Izuku Midoriya holds a shivering Shouto Todoroki against his chest, rocking back and forth. Whispering words of encouragement and safety in his ear, he cares for his beloved friend. His fingers reach up and stroke the right side of Todoroki's face, as hot streams of tears fall. The quivering man opens his squeezed shut eyes when he feels the slightly calloused caress on his shameful side.
Within those words of comfort, Todoroki heard: "You're beautiful." Izuku speaking softly, as if the volume of his voice would scare the poor man in his arms away. Todoroki glances up, eyes pleading, bottom lip trembling as he hears these words.
"I - you -" His voice is cracking, trying to tell Midoriya, I think you're beautiful too, but it's just too hard.
"Shh. It's okay, Shouto." It was the first time he addressed him by his first name. Midoriya never felt he had the right, being only a roommate, a friend, of the heterochromic man. Although his feelings were much stronger than those of just a friend, Midoriya cared more for being by his side, aiding him in his times of struggle, pushing his selfish wants away. "I've got you. I'm here for you. You're safe."
Todoroki chokes out a sob, right hand clenching Midoriya's white button up, causing wrinkles to form. I don't deserve you. Todoroki tells himself. This is the second time Midoriya has witnessed Todoroki having a panic attack. Two times too many.
The first time, he didn't know what to do, letting himself be pushed away, giving Todoroki the space he thought he needed. After a week of not speaking to each other following that incident, Todoroki, highly intoxicated, told Midoriya everything, from his childhood and home life to his goals and ambitions, even though he doesn't think he'll ever make it, calling himself broken and useless.
Hearing this brought tears to Midoriya's eyes and he will forever be thankful for being the designated driver that night because he will always remember what was said. The following morning, Todoroki woke in his own bed with a searing headache, two pills and a glass of water on his bedside, a note underneath saying: For you. Two little words that held so much meaning.
Midoriya had heard a crash in the bathroom, followed by a cracked groan. Without thinking, he jumped to his feet, knocking on the door, asking if Todoroki was okay. He leaned his ear against the door to hear better over the sound of the running water, and was able to hear the faintest gasp for air. Worried for his being, Midoriya opened the unlocked door slowly. He took in his surroundings, noticing the silhouette of his roommate on the floor of the shower stall. He could hear the wheezing coming from Todoroki clearer now that he was in the room.
"Todoroki, it's me." Izuku said loud enough, hoping not to scare the man. "I'm going to open the shower door, okay?" He only received pants in response, and couldn't wait any longer for an answer. He peeked in to find the paler man, curled in a ball, eyes wide in fear, body shaking tremendously.
With blushing cheeks, Midoriya reaches in the cabinet over the toilet, and grabs a dry towel. Following turning off the shower above, he bent over and scooped Todoroki into his cradling arms. They left the bathroom, and went to the couch in the living area where Midoriya was originally. He holds Todoroki close, ignoring the attempts of shoving.
Since last time, Midoriya realised that due to being neglected as a child, Todoroki was used to being alone. The trauma that mixed in added to that sense of solitary. He just needs to be held, to be loved, to not be alone.
So here they were. Todoroki wrapped in a soft, fluffy blue towel, sitting in the lap and arms of his handsome roommate, coming to recognize his surroundings and what had happened. Once his breathing had evened out, Midoriya let his arms loosen from around Todoroki, giving him the chance to escape, yet he doesn't. They stay in silence a couple moments longer, and Midoriya thinks Todoroki had fallen asleep, until he is startled by a voice against his neck, where his head lay.
"Thank you, Izuku." The sound is soft, broken and rough due to his crying. It was the first time he used his first name, and he realised he liked the way it felt rolling off his lips. He lifted his heavy head and looked into Midoriya's eyes. "Thank you."
They start hanging out more. Going to the movies, going out for dinner, but neither risked calling them dates. They were okay with that, though. Enjoying the company of each other. Todoroki learned that Izuku grew up without a father figure, raised solely by his mother, who he was told, wanted to meet him one day.
"Yeah, I may have mentioned you a couple times during the holidays." Midoriya had said with a wobbly smile, rubbing the back of his neck nervously, his cheeks flushing.
Midoriya had also introduced his friends Tenya Iida and Ochako Uraraka, and while he appreciated the gesture and company, all he wanted, all he needed, was Midoriya. The other two dropped by frequently when Midoriya was home, settling on watching movies and eating junk food, and Todoroki usually joined them once he was home from work, not wanting to be alone.
One day, Todoroki was climbing the stairs two at a time to reach the door to his shared apartment. He hadn't had a panic attack in months and things were looking up. Today felt particularly great, and he wanted to spend the night relaxing with his best friend.
Turning the key in the lock, Todoroki quietly opened the door incase Midoriya was taking one of his afternoon naps. How adorable. He heard voices coming from the green eyed man's bedroom, so Todoroki makes his way there, thinking it was from the television he often left on.
Upon approaching the door, however, he recognized the voices to be Uraraka and Midoriya. A pang of jealousy hit Todoroki in the chest, noticing the girl had developed a crush over his roommate. Not that I can blame her.
He knows it's wrong, but he can't help but eavesdrop on the conversation.
"Izuku, I think, you're just, so amazing." Uraraka chokes out, and Todoroki can hear the nervousness in her voice. Is she -
"Aw, thank you Uraraka! I think you're amazing too!" Midoriya, the ever kind man, complimenting the girl back, speaking genuinely.
"And, uh, because I think this," Uraraka is stuttering and Todoroki holds his breath. She is. "I wanted to tell you, that, I re-really like you. And, um, wanted to know if y-you'd go on a d-date with me." She is a spluttering mess, struggling to get out every word.
There is a long pause, and Todoroki doesn't know what he thinks of it. Are they kissing? Is he just too shocked? Why isn't he answering her?! Todoroki's mind is a whirlwind, his breathing becomes harsher. I shouldn't be listening to this… but what if -
"Uraraka…" Midoriya says her name with a sigh. Todoroki is freaking out too much, he can't recognize how her name sounded. All he knows is he had to get the hell out of there.
"Uraraka…" Midoriya sighed sadly. "That's incredibly sweet of you, but I'm sorry… I'm in love with someone else." He hangs his head in both embarrassment and misery for his friend.
"O-oh." Uraraka pushes out. Her cheeks aflame, distressed. "Wh-who is she?" She asks, afraid of his response.
"Um, heh, well -" Midoriya begins to rub the back of his neck, absolutely terrified of coming out to his friend. He is cut off by the slam of the front door. His eyes widen. "Todoroki?" He yells out, thinking his friend just arrived.
Not receiving a response, his eyebrows scrunch in confusion. He gets up from the edge of his bed and makes his way to his bedroom door. He opens it and looks out into the hallway. "Hello?" He yells out. If it's not Todoroki, than who-
"Izuku!" Uraraka cries out his name. He spins around and finds her at his window, staring out. She turns her face towards him, panic written all over. "It's - it's Todoroki!" She starts pointing frantically out the glass.
Midoriya stumbles towards window, heart beginning to race. He sees red and white hair, running away from the apartment complex, into the woods that surround them.
His first reaction is to go after him. He trips a couple of times over his own feet, trying to put on his shoes. He's pulling on his jacket while walking to the front door, when a voice stops him.
"Izuku?" Uraraka questions. There is confusion, sadness, and worry laced all over her features, and for a moment, Midoriya wants to ignore her and continue leaving, but he stops, giving his friend the answer she was seeking just minutes earlier.
"It's not a she." He says simply, his back turns and he reaches for the handle. "It's him." And the door shuts behind him. She brings both her hands to her face in shock. Before she realizes it, she's running the window again, and she sees Midoriya sprinting into the forest, yelling out, what she assumed, was Todoroki's name. She tries to smile, but a tear escapes and rolls down her cheek.
It's the sixth. Todoroki's mind is racing, and he suddenly remember the day of the month. He never liked the number six.
He was six his mother. His horrible father was born on the sixth day of June. In sixth grade, he had moved to a new school where he had and made no friends. The number six was just awful luck to him. So why would today be any different?
He has no idea where he's going, but he doesn't want to stop. He needs to get away. It's getting hard to breath, it's getting hard to see due to the tears and the sun setting. But he doesn't stop. Then, a voice reaches him.
"Todoroki!" Is that Midoriya? No… it can't be. He tries to push on, but that moment of distraction causes his panic to set in more firmly, and suddenly, he's crashing to the ground.
"Gah!" He cries out in pain, thorns from the bush nearby stabs him.
"Todoroki?!" It's that voice again, but it's becoming more distant, as if it's going the opposite direction.
He can't breathe, he can't see, it's getting dark, and he's cold. He begins to shake, and images appear.
He's in his bedroom, back against the door, hands over his ears, trying to drown out the horrid screams of his father. He's shaking. He's six. He's crying. He's so young. The door is pulled open, and he falls backwards. Before he has a chance to stand, his arm is grabbed and he is being lifted into the air dangling from his father's fingers as if he was a plastic bag.
"Let go of him!" He hears his mother scream.
"Mama!" He yells back to her, sobbing.
"Shut up! Both of you!" He drops Shouto. His body is still trembling and it hurts from the fall. He can't get up.
"Shouto!" His mother yells and she crawls to him. Before she can reach him, however, she is kicked by his father. She cries out in pain, and coughs up blood.
"Mama!" Todoroki is ignoring the throbbing in his legs and worked his way to his feet. He begins to wobble over, hands reaching out, tears falling swiftly when there's a scorching ache on the left side of his face, surrounding his eye. He screeches, hands covering the blistering wound, falling to his knees.
"You monster!" He hears his mother again, and when he tries to look, he sees her coming for him. "Shouto, baby, it's going to be okay. I promise." But before she can wrap her arms around him, their is a harsh, ringing in his ears. The sound is so loud. He closes his eyes tightly.
Next thing he knew, he was lying on the ground, body aching. He slowly opens his eyes, his left still in a agony, and is met with the blank face of his mother. Eyes open, blood dripping from her mouth. Not. Breathing.
Before he has a chance to scream, he hears his name. However, it's not his mother's voice, nor his father's.
"Shouto!" They sound desperate. "Shouto!" They sound scared. "Shouto!" They sound like they're crying.
"Shouto! Come back to me!" He slowly tries to open his eyes. When did they shut? He is met with some darkness, but there is orange and red and yellow peaking in between the trees. Am I in the woods? He hears the winds, rustling leaves and branches. He hears birds, despite the slight cold. What happened?
"Shouto?" There is a weak voice, hoarse from crying and yelling. He hears it right next to him. When he goes to turn his head, he realises it's leaning against something soft. In fact, his entire body isn't on the cold, hard ground. It's lying on something - someone. Before he can react, the voice reaches out to him again. "Shouto?" It's his name. It's only the second time, (or tenth but I wasn't paying attention), that he's heard Midoriya say his first name.
Midoriya… Izuku.
"Izuku…" Todoroki responds. And before he knew it, he was crushed against a firm chest. It's not painful, though. He hears a shaky sigh leave Midoriya's lips, and he looks up tentatively.
"Thank God, Shouto." He can't stop saying it now. It's his name, he wants to call him by his first name. "I thought I lost you for near good there. What were you thinking? Running out to the middle of the woods while having an anxiety attack, you could've gotten more hurt than a couple scrapes. But thank God you're alright." Midoriya is mumbling. He can't help it. He was so scared.
"I'm… sorry." Todoroki rasps out. That makes Midoriya's head snap up.
"What?! No! Don't you dare be sorry!" He exclaims, and his voice is a little too loud, and Todoroki flinches. "Oops, sorry." He returns to a whisper. "You have nothing to be sorry for, Shouto." Four. "You're going to be okay. We'll get through this."
He returns to holding him tightly, rocking them back and forth like he did months ago, humming softly. Todoroki closes his eyes and relaxes against Midoriya.
It is now completely night and the rocking has turned to shivering due to the colder weather. Todoroki opens his eyes and looks at Midoriya, who seems to be studying him.
"Home?" He whispers, keeping eye contact with him, because, wow his eyes are fucking beautiful.
"Ye-yeah." Midoriya coughs out. He lets go of Todoroki who slowly climbs to his feet. He loses his balance slightly, and Midoriya catches him, holding him against his side as they walk out of the woods together. Both men avoid eye contact, promptly missing the blush that has taken over each of their faces.
They take the stairs slowly and silently, neither feeling the need to speak. Once their inside the warmth of their apartment, Midoriya, reluctantly, releases Todoroki to find a couple blankets.
Todoroki stands at the door for a moment, not sure of what to do. He watches Midoriya move about, and decides upon making tea for the both of them, hoping it will help warm them up.
When the tea is finished and the pillows and blankets are set up, they meet again on the couch, keeping about a foot of distance from each other. After a couple minutes of peacefulness, Midoriya decides it's time to speak up.
"What happened?" He asks quietly.
"Hm?" Todoroki, caught off guard by the sudden noise, doesn't hear Midoriya.
"What happened? Why did you run? Why did you have an attack?" He can't look him in the eyes. He hoped that would help Todoroki open up, not feeling pressured by being watched.
"Oh, um. Noth-" Before he can finish, Midoriya cuts in.
"Bullshit." He says firmly. "Please, Todoroki, tell me." But I like when you call me Shouto.
"I don't know." He says quickly, thrown off by the fierceness in Midoriya's voice. The bushy haired man sighs.
"Shouto…" He whispers. That's all he says. He can't force Todoroki to tell him, and he knows this. He just wants to help. After a couple beats, Todoroki finally answers.
"I heard you and Uraraka talking." Midoriya stiffens.
"What did you hear?" He asks nervously. Todoroki scoffs.
"Enough." He states.
Midoriya thinks on this for a bit. Being the over analyst he is, he starts to list several reasons why Todoroki would react that way, however, this seemed so severe. Maybe he likes Uraraka? That has to be it. He takes a breathe.
"I'm sorry you heard that." He says, defeated.
"Me too."
"If you like her though, I say go for it. I turned her down, so-" Midoriya goes on, putting it out there so Todoroki could take it and run.
"You - what?" He asks. His body faces Midoriya now, though the other man won't look at him.
"Yeah, so you can go after her. I won't be mad." His voice gets quieter as he speaks. Silence fills the room again, but this time, it's tense.
"I don't want to go out with her." Todoroki finally says after what felt like forever, but was really less than five minutes. This causes Midoriya to finally look over.
"What?" He says, eyes wide. "I thought - I thought that's why you were upset. Be-because…" He trails off, leaving the rest to Todoroki.
The white and red haired man smiles softly at him. "No, Izuku."
Midoriya inhales sharply.
"I got upset because…" He drags, wishing he could've told his feelings in a more romantic way. "Because I like you." He whispers so softly that Midoriya almost misses it.
Well, actually, he's pretty sure he did miss it, because he didn't say what I hope he did… did he? His eyes are big looking back at the man he has fallen head over heels in love with. Time ticks on, and Todoroki begins to feel self-conscious. He curls in on himself a little, head dipping down, breaking the eye contact he was holding with the man across from him.
"I- I," He stutters out. "I'm sorry." He finally says quickly, jumping off the couch, making a beeline to his room.
Midoriya snaps out of it, and his feet move before his mind works out a plan. He reaches out and grasps Todoroki's wrist, turning him around to face him.
Todoroki's eyes are shimmering, unshed tears hanging by the edge. His bottom lip quivers. He opens his mouth slightly to speak, but is cut off.
He's in a garden. There are flowers of all different colors. The sun is shining bright, but it's not hot. It's perfect. There's a slight breeze, making the plants dance, and Todoroki smiles. He feels at peace, he is content, he is so happy.
He feels a slight pressure on his lips. Chapped. He tastes berries. He hears harsh breathing. Whether it's his or not, he's not sure. He smells warm vanilla. Probably a shampoo or body wash of sorts.
Suddenly he's no longer in the garden and he only sees darkness, but that's because his eyes are closed. The pressure on his lips releases, the taste of berries vacates, the breathing is harsher and he hears another mixing in, he still smells vanilla. When he opens his eyes, he sees Midoriya staring back at him.
"I love you." Midoriya says clearly, confidently. "I love you so much, Shouto." He repeats, using the man's first name. Five. Todoroki's heart skips.
"I-I" He tries to speak, but it's like his voice was taken by the fruity lips of the man in front of him. He pushes nerves, anxiety, worry aside. "I love you too, Izuku."
The smile he gets in return is so wide and he remembers the sun shining on that garden. He decides that he wants to see that smile for the rest of his life.
He leans back in, wrapping his arms around the other man's waist, pulling him flush against him, and captures his lips in a passionate kiss. It lasts many minutes, and when they part, they're panting for needed air.
"Izuku…" Todoroki whispers.
"Shouto…" Midoriya breathes. Todoroki smiles wide for the first time since he was young. Six.
My first piece!
Criticism is welcome!
Thank you for taking the chance to read :)