This is a missing scene from You Look Better In Basic Black, or alternatively, The One Where They Dress In Drag. (As if Newkirk doesn't do that all the time. Schultz even did it once! :)

It's after they've escaped, still dressed as women. How did the trip back to camp go?

If there was one thing that Newkirk couldn't abide about skirts, it was how easily they seemed to catch on everything. He couldn't understand how women did it!

On the other hand, most women wouldn't be sneaking through the woods in high heels, trying to get back to a prison camp. The truck had taken them out pretty far, and Newkirk couldn't walk very fast in this getup.

Luckily his companions were suffering from the same difficulty.

"Good in basic black my eye!" He muttered as he forged through another snag. "I look better in basic trousers!"

"At least you are not so short!" LeBeau griped from behind him, "The branches are getting caught in my wig! How can women stand to have such long hair?!"

They had agreed after leaving the truck to wear their disguises all the way back to the camp. Firstly, because they hadn't brought anything to change into (quite an oversight). And second, because that way they could probably make up some story if they were caught.

At the very least, no one would expect much of a fight.

The captain and his men certainly hadn't.

"You have to admit, though, it's a pretty beautiful design flaw." Hogan said from up front, and Newkirk turned his chuckle into a cough as his colonel stumbled into a tree, wobbly on his heels.

The American turned to give him a dirty glance, but the blonde wig made it difficult to take the man seriously. "It certainly brings out the color of your eyes, Gov." Newkirk fluttered his eyelashes at his superior and heard a snort in return before Hogan continued onward.

"Well, at least the only ones who know will be Schultz and Carter." LeBeau offered from the back once more. "Kinch would never let us hear the end of it."

"Don't tell me you're trusting Carter and Schultz not to tell anyone!" Hogan looked over his shoulder with a twinkle in his eyes.

"We already tol' Carter what would 'appen to 'im if 'e opened 'is ruddy mouth!" Newkirk reminded him, but then sighed in defeat. "But wiv ol' Schultzie, it's probably all over the camp."

"If they say one word to me, I will never cook breakfast again!" LeBeau declared.

"Now LeBeau, there's no need to be self sacrificial." Hogan forged onward, tearing his skirt a little on a small branch. "I'm sure that Schultz went to Carter or Kinch, anyway, and I highly doubt they immediately announced it to the barracks."

"Wait a tic, won' Private Nanowski know? You said 'e made the wigs!" Newkirk couldn't stop his voice from climbing, but managed to close his mouth at his Colonel's look.

"Oh mon- that is the last thing that we need." LeBeau moaned dramatically from behind, and Newkirk reflected that he was acting more feminine now than he had been before. "Now the whole camp will know!"

"Olsen'll be a bloody menace!" Newkirk was already anticipating the ridicule. He'd played parts before, but for some reason, there was a big difference between an old woman and a young one. "An' it'll be a miracle if Ames can keep 'is flippin' mouth shut!"

"All right, pipe down, fellas." The colonel stopped to address them, and Newkirk unconsciously straightened his back, seeing LeBeau do the same in his peripheral vision. "So maybe the whole camp will know. But this was necessary, and we've done good work tonight."

The American's tone was serious, and there was a hint of pride in his eyes that always warmed the Brit up, whether he wanted it to or not.

"I would rather blow up a bridge." LeBeau's scowl was audible, but he seemed to have calmed a little. "It is hard to feel like a hero when I am wearing women's clothing!"

"If women can do it, why can't we?" Hogan grinned, and Newkirk decided that he didn't even want to go into a reasonable answer to that question, instead shrugging at LeBeau.

"At least you finally 'ave an excuse to wear high heels."

The Frenchman immediately bristled, his face turning red behind the makeup, "Well you finally have-!"

"And let's not forget the people we saved today, either." Hogan's voice broke in, a curious tone lining it, as though he knew something that Newkirk didn't. "I'm sure those three ... young, beautiful women will be eternally grateful. We did save their lives, after all."

Newkirk shared a look with LeBeau, and the Frenchman blinked slowly, giving full view of his eyeshadow. Finally he spoke, and it was with his usual fervency. "The short one is mine."

"Agreed." Newkirk nodded, now feeling that when his fellow prisoners realized what they'd gained for their loss of dignity, they'd be jealous.

And if they weren't? Well. They didn't know what they were missing.

"Now, let's not keep the ladies waiting." Hogan grinned at their exchange before turning to continue the trek back to camp.

"Right behind you, Gov." Newkirk began to follow, feeling like a knight in shining armour rather than an allied prisoner dressed in drag right at that moment.

Both he and the colonel stopped short at LeBeau's cry. "Wait a moment!"

"LeBeau?" Hogan's eyebrows were raised, and Newkirk could only stare at the Frenchman, who was bent double, his hands reaching down to fumble with his skirt.

"You all right, Louis?"

"My stockings are falling down!"

I hope you enjoyed it! This was a request from MurdockianQueen, who loves this episode. I'll admit, the episode always made me cringe a little, but I love these guys.

As always, leave a review, and let me know if you'd like to see any specific scene yourself!