The Habits of Monsters

Disclaimer: Hellsing belongs to people who are not me. I am making £0.00 out of this fic, it is written purely because I have a burning need to create. Although I would like to own Alucard . . . then he'd be mine.

Rating: PG

Part: Three of Three

Authoress note: This is a reimagining of a short one off I wrote years ago whereby Integra learns that there's more to her monster than his monstrous nature, he is also a bit weird.

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Chapter Three

{Several Years Later}

The mansion was in complete shambles.

Repairs were being done around the clock and while this meant that the mansion was rapidly becoming whole again before her eyes it also meant that sleeping was near impossible. The constant sound of drills, hammers and dozens of workers was deafening to Seras' sensitive hearing. The smell of so many strangers set her teeth on edge in a way she hadn't expected. Her master had laughed when she mentioned it and had in a roundabout and mocking way told her that vampires were territorial creatures and of course so many strangers in her 'lair' was going to piss her off.

So, it was of no big surprise to Seras when she woke after only falling asleep about an hour ago. She lay awake, listening to the workers as they descended into the basement to fill the many, many bullet holes Alucard had left behind him after dealing with Luke Valentine.

"You sure this is bullet damage?" one was saying. "Looks more like something a canon might do," Seras growled at the comment. Her master could kill people in dozens of ways, none of which required the use of his damn miniature cannon/guns, but no he happened to like things that went boom very loudly and left big holes in both people and walls.

With a further snarl of frustration, she pulled herself out of bed and stomped into the shower; but fled almost instantly. Her instincts screaming at her that there was a stranger everywhere, and she wasn't safe. Bloody instincts, she felt very vulnerable, powerless even, knowing these men were here and she had to 'put up with it' as Integra had put it. Heading back to her room she hissed to herself, she had thought vampires were supposed to be big scary monsters, why then was she having anxiety attacks at bloody people repairing the hallways? Perhaps vampires were all introverts or something?

"Trust me to become the one monster that has bloody anxiety," Seras muttered to herself, slamming her bedroom door.

A quick change of clothes and she fled the basement altogether. She intended to go to the kitchen; it had been unharmed by the assault, apart from some pots and pans getting knocked off shelves. Also, Walter spent a lot of time there and Seras was fond of him, he calmed her nerves. A good chat with Walter and the smell of tea would do her the world of good.

But when she entered the kitchen, she found it was deserted, the oven was on and the smell of bacon was strong. It was such a lovely smell, comforting and delicious even to someone who could no longer manage solid foods. Absently she opened it to see two plates loaded with the strips of meat, clearly, Walter had been busy and was now trying to keep his efforts warm. Seras sighed and wondered where else she could hide. The smell of bacon continued out into the hallway and she found herself following it and walking into the dining room.

Integra sat at the head of the table and was snarling. Seras lifted an eyebrow and looked around to find the source of Integra's displeasure. There were no papers on the table and the phone was silent, so no bad news then. The room seemed empty, but Integra was watching the shadows, Seras rolled her eyes as she realized it was most likely Alucard was the cause of Integra's displeasure. As if on cue a white-gloved hand appeared, rising from the table followed by a red-clad arm. Integra snarled louder and stabbed at the hand with her fork. Seras blinked and watched as Integra literally battled with the disembodied hand.

It was a very odd sight but Seras was rapidly becoming used to odd sights and turned her attention to figuring out what her master could hope to gain from this particular farce. She continued to watch as the battle continued and sniggered when Alucard's other hand emerged an impossible distance away from his 'battle' hand. She watched as said second hand approached Integra, who was leaning protectively over her breakfast, from behind. The hand snagged two pieces of bacon while Integra was distracted and both hands beat a hasty retreat. Seras laughed unable to help herself. Integra looked up only now noticing her.

"Um …" Integra blushed, Seras smiled, it was a rare sight indeed to see an embarrassed Integra.

"He got the bacon," Seras said. Integra looked down at her plate and started swearing.

Alucard appeared contentedly munching away on his stolen prize. Seras frowned again. Her master did not eat 'people food', so what on earth was he doing? She was about to question what was happening when Walter entered with a large tray in his hands.

"Oh, good morning Miss Victoria, how nice to see you for breakfast." Walter put the tray down. One of the large plates of bacon was on the said tray and was placed beside Integra, Seras' eye became wide at the large amount. "He steals it," Walter explained noting her expression.

"I noticed," she looked at her master again who had yet to acknowledge her and was far more interested in the plate Walter had set down.

Walter unloaded another plate, this one had toast and what looked like sardines, Seras wrinkled her nose at the strong smell and tried not to gag. She'd never liked them even when she had been human and now the smell was stronger than she remembered. Then two cups and a blood bag were laid out. Walter removed the tray and sat down at his toast.

"I swear to god I will put this fork in your eye," Integra's growl caught Seras' attention.

"Harsh," Alucard muttered.

"Maybe if you asked, I would give you some," Integra grumbled. "But just helping yourself is going to get you stabbed."

Seras almost laughed aloud again when Alucard sighed before crumpling ungracefully down on the chair next to Walter before proceeding to make what he probably thought was a charming expression at his master.

"Better than that, you just look like you're up to something." Integra continued but she was smiling now. Absently Seras thought she might start setting her alarm for breakfast more often, this was fun.

"What more could you possibly want," Alucard snapped. Seras half expected him to huff like a spoiled child.

It struck her as strange that she had been terrified of this monster when she had first met him. But slowly since arriving that terror was diminishing, he was still bloody frightening when he wanted to be, and she would never intentionally piss him off. But she was starting to notice little quirks of behaviour that made him almost funny at times. Walter had tried to explain to her that he was something of a handful but in reality, the 'terrifying' part she had previously witnessed was only a small part of him, a part he deliberately exaggerated for effect apparently. She had not believed the butler but watching her master try to make alternatively pathetic and charming faces at his master was convincing her more than Walter's words ever could.

"This is really weird," she said eventually. Alucard stopped and frowned at her, she flinched. "But it is!" she said defensively.

"Actually, it isn't" Integra muttered piling bacon onto her plate before handing a piece to Alucard who grinned and snapped it out of her hand directly, teeth grazing his master's fingers. "He often does this, it's a slightly unusual quirk but it's not out of the ordinary."

"But it's bacon," Seras boggled watching as another piece was taken.

"Burnt is good," Alucard smiled chomping, horrendous teeth tearing through the crispy meat in seconds.

"You do seem to have a taste for it," Walter agreed

"burnt and smoked is best," Alucard said, looking back to his master with what could only be called a pleading expression. Seras watched as he was fed another piece. The plate was fast emptying and so far, it seemed the only one to eat any had been Alucard.

"There's more in the kitchen," Walter said

"Go and get the rest then," Integra ordered and for the first time ever Seras watched her master simply do as he was told without any smart-arse remarks.

"Your breakfast is going to go cold," she said to Integra when Alucard left.

"I know," Integra sighed mournfully. "But I find this is actually more pleasant than breakfast."

"Why don't you just give him a plate of his own, then you could eat as well," Seras asked coming to join them at the table. It had been comical to watch her master eat bacon off his own master's plate but Seras was becoming a little uncomfortable. This felt far too much like what one would do to a dog they wanted to treat.

"He's won't eat it if I did that," Integra answered, Seras frowned and was about to question when Integra continued. "I think it was something done to him in the beginning, the first journals make mention of finding ways to stop him simply eating the staff without having to follow him around and say 'no' every time. It was apparently a hobby of his when he first arrived."

"I can just imagine," Walter sighed and absently rubbed his throat.

"But the restriction went a bit too far; he could only eat on command and could not feed himself." Integra continued. "Abraham apparently favoured this and upon discovering that your master would eat solid food if the fancy took him, began feeding him in this fashion."

"Can't you take it off? If it's part of the seal?" Seras asked

"A lot of the old notes were lost in the fire when my father was a boy. I know very little of the seal and considering it is tied into his mind I would rather not poke about with it." Integra said firmly. "Lord knows he's mad enough already." Seras lowered her eyes worried she had offended. But the tension was broken when Alucard returned with another plate of bacon and four pieces in his mouth.

"You are a thieving git," Integra muttered.

"Not thief," Alucard grinned around the strips. Integra huffed and pulled some of the strips onto her own plate. Her mood dampened by Seras' unspoken accusations that she took some pleasure in treating a man like a dog. Although when one thought about it he was a monster, not a man. But even so, he was not a dog.

"Variety is the spice of life," Walter said suddenly causing some confusion.

"Really, you think so?" Alucard muttered

"Yes, it is, you should try something different." Walter lifted a sardine and dropped it down in front of the vampire. "Here."

"You're kidding right." Alucard poked the small fish and sneered. It stank to the vampire and although Alucard was used to having his food look at him, the dead fish eyes were slightly off-putting.

"How can you eat?" Seras asked the question that had been bugging her for a while now.

"Easily," Alucard was still staring at the aromatic fish, he poked it gently as if expecting it to move.

"Bacon is easier to digest than mobile phones and you've seen him eat those before," Integra smirked, her humour slowly returning.

"Only inadvertently," Alucard muttered

"But I can't eat anything!" Seras squeaked "I want some bacon."

"No bacon for you," Alucard said. "Here have this." He flicked the small fish at her, it hit her arm and flopped back onto the table.

"That's gross!" Seras snapped. "Don't throw fish at me!" she flicked it back without thinking.

"It's like having children," Walter grinned.

"I always imagined my children to be slightly better behaved," Integra muttered. "But Seras does have a point, you swallow people whole Alucard and she can't manage soup." Absently she handed across more bacon.

"She's a baby." Alucard managed through chewing. "Would you give a human baby bacon? I think not."

"I'm not a baby!" Seras snapped, watching as her master pushed the offending fish off the table onto the floor.

"Yes, you are, you're an infant, and your digestive system simply cannot handle solid food yet, as you get older your stomach will become more accomplished and perhaps if you live long enough one day, you'll be eating phones as well."

"Or peaches," Integra smirked.

"Don't put it on the floor," Walter snapped, leaning down and picking up the discarded fish.

"How long do I have to wait until I can eat bacon?" Seras said. Alucard shrugged and snapped another piece straight from Integra's fork, Integra glared at him.

"I was perhaps fifty years dead when I inadvertently ate someone," Alucard said. "But we are all different in that respect."

"How can you inadvertently eat someone?" Integra said.

"I got carried away," Alucard muttered.

"Well, good to know nothing changes," Integra said defending the last of her breakfast.

"So, I have to wait until I'm fifty!" Seras sighed leaning back in her chair.

"Perhaps," Alucard sneered as he was offered a fried mushroom and tried to snag the very last piece of bacon. "As I said we are all different, you could manage something today, tomorrow, sixty years, a century or never."

"Helpful," Integra said.

"I left my crystal ball in Romania," Alucard managed to get his fingers on the last piece only to get them stabbed.

"Shit," Integra sighed as her vampire bled onto her breakfast.

"Ha," Alucard smirked. "I win."

End Fic

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