.

"Oh dear," Madam Pomfrey said as she bent down to help Nat sit on the bed. "Don't move," the witch warned. She pulled out her wand and conjured a floating stretcher made of thick canvas. "This will be a little awkward until we get out of the common room," Pomfrey said gently as she guided Nat to lay down on it. She waved her wand again and conjured a wooly blanket to cover Nat's shaking body. "Just stay warm dear. Your lips are awfully pale, cover your head if you can breathe comfortably. We'll get you fixed up as soon as we're in the Wing." With that, Pomfrey opened the dormitory door and levitated the stretcher carefully behind her.

To add to Nat's mortification, Professor Snape was waiting for them in the common room. Nat realized that the Slytherin head of house knew she only had to attend his class on Mondays; she should have known better than to skip her one lesson of the day. The mere sight of the intimidating wizard sent her heart into overdrive, and before he could speak, Nat passed out.

She woke up and was immediately dizzy from the motion and staring up at the ceiling, which seemed to be moving. Nat closed her eyes, but only saw the images from the last few days flood into her mind's eye. She began to panic and sat up quickly, but Professor Snape gently pressed one of her shoulders back down against the stretcher.

"Lay still until we arrive, Miss Foxworth," Professor Snape said, in possibly the least unpleasant tone she had ever heard the man use.

"That's right, and we're going to be avoiding exertion tonight, dear," Madam Pomfrey added. "Just try to breathe deeply. We'll get you in a bed as soon as possible and get you plenty of rest."

As they neared the Hospital Wing, Professor Snape excused himself, seeming to feel as if his duty had been completed. "I will notify your other professors and have your assignments delivered tomorrow," he said plainly. Madam Pomfrey shot him a nasty look that silently said, How dare you.

"I'll ask for extensions on this week's deadlines," he added unexpectedly, without acknowledging Madam Pomfrey's glare. Before either of them could respond, the stern wizard turned back and headed to his quarters.

As soon as Nat was settled in a bed, a tray of broth, plain buttered noodles, and a sliced banana appeared on the nightstand. Nat grimaced, instinctively turning away from the slightest smell of food and fixating her eyes on the back wall.

"Water first then, I think," Madam Pomfrey said, filling a large glass with her wand and placing it on the table closest to Nat's bed. "Sit up now, you have to get hydrated. We don't want to rely on potions just yet." Nat took a minute to lift herself upright. The matron lifted the heavy glass for her, angling the straw gently into Nat's mouth. "There we go," she said encouragingly, allowing Nat to take breaks in between sips. "We'll take it slow. As soon as your lips are looking normal again, we'll put just enough food in you for the Draught of Replenishment. Not an ounce more, I promise, " the matron winked.

"Thank you," Nat croaked in shock, speaking for the first time in days. "That's really... no one's ever taken that approach with me," she said, her eyes starting to well with tears.

"I know these diseases don't have simple cures, dear," Madam Pomfrey said sympathetically. She looked down at Nat and swept her unkept brown hair out of her eyes in a display of affection. "There's no use trying to force you to change if you're not ready. My biggest hope for you is just restoration, which I know might sound like a death sentence at this point."

The witch was right. Weight restoration meant gaining twenty pounds minimum , which made Nat want to vomit just thinking about it. She wondered how long she would be stuck in the Hospital Wing, how long she would slowly be coaxed into eating unsafe foods. The idea terrified her. Nat decided to be a perfect patient while under Pomfrey's care, and to leave the matron with the impression that she would truly seek recovery.

Madam Pomfrey sat with Nat for another hour or so, engaging her in light and trivial conversation about her summer and her new classes, while she watched Nat drink more water. Nat still resisted the food, but Madam Pomfrey promised she would allow her to skip solids for the night if she would just drink all of her broth. Nat relented, not wanting to eat the carb filled banana or pasta. When the matron was satisfied with her progress, she administered the Draught of Replenishment and watched until Nat's lip color returned to pink and her skin began to look a bit less pallid. After Madam Pomfrey promised to return in an hour, Nat was finally left alone in the room to cry out the stressful ordeal.

Shit, I'm fucked, Nat thought, starting to get worked up again as she realized she had no control over her surroundings or stimuli, for who knew how long. She couldn't exactly ask Madam Pomfrey to bring her her Muggle pharmaceuticals or some of the weed stashed near them. Luckily, her substance abuse was never mentioned once, so Nat held onto the hope that she might be able to get back to her comfortable haze without blowing her cover.

The Hospital Wing doors opened, and to Nat's surprise, Hannah Abbot followed Madam Pomfrey into the room. The Hufflepuff girl smiled and waved as she approached Nat's bed with a stack of papers and magazines in her hands. Madam Pomfrey left the two girls alone after promising to return at the end of visitation hours.

"Missed you in Defense today," Hannah said lightly. "You would have liked the lesson, we got into some more advanced hexes. It was just theory and note taking, but it was still really interesting. I'm coming around to having Snape as a professor." She sifted through the papers in her hand and pulled out a flattened piece of parchment. "I know you're probably really not up to studying, but I thought I'd bring some stuff, just in case you get bored tonight."

"Hannah, thank you," Nat said with a tone of shock.

"No problem. I brought some trash to read too," the prefect said, setting the magazines and newspapers where the dreaded food had been sitting. "I'm not sure if you're into Witch Weekly, and the Prophet is depressing as hell these days, but it can be hard to sleep in this room." Hannah smirked, then asked, "Remember when Sprout sent me here last year, when I freaked out over the O.W.L.?" She laughed. "God, it's really not funny being here, I'm sorry, but I just remember being terrified once the Calming Draught wore off in the middle of the night." Hannah shook her head. "You'll probably get some of that too, by the way. Or Dreamless Sleep potion, hopefully," she added.

Nat stared at the Hufflepuff, still amazed that her acquaintance was being so kind to her, never mind that she showed up in the first place. "Well that's something to look forward to, I suppose," Nat said with a small smile, grateful to know that she wouldn't be without a tranquilizer for the night. "But how did you.."

"Well, you weren't in class, obviously. Then I heard your mean girl roommates gossiping about it in the Great Hall," Hannah said with a grimace.

"Oh god, I don't even know if they were in the room," Nat said, putting her hands over her face in shame. "I could barely see three inches in front of my face when Pomfrey lifted me out..."

"Yeah, they were there," Hannah confirmed sourly. "Seemed to think it was funny, bitches." Nat was somewhat amazed to hear the meek seeming girl cuss. "Anyways, they were telling people in your house, so I yelled at them to shut up. But they just cackled at me, so I Silenced them. That was pretty effective."

Nat burst into laughter. "Merlin, I did the same thing to them a couple nights ago," Nat managed to say through her giggling. "Wasn't it hilarious?"

"Beyond worth it," Hannah grinned. "I'm sure they'll put a target on my head, but I don't really care," she shrugged.

"Wow," Nat said, her eyes widening. "That was really... you didn't have to do that, that was really brave of you," she finished.

"Well, they were practically shouting about it. They deserved it. Plus, you're not the only person those girls hate," Hannah snorted. "Those two faced snakes... oh, uh, no offense... But yeah, they all tried to be my friend on the train first year, like, the second I said my surname. Of course, they changed their tune the millisecond I mentioned that my mother is Muggle-born." Hannah rolled her eyes and smiled, and her smirk was infectious.

"I didn't know that," Nat said. She never really had conversations with Hannah outside of class, certainly never to ask her blood status. It was a sore subject for Nat, as a non-pureblood in Slytherin, so she never asked other students about their status or families. "I just assumed you were pureblood, Sacred 28 and all," she explained. "But I guess that doesn't mean much these days."

"There aren't many of us who are half or mixed bloods, that's for sure," Hannah remarked.

"I am," Nat said. Hannah looked at her blankly. "A half-blood Sacred 28 kid, or whatever."

"You are?" Hannah said. "But wait, Foxworth? So your mother's the pureblood, then?"

"Oh, uh," Nat stammered, realizing the can of worms she had inadvertently opened. "No, um, Foxworth is just one of my mothers' last names. I um, well, I have two. Had two, I mean," Nat amended awkwardly. Hannah looked even more befuddled. Nat's stomach churned as she prepared for the awkward conversation. Only a handful of people knew about Nat's mothers and the nature of her birth, and it was never a fun discussion. "Please don't tell," Nat said after a pause. "I'm probably only telling you this because I'm really out of it."

"Nah silly," Hannah said with a dismissive hand wave. "We're friends, I'll keep your secrets."

Nat flushed profusely. "Okay. Really, don't tell, everyone already thinks I'm a freak." Hannah nodded silently. "My pureblood mother, the one who died, her last name was Selwyn," Nat started. "She was this experimental potioneer, she won a ton of awards for this Procreation Elixir she patented right out of school." Hannah's face transitioned through a quick series of expressions as if it were starting to become clear. Nat cringed, hesitating to continue. "So... they, well, according to them, they just dropped their hair in it, my Muggle-born mum drank it, and I popped out nine month's later."

"That's fascinating," Hannah said incredulously. "I've heard of the Elixir, but I've never known anyone born from it." Nat shrugged, not knowing what else to say. "So why aren't you a Selwyn-Foxworth?" Hannah paused, contemplating her words carefully. "I mean, not to generalize, but isn't that common for same sex marriages? Hyphenating surnames?"

Nat looked down at her lap, ashamed to continue. She knew she could trust Hannah, but it was embarrassing to admit her family history to such a seemingly pure hearted girl.

"They never married," Nat said. "Plus, my mother's family was, well... they're, um, well..." Nat stammered.

"I won't judge," Hannah insisted. "After all, you're a Foxworth, not a Selwyn, right?" She grinned widely. Nat looked down, immediately realizing the girl must have been familiar with the Dark connotations of the family name.

"Okay, okay," Nat said. "I have Death Eaters in the family. My mother included. Despite the Selwyn's intense prejudices, my mum was too devoted to leave my mother. A true Hufflepuff, my mum," Nat said wryly, but Hannah did not smile. Nat regretted the joke immediately.

"Well, my mother hid me and my mum, basically just embedding us in Muggle society while she ran around killing our neighbors, hunting down Muggle-born families, shit like that. But then..." Nat paused, her voice trembling, "well, an Auror killed her barely two months before the war ended. A couple weeks before my second birthday."

"I'm so sorry," Hannah said sincerely. "I'm sure her absence must be devastating, regardless of how she was in life."

"That's honestly, the kindest thing anyone has said about our bereavement," Nat said quietly. A tear rolled down her cheek. She rubbed it profusely, sniffling and trying to clear her face. "Merlin, how did we wind up on this topic," she laughed weakly, trying to diffuse the emotional moment.

"We were talking about purebloods with unearned superiority complexes," Hannah said with a chuckle. "Look, it's not a big deal. I mean, it's absolutely horrible what happened to you. It's got to be traumatic regardless of the situation. But I'm not like your jerk housemates. I genuinely, could not give a crap less about who your parents are when you're so nice."

Nat hung her head. "I don't know how you still think that, after what I did last year," Nat said quietly. She couldn't look at Hannah.

"It was a really weird time for everyone," Hannah said. "It was either play the game or fight back. I don't fault anyone for trying to avoid Umbridge's ire."

"But I betrayed half of the class," Nat said.

"Not personally, no," Hannah stated. "It was only a matter of time before it happened and no one could have guessed when. I get it, I understand how it would probably have been different for me if I were in your position."

"How do you not hate me though?" Nat asked, still looking at her blanket.

"I try not to hate, unless it's completely warranted, like with your roommates," Hannah said lightly. "There's already plenty of that garbage to go around." Hannah sighed, then let a grin come over her face. "Come on, I know you've got to be tired of talking about the heavy stuff," she said playfully. "I'm here to bug you for another half hour," Hannah said, after checking the watch locket around her neck.

Nat finally gave her a full genuine smile. It had been so long since she had a normal conversation, not counting Pomfrey's chattering while she hovered over Nat. "So... did you go to Muggle school?" Nat asked after a moment.

"Nope. I was really weird about accidentally charming toys to move and stuff, so my mom homeschooled me," Hannah said. "What about you?"

"For a few years," Nat said vaguely. "My parents thought I was a Squib until I was almost nine. They were even surprised that I got my letter, I was that bad at practical magic. The only weird thing for me was that I started having these crazy dreams about these random things that would usually happen in the next few days."

"Wow, that's pretty cool," Hannah said, "I guess that's why you're so good at Divination." Nat shrugged but felt a surge of pride. She wasn't going to explain how her gift had fermented, or that the visions were the furthest thing from 'cool.'

"Maybe," Nat said. "I'm just better at subjects that don't require a wand."

"We'll see about that," Hannah said. "Maybe verbal spells just weren't your thing."

"Damn, I hope so," Nat said, and they both chuckled. Without thinking, Nat looked over to the Daily Prophet on top of her night stand. The many ominous bolded headlines on the cover made her too anxious, and she had to look away. Hannah noticed and grimaced.

"I know, it's not exactly light reading anymore," she said lowly. "I can take them back if you want. I didn't know if you were the type to stay in the loop, or just keep calm and carry on."

"No, I want to read them," Nat said insistently. "I've been horrible about reaching out to my mum, I should write her and make sure no one we know has been hurt."

The second she said so, her head throbbed, and she had a brief memory of the vision of the Death Eater and the faceless blonde woman dueling in a kitchen.

"Are you alright?" Hannah asked when Nat opened her eyes.

"Headache. It's nothing," Nat lied. "It comes and goes when I feel like this." Hannah frowned sympathetically, but Nat wanted to move on.

They talked without pause, until it was time for Hannah to go. Though Nat vastly preferred the wizarding world and slightly resented not being raised in it, it was kind of nice to talk to someone at Hogwarts about Muggle society, and to share concerns for their families. Not only did Nat have no one to talk to now that she had split up with Astoria, no one in all of Slytherin could sympathize with the danger that came with being mixed in the open war.

Madam Pomfrey rapped her knuckles on the door but hung back from entering the room. "Well, I guess it's bed time," Hannah said. "I'll come back tomorrow, if you like," she offered.

"That would be great," Nat said appreciatively, "I mean, if you're not busy. Don't worry about it. But if you come, that's totally cool."

Hannah laughed. Nat was finding the sound of someone being entertained by her conversation to be extremely comforting. "I'll be here, then," Hannah said. And with that, the girl stood up and wrapped her arms gently around Nat. After Hannah waved goodbye and turned to walk away, Nat began to tear up, touched by hugging a platonic friend for the first time in years.