The Promised Title

Baa-chan was being especially difficult today, though that was a matter of perception; from Tsunade's point of view, Naruto was the one causing her a headache. He had come to her office, hoping for a mission, but she had nothing to offer. After he accused her of holding out on him – which maybe she was, but that was not for him to dispute – he brought up the argument "How am I ever going to be Hokage if you won't give me missions?"

Tsunade's eyes narrowed on him. "A brat like you will never become Hokage if you spend all your time pestering the current Hokage," she shot back at him. Having him yip in her ear was colossally distracting; this was her first stamped document from a large, waiting pile in ten minutes – a chore she would usually have finished in five.

Harrumphing, Naruto put his hands behind his head and paced back and forth in the office. Even if his mouth was quiet – aside from a few mumbles – the clunk of his sandals was like a hammer in her skull. Clack! Clack! Clack! As if the rhythmic pounding of her approval stamp wasn't monotonous enough! She tried her best to keep her eyes on her work; she really did. But the genin persistently haunted her office, looking at artifacts on the shelves from time to time or staring out the window, talking out loud to himself about what kind of birds he saw in the sky. He was doing it on purpose; he had to be doing this on purpose! No one could naturally be this annoying!

They'd both been in the same room for most of the hour, so when he abruptly spun out of his pacing, waving his stretched-out arms up and down at his sides like a turkey trying to fly, it made no sense for him to shout out, "Isn't there a mission yet, tebayo?!"

Tsunade immediately slapped her hands down on the desk, and the impact tremors threatened to topple the workload she'd just tiredly completed. A vein split down the middle of her forehead, her shadow-casted eyes gleaming at him in a fearsome glare that told him her patience had run out. Stouthearted, he might've been, but against the fury of the Fifth Hokage?

He sulked as her shadow loomed, and lamented his mistake…

"Jeez, why does Baa-chan have to be so difficult?"

"All women are difficult," sighed Shikamaru, sitting across from Naruto at Choji's favorite barbeque hut. Both the chubby warrior and Kiba were currently engaged in a squabble of whom the last bit of meat belonged to. "I put on the grill, dumbass!" yelled Kiba with a yip of approval from small Akamaru, while Choji countered that the last piece of meat belonged to he who would appreciate it most. When he leaned across the table and took the slab from Kiba's dueling chopsticks with such arrogance, Kiba nearly lost it and threw the plate of yet-to-be-cooked meat at the glutton. "There's still another round, you fa…!" Tactfully, Shikamaru covered his mouth before he could finish the taboo.

"Just let him have it," Shikamaru told him with a sigh. "If there's still more, then why not cook that and let Choji have that one?"

Kiba scowled and shoved his hand off of his mouth. "Tch. You're always sticking up for him." He tossed some wet beef on the grill pit with an attitude. "He's always going to get away with acting like this because of you." His focus then turned across the table to Naruto, who was battered by Tsunade's backhand. He'd received several in succession for his earlier nuisance, so he now looked like he'd come off the worse from combat. Seeing him in such a pitiful state brought a grin to Kiba's face. "Heh! Some future Hokage! You can't even deal with a woman!"

"Like you could do any better!" Naruto shot back.

"I have my mom and sister," Kiba proclaimed like it was a challenge only he could survive, flicking his thumb towards himself. "You don't know angry until my mom's been mad at you." A recollection of such a time made him shiver.

Naruto stared at him, now curious. "So then, what do you do?"

Kiba and Shikamaru exchanged a glance. "Lie low," was Kiba's answer, and Shikamaru murmured, "Just do what she says."

Both answers were unsatisfying, and Naruto's faith in the two dropped. He sunk back into his seat, muttering how neither of them was of much help. Kiba was about to flare, but a warning yelp from Akamaru brought his attention to where Choji's chopsticks had begun to hover over his beef. As they clashed again, Shikamaru offered some insight to his genin inferior. "If it's woman troubles, why not ask your teachers? Kakashi-sensei is a guy girls swoon over, and Jiraiya-sama is one of the greatest womanizers around. One of them will probably be able to help you out."

~~~Kakashi~~~

"Just be patient," the masked ninja said, more interested in his book than a visit from one of his two remaining students. He turned the page before saying, "Godaime-sama can't force missions to come to her. There's a process and clients…"

"How can I become Hokage if she's holding out on me?" Naruto argued, though Kakashi remained undaunted by his raised voice. When it was abundantly clear that his teacher had no helpful hints, Naruto pouted. "I should've just gone to Ero-sennin, tebayo. He knows more about women than you."

Kakashi turned another page, his dull eye reading carefully the printed plot. "Well," he finally grumbled, still unconcerned, "if anyone would know how to deal with Godaime-sama, it'd be Jiraiya-sama."

He didn't look away from the pages to see Naruto's bright eyes twinkling at him while asking, "Do you know where he is now?"

"Now?" Kakashi took a moment to gaze skyward. The day had certainly waned, and the hot springs would have a mystical glow throughout it. Put that together with the fact that tonight, the mothers of Konoha's young genin usually met to trade tips on how to deal with their young ninjas, and Kakashi knew there was only one place to find the Toad Hermit. "Probably… the hot springs…"

Already, the sound of departing footsteps, and a waving boy in the distance… "Thanks, Kaka-sensei!"

Kakashi stared after him for a while before looking back at his book. He tried to get back into the story, but something bothered him. He looked up in contemplation. "I don't think any good could come from this…"

~~~Jiraiya~~~

"Shikamaru never does the dishes. I have to tell him again and again." Yoshino's head shook, and her arm went to her shoulder as if to rub the stress away. And stress, she must have had! Those things had to weigh her down! Who would've guessed that the Nara's wife was so stacked?! Heavenly gifts blessed with the swell of motherhood, still with some perky roundness, though maturity and inactivity made their weight hang just slightly.

Not like the Inuzuka, whose breasts were a bit smaller, but no less heavy; they were high on her chest, defined with muscle that did not take away from their lure. And what luck! The daughter – breasts magnificently young and full – was there too, demonstrating the dog clan's attributes from mother to daughter. Always wearing less underneath her halfway-buttoned chunin vest, she always teased the voluptuousness underneath. What a privilege to finally see what she was hiding, floating and bobbing in the waters as her mom discussed with Yoshino the difficulties of having troublesome, irresponsible boys.

Mebuki chimed in as well, bringing attention to herself when she stood up from where she sat, causing her wet breasts to lunge and wobble, her contracted areolas and tight nipples beading with water droplets. She contended that it was just as bad having a daughter, though whatever argument she was making was unimportant, even if Ino's mother – frustratingly neck-deep in water! – nodded in agreement.

And, O what a wonderful surprise! Lounging on a rock after soaking a little, legs crossed delicately, politely listening to the women she hoped one day to be a part of, Yuhi Kurenai-chan was practically posing like a gorgeous model! Leaning back on her arms had her proud, supple breasts pushed outward, displaying the peaks that seized to flat points in the fresh air. And though those legs of a goddess had been crossed, there was some visibility of hair, maintained to a single, tantalizing strip!

Ku-ku-kuu! Yes, even the mothers of Konoha were as enticing as the young girls playing in the waterfalls!

"My, my! Such development! Such research!" drooled Jiraiya, his eyes glued to the mounted telescope while his hand wrote diligently the proper measurements of each woman in the bath. As honed as his craft was, without even looking, he managed to sketch the women's breasts accurately and with ease. "Oh, Kurenai-chan!" He dropped his pervert journal to clutch at the eyepiece with both hands, guffawing and slobbering like a mutt over a bone. Kurenai was in motion, and that meant each step caused a hypnotizing wobble while her hips sway sensuously, as if she knew she was being watched!

Then there came a rustle from behind him. He was alerted at first, but then calmed. His earlier display of goofiness refined into focused disinterest. He calmly picked up his journal and resumed his sketching. "Hmph! What do you want? Can't you see I'm gathering Intel?"

"You're peeping on the women's bath again," scoffed Naruto as he pulled himself through the dense bushes. They were atop a craggy bluff not too far from where the hot springs were; close enough that Jiraiya's telescope got a clear view, but far enough away that no one would be suspicious of it.

"You're getting better at tracking," Jiraiya praised him, turning his head to nod at Naruto with a grin. "I see my training is rubbing off on you."

Naruto pointed sharply with an accusing, "Don't act like you were training me with this! I only know that this is the best spot to see inside their side of the hot springs!"

"Oh?" Jiraiya stared at him with a flat expression, one of disappointment. "So the student peeps like the teacher, yet thinks he's better? Young people are so arrogant." He resumed his watch, and though he seemed to keep his composure, seeing Yoshino move with Hana had his jaw dropping and his nose dripping!

Naruto ignored the embarrassing display of the one he called his teacher. He huffed as he folded his arms. "Ero-sennin, I came to ask about women."

The lecherous laughter paused, and then Jiraiya wheeled on him with a great smile. "Of course, of course! It's about time you saw that your master was the key to you catching Sakura-chan's heart!" He touched his thumb to his chin, nodding approvingly to himself. "I have been known to make women swoon with my technique, after all. And this book, right here!" he shoved a copy of his Icha-Icha into Naruto's hands. "You can learn all you need to woo a woman in the right direction!"

Naruto stared at the novel that he'd just seen Kakashi reading, and his eyebrow twitched in annoyance. "I'm not here about Sakura-chan!" he shouted, putting the book away in his pouch. "It's about Baa-chan!"

Jiraiya was taken aback by this announcement. "Tsunade? Tch." He turned away at once, as if his time had been wasted. "That's a mountain you'll never climb. Even the strongest toad cannot leap the lowest hill in one jump." He hunkered back down in front of his telescope and gazed.

"Ero-sennin! Ero-sennin! If there's anyone who can help, it's you! You know Baa-chan's weaknesses!"

"I've tried already," said Jiraiya, turning away from the telescope to lament his oncoming tale. An air of gloom surrounded him. "Tsunade had just taken the title of Hokage, and visited this bathhouse only once. I tried to catch a glimpse, but she'd already left by the time I was properly set up for studying." He held up his quaking fist like he was holding back tears, gritting his teeth and seething with remorse. He'd no idea that Naruto, already bored with his story, was creeping over to the telescope, interested to see just what was going on. "I waited in the smallest spot of the hot springs for three full days, but Tsunade did not come again; no woman did. It wasn't until I gave up that I saw that she had closed the springs temporarily! She knew I was there!" With a grunt and a sob, he punched the ground. "She defeated my peeping technique. And legend has it, that three-day period, she used her monstrous strength to tunnel beneath the Hokage mansion to the underground source of the hot springs to create a channel straight to her own bedroom. She would never have to use the public hot springs again!" He cried out loud while, overhead, a crow flew in circles while cawing at him. Tsunade had not been Hokage long enough for her reign to carry legendary tales like that.

"Ych… Ero-sennin, why would you like to look at that, tebayo?" Naruto sounded ill, as if he'd come down with the chills, and he even looked blue in the face while turning away from the telescope.

"Huh?" Jiraiya scoffed and shoved Naruto out of the way. "You're still too young to appreciate the womanly form." He moved to look through the telescope. "Now get out of here while I research…"

Breasts were in view when he peeped, and they were large, but so was the woman! Choji's mom had debuted, but had been kept out of sight until Naruto's tampering. Jiraiya got his eyeful and more of her fat bust, though her ample body did not give her chest credit. Her dark brown nipples were broad and fit the span neatly. There was appeal hidden somewhere, but Jiraiya wasn't going to waste time looking for it. Maybe if she would chow down on the Red Pill, the ensuing effects might give her the lure needed to stand with her parental peers. Her scowl as she contended with Yoshino in regards to Shikamaru's attitude and motherly duties in general did not help her appearance. She could look just as fierce as Tsume with those glaring eyes!

Jiraiya faltered and shared Naruto's queasiness when she stood up, her back to the telescope, and bent forward to wag her finger in Yoshino's face. In that moment, Jiraiya felt that he saw more of her than just about any other woman in the hot springs that night. "I…" His jaw felt slack, his body weak. "I think I'm done for the night… HUH?!" Just when the old pervert thought that his well of inspiration had dried up, an unforeseen occurrence!

Was that luscious Anko who had just arrived? And the rare appearance of an ANBU? Uzuki Yugao? Neither were dressed for the hot springs, but Anko in her fishnet attire always put on a show that Jiraiya just couldn't turn a blind eye to. Both women had appeared in front of Kurenai – who had regrettably pulled on a towel. No doubt they were confronting her in regards of a mission, but Anko seemed quite pleased to be in the hot springs. Could she be considering a soak before heading out?!

"Oh, please~!" swooned the Toad Hermit, his hands at the ready to sketch the pillows that would flash from beneath her fishnets and coat.

"Ero-sennin, I don't have time for this! What about Baa-chan? Baa-chan?!"

Jiraiya, without taking his eye from his research-gatherer, waved Naruto away, half-hearing the complaints, but not caring at all. "There's nothing to tell. Get lost, kid." As an afterthought, he gave the suggestion to wait until Tsunade was flat-out drunk. "She's much more receptive when she can't think straight." That was the only tidbit he could give, but it clearly wasn't enough for his apprentice.

Naruto growled at his stubbornness. "C'mon! How am I going to be the next Hokage if Baa-chan holds out on me and you won't help, dattebayo?!"

Jiraiya was already gone, engrossed in the suspense of whether or not Anko would unveil her heavenly mounds. The genin/chunin instructor obviously had made the choice to stay, and now was trying to convince Yugao to do the same. She tugged playfully at Yugao's pants, and Jiraiya giggled excitedly. "The trick is to just take down your pants," he blabbered as if he was there with Yugao, and then twittered some more, pressing against the eyepiece when Anko got more aggressive. He panted and heaved and said in favor of Anko, "Show her who's boss!"

And misinterpreting the situation entirely, Naruto felt he got the tips he needed.

~~~Research~~~

Jiraiya had given this book in good faith.

Or so Naruto thought.

With a cup of ramen steaming next to him, he sat down at his crummy table in his crummy apartment, and readied himself for the worst sort of training: reading! But he couldn't fail! If he studied Ero-sennin's skill, he'd never have to worry about Baa-chan holding out on him again. In the long run, reading may very well lead him to currying the favor of Baa-chan and get her on board for him being the next Hokage – even if she'd all but gave her blessing after he defeated Kabuto.

First page: Naruto forced his eyes to the words and studied the process Jiraiya had written.

A guy… alone in a room. Along comes a woman, withdrawn and insecure as she confronts him. The guy is her student, and she is the teacher who should behave professionally. Was it professional to ignore her desires? the student asks her, and she does not answer. He tells her how he can't help watching her during class, and says it is torture for him to sit still when she has her blouse unbuttoned on those particularly hot days. The teacher draws away, blushing, hoping to hide her shame. What a thing to say to your teacher! The student does not bother saying anything else. His hands go to his belt, and before anything else happens, right in front of his teacher, he drops his pants.

Naruto blinked, a mouthful of ramen noodles hanging from his mouth. Was this what Ero-sennin meant that he should do? From what was written down, the teacher – though seemingly offended – went along with her student's desires, listening and obeying all he asked of her, even when he asked her to accept a mess over her face. Why would girls like that?

Enthralled, Naruto pressed on.

It would still take him three days to finish the novel… for he was still opposed to training the mind instead of the body.

~~~Tsunade~~~

It was the rare state of silence, the rare opportunity to actually relax in the office, and Tsunade was glad for it. What had become of that troublesome kid? Naruto had been gone for several days, and Tsunade had finally gotten ahead in her work because of it. Now that he wasn't there to pester her, she felt… unfulfilled. Perhaps the agitation he gave her kept her energy up. Now she had nothing but sloth…

And sake!

She grinned to herself, giving herself a metaphorical pat on the back for the stash she had hidden underneath a misleading stack of folders in her bottom drawer. She took out her private potion and set it on the desk, ceremoniously handling a saucer to pour her drink. "Shizune won't be coming in for the night," she said cheerfully as she listened to the delicious spill of alcohol. "I can celebrate a day's good work without that brat."

Snickering, she took the white dish to her red lips and prepared to toss it back.

She'd tossed back her seventh when the effects began to affect her mind. Happy, fuzzy feelings and the room felt like it was spinning on a slow axis. It must've been such a bad thing to feel this way while sitting in the regal chair of the Hokage-at-work.

"Guh…" Tsunade slumped forward, arms lazily crossing on the desk, her massive breasts flattening beneath her on the surface. She looked off to the side, contemplating her situation. Perhaps things were much more interesting when that blond-headed brat was around. He was something entertaining, and though he was far more annoying, he resembled her brother greatly. Inebriated, she slurred, "Maybe I've been too hard on him." Not that there had been anything to be 'too hard on him' about; there were no missions! It was up to him, as a ninja, to occupy his time, use it wisely, and hone his skill. But these sentimental thoughts would be erased after a night's sleep.

She made to stand up, but wound up dropping back in her chair. She hiccupped, and groaned. It would've been wiser, it seemed, if she got drunk in her own bedroom, where she could pass out wherever and be left alone.

Just wait until the room stopped spinning so much. Her head lulled with the hallucinating twirl. It'd been such a long time since she felt like this, without inhibitions. Even drunk, she knew that she had only a small workload to handle in the morning, if anything at all. Why not enjoy the night?

"Baa-chan!"

The door flew open, and in walked the little, blond brat, hands on his hips and a cocky smirk above the high, white collar of his orange jacket.

Tsunade leapt from her compromising stance to sit straight in her seat, hands in her lap and her blouse somewhat disheveled. "Na-Naruto?" She sounded more shocked than she would have ever wanted to.

Naruto snickered to himself and kicked the door closed behind him. This bold attitude may not have been anything knew, but Tsunade sensed he was up to some new sort of mischief. To fight his unique confidence, she glowered deep at him. "What are you doing here so late? And how dare you come in like that? Have you forgotten that you are in the Hokage building, brat?!"

Naruto was undaunted by her simmering ferocity. He had Ero-sennin's secret weapon under his belt. And as long as he pulled it off, her temper would be a nonissue. "Heh! I have a new technique, Baa-chan!"

Tsunade was rather surprised by such a declaration. Normally, if he'd figured something new in training, Kakashi or Sakura would be the first to see it; Tsunade wasn't much of a critic for him in regards to training. Something was amiss. "What are you talking ab…?" Her eyes widened when she saw Naruto reach for his pants' button and zipper.

In a swift tug, Naruto took down his pants…

And now he just needed to show her who was boss!