Prologue 8: Fate and the Tale of Three Fuckbois

A few minutes later, the battered but unbroken trio had found their way to a bench and collapsed onto it, Saiyou hovering over them like a mother hen. "Are you certain all of you are alright? Those Skullsader brutes aren't known for their gentleness by any means."

"Shit. I knew they seemed familiar," Alphonse ground out, a grim expression settling on his face.

Trent shrugged despite his own grimace and opined, "We got off lightly, I suppose. Nothing broken, just bruised and a little beaten. Knowing those shitlords, we coulda gotten fireworks shoved up our asses."

Johan shuddered at the image. He'd pass on the idea of an incendiary enema, thanks.

"Firecrackers. Up our buttcracks," the Mexican continued dryly. "Buttcrackers."

Saiyou merely nodded, a disgusted look on his face. "Indeed, that does sound like the sort of thing those ruffians would do to amuse themselves." He then drifted over to another bench and took a seat, crossing his legs and tenting his hands.

"So, fledgling Riders...tell me about yourselves, if you would. I should like to read your fortunes." He offered a wry smile. "If you're willing to indulge the eccentricity of a stranger, of course."

"Shoot, I've always enjoyed a little bit of fortune telling, even if it isn't always the most reliable," the Canuck agreed as he leaned into the back of the bench.

Johan mirrored this approval, throwing a thumbs up to the man.

"'S long as the reading doesn't end up saying 'Fuck you, you die. You don't get a death saving throw.' I'm up for it, I guess." Alphonse shrugged.

Saiyou laughed. "Oh, the kind of fortune telling I practice is hardly the sort to offer portents of inescapable demise. No, I use the tarot to offer advice and insight. I may believe in Fate as a force, but I also acknowledge that the human will can shape, twist, or even outright unravel the ties of Fate." Saiyou waved a hand as he scraped his AT wheels against the ground, and a deck of illusory cards appeared hovering before him in a burst of azure flame. "They say that fortune favors the bold, and I believe that is true. Fortune, Fate, Destiny...these are all tools for mankind to master and use to better the lives of the many."

They each then told him a bit about themselves, taking care to omit anything that might give away their extra-planar status.

After a moment of consideration, Saiyou quickly shuffled the cards and dealt out three, the strange manifestations floating before him as he gestured to each in turn. "A simple reading, really, but I think that this suits our current location. The first card will represent the paths you've come from, the second will be you as you are now, and third will be of your oncoming fates."

He slowly reached out and flipped the first card to reveal the image of a smiling sun dominating most of the card. "The Sun, in the upright position. Where you were was somewhere you were all comfortable, joyous even." His hand then moved to the second card, and revealed an image of a table full of implements with a pair of eyes looking over the whole thing, with an infinity symbol suspended above them.

"The Magician, reversed. You are stymied and caught between manipulations while suffering due to unhoned talents." The man explained all that with an even voice before moving on to the last card and revealing its face. It was an angel, bearing a pair of chalices with a crown set before them.

"And your fates lie with the Reversed Temperance, you are faced with a lack of initiative and many branching paths, all of which might blind you to your true goals." With a flourish, the revealed cards vanished in another blaze of blue.

Johan let out a low whistle. "Three outa' three. I'm genuinely impressed."

"Sounds about what I'd expect from those three cards," Trent agreed, thinking back on his own knowledge of the Major Arcana and fortune telling.

The Mexican just nodded in agreement.

"An interesting Fate; interesting indeed," Saiyou mused aloud. "I cannot help but wonder what the future holds for you three, and how you will overcome whatever trials shall come your way.'

Saiyou rose to his feet in a single, fluid motion and began to drift about, tracing lazy patterns on the cement as he skated. "You three are yet fledgling Riders; otherwise those up-jumped ruffians would not have been able to beat you. That said, I could see refinement in some of your movements; you have an instructor, and a talented one, I'd wager. Am I on the mark?"

"Something like that, though she mostly just comes around and tells us that we suck. Which is fair, because we kind of suck," Trent admitted readily as he rested his elbows on his knees.

Johan nodded. "You're not wrong. She's got some impressive moves...huh. I think you might get along, what with your shared penchant for indulging in the verbose vernacular of the highest culture."

"Maybe. It couldn't really go all that bad, I think." Alphonse added. "She means well, for as much shit as she gives us."

"You say that, but you're not the one who has to deal with her anger over Majima calling her everything but Beatrice," the Snow Mexican groused at his southern counterpart.

Saiyou chuckled. "Certainly, it sounds as though you surround yourselves with entertaining individuals. I would not object to being introduced to them, if you and they are amenable to it."

Johan clapped his hands together. "So! I guess we could introduce you to Beatrice and Majima tomorrow, but for now, we ought to get home. Should we just meet here tomorrow afternoon, say...five PM?"

Saiyou nodded. "Indeed, that works quite well with my schedule. Now, are you three certain that you will be able to make it safely home without my assistance?"

"I should be. That was a nasty kick at the end but I don't think it broke a rib," Alphonse replied quickly enough. Other than a scrape on his head courtesy of the Skullsader's AT, he didn't have any other immediately apparent wounds. "Not sure about the others. How're you guys feeling?"

"Been better, been a hell of a lot worse, but I can manage," Trent grunted as he shifted and stretched a bit. He ached and there was definitely going to be some bruises decorating his hide, but it wasn't too bad. "Nothing's broken, that's for sure."

Johan's abdomen and sides were incredibly sore, there was no doubt about that, but he didn't think that their assailants had managed to do any serious, lasting damage. "I think I'm good to get home as well. You came along quickly enough that they weren't able to do much that a few nights' sleep and some Ibuprofen couldn't fix."

"Very well then," Saiyou replied, still visibly uncertain but willing to truth their judgment on the matter. "I suppose I shall take my leave, then. May our meeting occur without trouble." With that, the man sketched a courtly bow without losing his footing, and drifted off into the night.

-x-x-x-x-x-

Rika stared at the lads as they trooped into the building, her eyebrows quirked at the bruises and scuffs on them. As she looked them over, she sighed. "While I've no right to tell you how to live, I would at least ask that you keep Ikki out of your AT business, especially with how banged up the three of you are right now."

Johan blanched, then looked to Trent, as he was the member of their motley who'd actually interacted with the pro-wrestler. The blond looked to the American and then back to their landlady as he shrugged, "Honestly, we'd no plans to involve him in it. We're just trying to do our own thing, get our feet underneath us. As for the ones who attacked us…well, they were dealt with, though I'd vouch for wanting to deal with them more decisively later."

"And just what do you mean by that?" the redhead asked, unamused at the implication behind Trent's words.

"Just that me and the boys should totally go out and crack their skulls once we're actually good enough to do so," the blond explained as he cast a glance at his boys.

Johan frowned. "While in general I'm not overly fond of attacking people, they did actually just jump us for no other reason than it'd be funny. I wouldn't complain if someone else dealt with them, but I won't hesitate if it comes down to them or us." He scratched the back of his head sheepishly. "Some people are just cruel for no reason, and one of those people decided to sic a bunch of psychos on us."

"I'm inclined to agree with Trent's statement, if only because I'm pretty sure they'll just continue harassing us as things currently stand." Alphonse shrugged resignedly. "That being said, I don't see a reason why we'd bring Ikki into this. Putting aside the fact that he's...fourteen? Thirteen? Doesn't really matter; this is our problem to deal with. We won't be having him join the fray."

"Good, it's just…that boy's the type that would try and get involved with Storm Riders and AT if he ever got a whiff of it," Rika explained quietly, her gaze downcast as she did so. "The danger inherent to AT…it would consume him alive."

Johan let out a sigh. "Well, you can rest assured that we won't be dragging him into that life. He's just a kid right now; let him have his time for a carefree youth." Even though Johan said it, he knew that it wouldn't happen; that boy's Road was too strong to be deterred by anything, be it God, Devil, or pro-wrestling superpowered elder sister.

"It'd be a bit messed up of us to drag a kid into our messes, given that we're at least trying to act like adults," Trent chuckled grimly, knowing that Ikki was destined to go against Rika's wishes in the future and drive her up the wall.

"AT's fun, definitely a great thing to get into, but only when it's on the...official, law-abiding side of things." Alphonse breathed in. "He'd be on the Storm Rider side of things, and well…" The Mexican gestured at his scrapes. "Yeah, one can see why you wouldn't want him to get into it. We won't be pushing him towards it, we promise."

"Well, I'm glad to hear that – but I'll ask that you not tell him where you got your injuries," she advised sharply, once again looking them over.

Johan nodded. "We just fell down some stairs, right boys?"

"Damn it, you said it first," the taco lover snorted while looking aside. "It's not even that much of a stretch, either."

"I can't believe that it just kept happening, even after Beatrice warned us about them," Trent chortled with a small grin.

"She told us bro!" Alphonse giggled, getting the reference. "She told us about stairs!"

"I blame Battler. Seems like it's his fault," Johan snarked.

Rika looked between them before shaking her head, "I'll assume that's some foreign joke, you guys take care…" As she said that she turned and headed back into the house.

-x-x-x-x-x-

After the lads parted ways with Rika, they retired to their boudoir/future sex dungeon to talk about the shit that had just gone down, and also some of the shit that had previously gone down.

Johan was the first to speak. "Alright. I know Alphonse has some passing interaction with the Yugimons, while Trent is firmly under the thumb of Chaos Breaker Dragon and his Link Joker minions, but that Saiyou motherfucker was literally from Yugioh GX. Majima I get; the man's basically an Oldwalker anyways, but a literal Yugioh character?"

"Bitch, I'm still fucking shook seeing Beato and Battler of all people," Alphonse replied with the biggest of shrugs. "This shit's making less sense the longer we're here."

Johan cocked his head. "Wait, are they depicted in other media too?"

"They look to be one-for-ones for characters from Umineko no Naku Koro Ni, the two main characters, even." Trent said as he leaned up against one of the walls, his brow creased in thought. "Beyond them, there's also that shitheel, Eric. His last name's different, but Griffith is a pretty fitting last name for a guy like him, seeing as he's the sort to use a Behelit at any moment."

Alphonse mulled over Trent's words, slowly coming to the realization of who that son of a bitch was. "God-fucking-damn it! It was Eric Sparrow! Where's the nearest helicopter?"

"Probably on top of Millenium Tower," Johan snarked absently, most of his brain occupied with coming to terms that nearly everyone they'd met in this world was apparently an expy.

"That's not even in this world," Alphonse grouched.

"Exactly," Johan shot back, giving the double finger-guns in as cringe a fashion as possible. Alphonse groaned in response, not for the gesture, but the answer. Of course they couldn't slap that boi up without going through a bunch of stupid hoops.

The Canuck shrugged as he looked between the two of them, and then said, "Well, what does it really matter? It's odd, sure, but it's not like it's a detriment."

"I dunno, man. There's no telling how many more people there are or what they even want." Alphonse shrugged.

"Yeah, it's all fun and games until Pucci tries to achieve ｢Heaven｣ by stealing the Sky Regalia," Johan added, then blanched. "God, I hope we don't have to fight Pucci."

"While that would be hellish, I still think that it's best just to take a wait and see stance, as there's not much we can do," Trent interjected. "We're three dudes at the moment, without even a fucking team proper behind us. So, let's just take things as they come."

Alphonse sighed loudly. "'S long as Sora doesn't suddenly turn out to have been sponsored by Xehanort all along, it's all going to be fine, I guess."

"I've no idea what Xehanort is, but aight," the Canadian remarked with a shrug.

Alphonse looked at the man and answered, "He's the guy who Pat ripped off to steal Woolie's blackness and open the gate to Kingdom Hearts."

"Oh, that guy!" Trent replied as his eyes lit up in understanding. "Well, either way, no point in dwelling at this point, we got Chuunis to introduce."

An eager, black flame of Motivation began to burn in Johan's eyes as he rubbed his meaty paws together and began to chuckle lowly. Alphonse meanwhile just shook his head and decided to accept that this was his life now for the Nth time since they arrived in this dumbass world with its dumbass wheelies. Trent just shook his head, not knowing just why Xan was so hyped up, but figured it might be a case of him wanting to watch the fireworks.

-x-x-x-x-x-

The next day, the lads attended their jobs as normal, then returned to the park where they'd spoken with Saiyou the night prior. Sure enough, the man was there and waiting for them, though rather than the pristine white suit he'd been wearing the night prior, he was now wearing an equally white, equally pristine button-up, jeans, and boots.

Rather than letting his long, azure tresses flow freely like the night before, Saiyou had pulled his hair back into a topknot, though due to the sheer length of his hair this still reached past his waist.

Johan greeted the man with a wave as the trio approached him, which Saiyou returned with a demure smile. Trent gave the man a nod, even as he mentally noted that he was only really missing the pointed white hood from his KKK costume. Alphonse did the same, without any particular thoughts of his threads.

"Shall we proceed to your training grounds?" Saiyou asked. "I did a minor reading this morning and turned over the Moon, in the upright position. I find myself quite curious as to just what mysteries and other fey events this meeting shall hold."

"The Moon, is it?" Alphonse mused. "I guess that fits our mentor to a T."

"Meanwhile, I'd say that Judgement or Fool would fit our bumbler of a fellow student," Trent supposed as he was drawn into the conversation. "Then again, he's blinded by Betty's obvious illusion."

Saiyou nodded, clearly pleased to have other people who had half a clue about Tarot to talk to.

"What about Majima?" Johan asked. "My first instinct was Chariot, but that doesn't feel quite right…"

Majima burst out of a sewer grate, kicking someone who was shouting about floating as he escaped the underground, his usual manic grin set on his face. He was also holding his trademark knife, though there were the remnants of a red balloon stuck on it. "Me? I'm a Tower kinda guy, Joseph."

Johan blinked, and then commented, "You know, I feel like I ought to be surprised that you know Tarot, but it's becoming increasingly clear to me that you're a man of many and varied talents and interests."

"Majima knows whatever's relevant to the plot. News at eleven," Alphonse deadpanned as he regarded their mad sugar stepdaddy.

"Well of course, I can't be like Kiryu-chan and just have other people tell me everything about everything. I'm a worldly guy!" the cyclops protested as he picked red latex off his knife, though he directed his remaining orb at Saiyou. "So, who's this douchebag?"

Saiyou, who had been looking on in stunned bemusement, blinked slowly, mouthed 'douchebag?', and let out a wry chuckle. "Mister Majima, I presume? I am Saiyou Takuma." He gave a bow to Majima, before continuing his introduction. "I, like these young men and presumably yourself, am a Storm Rider."

His gaze sharpened. "I encountered them being assaulted by a gang of up-jumped thugs that go by the name of 'Skullsaders' last night, and...well, I certainly couldn't just walk by when their sort are running about, playing big kid on the playground, now could I?"

The Yakuza nodded a few times, his brow creasing in thought. "I get whatcha mean, Toshi, I get what ya mean. But the real question…" He trailed off before snapping his gaze onto Johan. "…Is why you didn't use your knife, Josephine?!"

"Because Trent told him to pull out the knife out loud and they dogpiled him." Alphonse threw Trent under the bus with no mercy or hesitation whatsoever like an absolute fucking savage.

"I was panicking, and hoped they'd stop in the face of a knife," Trent said, not trying to really defend himself. "Still, it was my fault, I'll carry that L."

Majima nodded, his sole eye closed as he rubbed his chin in thought. "Gotcha, gotcha. So what yer sayin' is that I need to put all three of ya through my patented 'Goro-sama's Friendly Combat Crash Course (Suitable For All Ages)™', right?"

In perfect unison, the three unfortunate fuckbois blanched in horror, their minds filled with visions of being chased through an obstacle course comprised of OSHA violations to the tune of the Majima Construction anthem.

"We're too young to die…" Johan murmured in horror.

To their collective dismay, the Mad Dog of Shimano only laughed.

AN: We back.