A/N: Thanks for the fun times, fandom!

"What do you want me to…"

Maura squirmed, trying to get closer to Jane. "I just want to feel your hands on my body. Anywhere you want."

This kind of invitation chased away any lingering self-doubt. Jane felt dizzy with the possibilities and engulfed in heat, particularly between her legs. She resumed kissing Maura to buy herself some time to plan.

No, don't overthink. Just go with your gut, it's never let you down before.

Jane slid her hand higher under Maura's sweater, but didn't rush. The kiss had slowed as well, though that hadn't been a conscious move on her part. She was just enjoying the warmth of Maura's stomach under her palm. It sent small thrills bubbling through her to feel Maura's most minute reactions to her; how she tensed and trembled in turn as Jane's hand continued its unhurried move upwards. When Jane palmed Maura's breast, she was taken aback by how much it turned her on to feel how hard the tip was.

"Don't," Maura whimpered.

Jane froze. Don't stop? Don't touch me there?

Maura took the deepest breath she could muster, curling her fingers into Jane's hair. "Don't you dare make a joke about it being cold. That's because of you."

Jane swore under her breath and went in for another kiss. She trailed her lips down to Maura's neck for the express purpose of freeing the woman's mouth, letting her hear every sweet sound she got Maura to make. She adjusted awkwardly, rebalancing her weight to allow her other hand up Maura's sweater as well. Any discomfort was totally worth it to hear Maura moan like that, to feel her arching up into Jane's touch.

But then Jane pinched a little too hard, and Maura's hiss of pleasure morphed into a squeaked "ouch!" Jane withdrew her grip at once, uttering a stream of apologies, but Maura just laughed, taking Jane's face in her hands.

"Sweetheart, it's okay. Don't be afraid to try. I'm fine."

"Sorry, yeah, okay. You'd tell me if you weren't fine, though, right?"

"Yes, love, of course. Go on."

A brief silence made Maura wonder if the interruption made Jane uncomfortable with continuing. But then Jane mumbled, "Hey, um, would it be okay with you if we kept going with, uh, less… clothes?"

Maura's immediate reaction was to yell an affirmative response of any kind, but she managed to scale down the intensity. "Both of us? Just me, just you?"

By now, Jane had moved one hand out from Maura's sweater to cup her cheek. "Oh, I meant both of us." Her voice was so soft now, though from shyness or reverence, Maura couldn't guess. The snaps and pops from the fire almost drowned it out. "I want to be able to feel you freely. I want to see you. I want you to see me." There went a quiet laugh, and Maura craned her neck up to kiss Jane for it. "I never thought…"

Maura sat up and Jane shifted back so they could undress, but Maura waited to pull off her sweater. "You never thought what, love?"

"Never thought I'd want to be seen."

They exchanged a slow, sincere smile over that. Maura wanted to say something to express how honored, how privileged she felt to have heard Jane share that, but she couldn't think of a way to say it that didn't make her sound like a knight thanking a lady for her handkerchief. So, she let that smile speak for her.

Lust sparked in Jane's loving gaze as Maura pulled off her sweater. Jane haltingly started to do the same, and Maura wondered if it might help Jane be less self-conscious if she weren't to stare right at her. So, she tried to busy herself in tugging off her sweatpants without having to get out from under the blankets. Before she could even accomplish this basic task, Jane was looming over her, topless, and Maura was transfixed.

"Wait, wait," Jane said.

It took Maura a moment to snap back to attention. Jane didn't sound agitated, at least. "What's—?"

"Take off the pants, but leave on whatever's under them."

Was this related to nerves? Self-protection, a last safeguard in case Jane wanted to back out? Maura didn't ask, she just obeyed the request.

Jane pulled off her sweats as well, and thought she might burst from the exquisite sensation of lowering herself onto Maura in this state. Her head was swimming. She basked in the high it gave her to know Maura didn't seem able to decide where to settle her hands first. As Jane straddled her, Maura gripped the backs of her legs, then shifted her hands up to Jane's hips. Lowering herself even more, Jane purred into Maura's ear as the blonde's fingers roamed over Jane's back. No attempts to trace words here; Maura was having a hard enough time remembering how to breathe, let alone be literate. A deep inhale came back out as a nervous chuckle when she felt Jane roll her hips against her.

Jane's palm was pressed on Maura's abdomen, her fingers inching downwards. "All right?"

Maura had started nodding before Jane even asked the question. "Yes. Yes, yes, yes."

It would've been hard to explain aloud, but this was why Jane had stopped Maura from stripping entirely: though she'd been able to gauge how wet Maura was getting, she had wanted this imminent action to be her first true indication of it. A last sort of surprise. Maura's hips jerked in anticipation, and Jane's breath caught, but she stayed frozen.

In fact she hesitated for so long that Maura opened her eyes and managed, "A-are you okay?"

Jane bit her lip and met Maura's gaze again, wondering how much she should say. Maura was experienced with women, whereas she herself was very much a novice, something she hadn't been thinking of until that moment. In recent weeks she'd gotten better in tune with herself and what she liked, but that didn't necessarily mean she'd be good at doing it for another woman. What if she messed up somehow?

"Do you want me to show you?" Maura asked.

Though the dominant expression on Maura's face showed lust, adoration was mixed in as well. That, together with the gentleness of her question, was what made Jane know she wanted to answer no. Even if her actions were imperfect, the experience would be perfect, because Maura would never make her feel like a screw-up. Besides, though Maura's offer was a tempting one, Maura herself had always learned best through exhaustive research and example, but Jane Rizzoli had always learned best just by doing.

"No, it's okay," Jane whispered. She repeated Maura's words back to her: "I'm not afraid to try." Maura smiled, but maybe a compromise was still a good way to go, here. "You'll tell me, though? I mean… help me, if I'm not…"

That got Maura to laugh, but not unkindly. "You're almost there. And I—" Another shaky laugh. "I'm definitely almost there. All you have to do is feel me, Jane. Kiss me wherever you want and just let your fingers feel how wet you've made me. That's all you have to do." She was trembling all over, sure that just the slightest touch would do her in. It was hard to recall ever being this keyed up.

Jane kissed her way down Maura's neck and paused at the collarbone, almost out of habit. But then she shifted herself lower, just far down enough for a tentative kiss to Maura's breast. She was emboldened at once when Maura's hands flew to her head to keep her there. Within moments, Jane had slipped her hand down Maura's boyshorts and she quickly realized she needed to hone her multi-tasking skills ASAP. Her senses were totally overwhelmed.

Feeling the different textures of Maura's breast under tongue—silken, puckered, hard—was almost too much on its own. Coupled with the wet heat at her fingertips, Jane was all but seeing stars. She wanted to focus on the sounds her actions were producing, the sucking and swirling that were a delirious new delight to her, but also the breathy moans coming out of Maura. Raised as a repressed Catholic, Jane had always been mortified by the thought of intimacy-fueled noise, and thus there was something miraculous to her about how unashamed, how unrestrained, Maura was in this moment. Between bouts of feverishly whispered directions, Maura was loud and Jane liked it.

Jane needed to see her face.

She shifted up again. Desire deeper than any she had ever known coursed through her just at the feeling of her body moving along Maura's. She did her best to toss her hair out of her face with a swift jerk of her head, and thought she detected a flicker of a smile when Maura felt the curls brush her face.

"Baby, you're incredible," Jane murmured.

Maura's breaths were only coming out in sharp pants, now. "You… fu… so close—"

"I know you are, but what am I?"

"Conceited!" Maura half-gasped, half-laughed.

It'd been a joke and Jane hoped Maura knew that. Just in case, she added, "It's you. It's all you."

It was almost like a game, Jane reflected later, where she knew the end was forthcoming but its exact timing and means were a mystery.

Maura had wanted to kiss Jane and started to before it all became too much. One hand cradled Jane's head close to her, the other grasping Jane's forearm as she kept up the vocal if unnecessary encouragement. Maura tensed and Jane held her breath, and there came that soft sigh of release. Maura's grip on Jane's hair loosened, and Jane let her head rest against Maura's chest. They both still breathed deep, but much more quietly now.

It was remarkable to Jane that a quietness like this could exist; that after something so intense, she could feel such a sense of calm. In time, though, that led its way to a certain restlessness. It had started as an innocent attempt to move to a more comfortable position, but now Jane was grinding against Maura's leg.

"Do you still want these on?" Maura asked, plucking the waistband of Jane's boxer briefs.

It was asked in sincerity, not issued as a challenge. In response, Jane rolled off Maura to remove them, and Maura did the same with her own. They laughed at the difficulty of accomplishing this in their cocoon of blankets, and they also agreed they'd warmed up enough to toss the topmost layer aside.

Kneeling in front of Maura, Jane took a few moments to really take in the sight of her for the first time. "Oh, wow. I knew this before, Maura, but… wow." She chuckled at herself for not being able to come up with words poetic enough to do Maura justice. "You are so beautiful."

With a teasing look in her eye, Maura said, "I know you are, but what am I?"

Jane snorted a laugh. "You're hot. And about to get even hotter, I hope."

Maura sat up, patting her legs. In contrast to the cockiness of Jane's last statement, there was an endearing shyness to her smile as she moved forward, straddling Maura. "This?"

"Yes, love. Put your arms around me, you're going to be my back support."

Jane leaned forward, clutching Maura close to her. She took a deep, satisfied breath, taking in the gorgeous lavender scent of Maura's shampoo and kissed her hair. Maura hummed, running her hands down Jane's toned thighs.

"Okay," Jane whispered, her legs already quivering. "What else?"

Maura's voice was as low and sensuous as Jane had ever heard it: "If you're up for it, you're going to ride me."

"Oh, God," Jane whimpered.

And a very short ride it was going to be, Jane realized, as soon as Maura's fingers slipped between her legs. Maura's other hand was at the small of Jane's back, ready to guide her movements. She kissed Jane's neck, pressing her lips hard not only out of passion but for the faint vibrations she could feel with each of Jane's precious few moans. Maura loved the contrast in feeling Jane tensing up but also becoming more relaxed, letting more of herself go when she was usually so guarded. But then, Maura had always had that influence on Jane. It stood to reason that it would hold true in this case, as well. A pleasured gasp came out of Jane when Maura went inside her, a sound she never would have imagined herself capable of making. The sound electrified Maura, spurring her on to apply more pressure as Jane grasped her even closer.

Jane was starting to wonder if she might be too strong for her own good. To get more leverage, she had moved her hands to Maura's shoulders; and though Maura was strong as well, it was getting uncomfortable and difficult for her increasingly-straining body to keep up with only a limp couch pillow to lean against. Jane patted her shoulders.

"Lie down, lie down," she whispered between labored breaths.

Maura complied as smoothly as she could. She had expected Jane to follow suit, but instead, she maintained her straddling position. It lasted only a few seconds, because that was all Jane needed, but they were maybe the most dazzling seconds Maura had ever witnessed: Jane silhouetted against the fire, her magnificent hair being tossed as she thrust her hips a few more times until that paradoxical state returned of a body at once straining to move and not to budge.

The shallow, calming breaths came back as Jane slumped over Maura. Only a minute or so later, she let out a weary chuckle when she felt Maura roll her hips.

"I'm sorry," Maura said. "It's just that arousing you really arouses me."

"Ah, there's my Thesaurus Mouth." Jane flexed the leg Maura was grinding against. "Mmm. Turning you on turns me on, too."

"Yeah?" Maura asked. She was already so hyped up, it didn't take long for another small burst of ecstasy to crash through her. Once the waves of pleasure had pulsed their way through her, with one leg still between Jane's, she slowly flipped them over. Her hair tickled Jane's face, and seeing the grin this elicited, Maura leaned down and nuzzled her nose against Jane's. "So. What do you want me to do about it?"

Her own imagination was burning with possibilities, but she wanted to wait and see if Jane was up to suggesting anything in particular. She loved watching how the simplest actions made Jane react, like how her eyes closed and her mouth formed a small oh when Maura's nipples grazed hers.

In light of this response, Maura was about to take hold of Jane's breast but paused. "Don't be shy. You know you can tell me stop any time, right? If I start to do something you don't like?"

Eyes still closed and still smiling, Jane whispered, "Yeah. But don't stop now."

There was enough calm in Jane's voice to help keep Maura from jumping into overdrive, and she initiated another kiss. She traced the backs of her fingers along Jane's breast, and Jane arched herself into that touch, wanting more. Maura was quick to fulfill this tacit request, responding with a massage that deepened without ever becoming forceful.

Jane gave a little gasp against Maura's lips, trailing into a soft moan. She had never dreamed of being touched like this; not after years of being teased as flat-chested, not after her own boyfriend had implied he wouldn't be opposed to her doing something about it. Maura lavishing this kind of attention on her was novel and delicious. That feeling only grew more so when Maura replaced the warmth of her fingers with the warmth of her mouth. Maura glanced upwards for a reaction as she grazed her teeth over Jane's nipple. There was a sharp intake of breath but it was accompanied by a smile. Encouraged, Maura chanced it again while palming Jane's other breast.

Then she repositioned herself between Jane's legs. She began a slow line of kisses from Jane's chest to her stomach, allowing herself the time to marvel at the muscularity she encountered. The feeling of Jane beneath her was intoxicating. Maura kept her hands at Jane's breasts, no longer kneading as intensely but rather just enjoying the feel of Jane's chest heaving with each deep breath she took.

"Okay if I keep going?" Maura asked. The implication: down.

"Mmm…mm-hm."

She reached Jane's navel and dipped her tongue inside, enjoying Jane's reaction. As Maura moved lower, she let her hands glide down Jane's sides, until she had tucked her arms under Jane's legs and latched onto her hips. A new kind of gratification coursed through her as she kissed the inside of Jane's thigh.

"Wait, wait, wait," Jane breathed. It was just loud enough for Maura to hear, and she jerked her head up at once. Jane had hastily propped herself up on her elbows to catch Maura's eye, but then dropped back down and covered her face with her hands. "I don't …I'm not ready for that yet. I'm sorry."

Without a moment's hesitation, Maura moved back up, next to Jane and also hovering over her. "Hey, no. There's no reason you have to be. Ready or sorry, I mean. Not in the slightest, okay?"

Jane tried to laugh at herself, rubbing her eyes and trembling with unreleased tension. "I thought I wanted you to, and I do, just not…" She sighed and opened her eyes, feeling calmed by Maura's understanding gaze. "Maybe we can leave that as something to look forward to another time, huh?"

"Absolutely, if you want. That," Maura chuckled, jabbing Jane's chest, "and many other things, my darling Clementine. Don't worry." There was a teasing glint in her eye. "We won't have exhausted our options by tonight's end." She gave Jane's forehead a long kiss. "Just tell me, love. Tell me what you want."

"Stoke the fire."

"Ohh, with pleasure."

"No, I mean literally stoke the fire," Jane clarified, propping herself up again before Maura could go in for another kiss. "I don't want it to go out. I really like being able to see you."

Maura laughed again, drawing their discarded blanket around her for warmth as she reached for the poker. "Think you can wait?"

"Sure," Jane said. She paused, watching Maura busy herself with the logs. "I've waited a lifetime for something like this with someone like you. I can stand a few seconds before another go."

Hearing this, Maura let the poker clatter to the floor rather than put it back in its place. She turned back over Jane, taking her face in her hands. "I'm so glad you found me." She kissed Jane's smiling lips. "Now tell me again, love. What do you want?"

There was something sweet to Maura about how Jane's breathing had become measured again. "Just touch me. Kiss me and touch me."

It was a wish easily met. Maura coaxed the release from her with a new quietness, not the urgency of before. When Jane was spent, all she wanted to do was clutch Maura as close to her as possible. "Hold me." "I am." "Do it more." They stayed wrapped up in each others arms for some time, exchanging small kisses, but for the most part just happy to lie there. Maura could feel the urge to sleep draping itself over her like another blanket, but she wasn't ready to say goodbye to this moment yet. To stave it off, she asked Jane what she was thinking about.

"A few things," Jane said softly. She started lightly playing with Maura's hair. "Like how 'wow' is so not adequate enough of a word to describe what all you made me feel. And how cliché I must sound for saying that."

Maura laughed, tilting Jane's chin towards her and kissing her cheek. "Au contraire, my love. I think it's beyond adequate, and nothing about you is cliché." Jane rolled onto her side to face Maura, and got a short kiss for her efforts. "What else?"

"Well, now that you mention it, I'm actually really glad we were able to do this without any clichés."

"I don't know," Maura mused. "Making love in front of a fireplace is kind of cliché."

Jane would've expected a more clinical term like something involving the word "coitus" or for Maura to at least refer to it as sex. "Making love" was maybe the most old-fashioned thing she'd ever heard Maura say. Jane found it adorable and sweet.

"Yeah, okay, that's not what I meant though," Jane went on. "I mean, for a first time kind of deal. I'm glad it happened this way, unplanned. I think I might've gotten myself all nervous over nothing if I'd thought about making this a thing on this trip. Like, if I'd left a trail of flower petals from the door to the bed, what would you have thought?"

"I'd have thought you'd tracked them in."

"Right! Yes, exactly," Jane laughed. "I dunno, there was always something so phony to me about like, flowers and candles and music and all that. Not that there's anything wrong with it, or that it wouldn't be nice in the future, maybe, but …I dunno, it's just not me. Firelight's a nice substitute for candlelight."

"Yeah, I liked that part of it, too," Maura said. "When I thought about potentially doing this with you someday, I imagined I'd be wearing something, well, sexier than sweats. But I kind of like that I wasn't."

"Okay, well, for the record, I would not be opposed to seeing anything you had in mind," Jane said, getting Maura to laugh and pump her eyebrows. "But, yeah. Casual suits me. And also for the record, you're a knockout in casual wear. So. No pressure any time."

Jane let her hand drift down Maura's side, and reflected on how nice it felt to be able to do something like that without it feeling like a come-on. That wasn't to say it felt routine or mundane, and maybe if Jane wasn't so tired it would've felt more exciting, but this was lovely in its own way, too, this level of familiarity. She liked being in this place with Maura, where feeling her naked skin could be comfortable as much as exciting. She was having a hard enough time articulating that to herself, and wasn't sure how to express it to Maura, leaving her again to use actions instead of words.

After more gentle kissing, what this ultimately translated to was Jane lying in Maura's arms, her head on Maura's shoulder. She inched close enough to hear Maura's heartbeat and closed her eyes, feeling its calming rhythm. It made her think of a time she'd been watching a movie with Frost where, in a particularly tense scene, a character's heartbeat pumped loud on the soundtrack. Frost had cringed and muted the TV, freaked out and (in his own words) reminded of his own mortality by the sound. Jane wondered if he'd ever experienced heartbeats in this context. Steadying, soothing.

"Hey, what about you?" she asked.

Maura had been threading her fingers through Jane's curls. "Hm?"

"What're you thinking about?"

"Oh. Statistics."

Were she dealing with anyone else, Jane might've been insulted by this answer, but she knew Maura would have a good explanation. "Oh?"

"Odds, I should say. The odds that we met when we did. And met again when we did."

Jane smiled and pressed a kiss to Maura's collarbone. "Are you telling me you believe in fate, soon-to-be-Dr. Isles?"

Maura's sigh came out as a laugh. She traced three letters on Jane's back: YES. "Don't tell the dean, they might kick me out."

"I'll wait until the diploma is in your hand."

They shared a laugh and another kiss before Maura said, "Really, though, Jane. You deserve to hear this as more than just a response to what you said before. I'm so in love with you. You gave me back something I lost. When I found out my dad was cheating on my mother, it… it sort of killed something in me. Everything I thought I knew about love just vanished. It really messed with my head. I think that's maybe part of what made it easier to break up with Diana when I left California for school here. Like the pressure was off."

Jane wasn't sure what answer she wanted to hear when she asked, "Did you love her? Weren't you together over a year?"

It took Maura a moment to reply. "I didn't love her as much as she loved me. I liked her very much, but I was more in love with the idea of love, if that makes sense. I think at that point in my life, having grown up ignored by my parents and having recently dumped a boy who said I was too feminine to be a real lesbian, it just… that all made me wonder if I'd ever be able to find someone who loved me. So in that headspace, it meant so much more for me to be loved and I was scared of losing it. I didn't change for her, but I repressed parts of myself for her." She clung Jane closer and left a long a kiss on the top of her head. "I love you so much, Jane. I love that you came to me with no preconceived notions about who I was or who I should be, and just let me enjoy your company as myself. It's been so freeing. I love that you make me bolder." She clicked her tongue when that got an audibly amused response from Jane. "I love your laugh, too, even it's sometimes at my expense."

"Sorry, babe," Jane said. "It's just that it's funny to hear you say that when your self-confidence has been a huge motivating factor for me. I've changed because of you, too. I've become more myself. God… when I think…"

Maura stroked her cheek. "Think what, sweetheart?"

Jane propped herself up, taking Maura's hand. "You said I gave you back something you'd lost. Well, you gave me something I never thought I'd have." She took a steadying breath, trying to fight off a sudden onset of tears. "Phew, I think some soot from the fireplace made its way over here somehow!"

"You don't have to say anything else if you don't want to," Maura said. She used her thumb to brush away the one tear that had fallen.

"No, no, I want to. That's something else you've done, Maura, you've made me want to talk about myself. I hope not in an obnoxious way—"

"Never, love."

"—but just, I dunno, I think I spent such a long time trying to not … sorry about my grammar, I know it's bad, but such a long time trying to not think about who I was. That made me pretty quiet unless I was playing a sport or roughhousing with my brothers. My Pop got me a T-shirt when I was in high school that said 'I'm fluent in sarcasm,' and my Ma hated it because she hated that I was more sarcastic than sincere."

"Humor is a common defense mechanism."

Jane nodded. "Yeah. Anyway. I remember at the beginning of my junior year of high school, I walked in on my brother watching some girl-on-girl porn. Y'know, like with the bleached blondes and the… yeah, I don't have to set the scene for you. But it was like, burned in my brain for years and I was so ashamed because I didn't let on that I was there right away. I—I watched from the doorway for probably a whole minute and I only made my presence known at that point because he was about to unzip his pants and I did not want to see that." She tried to laugh, and Maura smiled ruefully at her. "I hated myself so much for having watched it, even though I hadn't been the one who sought it out. And I felt gross, too, like obviously in hindsight I know it was so fake, and made for men anyway, but like having that be the first thing I ever saw that showed women together, it…"

"Yeah," Maura whispered. "I can see how that would warp your understanding."

"It did, it really did. All the feelings I had about that kind of stuff anyway, like how I'd been taught about it being dirty and depraved, and it just got, what's the word, it got all mixed up with my feelings about liking girls. Like all of it was bad, all of it was dirty and shameful. But so long as I didn't say anything about it, then it didn't exist, and no one would ever know, and I'd be okay. It was this weird push-and-pull though because I kept thinking back to that scene and being attracted and repulsed at the same time, and it… it was so confusing."

The fire was on its last legs now, but there was no thought from either of them about getting up to revive it just yet. If anything, the semi-darkness helped Jane feel more comfortable putting herself out there.

"I really, really wish I could go back and tell that seventeen-year-old girl how misled she'd been. Being with you like this, it was nothing like that scene that I saw." Her voice had become hoarse with unshed tears. "It wasn't fake or gross. It didn't give me any of the feelings my seventeen-year-old self associated with it, not even close. This all wasn't dirty, it was—it was a blessing."

That seemed the best way to describe it. Lying with Maura afterwards, Jane felt all the antidotes to the shame her teenage self might've expected: contentment, esteem, gratitude. Joy that it had turned out not to be an issue of giving in to wicked temptations but rather, when she was ready, living up to the identity she had worked so long to repress. Love was no longer some distant, abstract thing, meant only for others living a certain path; it was something personal and attainable and something that was surrounding her at this moment in time, from inside to outside.

"I love your laugh, too," Jane said. "I love your smile, so, so much. I love how kind you are. I love that you're smart but you're not a snob about it."

"I love your hair," said Maura, giving one curl a light tug. "I love your bravado. I love your sweet, sweet, nature."

"There's another thing," Jane chuckled. Maura started a small path of kisses from Jane's forehead down to her cheek. "I think you're literally the first person who has ever used the word 'sweet' to describe me. You really bring out that side of me, though, like you make me want to live up to that. Like maybe I don't need to be on the defense all the time."

"I hope never with me, love."

Jane finally stretched out her arm and let herself lay down again. Face-to-face with Maura, she tucked her leg over Maura's and pulled her closer. "I love that you call me that. Please don't stop."

"Never, my love. Not ever."