Old Program

Chapter 1: Awakening

I own nothing

"This, sucks" the voice of a teenage girl rang out. She and five others were trudging through a frozen wasteland, the tallest of them dragging a robot missing an eye by its single wheel. They were vault hunters; Maya, Axton, Zer0, Salvador, Gaige, and Krieg. "Really, I'm having the time of my life" Axton replied sarcastically. "Ahh this place isn't so bad once you get used to it minions; I mean sure there's bullymongs who like to dismember everything, bloodthirsty bandits, and freezing temperatures that would make penguins beg for mercy…" the robot, Claptrap, trailed off for a few seconds "actually you're right this place sucks" he admitted. Salvador groaned "even by Pandoran standards this place is pretty shit."

Zer0 simply remained silent while Krieg added some random nonsense to the conversation "THERE'S SOMETHING BENEATH THE ICE AT THOSE MOUNTAINS OF MADNESS" he yelled. Maya raised an eyebrow "did you just reference H.P Lovecraft" she asked. Suddenly Claptrap spoke up "oh minions my eye just turned on" he said elatedly "I see five intimidating minions, an excessively adorable minion, and an incredibly handsome robot" he suddenly withdrew his wheel and arms "which means whoever has my eye…" he said fearfully. The group heard a crash and saw a large bullymong that Claptrap called Knuckle Dragger, who was wearing Claptrap's eye around his neck. The beast lifted a wrecked car above its head and Axton groaned "this is gonna hurt."

Knuckle Dragger threw the car causing the group to scatter "okay so we're up against a big monster with some crappy little pistols and whatever melee weapons we brought with us" Gaige said in annoyance. Next to her Zer0 brought out his sword and nodded "yes, this should be challenging" he said. While their special abilities would be more than enough to take the bullymong down they either needed repairs or they were still weakened from the crash and needed more time to recover so they had to fight without them. The vault hunters hit the beast with a barrage of bullets followed by Zer0 and Krieg charging it. They slashed it's arms, Zer0's sword managing to sever the smaller left one while Krieg's buzz axe left a large gash in the larger right arm.

Knuckle Dragger roared in pain and jumped onto an outcropping of ice, his roar summoning more bullymongs. "Oh god, minions they're coming out of the wall sphincters" Claptrap yelled now aimlessly running around the area. "oh, gross I did not need that image in my head" Gaige said "LESS GAGGING MORE KILLING" Salvador yelled a few feet away, punching a bullymong brat in the face. Knuckle Dragger rejoined the fight and went after Maya however she dodged out of the way and Knuckle Dragger got a buzz axe to the face from Krieg, losing one of its eyes. It swung its arms wildly trying to fend off the psycho, but Krieg managed to climb on its back and get it in a head lock "RIDE EM COWBOY" he yelled while choking the beast.

Soon knuckle dragger started to weaken and was finished off when Krieg unloaded his pistol into its head. Once knuckle dragger and the other bullymongs were dead the vault hunters retrieved Claptrap's eye "great work minions; now we just have to put my eye back in and while I'm sure you'd like to jam your fist into my eye socket, eye surgery is best left to the professionals" he said. Gaige spoke up at this "uh excuse me I built an entire robot myself, I'm pretty sure I can handle this." "Like I said minion, professionals" Claptrap said, he then patted her on the head like a child "but don't worry I'm sure someday you'll be a master at robotics." This pissed Gaige off "I already am a master at robotics you cringey toaster" she said heatedly, slapping his arm away. "Dare to dream minion, dare to dream" he said in an "inspiring" voice.

A few seconds later Claptrap was screaming while Gaige hammered his eye into the socket "HOW'S THIS FOR DREAMING YOU PIECE OF SQUEAKY GARBAGE" she yelled. "MINIONS HELP" Claptrap yelled in pain, the others simply stood by and watched the show. Axton pretended to weakly reach his arm out "I'm trying Claptrap, but I can't quite reach" he said, not even bothering to sound like he was struggling. After a few more minutes of venting pent up frustration Gaige started to fix claptrap's eye. "All right attach this wire here, screw in here…" she muttered to herself.

Once the eye was back in a jolt went through Claptrap and he started to shake like he was having a seizure. "Jesus what'd you do" Axton asked in surprise "nothing, I made sure not to actually damage anything and I fixed the eye back in the way it's supposed to" Gaige said. Krieg then walked up to Claptrap and raised his fist "CLEAR" he yelled before punching the robot, after that Claptrap stopped shaking. "Huh he's dead, neat" Salvador said, suddenly Claptrap bounced up with a cheer "FRAGTRAP ONLINE BABY" he yelled to the sky. The vault hunters stared at him before Maya said what was on everyone's mind "what the fuck."

AN: hey everyone I know it's been a while and I should work on my other stories but I was playing Borderlands 2 and inspiration hit me. I hope you enjoy, read and review. constructive criticism is fine but a flame will get you fed to Pandoran rats.