Well hello! It feels like its been forever and it probably has been. I stepped away for awhile but the bug to write never quite left me. In the meantime, my second favorite obsession took over my brain, Baseball. So it seems only natural that when I stepped back in to write, I would combine the two. Here's my take on a Sweet, Southern, Baseball playing Edward. Edward/Bella, with a mix of some Carlisle/Esme action cause my BFF wants them. Rated M for Mature cause they are grown assed folks, I don't own them, I just dress them up in baseball uni"s and parade them around. Playlist at the bottom!

Chapter One~Vacation

Carlisle -

"Help me, it's like the walls are caving in, sometimes I feel like giving up, but I just can't, it isn't in my blood." In My Blood- Shawn Mendes

Most days I'm fine, my kids keep me going. Then every so often I remember that it's just me against the world. There's no partner, no co-juggler of the kids, no one. Me, I'm all I've got. Don't get me wrong, my parents are amazing, my team mates are supportive, and I have some great friends. But at the end of the day when you're laying in bed and trying to work through a tough situation, there's no one there to listen to me talk it out. No one to offer advice or to frankly tell me to get the fuck over myself.

I want that, more than anything else in the world right now. I had it for quite a few years and now that it's gone...the silence is deafening. My soul feels like a part of me is missing and no matter how hard I look, I can't find it. I have phantom partner syndrome. Maybe the old saying, 'we always want what we can't have' is true.

Maybe it's just sex that I want. A really hard fuck would probably solve a lot of my issues, but if I'm honest that won't solve all of them. Nor would going on a bender and getting rip roaring drunk. What would that do? My problems would still be here tomorrow and then I'll have to deal with them and a hangover. That has never been my style and it's certainly not going to start now.

I'm not asking for much. I swear I'm not. It's the simple things that I crave.

I want to lay in bed on a cold morning and cuddle. I want to watch the kids open Christmas gifts and catch each other's eyes, smiling like fools because we both know what's in the box and know without a doubt they are going to love it. It's a coffee run where you don't even ask their order because you just know. You know the exact meal they want on special occasions. You know the dates on a calendar that will make them smile and the the ones that will make them cry. It's all the small minute details that make up the life you share with someone.

I can see now how spoiled I was, my home life, my marriage, and my career was perfect. Why didn't I see this and say thank you more often for my blessing before now? Why does it take a earthquake to shake your foundation to its core and leave you reeling in the destruction and aftermath?

My only ray of hope are the kids. The kids are young enough to move on with life, they don't seem to be shaken to the core like I am, thank God. I'm pretty sure I can cope if I know they are okay. They're with my parents in a Florida, swimming and doing all the fun activities that I'd usually take them to do in my off season.

But not this year, this year I'm sitting here in a dark, stinky house while I pray that no one comes by to see me. I don't want to acknowledge all the classic signs of depression, nor do I want to explain them.

I can't lie, I've thought about giving up. I've thought about just letting it all go, living off the grid. I would worry about no one, but that isn't me. I'd never be happy doing that. I'm a thinker, a problem solver, I take charge and lead.

To walk away would be quitting, and I don't quit. I won't quit baseball, a game I love that pays me damn good. I won't quit my kids and leave them to be raised by my parents. And I won't quit myself. I deserve better.

So I sit here and hope that tomorrow is better. Hope that at 29 years old, I can start all over again, hope I can work through this and make it out on the other side in one piece. And above all, I hope and pray that my funk is gone before it's time for Spring Training. I need a clear head for baseball, that's for sure.

My phone rings, I see Edward's name. All of my team mates are awesome, but there's something different about the relationship Edward and I have. He and I are so similar, yet so different. We both have the same laser sharp focus and dedication, but he finds a way to mix that with his small town southern charm. He's always having a good time, me, we'll, let's just say that I'm not as free of a spirit as he is. There's just something in me that has a hard time letting loose. Maybe I'm worried about what people will say, maybe I'm worried that I'll go too far. I don't know, I shut down the thoughts before I have a chance to really evaluate them.

"Hey. What's up?" My voice is casual and calm.

"Dude, you still haven't answered me about The Maldives. Come on and go with us. Emmett is stoked and we could all use some sun and relaxation." I open my mouth to object but he stops me. "I've already talked to your mom, I know the kids are gone. Dude, I'm worried. For real." This small revelation stabs me in my heart for several different reasons. First that he cares enough to worry, secondly that he knows me well enough to know I'm not okay even though I swear I am. "I can't even imagine what you're going through but hiding only isolates yourself and makes it worse. I'm not saying hook with anyone but at least go. Get out in the sun, relax, enjoy yourself. Come back home stronger, for your kids if for nothing else."

I run a hand through my long hair, I wish I could argue with him but I just can't. If I lose my shit then who raises my kids?

"Okay." It's barely spoken above a whisper. It's defeat and acceptance all in one word. It's rebirth. I'm moving on with my life, no matter how hard that is, and I'm starting today.

Esme-

"I'm a whole lotta woman, from the way I walk and toss my hips. I'm a whole lotta woman, from the sound of my voice to the gloss on my lips. I'm a whole lotta woman, anything I see I want, I get. I'm a whole lotta woman, I'm a strong bad ass chick with class and confidence, yeah." Whole Lotta Woman- Kelly Clarkson

All my life I've had confidence. My parents raised me to believe that I can accomplish any feat as long as I go into it with a determined attitude and a willingness to work hard to achieve it. And so far that has worked out for me.

I paid my way through Cosmetology school, and earned a Business degree at night while I cut hair all day. Now I've saved and purchased my share of one of the busiest salons in Vancouver. I have achieved all my professional goals, now it's time to work on my personal goals.

When I was a little girl and played in my room, I had two main themes. Fixing my dolls hair and taking care of my babies. I had the whole set up, bottles, beds, blankets, car seats, strollers, all the accoutrements that go along with a baby. See, I'm a born mother, I always have been. All the girls came to me in high school for advice, it's true even now, a hair dresser is a psychologist for most women since we don't go and drink at a bar like men do. I should have double majored in business and psychology, that's for sure.

My childhood is long behind me, but that's okay because now that I'm old enough, I want my own child. I want all the good and bad that goes along with children. A house full even, I don't care, I certainly have enough love to go around. I'm trying not to obsess over it, but I'm only a few steps shy of obsession. My arms ache for a child to hold, love and nurture.

My biggest hurdle is that I have certain other stipulations that go along with having a child. I don't want to go for IVF. I want a husband, white picket fence, and the dog in the yard. A lot to ask for, I know, but it's my dream so I'm going to keep going until I have it all. I want what my parents had, the life I was raised in and I want to pass all that down to my kids. Love, acceptance, confidence, nurturing, and respect.

I drop down on the bed and take a deep breath.

'I can do this. I can do this. I can!' I chat to myself, as my eyes tear up. This is my most personal goal and this is the one that will crush me if I don't achieve it.

I wipe the tears away, and grab my phone. I play my Badass Women playlist. The first song that queues up is Whole Lotta Woman by Kelly Clarkson. She's got it exactly right, I'm a whole lotta woman with a whole lot to offer. I will find a man who wants what I want and can give it to me. Good men are still out there!

Now, let's go on vacation, have a good damn time and then come home and achieve our goals!

Edward-

"Yeah, I'm Her sure thing, I'm her go to, I'm her Rockstar, she ain't ever gonna lose. Small town boy like me, I'm her ride or die baby, I'm her cool, I'm her crazy. I'm so with you till the end girl." Small Town Boy- Dustin Lynch

"Carlisle, I know you're fucking in there. Either open up or Emmett will break into the garage and use the key you hide." My threat works, I hear him stomping to the door.

"I'm not sure why the two of you think this is a good idea. I don't want to go, I don't need to go, right now is not the time for this." Emmett sighs behind me. Apparently I left Carlisle alone for too long. Last night when I called, he was okay with going. He's dipping back and forth between stages of grief, obviously.

"I told you he wouldn't want to go, Ed." Emmett says. "We can't really force him, that's not cool." I turn and face Emmett, I need him to be Team Edward here, otherwise I will never convince Carlisle he needs to go with us.

'Emmett, it's cool. He wants to go, he just doesn't know he wants to go." I pat his chest and turn to see Carlisle standing right in front of me. His lips pursed, he may not want to go after all, but he NEEDS to go.

"Standing right here, Asshole. And no he doesn't want or need to go." I push past and enter Carlisle's house. It smells like burn toast and sweat socks.

The kids aren't here, I know that his parents have picked them up and took them to Florida with them. It's perfect, no obstacles. I've got this, Carlisle is so going.

We all need this, we have had a spectacular season. Emmett went to the All Stars and won a Golden Glove. Carlisle played his best season so far, multiple home runs and amazing defensive plays while filling in for me and several other players this year. And I didn't have a great ending batting average but defensively I was on my game. Only missing games for a few minor injuries. The whole team clicked, and we did what the critics said it would take us four to five years to do, we played post season baseball. We deserve a break and some fun. It's time to celebrate this year and plan for next year. I focus on my team mate again.

"Carlisle, this house is a wreck and the blinds are all closed. Food and garbage is everywhere. And you, you smell like Camembert cheese." Carlisle's eyebrows raise at my cheese reference. "Dude, don't ask, I was stuck at a sorority tea at Georgia Tech one time. It was there and it stunk." Emmett snickers a little. "You go shower and we'll pack for you." I push his shoulders and there seems to be just a little less fight in him.

"I got you, Carlisle, you will look fresh for the ladies." I hear Emmett slapping his hand to his chest.

"What about the kids?" He asks.

"I'll call your mom and let her know you're going with us, she'll keep them." Emmett tilts his chin up and smiles, with that single gesture he signals to Carlisle that his excuses are not going to fly with us, I knew he was gonna be a great wingman.

"You know we always have a good time." Emmett rasps.

"Fine, I'll go." Emmett and I fist pump. Carlisle points a single finger at me. "But you pack for me, not him. I don't want all silk shirts, those things are a bitch in hot weather." Carlisle has a point.

"Got it, no silk. SHOWER!" I shove him towards the bathroom and I move to his closet.

"You two don't know hot, Louisiana is always hot." I just nod at Emmett and mentally plan Carlisle's wardrobe.

We can't deck out in Braves gear or we'll look suspicious. We agreed we were trying to fly under the radar here and three grown men dressed alike will most certainly not fly under the radar.

Only thirty minutes later we are packed and in the car on the way to the airport. This trip is gonna rock.

I take the time while we're in the car on the way to the airport to text my momma.

Hey, on my way to the airport now. Thanks for keeping Sugar, she will be so much happier with you and dad then boarded. One day I'm going to send you and Dad on vacation. You both deserve it.

It only takes a few minutes for her to respond, she must be on her planning period now. I can't ever keep track, it changes each school year.

Please be careful, have fun. Send my love to Carlisle and Emmett.

My momma is a momma no matter what your last name is. She takes everyone under her wing and protects us all. I love her more than I can say. I hope I'm half the parent her and Dad were to me. One day, not today, but one day I definitely want kids. I'm having too much fun with Tyler, my nephew, and all three of Carlisle's kids. Plus I still get to have time for my off season activities.

I've seriously got it made. I almost feel like I have more than I deserve most days. That's why I make sure to give back with my charity and to work hard for what I have.

I watch Carlisle cope with his recent turn of events, and know he had a real true love. Part of me thinks it was worth it to have loved and all, but there is a small part that says was it really worth it when it ended up in heartbreak? I guess this is where we have to trust God that He knows better than we do and accept what is put in our path. Good or bad. So far that has been easy for me since I've been blessed with mostly good. I can only pray that continues for quite a long time.

Our car stops at the drop off area of the airport and I step out. It's time to get vacation started.

Bella-

"Little Miss brand new start, Little Miss do your part, Little Miss big ol' heart beats wide open, She's ready now for love. It's alright, it's alright, it's alright, Yeah sometimes you gotta lose till you win. It'll be alright again. You are loved, Are loved." Little Miss- Sugarland

Looking back it seems like this moment came all at once, but it took a lifetime to arrive. Today, I will step onto a plane, and really take another step into adulthood.

Into freedom.

Into my plans.

On my time.

In my way.

"Bitch, you ready to go or not?" Esme bellows as she bursts through my front door.

Esme, is my best friend, my Ride or Die. No strike that, she asks too many questions and wants to make too many stops to be Ride or Die. Esme is complicated, yet simple, she's loyal, she's thoughtful, she's just...Esme. And as hard as it is to imagine, she completes me. I never thought I'd say that a woman completes my life but she does. Now, don't get me wrong, I love men. I wanna sex 'em up and down, but as of now, I've never met a man who got me the way Esme does. So we stick together and help each other out.

"You know I am. I'm just...". I stop, Can I really do this?

I've been this way all my life, a complex amalgamation of assured and scared as hell. I'm the oldest child so I want to set a good example, yet deep inside I have the same amount of insecurities. This is where Esme works her magic. She's definitely self assured, she's originally from Texas. All of her momma's family is, so they have that I-don't-give-a-shit attitude mixed with Southern charm. She is never doubtful, and she keeps me from being that way, mostly.

"No, now look at me. You are packed and the trip is paid for. We are going to have an amazing time. We," she gestures back and forth between us with two fingers held up. "We need this!"

"I know, it's just. I've never left them before." I can't help but worry about my mom and siblings.

"Bella, they're fine. Your mom is married now, she has a husband and it's now his job to take care of them. Not yours, okay?" Esme should be frustrated with me, but she never is. She always knows the right things to say, the best way to soothe my fears and assure me I'm going to be fine.

And once again, she's right, it's Phil's job now. My Mom is married and someone else's responsibility. I'm no longer the extra parent because my Dad is gone and my Mom works two jobs to feed us and keep the lights on! I no longer have to worry about school because I'm all done with classes. I'm an adult and I'm about to enjoy an adult vacation! My job for the next three weeks is to just hang out and enjoy my life.

"Fine, lets go." I give a small shriek. "Maldives here we come!"

The flight is not going to be an easy one, it will be 24 hours, but it will all be worth it to be on vacation for three weeks with my best girl. We specifically chose to not schedule more than one activity per day so we could relax. Both of us desperately need it.

Esme because she has been working more than 60 hours per week at the salon. Her boss came to her about four months ago and told her that his partner was terminally ill. The partner wanted to be bought out of the half of the salon that she owns. Esme's boss can't afford to own the salon outright and wanted to know if Esme wanted to buy in. Obviously it was an opportunity she couldn't pass up, so she worked hard and saved every single dime she could to make the dream happen.

This timing was seemingly perfect, because Esme is a few years older than I am and she's at a point where she's ready to start a family. With her career and financial concerns in order, now she can focus on her family dreams.

Me, I just handed over my family. My mom remarried about a year ago. Her new husband has never had kids so he is more than ready to take on my siblings along with my mom. It is hard for me to give them up, because in a sense I was their second parent for so many years, but I trust Mom and Phil to do a good job.

So I'm tackling my life. Since I just finished all my college classes, and I have my job at Children's Advocacy Group of Vancouver, I decided now was the time to move out into my own apartment.

The transition was more difficult than I thought it would be. I had to learn myself, to learn what I did and didn't want. For so long I did as I was told, and never gave a thought as to what I actually wanted to do. To be honest between school and taking care of my siblings while Mom was at work, there wasn't time to fit anything else into my day. At this point, settling down and starting a family is no where on my radar. My career comes first, and in my down time I'm learning who I am and what I like.

I glance back up at Esme, my thumb wedged between my teeth, I'm sure I'm the picture of indecision. But I can't let her down, she needs this and I deserve this so I push a smile across my lips and listen as she starts to lecture me. "Okay, woman, promise me that you'll try to have fun. Do something crazy, sleep with a man or four,". Her eyebrows wiggle in a naughty way up and down. "Swim with sharks, get a tan that has no lines..." She wiggles her hips suggestively. She's a bit drastic but I know what she means. Esme is the impulsive one and I'm the straight arrow. She usually drags me kicking and screaming into trouble. I never pursue trouble on my own, but I can't lie, I sure as hell enjoy it when Esme helps me find it. And this is my once in a lifetime trip so I absolutely need to make it one I will never forget.

I look Esme straight in the eyes and concede the points my straight-as-an-arrow personality will allow me to concede, counting them off on my fingers.

"First of all, you know the shark thing is out, I hate sharks." Seriously, I was deathly afraid of them, even in pictures! What animal needs that many teeth? "Secondly, I will do my best to make you proud of my level of debauchery. I do solemnly swear!" A twinkle flashes in Esme's eyes and I know exactly what she is thinking.

We both raise our hands and shout the quote from Harry Potter. "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good!" Giggles turn into snorts and tears of laughter. This is the side of my best friend that I love the most, her ability to not take herself or anyone else seriously. Problem is that when we get like this, it always takes us a few minutes to bring it back to a normal level.

"What about you, what's your plan for debauchery?" Normally Esme isn't much of a planner but after taking charge of her career, organization has now spilled over to all aspects of her life.

"Well, this is my last hurrah. I'm going to go and fuck my brains out, swim naked, and come home with a yeast infection. I'll bring my cooch home happy and then settle down and start my family." I see the small gathering of moisture in her eyes. Children are so important to her and I can't wait to be an Aunt to her kids, she will be amazing.

We hug it out until the 'moisture' is gone from her eyes. "Now, let's get to this island before all the sexy men are snatched up." She shoves my arm and directs my body to the door. I march out of it as directed.

Vacation-

"Hey I'm on vacation, I might not go back home, Ain't got no static on my Reggae station, I'm here, I'm gone, I'm on vacation." Vacation- Sam Hunt

More than 36 hours later, we arrive and the water is indescribable here in the Maldives. A mixture of blues, greens, and all sorts of combinations of those colors. It's everywhere you turn, crystal clear and filled with all sorts of life. I can't wait to jump in and explore. We walk in awe as the bellhop shows us to our cabana. The resort is definitely accurately described as 'extra' and well worth every single penny we are spending.

With the warm temperatures, and the distance we're covering, I'm already sweating through my light sweater I wore when we left Vancouver. Luckily we planned well and know we will only need bikinis, shorts, and sundresses while here. I have already chosen the sundress I will wear when we walk back down to the resort for dinner.

After Ricardo, our bell hop, shows us all around our cabana- my room and bathroom, Esme's room and bathroom, and the common areas- we unpack and get ready to go for dinner. I hear faint music from her room as she unpacks. Her sweet voice blends with the song as she sings along. I hum and move my hips as I apply more make up. I might as well go full face of makeup if I plan to 'snag a hot man to sex up' according to Esme's vacation philosophy.

"Es, you almost ready?" I call as I apply the last coat of mascara, I need to prompt her, or she will want to do a whole new hairdo. And no one has time for that, especially since we haven't had anything more substantial than snacks in well over six hours.

"Let me just finish up my hair." She shouts back from her end of the cabana. "It won't take me more than a couple of minutes."

"No, Esme, we don't have that kind of time, I'm starved. Please…" I charge towards her room.

"I'm just twisting it up, I'm not washing it, I swear." I peek around the corner at her staring into her large bathroom mirror. She really has just taken a few minutes and she looks like a totally different woman with a few twists of her hair. Every day I understand more and more why people book appointments for three months in advance to get their hair done by my best friend.

She turns to smile at me and nods her approval at my appearance. "Okay, Chick, let's do this." She grabs my hand and we head off to dinner and who knows what else the island has in store for us.

Songs-

In My Blood- Shawn Mendes

Whole Lotta Woman- Kelly Clarkson

Small Town Boy- Dustin Lynch (I prefer the Stripped version.)

Little Miss- Sugarland

Vacation- Sam Hunt (Acoustic Mixtape Version)