Hello fellow Potter fans. This story came to me in dream form and I just can't get it out of my head (not that I want to). It's a bit sad, in a bittersweet way, since it stars Sirius, Lupin, and Harry. Trigger warning for a suicide attempt.
Here's the final chapter of my trilogy. Thanks for reading & please review!
Like a Bad Dream
Setting: Number 12 Grimmauld Place, 1996
Part 3:
"James told me Lucious Malfoy put a curse on me at the station, when I was Padfoot…he said he thought you could lift it," Sirius explained to Lupin, still a little ashamed to be looking him straight in the eye.
Harry just stared at him, drinking in the life in his face and the sound of his voice and the revelation that his dead parents spoke to Sirius in the afterlife. The look on Harry's face—the look on both of their faces, really—was painful for Sirius to take in for more than quick glances, so he looked back down quickly.
"That explains a lot," Lupin stated firmly, gently lifting Sirius's face with one finger under his chin until their eyes met again. "You haven't been yourself since then. I should have—" Lupin's voice broke, "should have known it was something to take seriously, should have done something."
Harry nodded, he felt that potently…how could they have let this happen? They were supposed to be the people who cared most about Sirius and they just let this go…left him alone until he went and…and…
"You can't honestly think this is your fault! This is my fault…I gave in to it," Sirius stated ashamedly, almost matter-of-factly, looking from Lupin to Harry and back again.
"Dammit Sirius!" Lupin began, pausing to control himself, pushing the desperate grief, the anger, that raw fear down, back down…he could process it later, once Sirius was safe, once they dealt with this dark curse, once he was himself again. Sirius saw it on his face, put a hand to his shoulder as Lupin struggled with these feelings, shaking with their intensity.
"It's not." Lupin asserted. "It's not your—it doesn't have to be anyone's fault, but I don't want to hold off trying to fix it one more minute." Lupin's voice was wavering all over the place. He grit his teeth and screwed his eyes shut tightly against the feelings of helplessness—the irrational thought that they could still be too late—still warring for control as he struggled to banish the memory of Sirius's tearstained, slack, empty face…finding no pulse…working on his limp body unsuccessfully for what seemed an age…knowing it was too late, that he was gone, dead…
Taking a deep, shaky breath and raising his eyes back to Sirius's, now softened with understanding and regret, Lupin raised his wand—which trembled only a little as he once again directed it at his best friend—Lupin began again.
"Let me try this: Finite Incantatem!" Lupin stated more firmly, pointing his wand at Sirius's head, since that seemed to be where the problem lay.
Sirius felt the effects almost immediately. It was, God, it was like a heavy, clinging, dark fog lifted from him, from every aspect of him. Every memory—especially the happy ones—became clearer and more colorful, like a light was thrown on them and the sound was switched back on.
The weight lifted from his shoulders, the feeling of having his own personal dementor hovering constantly over him disappeared as if Remus had cast a strong Patronus straight at it, flinging it from off of him and then chasing it away entirely. He felt like Remus had given him his life back, had saved his life.
Well, he had, hadn't he?
With surprising suddenness the humor he had been able to find in most things up until a few months ago bubbled back up and a strong bark of laughter burst from his control. He grinned at their faces which managed to be both tentatively hopeful and somewhat affronted at the same time, laughing again just because it felt so good.
He grabbed Lupin's shoulders, wanting to twirl Remus around as this feeling, this sense of literally having a new lease on life, washed over him, banishing the darkness.
"It worked?" Lupin asked, barely suppressing his own smile as he appraised Sirius's changed demeanor. "Is it safe for me to be mad at you now?" he added, drawing Sirius in a surprisingly firm hug, desperate to hold on to this, this feeling for Sirius and for himself.
This time Sirius really let loose with his laughter as he hugged Lupin back. Harry, despite being furious at his godfather and not having fully dispelled the awful heavy despair that grief had flooded him with, couldn't help but laugh too.
Sirius held out an arm and Harry leaped into the hug, the three of them holding back the darkness with the oldest and strongest magic known to wizardkind.
Finite
Thank you for reading my little ficlet! I haven't written fanfiction in years (literally, I think it's been over half a decade) and so I would so appreciate some reviews (as reviews are really really motivating)! Have a great day, and remember to hold your Remus Lupin's tight and get help if you need it!
Love