Josie stands at the window in her dress, wondering whether she should just throw herself out of it and give herself a fracture just to get out of prom.
"It's not going to be that bad," Lizzie tells her.
"It's not the prom, it's just," she tapers off in the middle of her sentence.
"Penelope," Lizzie completes for her, and she nods.
She looks over to the table where the note, crumpled because of all the reading and rereading she's been doing at night. She's never felt so conflicted in her life. She doesn't doubt what Penelope provided as an explanation; opening a vigilante group punishing creeps seems like a very…..Penelope thing to do, to be honest. It's just that she doesn't know what to think about her reading her emails. There's still a sense of being laid completely bare that she's been feeling, and it took her a while to realize it was embarrassment.
She looks at her sister "I just, violation of privacy aside and shit, what if the only reason she did all of this because she thought I was sad? What if this is all just some elaborate ruse for her to alleviate her guilt? What if. Lizzie, what if she feels sorry for me? I don't think I could take it."
And Lizzie, Lizzie, takes one long look at her, and understands all the questions she's trying not to ask, because saying them out loud would make it real, tangible. What if she doesn't love me? What if she breaks my heart again?
What if I love her?
Yeah, and she doesn't want the answer to that herself, because she already knows what it is.
"You're in love with her, aren't you?" she asks Josie, realization written all over her face.
Josie just looks at her, keeps looking at her, until their mother calls out from downstairs "They're here!", and then all of it really hits her.
"What, what, what, I can't do this," she says, arms flailing, pacing over the room "I can't go to prom with her. Why, did you talk me into this? What the hell? Why didn't I just say no? What? What? Why are you like this? What did I ever do to you? Why are you suddenly alright with her? What the fuck? What am I even doing?"
"Jo, Jo, Jo," Lizzie stops her, hands on her shoulders, and looks right into her eyes "Calm down. Calm down. That's it. Just, breathe. Count to ten. Yes, that's great. Now count backwards from ten. Awesome. You're okay. You're amazing."
Her heart rate slows down, gradually, and so does her breathing.
"It's just prom. It's just Penelope. Believe me, she's just as nervous to see you as you are. You're going to be fine. And if you're not, tell me. Fuck the prom, we'll go out and drive somewhere."
She chuckles, and to her horror, finds that her voice sounds all choked up.
"You're going to be prom queen, Lizzie."
Her sister shrugs like she doesn't care, and that is, well, a little strange. Being prom queen is all Lizzie has talked about since they entered high school.
"You ready?" Lizzie asks her, and she takes one deep breath.
"Yes."
She loses her breath as soon as she walks out.
She thinks of what it must have looked like to her parents. Her, standing at the top of the stairs, and looking down at Penelope, who's wearing something black, and something gorgeous. Not that her dress matters; she's a firm believer in the fact that her ex could wear a burlap sack and still pull it off, bit's just. It's her. She's standing down there, at the bottom of the stairs, next to M.G, Hope and Landon, and her eyes are shining like a lake lit up with the reflections of a million light, like a colony of fireflies in the middle of the woods, like the moon on the nights when she feels sad, and she's.
Oh.
She's completely gone.
Just as she registers this fact, her mind pulls her back to the letter lying on top of her dresser, and she steels herself. Walks down carefully, arm in arm with her sister, and smiles at their parents. Her father looks ridiculously happy, and her mother's already shedding tears. She finally reaches her friends, and Penelope reaches out an arm carefully, uncertainly.
"Only if you want to?" she asks Josie, eyes earnest.
Josie nods before she can think. Apparently, her heart is working faster than her brain right now.
Penelope's arm slots into hers like it is meant to stay there forever, and Josie feels herself begin to smile for the first time in days.
"Did you read the note?" Penelope asks her, once they're done with the billion photos and are in the limo heading towards the prom. The rest of her friends are in another section, trying, Josie assumes, to give them some privacy.
"I did."
Penelope nods, swallowing "Okay. Okay. Uh, so, um."
"I understand," she tells her "I understand that you weren't trying to, you know, spy spy on me. It's just, disconcerting, to realize that you know a lot of things that I wasn't really ready for you to know."
"I know," Penelope replies "And I am, so, so sorry for that, Josie. I swear I know I fucked up, bad. And I would do anything to make it up to you. I am sorry I hurt your feelings. And that thing stops. The entire stupid superhero gig. No more playing God. I promise."
"Okay," she says "I know."
It's in the middle of the dance that everything goes wrong.
Everyone's dancing; the ones standing off to the side are most definitely drunk, from what Josie can tell, courtesy M.G's punch spiking. Hope and Landon are sitting at a table, looking more comfortable on chairs than they would dancing. Lizzie is dancing with every cute guy on the lacrosse team, in turns; M.G looks happy enough to be smiled at by her every once in a while. And she is arm in arm with Penelope, dancing to King Princess' 1950. She is supposed to look grumpy, but instead her face muscles can't stop smiling and blushing every time the girl looks at her.
And then Penelope starts speaking.
"I always wondered why you never ran for Prom Queen."
She pauses in the middle of the dance, but the girl in her arms, expertly maneuvers her into a dip.
"Lizzie always wanted to be Prom Queen."
"But so did you, JoJo," she argues, mildly "I remember you telling me that once."
She remembers! her traitorous mind throws at her, and she pushes it down.
"It doesn't matter," Josie states, simply "Lizzie wanted to be prom queen. She will be prom queen. What I wanted….."
"Matters," Penelope completes for her "It matters, Josie. You should've run. But you were too consumed, thinking about Lizzie."
She feels the beginning of irritation, and defensiveness "I don't wanna talk about this."
"Because you know I'm right. I just, I feel like you do not think about yourself at all, Josie. You're entire life is Lizzie, Lizzie, and while…"
"You don't get it, Penelope," bursts out of her, frustrated "You won't get it, because you personally cannot see anything past yourself. But there are people in the world who care about something other than themselves. Not everyone has to be selfish, and obnoxious like you."
There is a ten second pause, and then her mouth wishes it could take the words back, because God, Penelope looks like she just got punched in the face. Her eyebrows are slanted together, which is a good indicator of the fact that she's going to cry, and God, Josie has never felt more of an asshole.
"Let's just finish the dance," Penelope whispers, softly.
After it ends, she disappears.
"You ready?" she asks Lizzie, as they're standing beside the stage, ready for the Prom King and Queen to be declared. She's worried. About Penelope. She cannot stop thinking about her face when she'd said those cruel words, and she hasn't seen her since. Right now her father's just droning on about some random stuff related to punch and alcohol and people vandalism.
Whatever. M.G will be fine.
Her sister looks a little rattled "What?"
"Prom Queen? You're running? You're probably going to win?"
"Oh that," her expression turns to something Josie can only define as supremely unconcerned "I don't care."
"What do you mean you don't care? Also, what's up with you? You look, shifty"
Lizzie blushes, but rolls her eyes "I mean, I don't care. Josie," she asks her suddenly, turning to her in the dark "Have you ever wanted to be Prom Queen?"
She feels super stumped.
"Josie?"
"I don't….I guess?"
"You guess?"
"Okay, fine, I did! But it doesn't matter, because you wanted to run too. But why are we even talking about this? What does it matter anyways?"
Lizzie looks at her for a whole minute "Okay. Okay."
"What okay? Why is everyone being like this right now? What?"
Lizzie smiles at her widely "Just be ready."
"And the Prom Queen," her father announces, sounding vaguely puzzled "In a surprising turn of events, is not the daughter I expected to crown. Josie Saltzman."
She doesn't register it at first. Her mind is a constant whirring of sound and images and colors and What.
"What?"
"Prom Queen, go up there," Hope whispers teasingly, from where she and M.G and Landon have just appeared "They're calling your name."
"Is this a joke?" she asks them faintly.
"One hundred percent real," M.G tells her.
"But…how?"
Lizzie shrugs, and Josie knows the answer, even if she doesn't say anything.
"That girl would do anything for you," Hope tells her.
"I would do anything for her," Josie whispers back, before she's pushed onto the stage.
She finds Penelope sitting outside on a bench, arms stretched out, looking up at the moon.
"The crown suits you," she tells Josie, softly, as she approaches her.
"Your face suits me," she blurts out, without thinking, and then claps a hand over her face, mortified "Oh, God, I'm such an idiot."
It works, though, because Penelope bursts into laughter, and scoots over to let Josie sit beside her.
"I'm sorry," she starts, but Penelope shakes her head.
"I deserved all of the things you said to me. Probably more. I am selfish. And obnoxious. And stupid and over the top, and I know you think I do not care, but Josie, I care about you. You're the only person I care about."
"Oh, come on, you like my friends too," she teases her.
"You know what, I actually think I do."
"Either way," Penelope continues "I broke your heart because I was stupid and foolish, and I could not stand to see you put me second to Lizzie. But more than that, I couldn't stand to see you put yourself second to Lizzie. JoJo, I never stopped loving you. Not for one minute. You have to know that."
"I know, I know," she reassures her, grabbing her hand because Penelope looks absolutely stricken "I know you loved me."
"I love you," Penelope tells her, looking her right in the eyes "I love you, so, so much that these past few months have absolutely killed me. I just. I tried staying away, darling, I really did. But I couldn't."
Josie nods, and feels a tear slip out of her eye, feels Penelope raise her hand and wipe it away, gently.
"I think," she says, slowly, her voice shaky, leaning her head against Penelope's "That it would be super idiotic to stay apart when we're so stupidly in love with each other."
And Satan Incarnate, Evil Personified, her terrible ex, completely melts against her lips when she leans forward to kiss her. Josie can hear her heart thundering in her ears, and knows it's just getting used to having Penelope around again. Her world restores itself with a gigantic crack, and everything suddenly seems, well, brighter.
"I love you," she whispers "Penelope, I love you."
"Stop making me blush," her girl (Penelope's her girl now!) grumbles "I have a rep, you know."
"Uh, huh," she hums, removing the crown from her head, and placing it on Penelope's head.
"It's your crown, Prom Queen."
"Well, you're the queen of my heart, Penelope Park," she replies, and if it's ridiculously cheesy, no one has to know except for the both of them.
Except.
Someone gags in the background.
"Queen of your heart?" M.G asks her, horrified, and they turn to see Hope, Lizzie and him standing a few feet away "Did you really just say that? Jeez, Josie, I thought I taught you better than that."
"M.G, I'm going to kill you!"