Obito raked a hand through his hair as he calmly breathed in the night air. It had been years since he had escaped from Uchiha Madara's grasp, but still not a moment went by where he didn't appreciate the little things that had been denied to him in the cave, such as fresh air.

A shadowed form flickered in the corner of his eye, chakra barely detectable in a way that was typical to any member of the ANBU. Obito doubted he'd have been able to sense it at all if he hadn't been a sensor-nin (thanks to increased ability from the Hashirama cells Madara had oh so kindly replaced half his body with).

The chakra signature froze, and Obito filled with anticipation. He steadied his resolve, knowing what was going to come next - what had to come next. Stopping under a street light, he waited for the ANBU to make his move.

It was several heartbeats before the chakra signature moved once more, but eventually it slowly started to creep forward, tentative. It eventually loosened, as if the shinobi was too distracted to suppress it properly.

Obito had never been a patient person, and finally his anticipation was growing to great. Just as silver hair shined in the light as the ANBU stepped out of the shadows, he called out, "Are you going to make me wait all night, Bakashi?"

A moment of silence, before the ANBU - Kakashi - emerged from the shadows. He slowly removed his Hound mask, and clutched it in one hand as he stared at Obito with wide, mismatched eyes. Reflexively, Obito's mind went to his own right eye - or rather, eye socket. He hadn't had an eye there since the fatal mission to Kannabi Bridge.

"Obito…" The boy's - that was what Kakashi really was: a boy barely out of puberty - eyes were wide, and his tone was so, so hopeful. Hesitant as well. Scared. Choked. "How are you…?"

Maybe he was heartless, maybe the goodness in him had died in that cave with Madara and his insane dreams of a new reality that wasn't actually reality, but Obito couldn't really give a shit about what Kakashi was saying.

"Kami, Bakashi." He said, his voice filled with utter exasperation and annoyance. "I literally just went out to get groceries."

It seemed, to put it simply, that he was cursed.

No, the universe couldn't simply let him be outcasted by his clan. Fate couldn't stop with him getting crushed under a fucking boulder and giving his eye to his (friend) teammate.

It didn't even stop when he wasn't killed by the falling rock, and instead lived to see half of his body replaced with fucking plant matter and forced to spend nearly a year in the company of an insane missing-nin from the Warring States Era.

No, of course his bad luck couldn't stop there.

He must have done something at some point in his life to completely and utterly piss off the Shichifukujin themselves, since the universe decided to grant him the utterly-annoying superpower of having friends that forgot he came back years ago.

It was alright initially (either that or he had been too wrapped up in panic attacks and dissociated to notice) - he was back Rin was alive. Kakashi was alive. Sensei was alive. Everyone in their team was alive and okay, even if they were scarred and, in his case, perhaps a bit bent.

But it was okay, because they were all alive and as long as they were alive they could make things better.

Then he walked in on Rin one day and she went white as a ghost, dropping her cup of tea and surging forward, tears in her eyes, asking why are you here, how are you here, how are you even alive.

And ever since then, Obito had been cursed.

He was calmly walking back to his apartment from a mission when suddenly there were arms wrapped around his neck and a weight on his back.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, dattebane?!" A shrill voice screeched in his ear as he stumbled under the sudden weight. "Drop that henge right now you bastard or I'm going to kick your fucking ass!"

He swore, and the arms tightened around his neck. He could probably dislodge the kunoichi if he wanted to, but he really did not want to hurt his Sensei's pregnant wife.

Or a pregnant woman in general. Even if that pregnant woman was as dangerous as Uzumaki Kushina.

"Ku...Kushina." He gasped out. "It's...not a henge." He tried to tell her weakly, her grip on his neck already cutting off precious oxygen.

"Yeah right you motherfucker. Let me show you what the Red Hot Habeñero does to shit like you!"

The last thought before unconsciousness grasps him is that he surely must have been a horrible person in another life to deserve this.

He was on the way back from a rather nice dinner with Rin and Kakashi where they actually both remembered him when he ran into a four-year-old Itachi.

He was surprised to learn that the boy already has his Sharingan.

He knew this because it's activated, and the younger Uchiha looks at him with carefully calculated eyes and a stance that is too offensive for a child.

"Who are you?" Itachi demanded, and for a moment, he could see the boy older. Taller, with long hair and holding much more grace and power to the point where he might as well be the definition of deadly.

Obito could recognize a genius and a prodigy when he saw one.

Obito also could recall having this exact conversation three times already, and simply decided it wasn't worth it to answer seriously anymore.

"I'm someone who definitely fucked up in a past life." He replied dryly, and then continued to walk home, leaving the heir to his clan confused behind him. Then, on a whim, he moved his head to shout back, "Remember, if you kill innocents, you'll probably reincarnate and end up like my sorry ass!"

Originally it had been confusing.

Then, kind of depressing.

Now? It was just annoying.

He looked out the window of room at sun rising above the thick forest and considered his options. Maybe he'd have a few more minutes until-

BAM!

"Greetings my most youthful roommate!" A shout could be heard through their small apartment, (and probably all of the Elemental Nations) the instant after he heard the door slam open, "I have returned victorious from my latest challenge with my cool and youthful rival!"

If there was one thing that absolutely no one - least of all Obito - wanted to face in the morning, right on the list next to a Biju and Uchiha Madara, was his roommate Maito Gai.

He was grateful that Gai had stopped insisting for Obito's presence for every single challenge between him and Kakashi, especially since that meant there was a pretty good change Kakashi had somehow forgotten Obito was still alive and would freak out.

Actually, he mused as he sorrowfully got out of his nice and warm bed, that was probably the reason. Kakashi was never able to do any of Gai's ridiculous challenges when he forgot about Obito, and it especially confused Gai.

Gai, the one person in all of fucking Fire Country that was able to remember that Obito was alive.

The guy who literally had prosopagnosia.

(It was times like these that Obito wondered if he had gone insane in the cave. After all, this was all too batshit to be real, right?)

That was really the only reason Obito agreed to be his roommate. He had tried staying with others - Yamashiro Aoba, Sarutobi Asuma, even fucking Ebisu - but none of it worked. They all forgot.

And then Maito Gai had literally dropped from the sky, and Obito had no choice left but to accept the invitation to become the green-spandex-clad shinobi's roommate.

The door to his room swings open without warning, and said shinobi is standing there, looking entirely too happy with those blinding white teeth of his. He gave Obito a thumbs-up. "I've finished my challenge. Are you ready to run around Konoha on our thumbs as a cool-down? We must continue to persevere on this path of life we have found ourselves walking down!"

Obito twitched at the sound of his old excuses being butchered and twisted so that it was an excuse to do such a crazy activity on his day off.

I was a mass-murderer. He surmised as he was forcefully dragged out the apartment. That's the only explanation.

Sensei and Kushina give birth to a loud blonde boy with Naruto who likes to called Obito 'Obi-nii' and the only thing bright about him was his hair.

"Obi-nii, Obi-nii!" The toddler giggled as he stepped into the apartment, a frozen Sensei holding open the door. The boy wiggled out of the grasp of an equally shocked Kushina and grinned widely at him.

Sensei's face was of pure disbelief, and Obito could swear he saw a tear in the man's eye. "Obito?"

"Obi-nii!" Naruto cried out impatiently, wiggling his hands at the scarred man determinedly. "Up! Up!"

"Alright, alright brat." He said, barely sparing Sensei a look as he walked into the apartment, politely toed off his shoes, and picked up the newest member of the Uzumaki clan. Naruto cheered in his ear, and Obito looked back at the boy's parents.

How was it that the boy was so stupid yet still was the only one besides Maito Gai that could remember him?

There's a training grounds just past the cemetery that Obito likes to frequent, which is why he sees Sensei kneeling in there early in the morning.

Right in front of his 'grave'.

He sighed - something he had been doing a lot more lately - and muttered under his breath. "At this point I should just make it a drinking game. I'll take a shot each time they forget and see how long it takes for me to actually die."

"I started a war." He said, because that totally did not happen. "That must be it. A giant fucking war that killed hundreds. That's the only possibility."

"Come on, Obito-kun." Orochimaru, who betrayed Konoha a year ago, whispered as creepy as possible. "I'm just asking a simple question."

He should have known that his day would turn out like this. It had been too good. Gai was away on a mission, which meant he couldn't wake him up at sunrise to bother him as he had been doing since Kakashi is on a week-long mission. He'd even manage to avoid all of his old acquaintances all day, which was a blessing since he was simply too exhausted to deal with them.

Turned out he was so tired that he didn't notice the snake sneaking up on him until the little shit bit him.

And then there he was, strapped up in Orochimaru's creepy-dungeon lab as the nuke-nin tried to pry the secret of immortality, which he somehow thinks Obito has, out of him.

(He was surprisingly not interested in the Hashirama cells, but Obito took that as ignorance rather than anything else. He didn't remember Obito, therefore he wouldn't remember that half his body was made of the Shodaime's cells, you know, as you do. Oh you didn't hear? It was implanted in him by Konoha's first nuke-nin, Uchiha Madara himself. Crazy right?)

He was going to have hair whiter than Kakashi's by the time he's twenty at this rate.

But before he can reply, or the bastard can threaten him again, suddenly the door is being thrown open, and an ANBU squad comes in a surprisingly guns-blazing type of way.

Hm. He'll have to ask Bakashi about that later, considering he was the one leading the squad.

Now, though? He's slipping away into unconsciousness due to the weird drug Orochimaru injected him with minutes before.

Maybe he'll reincarnate into a new life where he actually is a psychopath. Things would be so much simpler.

He woke up in a hospital.

Kakashi was sitting on one of those damn plastic chairs that absolutely killed your tailbone next to his bed, passed out in his full ANBU gear. Rin was sitting on his lap, and if Obito didn't know better he'd say that they looked like a couple.

Which they weren't, he knew, since Kakashi was just as much of a bachelor as ever and Rin has been dating Gai for the past few months. How the hell she can do that, Obito will never know.

Sensei is in the other chair, surprisingly. Shikaku must be covering for him, but the Nara only does that when it's an absolute emergency, so why-

Oh yeah. His 'curse'. He's a dead man who's suddenly not dead.

He braces himself for the same old song and dance, and then flares his chakra ever so slightly.

The trained shinobi that they are, all snap awake. There's a reunion that at this point Obito could probably predict word-for-word, but at the same time, it's different. It feels more...substantial. Final.

Maybe the luck gods have finally decided that I've paid for whatever shit I did.

Then they don't forget the next day.

Then the next. Then the next.

Then a week goes by, and they still haven't forgotten.

And just like that, the curse was broken.

Or so he thought.

"Oh Kami, Obito?!"

"Fucking damn it! That's it. I'm going back to the goddamn cave. Madara was right - this reality is hell."

Me? Shamelessly inserting my headcanon of Gai with prosopagnosia? More likely than you might think.

Shichifukujin: Japanese gods of good luck