Conquer

By: MusketeerAdventure

Summary: Sonny survives a near death experience and with Jason's help, pulls Clay up from the depths with him. These are missing scenes from the season two episode 'Time to Shine'.

This wasn't so bad. Not at all like he thought it would be. The deep bone chill had already dissipated and he no longer shivered with cold. The steadily rising water now covered him like a warm blanket. Sonny knew what that meant, so relaxed - content in the knowledge that soon it would all be over.

Fear of water, sharks, closed in spaces and dying alone vanished. He was no longer afraid. There was no need for any of that. Those fears no longer made any sense. Besides – what could he do about it anyway? What could anybody do?

Jason had tried everything – he knew that.

Oddly enough he felt calm, warm and somewhat at peace down here. The silence, the lapping water lulled him to finally rest and be still. Instead of claustrophobic he felt as if he were being embraced. Like when he was a little kid and his mother bear hugged him out of a foul mood until he laughed; leaned into her devotion and just let her comfort him. No longer interested in complaining about whatever had gotten his hackles up for the moment.

She had a way about her, his momma. He missed her fierce, all-encompassing love for him, but felt it now.

Yes, this is what he was feeling, her fierce love; so he leaned in and let his phobias no longer worry him.

He only wanted to sleep; leave behind his struggles to breathe…to let go of his brothers; to let go of life. Maybe it was time to put aside all of his mistakes and descend down into this warm cocoon – where faintly he could hear Lisa laughing.

Somewhere beyond the tube, he imagined his brothers gathered nearby, huddling close together in disbelief. The heartbreak in their voices recounting shared memories and revealing their love for him was unmistakable. He felt it too…the heartbreak.

Never once had he envisioned going out like this – solitary, trapped and surrounded by all the things that terrified him most.

A blaze of glory was his motto. To go out without having to think much about it was what he always hoped for. Not this drawn out lengthy dread of worrisome introspection. He would have preferred not to have wept, or shown weakness. Maybe now in this final moment, he could redeem himself, be strong in the face of the inevitable.

Resigned, Sonny sucked in his last breath and then fell into his mother's embrace.

He couldn't move. He felt frigid and frozen in time and space. Feet glued firmly beneath him, Clay could just barely sense the slight movement of the sub as it smoothly glided out of enemy waters to relative safety.

Dazed, he could only stare as Boss, Ray and Blackburn carried Sonny off to the infirmary; medics scurrying close behind. He knew he should follow, but his damn legs wouldn't move.

The torpedo room closed in around him – pinning his arms to his sides. Down here in the bowels of the submarine it was damp, and insidiously cold. The conditions played havoc with what little control he had over his own body. Clay trembled as wet clothes clung uncomfortably to his skin. Water pooled around his feet and seeped through his boots. Searching the floor, he could see that the medics, in their haste had left behind a mess.

The vision of Sonny dead on the floor – no pulse, no heartbeat, and no life – pressed into his heart; seared into his brain and weighed down his limbs. The defibulator lay abandoned along with Sonny's gear and favorite cap.

Taking a deep breath, he forced his body out of its inertia. Reaching down, Clay grabbed hold of the good luck cap and squeezed it tight.

Sonny was alive.

Relief and gratitude pooled in his eyes as tears slipped loose down his cheeks. Swiping them briskly away, the enormity of it all descended down over his shoulders and he stumbled. Stumbled under the weight of his thankfulness and his weakness … his inability to say what was in his heart.

The young petty officer who had cut Sonny out of the tube reached for him to help. But Clay held up his hand and warded the kid off. Apologizing and then with a brief nod of thanks, he watched as the kid backed off and slowly retreated.

Alone now, legs giving way; Clay leaned heavily against the wall then peered out into the tube. No, the tomb – where Sonny had been trapped for over an hour and almost lost his life. Confused, he could not comprehend it.

"Why Sonny?" he whispered aloud. "Why not me?"

As his words swirled around the tube and rose up to surround him, Clay felt the vice of guilt grip his lungs and take hold.

They had been the last to enter. It should have been him. It should have been him fighting for his life – closed in and suffocating, waiting for the water to rise and overtake him. Just as it should have been him limbless, lifeless back in Mumbai – not Adam. Him, twisting in the wind with no chute to guide him home….body broken; unrecognizable – not Brian.

Why everybody he loved and not him?

Coming back to the moment, Clay stood tall and expanded his chest – breaking the stronghold on his lungs. Breathing heavily, he closed the tube with finality; frowned and kept a tight hold of Sonny's cap.

He would want this, he thought. Sonny would want to hold onto this – to help him recover.

Looking around the small space, he knew he should probably leave here now and go see how his friend was doing. But a sort of panic engulfed him and instead he folded the cap; jammed it in his pocket and began the task of cleaning up the mess left behind.

Later on, when he thought back on it, Sonny would recall waking up in the sub infirmary from a dream. He had vague memories of his mother releasing her hold; Adam walking away from his bedside and Echo Team fading off into the shadows.

When he opened his eyes and blinked, Jason stood over him, his face as placid as ever until a quick grin emerged around the corners of his mouth. When he blinked again, Jason gripped his elbow then sat heavily in a nearby chair – exhausted.

Someone squeezed his hand and there Ray stood smiling openly; relief shining through his face. Clearing his throat, Sonny croaked out with effort, "You must have prayed for me man." For it was the only explanation he had for surviving this…unless they were dead too.

Then he drifted away, floating down to sleep.

Before settling down in that comfortable space, thoughts of seeing Lisa again assailed him. He was given a second chance to make things right; a chance to apologize. This put his mind at ease; and then he wondered… where was Clay?

With what seemed like only moments later, and no memory of departing the sub, Sonny awoke on the C17 groggy and out of sorts. But what he did recollect with clarity was Lisa's presence – her lips pressed to his forehead and her indignation.

"How dare you cowboy" she chastised in his ear. And as he struggled to open his eyes, ready to say…I'm sorry; and plead for forgiveness – he could feel her quietly slipping away. The remnants of her ear placed over his heart still warm to the touch.

In the base hospital, he was more with it – able to enjoy the company of his brothers; their laughter, jokes and rowdiness. The horror of almost drowning to death was already receding into the background. It was his gift after all. Always able to bounce back and move forward. No matter how much it hurt and plagued his dreams.

Finally, as Jason was alone with this visit by his bedside, he asked what he'd been dying to know. "Where is he Boss? I've come back from the dead, been out of action for almost a week and haven't seen hide nor hair of him?"

Jason mirrored Sonny's bewilderment and shook his head. He had wondered the same thing over the past several days. But when called out on his lack of contact with Sonny or the team for that matter, Clay had brushed their concerns aside with a shrug of the shoulders saying he was:

"busy…cleaning out Sonny's cage."

"busy… stocking Sonny's fridge for when he gets back."

"busy… washing down Sonny's truck."

"busy…collecting Sonny's mail." - busy doing a countless number of essential errands on Sonny's behalf.

Jason shared this and Sonny frowned, worried for the kid's state of mind. "Get him in here Jase", he pleaded. "I don't care how you do it, or what you have to say to him, just get him in here so I can get a good look at him."

Sighing, Jason pinched the bridge of his nose. "You know, if I push this, it will turn into a battle I may not win," he lamented.

Sonny smiled wide. "Don't I know it Boss. But that's why you're the man in charge."

Jason watched with equal parts concern and exasperation as Clay fought the punching bag with the endless energy of youth and pent up aggression. Scanning the gym, he was glad to see that the place was empty and they were completely alone.

The time for cajoling was over. Ray had tried that tactic, but the kid wouldn't open up and whatever this was; was not only eating Spenser up, but was making him crazy.

He hated to do it, but he was going to have to apply some force here. Desperate measures…this was the last resort. So, without permission, he stepped forward; held onto the bag and felt the full weight of Clay's frustrations – blow by blow.

"I'm going to see Sonny today." He began as the bag pushed forcefully into his hold. "He's doing well you know, and will be back on rotation in a few weeks." After a brief pause he added, "He wants to see you."

Clay paused in mid strike; and stared off into space. Jason could see the crease of uncertainty play out on his forehead. "Come with me." He pressed, and then waited a beat; watching as Clay, decision made, turned away – removing his gloves…moving to make his escape.

"Wrong answer." Jason countered, moving quickly to catch the kid off guard. "Today's the day." - and grabbed the kid by the back of his sweat shirt to roughly escort him out of the gym.

Digging his heels in, Clay turned; twisted in Jason's grasp and faced him down – heart pounding through his chest. "Please Boss", Clay warned. "Please don't push this."

Letting go, Jason held out his hands in consternation. "What is this?" he asked. "Tell me Spenser – what is this about?"

Hands on hips, Clay lowered his gazed and fixed his sights on the floor. What could he say? He found it difficult to make sense of his own feelings. How could he explain it? Boss wouldn't understand. So instead of making an attempt, he moved to escape once again.

"No, no…no" Jason said. "I'm not letting you off the hook today." – and reached to grab hold of the kid's forearms – keeping him tethered to the spot. Attempting to catch his eye – Jason leaned forward. "I just want to know why."

Stepping back and away – out of his Boss' grasp, Clay turned and faced the wall. Resigned to the fact that he would not be allowed to leave, he balled his hand into a fist and hit the wall with force. "I couldn't do it", he blurted out; and struck the wall again.

Moving in close Jason grabbed his hand, turned Clay around to face him…and held on to the front of his shirt.

"I don't understand … do what?"

Frustrated, Clay strove to break the hold and pull away without success – his resolve beginning to waver. So Jason held on the tighter and tried again. "Do what?"

"Tell him what he means to me" Clay murmured. "He was dying and I couldn't say it. I wanted to say it – tell him how I felt, that I didn't want him to go – but…" Bowing his head to hide his pain, Clay tried a counter maneuver as if to pull away, but Boss continued to hold on. "Why would he want to see me or have anything to do with me? I let him down when he needed me most."

Jason was incredulous. Didn't Clay know this already? "Because he knows Clay. He knows how you feel about him. We all do."

Clay shook his head and looked Jason right in the eye – the look of disbelief taking him aback. "It should have been me Boss." Clay painfully revealed. "It should have been me."

And as his shoulders began to tremble, Jason reached out, held Clay by the back of the neck and pulled him into a hug. "Is that what this is about?" he whispered in Clay's ear.

Clay nodded into his Boss' shoulder and wept. "I can't face him" he said – his throat tight from holding back the need to cry for such a long time.

Hugging him tighter, Jason uttered, "What happened wasn't your fault Spenser. It was just dumb, bad luck. It had nothing to do with you. Nothing." Jason stood very still and let the kid relinquish his doubts and distress within the circle of his arms.

And for some time they stood this way until there was only silence – Clay left tired and spent; wondering what Boss must think of him.

Clapping Clay on the back, Jason stood back and asked again – his voice now edged with compassion. "Sonny wants to see you. Will you come?"

Clay thought about his answer. Where was his backbone? Sonny had displayed the ultimate bravery by living through and surviving death itself. He could at least pull himself together and face him.

Removing Sonny's cap from his back pocket, Clay gather up his courage and nodded yes with determination.

When Sonny climbed his way up from the tube and opened his eyes, there – sitting at his hip was Clay; staring intently down at that old, worn out Texas Longhorns cap of his, picking at the threads and casting them aside.

"Be careful there little buddy," he said hoarsely and placed his hand over top of Clay's. "That there cap is priceless and has seen me through many a situation."

Clay grabbed hold of the offered hand and cleared his throat. "How are you Sonny?", he asked softly – afraid to look the man in the eye.

Sonny frowned and studied his friend closely. "I'm okay", he emphasized with force. "I'll be up and around any day now…getting on your ass to stay on the straight and narrow."

Clay chuckled at that and bantered back with good nature, "Yeah, you go ahead and try old man."

It was good to hear Sonny trash talk, and see that he was on the mend.

Sitting up straight, and finally finding the courage to talk of things that needed to be said, Clay looked Sonny in the eye. Taking a deep breath, he knew this was the moment to explain himself. To say… I'm sorry; this was my fault. To say… I should have told you how proud I am to be your friend. To say… that it is an honor to serve by your side. To say…I love you brother.

Watching the myriad of pain and love cross Clay's face, Sonny held up his hand to allay the words the kid was pumping himself up to let loose. He didn't need to hear them. He could read those words all over Clay's face like an open book. The kid was as transparent as glass.

"Shut up", he implored Clay calmly with good humor. And in that moment witnessed the kid transform right before him…a genuine smile actually reaching his eyes. Finally, here was his friend looking back at him.

"You don't want to hear what I got to say?", Clay laughed.

"The only thing I really want to know" Sonny chuckled – pointing his finger at Clay with a hint of amusement in his voice, "…is what kind of beer did you fill my fridge with?"

Thank you for reading. Please review and let me know what you think. Your comments mean a great deal! I thought this was such a great episode and I hope these missing scenes did the episode justice.

Also, to all of you that I could not respond to – thank you so much for your kind reviews for my last story 'Hello From Under the Bus'.