How could I have ever been ashamed of loving Dante Quintana?

He squeezed my hand. "What changed, Ari?" His voice was quivering.

I looked at him, I looked at his perfect face. Even in the night it still seemed to me that there was no darkness in him.

"I guess my parents decided that there were already enough secrets in the family," I smiled, "also I guess my mom was tired of me moping around"

He laughed. "Wow, Ari moping around? You must really like me"

"Smartass."

We were both grinning. I felt as if the air was lighter. Dante's love was not heavy, not anymore. Dante's love was so beautiful and real and raw. I didn't have to carry it because if felt as if it was that very love the one that kept me going. But still, I remembered, how could I ever forget? I could see his face after they beat him. Just thinking about it brought tears to my face. But I couldn't cry, not now. I couldn't cry because this was new and good. This was what it was meant to be ever since the moment I met him. Still I guess my body betrayed me. "Why are you crying, Ari?"

"It's nothing."

Dante bit his lip, "I don't believe you."

"That's fine with me."

"Ari."

"Dante."

"Ángel," he said in a ridiculous Mexican accent.

I couldn't help it, I started laughing. "What was that?"

"Nothing," he blushed, "I was just trying something out." He tucked his head between his knees and let go of my hand.

"Hey," I took his hand, "I liked it."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it was cute." I kissed him, "it was also really funny."

"Shut up." He said with a soft kiss that seemed to linger in the air for a second longer than expected.

We were both quiet for a moment, I took his hands and traced every line in his palms. He did the same. I thought about my parents, how they had known secrets that I had kept even from myself. Mostly I thought about my mom, how strong she was. I thought about her toughness and her tears, I loved those tears. I wondered if I could love my dad's tears as much as I loved my mother's. Maybe one day, maybe one day I could get used to them. If he kept showing them to like he had done as he hugged me earlier. Nothing had ever felt as real as those tears. In that moment, right there in his arms, I felt like I mattered. And no one had ever made me feel that way before, except maybe Dante.

"You said I scared you," Dante studied my face, "you said you were afraid of me."

"Is that I question?"

"I guess not, it's more of a remark-"

"So? Just ask, Dante."

He bit his lip, "Why are you afraid of me, Ari?"

"I don't know if I'm still afraid of you, Dante," he bit his lip, "I guess you're just so-"

"So what?"

"I don't know Dante, you're just so weird," and I smiled, "weird in a good way I mean"

He laughed, I got to thinking that I could just sit with him and listen his laughter all night. All day. All summer. No school for the rest of my life just listening to Dante laugh.

"It's getting a bit late," Dante said, "Ari, I really don't wanna leave here but-"

"Our parents will worry."

"Yeah, my mom already gave me shit last time."

"I thought that was because of the weed."

"Yeah, that too."

"Well," I adjusted my mirrors, "let's go."

He kept talking the whole ride, about the stars, about his parents, about my parents, about the desert, about how I was a better kisser than Daniel. I'm not kidding, he actually said that.

"I'm just saying Ari," he replied at my disbelief, "it's the truth. Oh, my god. You're blushing, Ari."

"Okay, Dante." I could feel my face heating up. But I wouldn't touch it, not in a million years would I admit to Dante that he could make me blush. What would he do with that particular piece of information. "Anyways, I was thinking we could get some menudo on the way home. Just takeout."

"Takeout menudo? Isn't that a crime here in El Paso?" he asked. "Won't it get cold?"

"Of course it'll get cold, Dante," I squeezed his hand as we were looking for a spot to park on Alameda, "maybe we can find a phone."

"Sounds like a plan."

"How did it go, Ari?" my mom's voice asked on the phone.

"It was fine mom-" I hesitated for a moment, "we are having menudo, I'll tell you what happened if you let me stay here."

"Okay, Ari," I could tell she was smiling, "but I'll want all the details."

"Am I ever going to be able to stop you from hovering?"

"No, I'm your mom and, Ari?"

"Yeah, mom?"

"I love you, mi amor."

I hung up the phone, there was a light drizzle and when I turned around, there he was. Dante grinning like he was a little kid. He opened the door for me and I couldn't help but laugh.

"So how did it go with your mom?" he asked, looking at the menu even though we both knew it by heart.

"Fine, she says she wants all the details."

"Well, you won't give her all the details, right?"

"Oh I'm definitely telling her about how you called me Ángel," I mocked him, "I'm kidding, Dante. But she's getting pretty good at getting information from me."

"My parents agreed, but they got pretty suspicious," he fiddled with his fingers, "I swear my mom can read me just by listening to my voice."

"What about your dad?"

"You know my dad, he told me to go get it-"

"He told you to go what?"

"Well, not in those words exactly but," he trailed off, "he did say that- I don't know if I should tell you, Ari."

I smiled at him and ordered for both of us, the usual: a plate of enchiladas followed by two bowls of menudo. "Oh c'mon, Dante," I wanted to take his hand but it was a busy night in the Good Luck Café so I didn't, "stop teasing me."

"Okay," he said pretending to be annoyed, "he said, 'it seemed to me that Ari only had eyes for you tonight.'"

I was surprised by Sam, could he really see straight through me? Maybe I wasn't as unknowable as I thought. Dante interrupted my thoughts, "Ari, are you there?"

"Yeah, I'm here. Dante."

"Good. Because I was afraid I had creeped you out."

"You didn't. And your dad's right-"

"I know."

"You know?"

"Yeah, but maybe you can show me again later-" he took my hand, but only for a moment. I guess the memories of the accident were still fresh.

After we finished our plates and payed the check. Which Dante insisted in covering, "I can't let you pay for our first date." I muttered something about this not being a real date and he replied that for all we knew that moment was the only real thing in the entire universe. I drove Dante home and stopped in front of his house, it all felt so familiar and yet so new.

"Well, are you coming in?" he asked.

"What?" I was surprised.

"It's just-," he looked at his knees and then back at me, "I have to tell them Ari, I don't wanna tell them by myself."

"I don't know, Dante. It's getting late."

"I get it, Ari. It's just the no secrets rule."

"I thought you were against that rule."

"I was- but I'm over it. Seriously, Ari. I'm done secrets."

"Yeah," I smiled, "I'm over secrets too."

Mrs. Quintana was waiting for us in the front porch. I felt almost as if she knew I was going to stop by. She hugged me tightly and then kissed me on the cheek.

"Is everything okay, Ari?"

Yeah, everything was okay. It was the best that it had been in years. And, suddenly I got it, I wanted them to know.