Chapter 5

I take a few days to think through my feelings, my reactions, and my expectations. Laura has texted me several times, but I have told her I would get back to her at a later time, that I was busy. I feel guilty about the half lie, since we are on the Island not working, but I console myself by thinking that I am taking the due time to think about something that is of great importance.

I realize that I miss Laura, and I deduce that I very much like her. We click well together and I like everything about her so far, even though I'm not crazy about her secret confession. The others can tell that I have a lot on my mind, and they are respecting my personal space. Wheeler gives me long looks but does not try to initiate conversation unless I do first, and I am very thankful for their indirect support and discretion.

The sun's trajectory across the sky lets me know it is late afternoon, but the heat is still pleasant on my skin. I am sitting on a towel, watching the others play beach volley on the golden sand. Wheeler is making a big show of his winning streak alongside Linka, and Kwame and Gi can only appease him on the other side of the net. Their carefree antics lull my deep thoughts for a while, and I watch them in comfortable silence.

Moments pass before Linka has had enough, and now Wheeler wants Kwame and Gi to take him on. He claims he can still beat them.

Linka's towel is positioned beside my own, and she sits down to take a drink of water.

"You do not want to play, Ma-Ti? Wheeler is in need of a partner," the Russian girl turns to me with a beautiful smile, as she lifts her arms to readjust the blonde ponytail that is falling messily all over her shoulders.

"His ego will keep him good company," I laugh with a shrug, and Linka joins along.

"No doubt about that."

She gathers her knees to her chest and turns to look at me. Her green eyes are like a peaceful countryside, and her skin has touches of a golden tan. She adjusts the strap of a sky-blue bikini on her shoulder before she speaks.

"You are okay, Ma-Ti? You have been spending quite a bit of time alone with your thoughts lately. If you feel like talking about anything, I am here to listen."

The way she says this is so loving it's very hard to refuse her offer. I am still amazed at how much more softer Linka is since she and Wheeler are an item. She is not so uptight about her emotions or expressing them, even though I know this has been a major work-in-progress for her. I also see massive signs of personal growth in her, and I'm suddenly very proud of both my friends.

"Thanks, Linka," I nod with a little smile. I let some sand run through my fingers, playing with its texture, before I turn to her again.

"Do you mind if I ask you something that's a little private?"

She shakes her head and gives me her full attention. In the distance, Wheeler is celebrating another high score, but we both ignore him for the moment.

"When you and Wheeler decided to, uhm, be together, I mean, physically, was that… was that hard for you, knowing that he'd been with someone else before?"

Linka gives my delicate question the right amount of reflection, and her attention magnetically moves to Wheeler, who's laughing at something Gi is saying over the net.

"Da," she replies with a light nod. "It is difficult to describe, and it sounds very silly, but it made me jealous, and a little insecure, too. The mere thought of him being that close to someone else is very unpleasant for me. I do not like to think about it too much. I was nervous because I thought he would have a reference point, and that I would surely fail in comparison. It was this new thing for me, while he was experienced at it; I did a very good job of scaring myself with visions that it would never work between us, that he would just run away in the end. Of course, Wheeler could tell that I was mentally tormenting myself, and he did everything he could to make me feel at ease. He was very gentle. He was able to make me feel the love he had for me, and I felt very treasured. In the end, I am very glad that he was my first time because it was… wonderful. Wheeler often tells me he wishes he had waited for me, and I know he means it."

"We all know he is a very bad liar," I gently laugh, and Linka offers me a smile.

"The main point is that no one is able to change their past, Ma-Ti. What Wheeler went through, well, all those things happened before we were together, so I cannot hold them against him. And if I had, I would be missing out on what we have now. I was always very skeptical of romance and relationships. But now that I am living that sentiment… it is something amazing, and I think that everyone in the world deserves a chance at it. Love changes your perspective on many things… I think it has the power to better you."

I watch enraptured as her eyes sweep over Wheeler lovingly. As if the American can sense her glance on him, he turns around and gives her a wide smile, followed by a wink. He then goes on to serve Gi a power ball that nearly takes her out, and the Asian girl starts shaking her fist at him in reprimand.

"I am not saying it is always perfect," Linka turns to me with a patient smile. "Some days you have to work harder at it than others. But it is worth it when the other person makes you feel loved, cherished, important, and you are able to mirror those same feelings back at them. This special energy gets created between you two, and you suddenly feel like you cannot live without it. That you do not need anything else."

I absorb her words in silence, and our eyes move to the sun that is nearly setting. I am very glad I have talked to Linka; her perspective has given me much to mull over. I feel like she understands my situation better because she has lived through it and conquered it.

"Babe!"

Wheeler's voice distracts both of us from our musings, and I hear him asking her to go swimming with him. Linka turns to me and gives me a small smile as if to encourage me, and soon she's up to join the American. As soon as she nears him, Wheeler picks her up in one swift motion, throwing her over one shoulder and heading over to the water. Linka is laughing and shrieking, her hair falling over her head in golden waves as she dangles helplessly from Wheeler's arms. And moments later they are in, swimming and splashing and laughing together, the picture of bliss. I tell myself that there is no greater spectacle than love lived out, and my thoughts drift to Laura.

I now know what I have to do.

I have brought Wheeler and Linka along as moral support, but also to keep Laura's father occupied. I know I will need some alone time with his daughter. The older man is enthused by our showy entrance, and I hear him offering Wheeler and Linka a tour of the renovated ranch grounds, followed by refreshments back at the house.

As for me, I am heading off in search of Laura. Her father said she should be grooming the horses, and so the stables are my destination. My pace is almost as fast as my heartbeat, and I make it there in no time.

The wooden doors open before me and the smell of hay engulfs my senses. The lighting is muted and there is a spotted dog having a siesta in a corner near the entrance. I spot Laura; she is using a brush on a chocolate mare, her face serene as she works. Laura's long hair is braided and she's clad in jeans with a matching vest. She doesn't hear me until I am nearly beside her, and she gives a little jump as I lift my hand to the horse's graceful head. There is a gentle murmur in my head, a soft rush, and the horse gives a little whine before rubbing up against my palm.

"Ma-Ti!" Laura is gaping at me, watching me stunned as I interact with the horse in my own special way.

"She likes me, but she prefers your touch," I disclose with a small smile, and the horse neighs under my touch as if to add to my words. "She is happy here."

Laura smiles in response, and lifts her hand to caress the horse in turn.

"You have such an amazing gift."

"I wish I were as good at reading people," I sigh, and Laura stops mid movement to examine me.

"I was starting to think I had scared you off for good," Laura softly replies, shaking her head a little. She replaces her grooming tools neatly, then turns to lean back against the wooden poles that section off the stable.

"I'm sorry," I blurt out, before I take a deep breath and try to better articulate my feelings. "That is the last thing I wanted you to think, Laura. I don't really know what happened. I think I was having such a great time with you on our outings that I freaked myself out. I did not mean to shut you out, but I had to think about what I felt, what I wanted."

"Listen, Ma-Ti," Laura turns to me, her braid falling over her chest in one swift motion. "I understand that what I said could upset someone. I get it. That's why I wanted to be honest from the get-go. I feel like I've grown considerably this past year. I'm starting to figure out who I am as a person, and I trust you enough to talk to you about that. I'm not the naïve, simple countryside girl you met years ago. And I thought you should know that before we got to a more serious place."

"I appreciate that," I nod, and I take her hand in mine as I say this. She relaxes her hold in mine, and for a moment we are silent.

"I was surprised, because maybe as you say, I thought I had you figured out. But I want to get to know you better, Laura. I may not be too comfortable with your past because my own is so… well, uneventful. We come from different places, but I believe there is always a meeting point. I have missed you this past week."

"I've missed you, too, Ma-Ti," Laura smiles widely, giving my hand a squeeze. "The last thing I want is for you to feel uncomfortable. I've been thinking about what could bother you about what I told you. Maybe you think I'd be easily distracted and more likely to cheat?"

"No, nothing like that," I shake my head firmly, and she moves to break contact between us.

"If it makes you feel like we're on the same playing field more, I've never been in love before, either. I've never had a serious relationship."

A pause, and then a sigh from her before she continues. "Maybe it's because I'm a girl, and girls are supposed to be less 'aggressive' when it comes to sexuality?"

I shrug my shoulders before folding my arms over my chest. "I was raised in a culture that has very different values than the ones found in America today. But then my adolescence has been influenced mainly by Western values, and that is why I think sometimes I am confused as to what I want."

Laura nods along like she understands, then lets her eyes meet mine. "That's quite alright, you have time to figure it all out. Find out the perfect blend for you. I was raised with very strict values. My mom was a practicing Mormon, and I had that exposure to women's role in life. I saw women as mainly submissive, passive. But then, last summer, I had a chance to be in control. It was the first time that thought had ever occurred to me! That a woman could be that free. Sex offered me a type of freedom I had never experienced before. It was an equal give and take; it did not mean I could participate any less just because I was a woman. I found that very empowering. And that was why I told you I did not regret any of it. Nor do I think there's anything wrong with stating that I like sex. I guess I don't want you to feel threatened by that."

Laura's eyes are intense as she looks at me, truthful, and the color in the dim light is simply bewitching. Her lips capture my attention, soft and inviting, and I find myself leaning in, my thoughts no longer coherent. I am kissing her, and she does not take long to place her arms around my neck, leaning into me more. A soft sigh escapes her lips as our kiss deepens, my arms tight around her slim waist. Suddenly, this is all that matters, all I wanted her to know, really. She has this effect on me, of leaving reasoning behind, and just diving into her.

"I don't want to miss out on any of this," I breathe, slowly pulling away, and I watch Laura smile a little before she opens her eyes.

"Me neither, Ma-Ti. We'll figure out our own timing, what we're both comfortable with, what's right for us. It's the start of our special journey together."

I smile and hug her to me, before we decide to join the others. Outside, the sun is shining bright and lovely.

THE END